How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #2)

by DeYtH Banger

Quotes

 People always seem to care... "What next to say?", "How to say it?", "When to say it?", "So what next?", "Are you sure?"

- DeYtH Banger

 

 

 

You are there now... let's talk... you pee yourself... don't be ahame of it... or get offended... just start insulting like a biatch... don't give a fuck about the place. Just do it ... louder and louder... once you do it... you are already ready to become a badass.

- DeYtH Banger

 

 

 

All rooms have secrets... if you want to don't get a customer... start talking... with the guy who is around the door... the guy who is in the shop and the guy who is selling products... once you do that... they don't see you as customer... but if you want progress... you need to be more often there.

- DeYtH Banger

 

 

 

 

 

“The audience are likely to remember only three things from your presentation or speech” 
― Stephen Keague, The Little Red Handbook of Public Speaking and Presenting

 

 

 

“Be the kind of person who is a joy to be around. Caring for and loving others brings out the best in you and keeps your heart open to the unspoken and deeply buried needs of others.” 
― Farshad Asl, The "No Excuses" Mindset: A Life of Purpose, Passion, and Clarity

 

 

“Transformation takes place within us when we learn to be intentional and go from focusing on me to others, success to significance, limited to limitless, and scarcity to abundance.” 
― Farshad Asl, The "No Excuses" Mindset: A Life of Purpose, Passion, and Clarity

 

 

“Don't let toxic people sabotage your happiness, ruin your positive attitude, contaminate your mind or destroy your self-confidence. Instead, surround yourself with generous, positive, and nurturing people who will lift you up.” 
― Farshad Asl

 

 

“The Five C's of Coaching: 
1- Clarity 
2- Communication
3- Collaboration 
4- Commitment 
5- Culture” 
― Farshad Asl

 

 

 

“A leader must stand up for his team even when he has to stand alone.” 
― Farshad Asl

 

 

 

“Be fast, be first, but never be alone. Nothing can replace the value of teamwork.” 
― Farshad Asl

 

 

 

“We often settle for what's available and what's available isn't always great. You are destined to achieve greatness!” 
― Farshad Asl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Content

How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #2)

 

 

 

• Quotes

 

 

Part 1

 

• Chapter 1 - Honesty (Part 1)
• Chapter 1.1 - Honesty (Part 2)
• Chapter 2 - Shyness
• Chapter 2.1 - Honesty (Part 3)
• Chapter 2.2. - Honesty (Part 4)
• Chapter 3 - Experience (Part 1)
• Chapter 4 - Porn (Part 1)
• Chapter 5 - Goes like
• Chapter 6 - Action
• Chapter 6.1. - Action (Part 2)

 

 

 

Part 2

 

 

 

• Chapter 1 - Action (Part 3)
• Chapter 2 - Secret 
  • Chapter 3 - Secret (Part 2)
  • Chapter 4 - Lies
  • Chapter 4.1 - Lies (Part 2)
  • Chapter 5 - Anxiety (Getting Out)
  • Chapter 5.1. - Nasty Women
  • Chapter  6 - Truth
  • Chapter 6.1 - Truth (Part 2)
  • Chapter 7 - Understanding Depression
  • Chapter 7.1 - It's like a Fantasy 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 3 

 

 

 

• Chapter 7.2 - It's like a Fantasy (Part 2)
• Chapter 8 - Fuck You
• Chapter 8.1. - Fuck You (Part 2)
• Chapter 8.2. - Fuck You (Part 3)
• Chapter 9 - I love Fucking Myself
• Chapter 9.1. - Exercises 
• Chapter 9.2 - I love Fucking Myself (Part 2)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 1

 Shit starts... when you say it starts

 

 

 

Chapter 1 - Honesty (Part 1)

 5 Action Steps When You Don’t Know What to Say

 

 

 

We’ve all been there.

We all hate it.

We all know the feeling.

When you don’t know what to say, or you’re about to run out of stuff to say, you can feel it, right?

Maybe you’re talking with someone you’ve already met once or twice when you run out of the obvious “getting to know you” type chat.

Or you had something in mind to say next but suddenly, poof! You forget what it was, the other person stops talking and the awkward silence starts to build.

When stuff like that happens to me, I begin to feel a little sick to my stomach.

I have a tiny freak out thinking, “No, not again! I don’t want ANOTHER person to think I’m quiet and boring!”

We all want a way out of that humiliating silence.

So here’s a 5-step process to help you come up with the words you need when you don’t know what to say.

 

 

 

 

 

Step 1: Don’t Fight Anxiety…Accept It and Act Through It

 

When your conversation with someone is winding down and you don’t know where to take it next, you usually feel a mild panic.

