As One Door Closes

“Remember when we were 16 and we would skip school on Thursdays to go up to Rainier point?” Caleb said finally breaking the heavy silence between us.
“Yea… We’d run through the fields of heather trying to catch butterflies and stuff…”
“I’ll miss that.” He said looking up at the white ceiling.
“I’ll miss you.” I said to him for the thousandth time today.
“I won’t leave you… I’ll always be here with you, you won’t see me but I’ll be there. Always.” His gaze shifted to me, and he used my eyes, the window to my soul to bring tears to my eyes. I looked down at my tiny hands interlocked with his larger pale one. Its strength and health diminished, but its majestic beauty still there. I took calming breaths, willing myself not to cry; to be happy for him.
“Caleb… I--” Before I could even finish my sentence, he cut me off like he usually did.
“Remember when I took you to see that scary movie up in _____ and you didn’t even watch it?” He said smiling.
“I couldn’t watch it! It was way too scary for me!”
He laughed and I tried my best to lock the sound away in my heart, so that I’d never forget it, “You were so scared you climbed onto my lap and hid your face in my neck. You were shaking so bad I thought you would pee on me!”
I blushed as he laughed and finally spoke up when it was too much for my heart, “I thought you didn’t like looking back?”
His laughter died down and he smiled at me as he said, “Just this one time, its ok. Just this once.”
“Caleb… How am I supposed to live without you?”
It was quiet for a moment, and all I could think about was how much I was gonna miss him. I had to cherish every second I had with him now, because soon there wouldn’t be anything left except the memories. “Remember when we went on that nature hike? And you screamed because you saw a deer?” I said with a forced chuckle, anything to hear his voice again.
“It was my first time seeing one!” He pouted at me like the child he was, which made me laugh more, a real laugh. “And it ran away before I could even get a picture.”
“Because you screamed!” I choked out between fits of laughter.
His adorable little pout slowly turned into a smile as he looked up at me from the hard, crisp bed, “Remember when we went camping in your back yard and got soaked?”
I had to smile thinking of that day, “We didn’t hear the storm cause the music was too loud.”
“We didn’t notice until the rain started pouring down on us, and even then we just thought it was someone throwing buckets of water on our tent… You were so mad.” He chuckled a bit before coughing and the smile wiped off my face.
Every cough felt like it was cutting through me and when I saw the blood I wanted to cry, but I held the tears back. He stopped coughing and I plastered a smile back onto my face before he could notice it had ever left.
He cleared his throat before looking back at me with a smile, pretending it never happened. “Remember our picnic by the lake?” His voice was weak and raspy but I still loved it.
“Yea, I thought I’d try and teach you how to swim.” He was horrible at it though and it the lesson turned into me trying to keep him from drowning.
“Thanks to you I can doggie paddle now.” His smile got a little brighter and so did mine.
We just sat there grinning at each other like fools, even when the doctor walked in and went to stand by the only machine keeping my Caleb in this world. I looked at him for a brief moment before shifting my gaze back down to the one thing in my life that mattered.
“I love you Kailey.” My heart stopped. Not once in the four years I’ve known him has he ever said those words to me. I was so happy, I couldn’t help the huge smile that spread across my face, it hurt my cheeks it was so large.
“I love you too Caleb. Always.” He smiled at me and we just stared into each other’s eyes, happily enjoying the moment. I tried my absolute hardest to commit this moment to my memory. Sad to think that the happiest moment of my life, was going to turn into the most heartbreaking in a matter of minutes.
All too soon though, his eyes got cloudy, and his grip on my hand loosened. He closed his eyes so that I wouldn’t see his pain, but the smile never left his face. His breathing slowed until it just stopped completely and I couldn’t hold back anymore.
I lifted his hand to my mouth and kissed his knuckles; I got up and kissed both his eyelids. I kissed his forehead and breathed his scent for a moment before letting go of his hand and walking out of the room. I walked down the corridor and out of the hospital, letting the rain wash my tears away as I walked away from the dead body of the only man in this world who has ever truly touched my heart.
I walked down the busy streets of the city avoiding everybody and never looking back. Caleb wouldn’t have wanted me to.


Have you ever heard a song from so long ago with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry? And didn’t you wish that you could go back into time when everything seemed so much simpler and carefree? Those are songs that are the soundtrack of our lives… the ones that bring back childhood memories, best friends, first love, first heartbreak… the memories.

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Publication Date: 10-04-2011

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