BookRix

it was kinda rush.i knew it had alot of spelling mistakes but i didn't have time to fix it i was busy

Very vivid imagery. Keep up the good work.

The moral of the story should be, Don't kick a gift ghoul in the teeth!

Alrighty...oddly enough I understood everything about this absolutely delightfully morbid story :) That said, I would suggest that you do an overhaul of all the basics of composition. I say that kindly...you could have a very competitive Flash entry, but to be taken seriously in any writing contest, you must have nearly letter-perfect prose, punctuation, grammar, and spelling. I almost got the feeling you rushed as you wrote.