Very nicely written and with so much detail. The story, so far moved along at a fairly steady pace, but picked up well towards the end.
Your diction and vocabulary are excellent. I noticed a couple of errors, not that I was looking for then.
To tell the truth, I was so hoping for a complete short story, but only because, almost as soon as I stop reading I begin to forget what I've read. I suppose that it's a senior thing.
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Ok, so, the rewrite is going fine, the first 2 chapters in 3rd draft form are now up for your reading pleasure. More to follow soon
What errors did you notice, inbox me?