Secret Desires Of The Heart

There are things that I feel inside that I don’t share with anyone, can’t reveal to anyone. Some are wonderful and some are terrible. I sometimes keep my thoughts hidden away, never to be revealed to anyone else. Perhaps they wouldn’t understand, I tell myself.

Some of my imaginings are pure, while others are corrupted. I can’t tell a soul, what I know. What would they think of me then? To learn that I am not as innocent and refined as they believe me to be. They must never discover the secret desires of the heart, locked so safely away.


Reluctant Love:

“Love or Something Like It”


I can sense it in the air
I can feel it everywhere
amongst flowers and trees
amidst the evening breeze

There is something in your touch
baby, I miss you so much
whenever we are far apart
I get this tugging in my heart

What am I experiencing inside?
my feelings I can no longer hide
this must be love or something like it

Even though I am so afraid
of getting hurt if love fades
this must be love or something like it

You are so gentle and kind
you always stay on my mind
I’ve tried to deny how I feel
yet I can’t overlook what’s real

Whenever you take my hand
by your side, I want to stand
and if you asked to marry me
I know what my answer would be

What am I experiencing inside?
my feelings I can no longer hide
this must be love or something like it

Even though I am so afraid
of getting hurt if love fades
this must be love or something like it


Anti-Love:

“I Don’t Think I’m In Love”


Don’t come around here with fancy words
you can’t say anything I’ve never heard
besides, the love stuff sounds so absurd

Please, don’t dare make a fool of yourself
I keep my heart locked up safe upon a shelf
all your noble efforts will prove to be in vain
stay away from me, I’ll only cause you pain

I live for you and I breathe for you
I would give my very life for you
but, I don’t think I’m in love

I cry over you and I sigh over you
I would forsake all others over you
but, I don’t think I’m in love

Don’t come around here with little lies
sporting a laundry list of smooth alibis
just like a hungry wolf in sheep’s disguise

Please, don’t aim Cupid’s arrow and bow
my heart bears enough scars that show
all the times when my efforts were in vain
reminders of how romance caused me pain

I live for you and I breathe for you
I would give my very life for you
but, I don’t think I’m in love

I cry over you and I sigh over you
I would forsake all others over you
but, I don’t think I’m in love

On second thought, come back
you fulfill something that I lack
healing and restoring what I lost
repairing the damage and the cost

I tried my best to ignore the truth
now, I realize denial is just no use
this is my true confession, my dove
I know without a doubt that I’m in love


Romantic Love:

“His Name Is Bill”


He brings me pretty flowers
with his sweet love, he showers
he is my one and only Valentine
I am so blessed that he is mine

Together, we work on my math
together, we share a bubble bath
we watch movies and drink wine
we prepare meals that are divine

This man I love, his name is Bill
every void within my life, he fills
no fantasy is too out of bounds
his lovemaking skills they astound

This man I love, his name is Bill
peace within my heart he instills

He is a gentle and romantic soul
a future with him is now my goal
no one else has treated me so good
I never knew anyone ever would

Together, we visit the local park
together, we enjoy sun until dark
we admire the light of a full moon
his long visits always end too soon

This man I love, his name is Bill
every empty space in me he fills
his massages and tender touch
ignite a spark I enjoy very much

This man I love, his name is Bill
a joy within my heart he instills


"I Wish"

If I look up to the sky
then maybe I can fly
If I wish upon a star
maybe I'll be where you are

So many endless dreams
is life ever what it seems
I wish I may, I wish I might
lie close beside you tonight

I long to love you, my friend
in a way that won't end
Take my heart and my life
it would cut like a knife

If I ever had to say good-bye
so many tears I would cry
Be my man and take my hand
I hope, my love, you understand


"Trailblazer"

Orange-red glow from way up high
bright fiery ball of fire in the sky
beaming down to bathe us in light
warming us up until the moonlight

