BookRix

make more i am dying to know whats coming next

Sorry this has taken me so long. I really enjoyed the start of this story, seeing as i love stuff about death and the afterlife and spirits etc.

If this is the first page, I would like to see more at the beginning, when she was a mortal, so that I get a clearer picture of her and her life on earth.

But, apart from that it's a good opener. You've got a few sentences, which need re-arranging. The first paragraph there will give you an idea of what i mean.

I thought the dialogue was very good. So well done for that.

my favorite line:

The black hair I had on Earth had now grown to my waist and my blue eyes turned as light as ice. My nose, eyes, and mouth had grown smaller; cuter. And there was a faint pink glow around me that was indescribable. My gown was much different. I was in a black dress made from lace and no shoes.

This story has great potential.
Well done
Wendy

So far, so great. Can't wait for chapter 2!

WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!