I lpve the story, the setting and the characters. Reminds me of one of the Star Wars movies. The one with Anakin. There is a comic book artist who goes by the name Moebius. All his characters have a certain kind of dress...hard to explain, unless it' shown. Anyway I usually can't wait to finish reading a story, BUT this is one that I want to keep reading. I want to see where it leads to...not it's end.
Laz
I like the new content, are you going to post it in the SR group?
Carol x
Very nice, you now have a good hook on the end of the chapter. Makes your readers want to know more. What will she find in the city? Who will she meet? Where will she live? Oh, the possibilities are endless. Well done.
Carol x
I'm with Augustus on this one, he said everything I was thinking. Well done, you have a good start & I look forward to reading future chapters.
Carol x
This is only the first chapter. I need to fine tune this before I go on with the tale. With your help and the help of others I want to get close to perfecting my writing style so there aren't so many errors. When I reach that point I will finish this book which I hope to market.
It is obvious to me that this is just the start of a much longer story, and you definitely have the "bones" of a very imaginative plot. I am always happy to read something that is new and different - and this definitely is. From the few pages you have uploaded I would say "yes" - I am interested in reading more. To be constructive with you, I would go back and re-phrase some of your sentences. A few are a little awkward, but... Show more
It's funny, in these few pages I saw a beginning, middle, and end quite well, Yezall. Leaving a story "open" is not an old technique, but it is used more and more these days by the best writers. There is a certain resolution in the ending that made me smile. "Yes!"
Extend it if you like, but it stands well as is.
you are a great artist and your books have a way of captivating me and my imaginatiom