I, wearing my white cotton dress
you, donning a t-shirt and pants
we frolic along together, we play
relishing a beautiful summer day

The sun radiates in such splendor
these are moments we will remember
so carefree and full of life are we
we will cherish this sweet memory

I love the way you chase after me
down this meadow, I run with glee
if only this feeling could last forever
if only we would always be together

For now, be my adventurous trailblazer
until night changes you to a stargazer
the breeze feels refreshing and right
hold me closer, until we welcome night

Roll along the grass and wrestle me
only with you, is where I want to be
I love you, my darling, you are mine
let's treasure the last of summertime


Thoughts on Love

To truly be in love. I long to experience it for myself. What it must be like to feel such intense emotions for another person and to have them feel the same! I have felt puppy love as a teenager. I have been caught up in what is called infatuation. I’ve had people feel strongly for me as well.

Was it true love? I don’t think so, because we are no longer together. I believe the real thing would last. At the time, I felt that I was in love; however, looking back on it I certainly have my doubts.


“An Unexpected Love”

I was a famous singer, actress and writer, who’d grown tired of the Hollywood scene. So, I decided to retreat to a cabin hideaway in the mountains. My intentions were to relax for a couple of months.

On my first day there, I was outside walking around. I happened to glance next door. You were working in your yard. Whenever you glanced up, our eyes met and you came over to say hello.

From that time on we spent day after day together. We spent the hours swimming, cooking out and enjoying one another’s company. One evening we were lounging on the sofa, sipping champagne. The lights were low and soft music was playing. Our conversation became very romantic.

You gazed at me longingly, with eyes full of desire. Without another word, you leaned forward to capture my lips with yours. Our arms eased around each other.

Suddenly, I thought of my life back in Hollywood. The paparazzi, who were quick to snap embarrassing photos and relentlessly harass movie stars. The fair-weather friends, who were quick to blackball and backstab other celebrities, in order to suit their own purposes.

I recalled every nomination I’d ever received, every trophy I’d ever won. Many movies giving me top billing appeared in rental stores. Several books bearing my name lined the bookshelves. Various songs on the radio showcased my near-perfect pitch.

I’d written a lot of songs about life and love. I’d penned so many stories about romance and happiness. But, I never experienced the full effect of those words before this night. I realized that I’d found the place I belonged. I was meant to be with you.

Soon we stood up and taking gentle hold of my hand, you led me towards the bedroom. Sweeping me up into your arms, you carried me over to the bed. You tenderly laid me upon the haven of passion which awaited us and we made sweet, beautiful love together.

After that, I knew I’d never be the same woman again. I knew I’d finally found my true love at long last. You were the one person in the world who didn’t care who I was or what I possessed. You simply loved me for me.


Does True Love Exist?

All around me I see happy couples, happy families. But, where is my true love? And where is my loving family?

Some speak of total acceptance and unconditional love. Well, I haven’t known either one. They have never been friends of mine. Some talk of being spoiled and pampered. Well, I haven’t experienced such treats. They have never introduced themselves to me.

Maybe it’s just a fairy tale, a story book romance, a happily ever after, that we all seek to find. Perhaps it’s only a delusion of the mind. I’m on a quest to discover, does true love exist?


"I’ve Never Met a Man"

When I met you I was skeptical
I didn’t believe a man at his word
after years of lies and heartbreak
I’d given up on finding love again
but something about you stood out
and I must confess I was impressed

What a pleasant surprise you were
and what a needed breath of fresh air
such a gentleman, polite and sweet
you literally swept me off of my feet
my heart flutters when you are near
somehow you’ve erased all my fears

I’ve never met a man who could bring to life
all the words I’ve read in romance books
all the lines in the songs that I’ve written
I’ve never met a man who did all those things
I’ve never met a man until I met you

Being with you has changed my mind
you’ve proven me wrong about love
because you give your heart so truly
I know that I can place my trust in you
you’ve won me over with your sincerity
I didn’t believe this would happen to me

