This is dark and intense. I can't write like this, but I'm glad you can. Good studff.
Not exactly material for the next romantic comedy, eh?
Nicely plotted out and accomplished... and very appropriately titled too.
Your writing improves with every new piece - it's wonderful to see.
You need a lot of work done on these. I would suggest you let Wendy help you. As they are, I cannot comment except to say your sentences are not complete.