omg. i love this story! it is very well detailed and almost(if it isnt) poetic. you should write many more. poems and stories both.. i think you could do any of them. you are a great author:) this writing to me seems like you are a passionate person, and that makes a great writer!! good luck with future peices.
Milly, you have the makings of a fabulous writer. Your scene description shows real promise, and you have opened with a good hook.
Two small suggestions to improve this opening: Use Word and do a quick spell-check. It isn't foolproof, but it's an essential tool. All of us need it:)
Consider breaking the long narrative block into paragraphs. This accomplishes several things, not the least of which is ease on the reader's eye.
Do... Show more