Jen, you have penned a very intriguing story. However, even though I enjoyed the proposed end and hope you still consider using it, I hope you don't leave the story here as I believe there is a lot of scope to develop it into a novella/novel. For example, I would love to discover how genuine Johnny is, or if he's a womanizer. I would also love to learn about his relationship with his wife & her personality traits in order to... Show more
Jen, you have penned a very intriguing story. However, even though I enjoyed the proposed end and hope you still consider using it, I hope you don't leave the story here as I believe there is a lot of scope to develop it into a novella/novel. For example, I would love to discover how genuine Johnny is, or if he's a womanizer. I would also love to learn about his relationship with his wife & her personality traits in order to find out if she is truly deserving of the way he treats her. This could take the form of Johnny communicating his thoughts to Celeste by letter, or in a conversation when they eventually manage to meet up. Celeste (who is totally besotted by her man & can see no wrong in him), seems to be totally convinced by Johnny's version of events, but when they set up home together she needn't get her fairy-tale ending. Instead, she could discover to her peril that Johnny was not the wronged party in his marriage & he has a volatile temper, etc.
Obviously, you may have other ideas for Johnny & Celeste, and may choose to develop the story very differently. As the author that is your choice to make, but believe me when I say (and I mean it as a compliment), that as a reader, I believe this story has much more scope.
Thanks for the nice comments and advice on this story. I do plan on expanding the story, and incorporating something that happened to a friend that would fit very nicely into this scenario. Although I haven't really paid much attention to Johnny's wife, but maybe I should huh!... Show more
Thanks for the nice comments and advice on this story. I do plan on expanding the story, and incorporating something that happened to a friend that would fit very nicely into this scenario. Although I haven't really paid much attention to Johnny's wife, but maybe I should huh! So much more could be told than how I left things. Again thanks for the suggestions, and I will let you know when things have been written.