(Or maybe it’s not so mild.)

It’s almost the exact same anxiety as when you want to talk to someone new but can’t think of how to start.

In either case, your instinct is typically to suppress that fear.

You try to think “positive” thoughts like, “NO, there’s no reason to panic.” Or you try to pump yourself up saying, “I’m great. I’m awesome. I’m a rockstar!”

Well…that doesn’t really work does it?

You usually don’t feel any more confident and you still don’t have anything to say.

It’s like the harder you fight back that anxiety, the worse it feels and the harder it is to think of a conversation topic.

So, try this instead…

Don’t fight it.

 

 

 

I find that when I acknowledge the truth, that at the moment I can’t think of anything to say and it’s got me a little worried, it takes some pressure off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This doesn’t mean my anxiety goes away completely.

No, it’s still there.

The point is, if you “fight” your anxiety and “try to be confident” or think to yourself, “I’m not going to be afraid this time,” you’re making things worse.

You’re putting more energy into your anxiety by thinking about it so much, even though you’re thinking how you don’t want it.

All that does is give it more power. Like a Chinese Finger Trap, the more you struggle against anxiety, the harder it squeezes.

So instead, accept that you’re anxious. Realize it’s a human emotion and it is OK to feel it.

It’s not “bad.” It just is.

You don’t have to be ashamed of feeling the way you feel.

Just do your best to act in spite of anxiety by focusing on some of the more constructive actions below (instead of focusing on your fear).

 

Step 2: Change Your Perspective to Be More Realistic

 

Many shy and socially uncomfortable people have completely irrational beliefs about conversation. This is a problem because it creates more anxiety and ultimately keeps you quiet when you want to talk.

For example, think of a social setting now where you feel uncomfortable. One where you’d have no idea what to talk about.

 

 

 

 

 

Now, it’s easy to only focus on yourself and your own “inadequacies” when you’re in this situation.You think everyone else is cool and confident and you’re not.

Suddenly you feel insignificant and powerless, and that’s no place to have good conversations from.

But let’s Spock out and get logical for a second…

Is it realistic to believe you’re the ONLY one feeling insecure?

C’mon…just from watching movies and reading stories, you know that everyone has self-esteem issues to some degree. That’s why we can relate to our favorite fiction characters…because they seem to have fears, weaknesses and self-doubt just like we do.

That’s because the best fiction mimics real human experience. All humans have some degree of self-doubt.

 

So use this common sense knowledge to your advantage next time you’re nervous.

Remember the other people around you are likely feeling their own insecurities too. They might even be wishing THEY could come up with something to say to you.

I find when I remember this, I feel more connected to the people around me AND more confident in myself.

And this is all from just consciously having a more realistic attitude about socializing.

 

 

 

What other unrealistic beliefs on conversation do you have?

Do you think you should be able to know exactly what to say in ALL situations? Do you believe you must get to the point where you never make a social mistake again?

Are either of those realistic beliefs? (…just to be on the safe side here, no, they aren’t)

Root these irrational thoughts out and think of realistic alternatives to use in the moment to empower you.

 

Step 3: Start Being Observant

 

So you’ve accepted your anxiety and gotten your thoughts on track, but how do you actually come up with something to say when you’re drawing a blank?

Well, the quickest way is by looking around and commenting on what you observe.

What do you notice about him or her that stands out?

Is it something they’re wearing? Maybe it’s something they’re doing or just said?

What stands out about the surrounding’s you’re both in?

If you’re at a wedding, maybe ask if they’ve tried the cake. At a friend’s party, ask the person how he or she knows the host.

The attitude to have is that you’re fishing. You’re throwing out possible conversation topics to see what ones get a bite.

Eventually, you’re bound to dangle a subject in front of them that’ll get more than a few “nibbles.”

 

Step 4: Use Their Responses to Keep Things Going

 

Keep in mind, when you’re asking questions or making statements about what you observe (from step 3), sometimes the topic might not seem all that exciting.

In the moment, you might only be able to think of mentioning the weather.

But the important thing isn’t always the topic you throw out there first. It’s the second topic discovered along the way that matters.

For example, if there’s a lull in the conversation and you bring up the weather, maybe the other person talks about the rain for a second too.

But somewhere in there, she mentions how her puppy got drenched in the storm because the doggie door was stuck shut.

Do you think she has an emotional attachment to her puppy and would enjoy talking about that?

You betcha!

Thing is, you got to that fun topic by way of a mundane one.

Now, just ask a question or make a statement about the “free information” of the puppy to keep the chat going…

“Oh, how old is your puppy?

