BookRix

Overall, this is well written. You really know how to capture a scene and it was really easy to picture everything that was happening. Although, there were some places were a comma was missing, so don't forget to punctuate! And this:

"I got up and started off into the cold wind again the road was too dangerous, so I decided to walk through the Dead Forest"

Really needs some punctuation! Read it out loud and you'll probably see what I mean. A fullstop after 'again' would make it easier to read =)

Have you go the second bit up yet?

really loved every last word

Thanks for all the great feedback everyone! I assure you guys that I am building upon this world. I'm thinking of doing a bunch of little novellas that use this story as a prologue or, as RebeckDawn said, a teaser. So rest assured there's more in the making.

So...why only 9 pages, you set up a pretty good story here. Be mindful of your tenses, some seem a bit inconsistent, but apart from that, I like the descriptions. I'd like to know why the horsemen speak Latin and how this post apocalyptic situation began.

I think we're all agreeing that this should be longer - you've set up something like a teaser for an entire plot that we really want to learn more about - your writing is good and descriptive and exciting, but we want to know more about why the main character might become a slave and who these "Horsemen" are and why they're chasing him. Will you write more?

I love this book! If only it was longer!! As I was reading I could imagine myself running from the men and throwing the money on the counters. Very well written!

This is awesome! It's almost like a second Wild West, only slavery has set up a different twist. It's face-paced, and full of good shooting action. The ending is a great cliff hanger...! Please tell me it's not the end! 8O

A great short story. I love the Descriptive Language. You should write longer stories mate.