Hi Shawn,

I think you have a good balance between exposition and action. Your use of description and dialogue are well balanced too.

Your opening was interesting, the way you framed the distance of the acorn away from them (a few hops away). A good hook in that I'm wondering what the characters are as it would be very unusual for humans to consider hopping to something when they can simply walk or run. You've started with a nice fast pace.

I think the use of 'biting down on his morale' is quite symbolic with the very real fear of being bitten, and fits well. Not sure about ...leaving behind a puddle of adrenaline... to me this doesn't seem plausible.

Ahhh, from the perspective of a squirrel, quite interesting. I was wondering what it was that a fox would give chase to. Very suspenseful, I worried Patch was going to die.

Pg 9: ...Russ pointed at the snarling fox, laughing... You've established past tense with your beginning and now need to be consistent. 'Laughing' should be 'laughed'. Present tense is okay in dialogue and thought.

Pg 38: ...He screamed, sobbing... 'Sobbing' should be 'sobbed'.

Pg 38: ...He had listen to... 'Listen' should be 'listened'.

A nice story in all. A good plot. Very few mistakes. I think you have worked had in understanding the craft of writing. I will vote for you. Good luck

Bek :)

An excellent story. Good luck with the contest.

A Very Good Read! Look forward to reading your other work.

Thank you for participating in our
fiction writing contest "My Best Fiction".

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BookRix - your place to read, write and
network free literature on the Internet.

Thanks. I appreciate the compliment. What do you think needs worked on in the story? I'm trying to fix it up.

That was written really well. Loved it!

I enjoyed reading this book, I was always wondering what was going to happen next. I'm proud of you son, love you
Mom