Another Storm You have written a strong story, and shown the struggle Beth and Josh had to go through to make it out alive. It was an enjoyable read.
I have a few things for you to look at.
I am not a fighter but I will fight for what I love. This is on the front of the book yet as the story opens I see Another Storm. I am confused, what is the title?
Page 7 The first sentence seems a little awkward to me , see how this... Show more
Another Storm You have written a strong story, and shown the struggle Beth and Josh had to go through to make it out alive. It was an enjoyable read.
I have a few things for you to look at.
I am not a fighter but I will fight for what I love. This is on the front of the book yet as the story opens I see Another Storm. I am confused, what is the title?
Page 7 The first sentence seems a little awkward to me , see how this sounds. I cringed into Josh’s side again (I cringed and moved closer to Josh’s side).
On page 11 I leaned forward and put my head on his shoulder, trying so hard not to cry. You’ve said the same thing several times and I think maybe you should say something like I buried my head in the crook of his neck and tried not to cry. And plus, we’ve always been two for risks. This sentence seems a little disjointed can you say: The two of us have always been risk takers.
Page 15 135(One hundred thirty-five) people died that day. About (since you are stating a fact I think you should drop about). Half of them were from the collapsed school building. It’s weird thinking that that could have been me, and Josh. Can
you say: Thinking back we could have been a couple of those who lost their lives.
As long as I have my best friend, who I wouldn’t be alive right now if it wasn’t for him, I know that everything will be okay. Can this sentence be reworded: I wouldn’t be alive right now if it wasn’t for my best friend, and I know it will be a struggle, but everything will be okay. Good job :)
