BookRix

I like the idea of the story and, in the beginning, it is really good. I get a little confused when the story stops being about the girl and starts being about the snake. Am I missing something? Either way, it was a nice little read.

It's a cute short story.

However, I do have some small critiques :

There were no paragraphs in the whole entire story. You should probably fix that ;)

Now, I LOVED the beginning. I was on the edge of my seat trying to guess what 'it' was! Bravo on that part!

However, the story seemed to end a bit quickly with the snake leaving and the girl not going after it! And it ended in the snake's point of view instead of the girls. But it was smooth enough that I didn't notice a sharp contrast in the view points.

Otherwise, well done! I really enjoyed the read! :)

---RbG

Did you know that?

That was funny to have the mother find the it and she started screaming.

This was way too short. What I read was written well and definitely reeled me in. I look forward reading the elaboration of your beginning, middle and end of your story.

Paragraph, paragraph, paragraph your narrative!

And your story was too short to just abruptly cut it off with the snake leaving, especially switching to his viewpoint for the ending.

Now, having been critical, I want to compliment you on the beginning. You started off well and I was curious as to where it was going. If you would have lengthened your story somewhat, you might have been able to develop it more successfully.

Would you believe this is the very first short story I have ever written? Awesome huh? :D

Thank you very much for the kind comments... and hearts. :D

That was absolutely adorable! Love the two points of view and the humor! You go, Jazz!

You have written a very interesting story with a surprise ending. I enjoyed it from beginning to end.

Very good!

You almost scared me there. and no dad, it was not... THAT. haha. Amazing. Only you commented on it. sad day.