Now, I’m not saying you walk on water
because only Jesus could do that
and I’m not saying I worship you
or the ground that you walk on
because my praise only belongs
to the God above who made us

But what I’m telling you is how
I thank you for making a believer
in true love out of me and now
since I have finally found you
I will share with you everything
for the rest of my life, I am yours


Shadow of the Moon Wolf

'Twas a chilly, wintry evening and the mysterious full moon beckoned to me. Like the warm caress of a lover, it cast shadows upon the fallen snow. I listened to the lonely howling of a wolf somewhere off in the distance. Somehow I could strangely relate to that sense of urgency and desperation I heard in the creature’s pained cries for a mate.

For I, too, had yearned for someone to lie beside at night, sharing the comfort of an embrace, the passion of a kiss. I had longed for the warmth of a naked body pressed closely against mine, of being joined together in a perfect union.

Indeed, I understood the emptiness of leading a loveless existence and the futility of pursuing a happiness that always seemed just out of reach. Peace proved elusive to me, yet easily attainable for others. Suddenly, I knew somehow with utmost certainty that I and the wolf were one, soul mates ‘til the very end.


"Missing You"

Written for Keith and dedicated to Deniece.

You came into my life making it bright
and you sparkled just like a ray of light
you made me feel special, truly loved
we fit together like a hand and glove

Since we’re apart, I can’t forget you
a life without you makes me feel blue
I wish you’d give our love another chance
we can start over, have a new romance

If you only realized how I’m missing you
you would know my heart needs you
without you here, life isn’t the same
I come alive when someone says your name

Although I didn’t always treat you very kind
you were still the only woman on my mind
I’ll never regret the times we have spent
I wish you knew all that they have meant

With our marriage came lovely children
but with no family, my heart won’t mend
and if you ever decided to take me back
I will fulfill all the dreams that we lacked

I love you so much more than you know
at times I’m so lonely that the tears flow
you are beautiful and if you tell me I can
I’ll be all you have ever wanted in a man


Stranger of Deceit

My name is Steve, formerly known as Derrick. Anyway, I want to tell you a story about an angel, who came into my life. Her name is Vanessa. She changed me and she saved me. I don’t know how or when it happened, yet suddenly I realized that I’d become a different person and afterwards, I was never the same man again.

Before she appeared, I was cold and heartless, devoid of basic human emotions or so I thought anyway. I didn’t care about anyone or anything. I’d never experienced the joys of loving someone or being loved by someone.

I had no idea that anything was even missing from my life. But, she helped me to realize just how lonely and desperate I was, for someone special to end my loneliness. She filled the void in my heart that I didn’t even know existed. She met a need that I didn’t even know I had.

She was truly an angel, sent from God above, down to this earth. And somehow she turned a hard, tough, cruel man like me, into a loving, compassionate, generous soul. I am forever grateful to her, for she is now my loving, beautiful wife.


"Beautiful Inspiration"

You're such a beautiful inspiration
you fill me with sweet sensations
how refreshing you are to me

I can't begin to describe
what I'm feeling inside
when you hold me near
and whisper in my ear

I never knew someone like you
even existed on this earth
You're someone I value highly
there is so much you are worth

A man of faith, a man of honor
a man of whom I often ponder
Your gorgeous smile and
your breathtaking eyes
always seem to mesmerize

I'm so happy we've met
you're someone I'll never forget
I will always remember you
to your heart, I would be true, forever


"Enigma"

A muse, a mirage, a mask
incognito, hidden identity
that's what you are to me
Wish I could figure you out

When you tell me of your dreams
things are never what they seem
and I don't mean to make demands
about your silly kind of plans
But, you simply confound the wise
with your profound complexities

You're an enigma, such a mystery
oh, like a jigsaw puzzle to me
one moment you treat me nice
next moment, you're cold as ice
Yet I find myself so captivated
my feelings must be investigated

