Title

 

 

The fight, the fury and the ferocious feelings.

By Darren Hobson

©September 2023

Introduction.

2023 what a cunt of year it's been even ignoring my irrelevant battles and overthinking, this is a collection of poetry that illustrates what a cunt it has been, while the world was being a cunt to us all I was being a cunt to myself so as you read through this collection of poetry you can see where the two cunts collide .

From the beginning of the year with no hope and little self-esteem this collection is like a roller coaster ride through the months, we hit some positive heights for a mere few seconds before everything disintegrated into little fragments like a Russian fighter jet hit by a overripe chestnut shot by an enraged women from her bedroom window. 

Tales from my twisted heart entwined with the tragedy that cast a huge dark shadow over 2023 , constantly fighting my inner demons my anxieties and my insecurities. You can sense the changes in fortune as the year progresses, will this poet survive the year ? 

Was deflated 

Laying here far from anywhere

In the dark and in the cold

Brooding on life where did I go wrong

How did I end up so beat up and old

I've let my hate take over me

I feel it eroding away at my insides

I had a bad plan to destroy myself

Nobody would miss me if I died

I was hot-headed and ruthless

I was so harsh and cold to myself

I was gathering momentum to my demise

Waiting for the perfect moment for my final act

Then unannounced you arrived 

At first you was just friendly in our daily chat

I found your words mesmerising 

Like a drug I craved for more

Slowly I could feel myself healing

We start messaging even more

Your words reverberating in my head

Finding things that we have in common

In awe of everything she said

A lover of music and literature

A bearded dragon for a room mate

She scolded me for my pessimistic views

And refused to be taken out for a date

Normally I would be angry with myself

And cancel her from my life

Yet I pinned for more news from her

Because she was full of light

So I didn't take no step backwards

I kept myself in the firing line

Grateful that she continued to talk to me

Yearning secretly wishing she was mine

Circumstances came around

I got to hear thirty minutes of her voice

She might have made some silly errors

That I resolved professionally like a good boy

That night we chatted for hours

She knows exactly what I think of her

We talked about war and peace

And I called her my Cleopatra

Just like a teenager I didn't want to let her go

When midnight came around

But last night she showed me her photographs

She's so gorgeous I'm totally hooked now

So I was feeling deflated at the beginning of 2023

I was furious and tired of being the bastard in me

Nothing has changed in my relationship status

You can't force a diamond girl to love me

I know she expects me to pull myself together

She actually sees the intelligence in me

As I dream of taking her to eat in Via Margutta

I know realistically that could never be

So I'm laying here far from nowhere 

My heart is warmed and it's -17 outside

Counting down the minutes to our next conversation

Just maybe someone, only maybe

One person would miss me if I died

Photogenic Finish

Just as I was certain

Just as I started to laugh

When I start to climb out of my ditch

I was suddenly cut off

I might have made a meal out of promises

And washed them down with doubt

It didn’t take long to see her true worth

Thankfully I had already pulled out

I am fool to have wished

Too old to be a rock

It was a whirlwind farce

That sent me into shock

I shouldn’t have called her that night

She was colder than the wind outside

I felt -23 in December

She was worse than I can remember

As now the truth filters through

Her words they turn to dust

Did everything she say not matter

The chains split with rust

It can’t be her

I know it must be me

Getting too close to someone

Who is just too good for me

But are they the correct words

To describe exactly what is going on?

My time has passed for certain adventures

I need to grow old gracefully

But who is for growing old

Getting fat and going bald

Can’t I hang on to the good times?

Before everything folds

Maybe I am living in the past

And I am too stubborn to act my age

I want to listen to the same old music

Who wants to turn over the page?

Have I learned a lesson

Have I took a step back

Knowing how many people out there

Think I am off the tracks

It seems I have nothing in common with anyone

Maybe I am also too fussy to settle down

Now I see all my fantasies vanish

As I am banished from every town

Making the same mistakes over and over again

Getting older and lonelier

Looking for someone new

Then I start all over again

It only takes a smile

Or a spark of generosity

I misread the interpretations

Then I do something silly

I have hurt the feelings of many

I know I will do it again

I don’t go out of my way to harm people

Too many to mention

When I get too tired

Like all people I want to lie down

But unlike most people that are normal

I’m hoping in my bed I drown

It’s gone too far

And it should stop

This daily dose of bullshit

Has putrefied into uncensored slop

Unable to distinguish between heart and soul

With no desire of getting old

Trying to stay out of everyone’s way

A photogenic finish to my dismay

 

An unsuitable wedding

There were no horses on the forecourt

There were guests getting upset

It was raining on that Sunday

Everyone was dressed in their best

Looking to the distance

No bride or groom in sight

Everyone was anxious

The hope everything was alright

The priest was getting flustered

He'll be late for the upcoming funeral

The pews were all empty

Wedding days are never dull

It was one of the relatives

Who had some of the blame

She told her little cousin

To behave and not be a pest

Everything was going swell

The bride got her wedding gown on

But her smart phone has frozen

She couldn’t update her Instagram

Georgie boy had something missing

Maybe it had something to do with the rings

He couldn’t remember which coat he wore

And hoped there were no pockets with holes

In that bloody designer thing

Getting her mad on her wedding day

The groom was searching high and low

Looking in a broken Ikea wardrobe

When his phone started to glow

A photograph from his brother

You dumb bugger are you looking for these

He had already given them to his best man

he was actually planning ahead

He was not the man who wanted to wed

So how did he get this far

But she had put that notion in his head 

When we was better equipped for war

So he gave in and let her plan

Insisting his wayward brother be the best man

A little church in the countryside

With enough places for a photo for Instagram

So was this wedding built on love and affection

Was it made to make a family

Was there devotion or even emotion

Or was this just for social acceptance

Throwing in a few tags like some fake rings

Listening to the old aunts farting and singing

Photoshop out all of the static and noise

Keeping in only the prettiest of boys

Something to save or quickly delete

Especially after seven years of itchy feet

A wedding is all about a community statement

Paid by a bulging credit card

So hire a Rolls Royce or a chariot of fire

See what golden priest is currently for hire

Exchanging vows like you know how

Then throw out the rules to pasture with the cows

 

Shooting stars

Alone on top of the world

Many miles away from you

In the cold and in the dark

And I thought I actually loved you

Everyone is stressed at work

Trying to make ends meet

People who lost their dreams

Now living in the street

As my heart pined for someone I didn’t know

Writing fantasies as I watched it snow

Wanting to be held in your arms

This idiot who drowned in your charms

A shallower man in the Kremlin

Declared war on an European state

A sick game were innocents died

This game of chess has no checkmate

Alone on top of the world

I see war machines

Imprint

Publisher: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Text: Darren Hobson
Images: Darren Hobson
Cover: Darren Hobson
Editing: Darren Hobson
Proofreading: Darren Hobson
Layout: Darren Hobson
Publication Date: 09-19-2023
ISBN: 978-3-7554-5367-3

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
Dedicated to the fearful few, the ones who can see through my red mist Forever grateful for your neverending support.