OR

“Haha, it sounds like you wish your puppy were here right now!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 5: Share Some of Yourself

 

This last step is the “magic” ingredient that can seriously reduce the awkward silences you encounter.

See, if you’re shy, being open about your thoughts and opinions can feel scary.

That’s because you may have been embarrassed in the past for not fitting in. So you become fearful of saying the “wrong thing” and making a fool of yourself.

If you’re introverted, you might have a similar reluctance to share your inner world because you feel it’s private. You only share with people you know well and trust.

I understand both ways of thinking (because I have been shy and I am introverted).

But if you don’t share your thoughts, opinions and experiences with people by TELLING THEM, you’re seriously limiting your conversations and your relationships.

Take the example above of the puppy in the rain.

Maybe you could share with the person YOUR stories of puppies you’ve had. Or, you could talk about how you’re not a dog person and you’ve always liked cats.

Whatever…

 

The idea is by revealing some of yourself, you start to build a connection. The person begins to feel they’re getting to know you.

 

This is the “magic” that breaks down the barrier of rigid and uncertain conversation.

The more two people feel they know each other, the more their conversations begin to flow like it does between true friends (unless the two people are incompatible somehow).

When you make a habit of disclosing relevant experiences, opinions and facts from your life like this, your relationships evolve.

You bond faster and become much less likely to experience awkward silences.

 

Take Action

 

So obviously you want to follow the steps above when you run out of things to say. But do yourself a favor…

Don’t be so hard on yourself if things don’t go perfectly the very next time you hit a quiet streak.

This takes practice. The more you work on moving through the steps, the easier it becomes. You get accustomed to casually and confidently “fishing” for new topics.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 Warning Signs That You’re A Boring Conversationalist

 

 

 

How can you tell if you’re boring someone to tears in a conversation?

• Maybe you notice them looking everywhere but at you
• Maybe their tone of voice screams “I’d rather be anywhere else right now”
• Maybe they fall asleep on the front of a ship while you’re discussing the cosmos

What?

Just me?

Right…

But are you really boring people in your conversations or just imagining it? How can you tell? And how can you be more engaging and interesting instead?

Here are 7 unexpected boredom-inducing warning signs to look out for in YOUR conversations. If you’re doing one or more of these, it’s very likely people are leaving chats with you wishing they could have those minutes of their life back.

 

1. Your Life Isn’t Interesting

 

One reason you may bore others is you aren’t excited about YOUR life.

 

 

 

 

 

Are you actively pursuing hobbies, goals and dreams that interest you and give you passion? Or do you go home every day after school or work to play video games, watch TV or surf the web?

Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to always say interesting things or impress others. But sharing new experiences and passions with people spices up the relationship. Plus, the more you experience in life, the more you’ll be able to relate with others.

So figure out what you’re interested in. Figure out your passions. Then start living them.

 

2. You Over Think What to Say Next

 

Do you often try to say the “right thing?” Maybe you worry about offending people or saying something embarrassing?

Look, we all have this hang up to a certain degree, but it’s easy to take too far.

It’s easy to develop a subconscious filter that keeps telling you, “don’t say that, it’s not good enough.” So guess what, you don’t say it. OR you think up 20 different ways to say something before the phrase leaves your mouth.

The result is you end up being quiet, stuffy and boring.

The truth is, you need to lower the bar of what comes out of your mouth. Try more to say what comes to mind first in conversations. This leads to more energetic and spontaneous chats.

 

 

 

 

 

3. You’re Cynical and Negative Much of the Time

 

I’m not going to tell you to be bubbly and positive all the time. Everyone has their worries and frustrations. People who actlike they’re always in a good mood make me want to vomit.

On the other hand, if you’re reliably negative and cynical, who the hell wants to be around that? That gets old just as fast.

So if you pride yourself on your “realistic” don’t-get-your-hopes-up view on life, don’t. It’s nothing to be proud of.

Instead,  find something to laugh about every day. Do something nice for someone from time to time. Begin to break up that dark cloud.

 

4. You’re Always Polite, Nice and Proper

 

Nice guys (and gals) finish last.

At least in the social sense, this is often the case. Because well, it’s boring.

 

 

 

 

If you’re ALWAYS following “proper social etiquette” and doing what’s expected, you seem less interesting.

 

 

 

 

Spice it up a bit:

• Be challenging and tease people in a fun joking way
• Curse sometimes if you’re comfortable with it and it’s not totally inappropriate
• Reveal something slightly embarrassing about yourself

 

 

 

 

I’m not suggesting you be a jerk. But often, shy and socially insecure people try to be “perfect” socially so no one has a reason to criticize them. Yet by acting so bland and predictable, they also achieve the opposite. They don’t give people a reason to notice them.

