THE LIFE OF ME

I heard this is good for me so let's give it a try

 

I AM NOT OK

 

Great story starter I know!

 

I want to be able to not be too forgiving and not feel bad if I'm mad at someone.

Because I can get in like this huge as fight with someone then the next day I feel bad for them and I'm like sorry and stuff… EVEN IF THEY TRY TO RUIN MY LIFE

 

I want to be able to blame stuff on other people. I blame everything on me and it sucks tbh because its like every time I blame myself someone puts 1 brick on my shoulders and now it's like the whole earth is on my shoulders I hate it. It hurts me it's like torcher but there's no way to stop it.

 

I want to be not self conscious

Imagine being aware of one freaking hair on your head and you feel like it's gonna be on world news like ~Breaking news... THIS PERSON HAS HAIR ON THEIR HEAD THAT IS POKING UP OR LOOKS DIFFERENT we are a disgrace to have him/her on our planet or to be able to see this disgrace of a human being.~

 

I want to be able to express things.

This is a major thing with me.

I can't express my feelings.

I always say that I'm going to do it and I might even start the message but then i don't end up saying it and it kills me.

I want to share it because it makes me better apparently.

 

I want to be able to breath.

I feel like I'm drowning but there's no body there. No body that cares enough to just look at me. THE REAL ME! and realised that I am drowning and that I need help

I need the support

I need someone to bring me back to life someone to give me air. The ability to breath.

 

I want to be noticed in th right way I want someone to know that I'm lying.

No I'm not okay! No I'm not tired cause I didn't sleep! I am being torchered by my mind and I cant control or stop it.

 

Another thing I want to be able to cry. Some people, they just cry they can juts cry themselves to sleep but it makes them feel lighter it lets out SOME of their emotions I know that sounds bad but I CANT I want to cry every second of my lifeand I cant it just haunts me.

I really want to but i and just unable to. My brain says to heart. Stop being ridiculous you cant cry. Crying makes you weak it makes you a weaker person. When it obviously doesnt. Crying makes you better it makes you a better person it makes you happier.

It's just I can't explain what its like. If anything it's like your being torchered. Its like I'm being torchered every second of my life. But I can't be put out out of my misery. Well I can but thats not a good way to deal with it.

 

I feel like everything in my body is tense and ready to pop and that if someone pokes it with a pin everything will come out. All my emotions and my troubles EVERYTHING.

I desperately want someone to just do that I want this to happen to me I want someone to get a pin and pop me. The feeling, I WANT THE EMOTIONS TO COME OUT BUT THEY WONT! they decide to annoy me and put me through misery.

I mean there is temporary blockers like movies, music or like YouTube but they're only temporary like when my laptop or phone go flat and I don't know what to do, that's when the feelings hit.

They just come in one big wave like a tsunami, a big one. Bigger then the biggest tsunami record in history. Everything comes at once and it leaves me there hanging for life wondering if I should keep my life or stop the misery.

But I can't do that cause I'll put all my loved ones through hell.

I will be happy but they won't and I care about them more then me tbh.

 

I don't like my feelings if I had the chance to make one person really happy but it leaves me miserable I would. I would be forfilled to see someone happy even if it kills me. I won't get any recognition but it will be worth it to me.

 

I want to grow up party, live, make a difference. Maybe even save money to pay for therapy for me because I want to go to talk to someone. But I don't want any one knowing cause then they'll be like WTF why do you need therapy your just a stupid little kid you don't know what you feeling.

 

I WANT A SAVIOR

 

That's all I want I want that someone special. My best friend or boyfriend to just be there for me. To be the freaking life guard and save me from drowning. To be my pin and let go of all my troubles. I want them to be the reason that I let go of the balloons. The balloons filled with fear, sadness, depression, anxiety, stress, suicide everything and just let go of it and see them float away and just be like f*#k you! I bet you! and be a badass warrior and fighter.

 

This is my so called life story of anyone can help me I'm willing to listen.

 

This wasn't meant for sympathy this was meant to let the world know that they are not the only one it sucks, don't joke around things like this. My one goal is For you people to just look at someone you know look at the real them and to be their badass SAVIOR. To save someone's like. Cause if someone did that to me I would love them forever and they would have the great feeling of knowing that they saved someone's life.

HELPING SOMEONE

THIS IS MY SO CALLED "LIFE STORY"

 

 

 This wasn't meant for sympathy

NO!

This was made to let the world know that they are not the only one

It sucks, don't joke around things like this.

 

My one goal is, for you people to just look at someone you know, look at the real them and realise that its all just an act they are not ok. And for you to be their badass SAVIOR.

To save someone's life.

Cause if someone did that to me I would love them forever and they would have the great feeling of knowing that they saved someone's life.

Imprint

Publication Date: 06-03-2016

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
This was my first book btw.