When you tell me that we will wed
will it be before we're both dead
or before you change your mind
sometimes you can be so unkind
If only I could reach out to you
and find some way to break through

You're an enigma, such a mystery
oh, like a novel of intrigue to me
one moment you hold me dear
next moment, don't want me near
Still I find myself smitten by you
and I don't know what I should do

If only I could reach out to you
and find some way to break through
then I think we would find happiness
and our lives would be so blessed
There is no one else meant for me
oh, how I love you, my sweet mystery


“Warm, Summer Rain”

Once again, I awoke to the sound of machines and hammering. It was outside my house, where a new wing was being added on. After I arose, showered and dressed, I ventured outdoors. My eyes perused the group of construction workers who were hard at work.

I couldn’t help but admire the way the sweat glistened on their tanned, muscular arms. The blazing sun beat down relentlessly upon the men as my eyes traveled over them one-by-one. I settled my gaze upon you, the foreman, the object of my desire.

I’d been brought up to behave like a proper, good girl. I was trained to restrain myself and be virtuous. I shouldn’t lust after a blue collar worker.

My place was supposed to be with a white collar professional. Even so, there was no way to contain the arousal you brought to life within me.

Out of all of those sexy men, it was you that I wanted. I longed to get my hands on you and wrap my legs around you. I knew you felt the same way about me.

Both of us seemed to feel a powerful attraction surging between us, so intense, so magical. I knew you yearned to have your way with me, too.

So, later that night, I invited you to stay after the other workmen went home. You accepted my offer and we went over some of the building plans together. As we walked around in the yard, I pointed at various areas needing renovation.

All of a sudden, an unexpected rainstorm erupted from the sky, completely drenching us. Our eyes met and suddenly you reached for me, tugging me into your arms.

The red, Georgia clay from your hands dirtied and streaked my milky white, pristine skin. It started seeping into my ivory sundress, but I didn’t care. Nothing else mattered, except for that moment.

Your mouth hungrily covered mine and our tongues intermingled. We began to tear at one another’s clothes impatiently. We were both anxious to be naked, to feel the sensation of skin against skin. We fell to the ground, as the rain washed over us.

We were oblivious to anything except the need to touch, to taste, to explore with frenzied passion. Then we joined together urgently, as you filled me with your desire, which was matched by my own. We thrust together in perfect unison, over and over again. At last, we simultaneously achieved our release. The rain pounded us with a steady rhythm and rhyme.

Finally, we regained our senses and realized where we were. With joyous laughter, we rose up and rushed inside of the house, to continue our beautiful love-making. There was no doubt that this was the beginning of a wonderful relationship between us.



"For the Love of You"

Sweet, beautiful you, love in my life now
you mean more to me than anyone somehow
Looking deep into your eyes, I make a vow
to love you more than the law will allow

When I touch you tenderly and hold you close
I realize your love will always mean the most
With you I'm free and all I ever wanted to be
I'm so full of life, my heart is on my sleeve

I will always be here for you any day or night
leaving you behind, don't think I ever might
Keep me held safely, snugly, with you so tight
to break up our marriage is no one's right

Let me be the only woman you really love again
you're my everything, my freedom, you're my man
I'm living for the love of you and that is all
the feelings we share will never fail or fall

When I first saw you, I saw forever, true love
compared to everyone else, you're placed above
This is fate and destiny, we'll never be apart
for all eternity, two minds exist as one heart


"Looking for Love"

I'd like a date with my future mate
someone who will care and share
My beauty is more than skin-deep
at times, I'm just like a sheep
mild and meek, fragile and weak

I can only offer to you my heart
and the fact that I'm very smart
sometimes I'm so nervous and shy
but to my credit, at least, I do try
Where on earth could my love be?
why must he be out running free
when he should be here with me?

I'm still looking for love and
waiting for a sign from up above
I long for a man to hold my hand
and by my side to forever stand
our covenant sealed with a band


"Memories of Titanic"

This poem was inspired by the film, "Titanic".