 

5. You Talk Too Much or Too Little About Yourself

 

You’ve probably been assaulted before by the motor mouth who won’t shut up. You know that gets boring so if you’re doing that, stop. Try to listen more.

But the opposite is just as bad for turning people off.

If you don’t reveal anything about yourself, others don’t get to know you. If they don’t get to know you, they won’t form a true connection with you. They might think you’re nice and all, but a deeper friendship just won’t seem interesting.

Bottom line: Let people know who you are. If you don’t, they’ll soon get bored with the relationship and with you.

6. You Lack Good Eye Contact

Eye contact is a huge social stimulant. It emotionally engages the other person on a primal level.

So if you lack eye contact, your interactions are less stimulating (i.e. boring). Which means others discount the interaction and they discount you. In the end, this leads to you getting ignored a lot more.

Not only that, if you lack good eye contact people assume you aren’t really interested in the interaction. So to save their pride, they won’t invest in the interaction either.

 

7. The Other Person Actually Tells You You’re Boring

 

For the next month or so, assume the ONLY reliable sign you’re boring is if someone tells you so to your face.

Here’s why…

It’s often dangerous to read too much into the actions of others, especially for shy or socially insecure people.

They often assume every “bad” outcome in an interaction is their fault.

• Bob excuses himself from a chat with you so you think you’re boring
• Rachel’s eyes dart around the room as you talk so you think she can’t wait to leave
• A group pays more attention to Evan than to you so you think you just can’t compare

These could be signs that one or more of the above warning signs are holding you back. But often they’re not.

• Maybe Bob just saw a friend he hasn’t met in years and excuses himself to go talk
• Maybe Rachel is expecting her roommate to arrive soon so she’s keeping an eye out
• Maybe Evan just has a greater rapport with the group than you for now

So often, our negative (unrealistic) beliefs about ourselves cause us to create meanings that just aren’t true. In other words, you believe you are boring so your mind finds “evidence” of this even when it doesn’t exist.

Instead, try assuming you are interesting. Then push through the negative signs you think you’re getting from others. Unless they tell you, “this is boring” and walk away, stick in there longer than you normally would.

Many times, you’ll find the other person IS happy to be talking with you. It was just your imagination making things seem worse than they are.

We all want to be interesting so people respect and like us.

But being interesting isn’t always about being wild, zany or “on-cue” funny.

Being interesting is often about being REAL. In my experience, following the tips above is a great start to becoming authentically interesting.

So that not only will people pay more attention to you…they’ll want to stick around for the long haul too.

 

 

How to Start a Conversation, Part 3: What to Talk About?

 

 

 

 

This is where you start to sweat.

You’ve smiled. Said hello. Responded with, “I’m fine. How are you?”

Now what?

That eternal question right? What do I talk about? Because if you don’t come up with something… *crickets*

Awkward!

Fortunately, most times you can start a conversation by remembering just two topics. Oh. And there’s one you probably want to avoid, at least at first.

Two topics to keep in mind:

• The situation you both share
• The other person

Let’s go through both in more detail and then we’ll talk logistics.
 

What’s Going On?

 

How to start a conversation? Good question and using your shared situation with another person is one of the best answers.

I mean, it’s common sense, but if there’s something in your environment you can both relate to, that’s a perfect starting point.

Look around for anything worth pointing out or consider the occasion for being where you are.

This can be obvious like an interest group you’re in, say like a running group. Since you’re both there, you obviously share an interest in running. So talk running:

You: “Hey. So, what do you think about the route today? Lots of hills, huh?”

Other Person: “Yeah, there are. I need to build my leg strength though, so I’m looking forward to it.”

It can also be about something that just happened. Say you’re waiting in line at a coffee shop and someone orders an Orange Mocha Frappachino. This is an opportunity to turn to the person next to you:

“An Orange Mocha Frappachino? That sounds crazy! Have you ever tried that? No? Y’know, I actually wouldn’t mind trying something new today. What’s a good one you always get?”

Cold, Isn’t It?

In fact, the ultimate situational opener is the uber-cliché of conversation – the weather. That’s because everyone can relate to the weather; it’s something we all experience and have an emotional attachment to.

This is the basis of starting a conversation about the situation. It makes sense to talk to about something both of you can immediately relate to.
 

Start a Conversation Using the Hottest Topic of the Last 3,000 Years

 

People have always been more interested in themselves than just about anything else. Why not use this to your advantage?

 

Look for something about the person you can ask about or comment on.

