Patrick,

Wow. What a very chilling and interesting story about surviving after a destructive event. I look forward to reading more about how the children survive.

You write like a 7 year old girl! I mean... uhh... good job writing like a 7 year old girl! :P Your voice in this story is believable and well done, looking forward to reading more.

One small critique- your characters names are quite old-fashioned. Kids may have had names like "Greg" and "Patricia" when YOU were a kid, but nowadays those are "adult" names and any youngster would pick that up. :)

I would love to see where this goes--please keep me posted! Similar to what gooduklady said, i like how you conveyed the perspective of a child throughout this beginning. I can't wait for more!
-Jenna

You have captured the voice of the child so well and brought us into the scene of death and destruction quite graphically. I admire your imagination and ability to breathe life into the pages of your stories. Cannot wait to see where this leads us.