This story maintained its pace without feeling rushed. While heavy on the metaphors(though pleasing all the same), it accurately chronicled his descent into darkness. I would have perferred an additional ending chapter, as the ending feels a bit open. This could be due to it being a work in progress one supposes.
Overall, a heart tearing read that we have all been through.
And sad. And since you made me feel, your story was a success. Well written and emotionally stressful. Good work.
Honestly, where did this story come from? I am in love with the approach you took to someone "feeling strange", though you didn't give details about the main character's surroundings, you gave amazing imagery into the chaos that eventually enveloped the main character. I'd praise this a bit more, but I don't want to give anything away to more potential readers. I don't think you really need to correct anything, and if you do,... Show more
I can't really say much without spoiling this for those who haven't read it yet, so I'll just say it was brilliant. You should do more stories of this type; your use of vocabulary, of descriptors, is tight and well-conceived. Very impressive, indeed!