Now you're gone, how can this be
I lost you to a roaring, raging sea
you were here but now you're gone
I must find the strength to carry on
you left me here, alone and cold
with nothing left for me to hold
My power will come from up above
easing the ache from our lost love

I thought that we were meant to be
but now you're a part of the sea
I hope and pray your soul is free
Love, you no longer belong to me
yet, I'll always possess a part of you
our baby, that I've given birth to
and all the memories of Titanic


"Mystery Man"

His voice is music to my ears
it's what I'm yearning to hear
He calms and soothes my fears
I dream one day he'll be near

Who could this mystery man be
who brings so much life to me?
Why does he make me feel alive
awakening what was cold inside?

Dare I imagine he just might be
the special man God chose for me?
I might somehow wish he is mine
a chosen love that will be divine

Yet I will wait and believe for
God to show me what lies in store
The Lord will lead me to the face
of the man my heart won't erase

He will guide us throughout time
according to His rhythm and rhyme
If we are to be, then we'll know
and our love will gradually grow


“My Bodyguard, My Chauffeur”

Looking back, I can see how I was lost in a world of glitz and glamour, power and privilege, fortune and fame. Whenever you came to work for me, you were down on your luck. You didn’t have a penny to your name.

Yet I noticed something different and unique about you. Unlike other people, you treated me as if I were a normal person, instead of a movie star. You looked past my persona, the image I created. The mask I wore to hide all of the pain and insecurity I’d always felt inside.

Somehow you saw through my disguise. You instinctively sensed that although I pretended to be very confident and secure, I’d become an imposter. Deep down inside, I was really still that scared, little orphan.

The one who was so desperate to fit in; searching for a place to belong. The small child who used to peer longingly into the windows of shops and wish for things I could never own. The young girl who used to stare yearningly into the windows of homes and dream of the family I would never have.

Yes, you knew the real me, beneath the hair and make-up; away from the public eye. You didn’t have anything to offer me, except your unconditional love. But, that was all I’d ever wanted and needed. Being with you helped me to realize the truth about the lie I was living, the masquerade.

You gave me something no one else had ever given, your understanding. And you did something no one else had ever done; you loved me just the way that I am. With all of my flaws and imperfections, you still loved me for myself and not for what I have.

I’ve searched my whole life to find someone like you. I’d gladly give up everything I own just to be with you, my darling. The mansion on the hill, the fancy cars, the sophisticated wardrobe, all of the money. Those things mean nothing to me, without you.

How I fondly remember the first night we made love! It was so beautiful and special, so right. You were such a gentleman and treated me like a lady. It felt almost as if I’d never been touched or kissed before. With you, I knew I’d truly been made love to by someone who really cared about me.

You drove me home after an awards show, where I won a couple of trophies. We ended up being in the house all alone, as usual. Only this time, there was a sizzle to the air; a crackling of electricity between us.

We shared a romantic, candle-light dinner, and then went into the comfortable den. We began to slow dance by the cozy, warm fireplace. In the past, we’d always managed to contain our desire and restrain ourselves.

But the passion overtook us and we lost all control. As we gazed deeply into one another’s eyes, we suddenly couldn’t keep our hands off one another. Our lips met hungrily; our tongues danced a tango together.

You took my hand, leading me over to the bear-skin rug. We lay down and ravished each other for what must’ve been hours. Since then, we’ve become even closer and I’ll be forever grateful for finding you. You complete my life, my sweet lover. My bodyguard, my chauffeur.


