Of a work in progress, it's pretty good.
You've got lots of story elements, including a couple interesting back stories, and a plot that might drive the action.
You need to make some choices about the arc of the character and the story - but with some investment in over-writing and editing, you should have a winner here.
It's more important to keep writing, working out the story and fleshing out your characters than rushing to a... Show more
Of a work in progress, it's pretty good.
You've got lots of story elements, including a couple interesting back stories, and a plot that might drive the action.
You need to make some choices about the arc of the character and the story - but with some investment in over-writing and editing, you should have a winner here.
It's more important to keep writing, working out the story and fleshing out your characters than rushing to a conclusion. SO take your time, read it out loud (a lot) and see where it takes you.
The basic bugaboos about spelling and such DO need to be addressed... but don't obsess. It's why I recommend reading out loud. Somethings become obvious when you do.
Good start.