I tried to "just read," and couldn't get past the second page because it was too confusing. Before you get upset with me for saying that (and what follows), let me add that from what I did read, I got the impression that there was potential. It's the same story written many times by many vampire lovers, but you seem to have a few interesting new twists that could make it stand out.
Here's the problem (and it's up to you... Show more
I tried to "just read," and couldn't get past the second page because it was too confusing. Before you get upset with me for saying that (and what follows), let me add that from what I did read, I got the impression that there was potential. It's the same story written many times by many vampire lovers, but you seem to have a few interesting new twists that could make it stand out.
Here's the problem (and it's up to you whether or not writing a good book means enough to take the time to do it right): when you get an idea, you can't seek instant gratification by tossing it out there and expecting everyone else to see it the way you do. I can't tell you how many stories I have in my head that I've jotted down quickly just to see how they look. But it's kinda like kids - moms and dads think every little thing their children do is the cutest and most wonderful ever. So they talk endlessly about the "clever" and "adorable" thing little Ignatz did to the cat, completely missing that the person they're telling is stifling a huge yawn. But if that same child did something impressive directly to the person listening, the reaction would be much better.
That's the difference between a self-indulgent ignore-how-badly-this-is-written post of your unfinished idea, and a well-thought-out and edited work. If the story means enough to write, it should mean enough to do right. Seriously, no one wants to read a jumble of words with no punctuation, bad spelling, and horrible grammar. No one. Well, except the person who wrote it hoping everyone else would be as impressed with it as he or she is. And that's the problem with instant gratification posts. It's shallow and meaningless, whereas your actual story may not be like that at all. But how will anyone ever know if all you show them is an explosion of incomprehensible verbiage?
So, yeah, I'm being incredibly blunt here, but only because I really want to help new writers. I want to see all that raw talent harnessed and disciplined into true skill. There are so few really good works of literature being published these days, and part of the problem is this I'll-fix-it-later mentality, which in all honesty is just code for "I can't be bothered to do it right." You can't ask people to "just read" something when you can't be bothered to "just do it right." Know what I mean?
So before you impatiently start posting things, hoping for approval, sit yourself down and go through what you've already written, looking for ways to make it sound like a real book, not a bunch of heated rantings from a rabid vampire fan. Something tells me you've got a lot more going for you than that, yes? It doesn't take all that much effort to put your lines of words into actual sentences with correct punctuation. And if you are having problems, there are ways to get past them - refer to professionally published novels (like the Twilight series, for example) and make notes on how the sentences are punctuated. I honestly doubt Ms. Meyers let ANYONE see her first story before she had at least used spell-check once or twice, and made sure her sentence structure was okay. Another option is to ask someone to help you who you know is a good writer, or who is good with English grammar, like a teacher you trust, or a classmate who gets straight-A's in English. Or a friend's older sibling who is doing well in college.
Only when your document resembles real literature should you post it - not when it's perfect, just well-written. I still edit everything I write, including messages and posts like this one. It can be a real pain and takes a lot of time, but I have too much self-respect to allow myself to rush into putting something up that's so poorly-written, it sounds like I have the I.Q. of a breath mint.
You obviously are smarter than that. Use it and redo this story. I promise to read the whole thing when you do - I've been a vampire fan since looooong before Edward and Jacob, so I look forward to seeing where you take this story. Like I said, the potential is there - don't disappoint yourself or others who might completely adore this book if it was written better.
