BookRix

I've just realised you didn't actually live through this. Your first person narrative was entirely convincing. Well done. Love the picture on page 12, couldn't you use that one on your front cover?

You told that story well!!! I thank God that you and your loved ones were spared...and that you were able to remember this in such vivid detail!

God bless,

Tyrone

We were right there beside you the whole time...and you chose interesting pictures to illustrate the storm. Sounds like it was quite an ordeal. All the best luck! Warmly, C...

was so convincing, John! It wasn't until I read your comments that this is fiction in the first person narrative. Engaging and realistic, John!

Good luck! Petra :))

Fantastic presentation!!/ Well done. I will rate this a 9 out of 10./joeparente

Hi John

Thanks for the story. I think it must have been a very frightening day for anybody to go through.

I wasn't sold on your title and I think it's important to know that sometimes a title can turn a reader away.

Some spelling and grammar issues:

pg 6 - 'Cooked on of her pies' - should be one.
pg 8 - 'porch were we watched' - should be where.
pg 9 - 'couple of time' - should be times.
pg 9 - 'I could see the funnel cloud of in the' - should be off.
pg 11 - 'It was if mother nature' - should be 'as if'.
p 13 - 'outside the crumbling sound' - I can't make sense of it. I think you might have meant 'ouside THERE WAS A crumbling sound'.
p 13 & 14 - 'somewhere among the living hell it seemed I was in there was the thought if my house was there'. This doesn't make sense. I think you might be missing a comma and I'm not sure on the last part.
pg 14 - 'Was my mum and dad alive' - should be WERE.
pg 14 - 'house still stood the on McInley' - should be 'on'.

Also some grammar errors, eg. a comma usually precedes which otherwise change 'which' to 'that'-pg 9. A capital for 'It' used after a comma pg 10.

Good luck.

Bek

Hi John

Thanks for the story. I think it must have been a very frightening day for anybody to go through.

I wasn't sold on your title and I think it's important to know that sometimes a title can turn a reader away.

Some spelling and grammar issues:

pg 6 - 'Cooked on of her pies' - should be one.
pg 8 - 'porch were we watched' - should be where.
pg 9 - 'couple of time' - should be times.
pg 9 - 'I could see the funnel cloud of in the' - should be off.
pg 11 - 'It was if mother nature' - should be 'as if'.
p 13 - 'outside the crumbling sound' - I can't make sense of it. I think you might have meant 'ouside THERE WAS A crumbling sound'.
p 13 & 14 - 'somewhere among the living hell it seemed I was in there was the thought if my house was there'. This doesn't make sense. I think you might be missing a comma and I'm not sure on the last part.
pg 14 - 'Was my mum and dad alive' - should be WERE.
pg 14 - 'house still stood the on McInley' - should be 'on'.

Also some grammar errors, eg. a comma usually precedes which otherwise change 'which' to 'that'-pg 9. A capital for 'It' used after a comma pg 10.

Good luck.

Bek

I just wanted to be honest about it, since several of people thought this was a first hand encounter with 74 outbreak.

Thanks again for reading my story.

Well, you did it a darn good job in retelling in the first person!...Paula

I have read several comments to my book and, see that you thought I lived through this storm. I wasn't born until 1979, five years after this tragic storm took place.

This was a fictional tale of what living in Huntsville, Alabama would have been like during that super tornado out break. This story comes from the legend that storm left in peoples minds, and stories that have been told to me.