BookRix

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WAS A GOOD BOOK.

Hello :)

Really good story and good flow of narration. The suspense is there which I definitely liked. The only thing I would suggest is to change the commas. I admit I got confused with all the commas. But just that.

I also wonder how you'll proceed with this. I'm a big fan of detective stories, but I think it'd be cool to see how you work out a story of revenge. But that's just me of course. It's still your choice.

And also a reminder, the contest requires at least 25 pages. Hope you'll add more. Overall, it was a good read and you have my vote :)

Hi, Yes like the previous comment , its too short. It needs to be , i believe 29 pages and more to qualify for the contest.
And one more thing, please punctuate.
Laz

Thankyou very much for your comments, and as to finishing or closing it I am still wandering what direction to take it whether to turn it into a detective solving a crime or a revenge story, let me know what you think cheers

it was going pretty good but you need to finish the story line.. you kinda left it hanging there. :) keep it up, your doing really well!!