"Portrait of Me"

See the portrait of me, lonely as can be
I suppose I could be wild and free
but instead, I'm lost in a world of misery
It seems that I just can't let you go

I sit alone and sigh, sometimes I cry
and how I try so hard to understand
why we ever had to say good-bye
It seems that I just can't let you go

Because no one else I've ever known
has been able to touch me like you do
I know it's probably for the best
but I won't settle for anyone less
It seems that I just can't let you go

I believe one day, I'll get over you
but for now, I guess I'll be blue
unless you know you can be true


"Shelter From The Storm"

When my day is dark and gloomy
you're a breeze blowing to me
When the world is cruel and cold
you are always there to hold

You're my light in the darkness
as I struggle through this test
You lift me up into your arms
and keep me safe from all harm

When I feel I can no longer stand
you take careful hold of my hand
leading me along on this journey
Close beside me, you will remain
and your love will never change

There are no worries on my mind
you seem to heal me every time
Even when I'm bent and broken
your heart becomes my loving token

You're my shelter from the storm
because of all the things you do
you have made my life so complete


"Will I Ever"

Many lonely years and empty tears
I have waited for so very long
for the right man to come along
when will my wait finally be over?

Will I ever say "He's my husband"?
will he ever say "She's my wife"?
will I ever feel a sweet, little life
growing deep inside of my womb?
So much joy that would bring

Will I ever hold a tiny baby
and know that I'm its Mother?
So much peace I would discover
as its fingers curled around mine
knowing that I had been its life-line

Will I ever bounce a child on my knee
and tickle its tummy playfully
while I grow old so gracefully
beside the man I'm with eternally
from whom I don't want to be free?
Will all of this ever happen for me?

"Confusion"

If I ever sought
to understand the
things one cannot comprehend
there would only be confusion


"Another Christmas Without You"


The Christmas season is finally here
but my darling, you're nowhere near
My holiday's become a familiar scene
you're missing, what does this mean?

It's just another Christmas without you
looks like this year brings nothing new
I have searched my heart, only to find
you are still the one who's on my mind

The leaves they drift about in the wind
watching them, I wonder how I'll mend
My world seems empty on a special day
if only you'd come back home and stay

Can't stand another Christmas without you
you are the other half that makes us two
I have tried hard to forget the way I feel
but every December 25th makes it so real

What was that I thought I heard just then
slamming door and footsteps in the den?
My dear, you have returned to me at last
let's clean the slate and let go of the past

Won't be another Christmas without you
my world is happy, goodbye to being blue
All I've ever wanted is you, here and now
to give you my love forever, I make a vow


"The Master's Hand"

Like a pebble on the beach
like a tiny grain of sand
weary soul within His reach
touched by the Master's hand

Like a falcon in mid-flight
like a child learning to stand
fearful soul on darkest night
touched by the Master's hand

With the strength of solid rock
with the mountain view so grand
aging soul watching the clock
touched by the Master's hand

With the steadfastness of steel
with the vastness of the land
loving soul whose heart will heal
touched by the Master's hand


"What The Years Can Do"

A slowness of steps
creases appearing in skin
what the years can do


"Reborn"

Sheltered under snow
tiny buds struggle to thrive
reborn in the spring


"Hearts And Flowers"

Come sit down and talk to me
if the time you have is free
Between us is a building tension
neither of us has yet to mention

Today is our wedding anniversary
somehow we've lost our harmony
As two ships passing in the night
we can't seem to find the light

I still believe in hearts and flowers
a love that's built strong as a tower
Two hearts in love cannot be measured
flowers in bloom are to be treasured

We shouldn't neglect to pay attention
to spend our time and show affection
Will you share your hearts and flowers
strengthen us, sweet blessings shower

Take a moment, here with me
darling, listen to me, please
Such precious hours we are wasting
true happiness we could be tasting

For a while we've been so distant
the distraction from the TV is instant
There's no tender touching anymore
we've erected a wall, with no door

I still believe in hearts and flowers
a love that's built strong as a tower
Two hearts in love cannot be measured
flowers in bloom are to be treasured

We shouldn't neglect to pay attention
to spend our time and show affection
Will you share your hearts and flowers
strengthen us, sweet blessings shower

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Publication Date: 02-20-2011

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