There is no reason why this couldn't be a full novel on a best selling list. I beg of you, please keep going with this!

If you want my true opinion, you could turn this into a full-fledged story. That was good. And I don't say that lightly.

wow!!!

Geez, talk about an in depth story. You just dove right in and kept me hooked. I had a hard time pulling away from this book at the end. Even though it is quite gruesome, I love how you added a twist ending to it to make the story a lot better. Great job. Keep up the great work.

I've always been intrigued with the psychology behind the making of a killer.

You've captured it all... great read.

Review - Alfred Hitchcock comes to mind as I read this story. I know that depravity usually uses such language and understand it was needed for this character. It was the only thing I didn't enjoy about this story. Otherwise, masterfully written, with suspense sprinkled in just the right places. Of course, the twist, oh the twist at the end. I'm not fond of horror, but you have done an extremely nice job with this short story. This would be an awesome entry for a short story contest.

The best part? I think your synopsis was one of the finest I've read. Simple, to the point and caught my interest. Excellent job. Robynn

omg! i meen i love it. wow i never thought it was going to end like that. tide up in his house.

I agree the profanity was central to the character.
Personally I would have liked to see more character building for the surviving sister. There doesn't seem to be a real sense of the anger over her sister's death, as opposed to the other victims.

The horror aspect of the story was masterfully written.

From reading the critique It seems to have been written for a contest with constraints on the length. That may account for the sparsity of character building of the second sister.

Overall well worth the read.

John- different from your usual writing, but riveting. Love to see a bad guy get his just rewards.

thanks for putting it into larger text for me. One question and you may know more about medicsl things than I do. Early on you said ' her lungs stopped manjufacturing oxygen. I know the lungs draw in air which includes oxygen but please explain how they 'manufactur' iy? But as to the rest of the story, Stephen King comes somewhat to mind. However, I did feel the blonde girl at the end was 'telegraphed' a bit, none the worse for it mind. why was her name Dana and did she have a connection with the brunette we started out with? If so, how did she know his name, fkin d out ab out what he did? Or does that come later? Evelyn/Bluedragon