 

For example, maybe a guy has a nice watch. Say you like it. Ask where he got it or what kind is it.

Perhaps you hear a woman talking with a strong accent. Mention you love her accent and just have to know where she’s from.

What are they doing, talking about, reading, etc. If you’re positive and friendly in your approach, people are often more inclined to talk about themselves than other random topics.
 

 

So How Do You Get Started?

 

Ok so you’ve got your topic, but how to bring it up? Well, you can start in one of two ways:

• Asking a question
• Making a Statement (either an opinion or a fact)

Of the two, asking a question is usually easier when starting work on your social ability. That’s because it requires the other person to respond.

For example, if you say, “I love that watch, where did you get it?” That requires more response than the opinion statementof, “I love that watch.” In the second statement, the guy might just say thanks. In the first, he’s more likely to respond with a thanks plus a description of where he got it.

 

 

Through questions, statements & listening you get to know each other. That's how friendships & social circles begin.

 

Statements are very powerful too though. In fact, normal conversation is a mix of both statements and questions.

I recommend you experiment with both. The goal is to keep the conversation going by enticing the other person to give you more information to work with.
 

What NOT to Talk About

 

We all want others to accept us, but starting a conversation about yourself is usually not best. If the person doesn’t know you yet, he probably won’t have an interest in your life.

On the other hand, you DO want to talk about yourself once you’ve been chatting a bit. This is called Self-Disclosure and it’s vital to connecting with people. It’s an important part of how to be friendly.

Talking about yourself works much better as a conversation starter with someone you already know, like family members. They’re invested in the relationship and will be interested in what’s going on with you.
 

Take Action

 

Pick a social setting you’ll be going to soon, even a family event, and decide to practice the three parts to start a conversation. First get attention, then root the conversation, then talk about the situation or them.

Is this the only way to start a conversation?

No.

But this simple process will work in many social situations. And if you’re usually at a loss for how to start a conversation, it’s a great way to begin your journey to better social skills.

 

 

 

Chapter 1.1 - Honesty (Part 2)

 

 

 

Note: People are dump... all of them say that there isn't a secret in pulling strings... this is only in the movies... but let's talk for real... there is a secret... and I am into this shit... I am studying it... and soon... the formula si going to be out.

 

 

I won't say... "Hi"... I was nice... I passed... so fuck... you.... No more "Hi's" or just few more... just to to quite the shit... and then everything is over.

- DeYtH Banger

 

 

Carefreeness is crazy shit... nudity and nakecrossity...

- DeYtH Banger

 

 

 

How to Start a Conversation, Part 1: Get this One Thing to Get Started

 

 

 

Does this sound familiar?

You’re watching TV and suddenly notice someone talking…

Turning to the voice, you discover she’s talking to you, is halfway done speaking and you have no idea what she’s talking about?

Ok yes, that was my girlfriend yesterday. (D’oh!) But it points out an important lesson you need to learn, especially when talking to someone for the first time…

In this three-part series on How to Start a Conversation, I’ll share a simple process that’s surprisingly flexible. It works because it’s simple and based on human nature.

Your first step in talking to someone new is small, but it sets the stage for everything to come.

 

Get this and you’ll get conversations started

 

The first part of any conversation is to get the person’s attention. This can be done many ways, sometimes as subtle as how you walk up. But for now, we’ll go with the basics.

In the above example, my girlfriend didn’t get my attention so the conversation was a FAIL. I had no idea what she was saying since I’d missed the beginning.

 

When you start a conversation with someone new, things are a bit different. Not only could they miss what you’re saying, they might also feel caught off guard.

 

That’s worse.

You need to give people a mental pause to switch from what they’re doing (web surfing, daydreaming, plotting world domination) to realizing you want to say something to them. Otherwise you’re more likely to get awkward beginnings.

 

Easy to remember two-part process to get attention:

 

1. Smile. Helps you seem non-threatening and suggests you have good intentions.
2. Open with a greeting. Simple often works best such as: “Hi”; “Hi, how are you doing?”; “Excuse me…”; “Good evening”; “Hey!”; or even “So…”

 

At this point, don’t continue talking until you have their attention. How will you know?

Well, they should be looking at you (which only takes a split second). If they didn’t hear you, go ahead and repeat your greeting.

Now I know you’re thinking, JUST SAYING THAT ISN’T A CONVERSATION.

You’re right, and we’ll discuss that in later posts. For now, the point is just to get their attention.
 

Slow Down, Reduce Anxiety & Talk to More People

 

Getting attention may seem simple and obvious, but shy talkers often skip it.

Nervousness and anxiety cause them to either say nothing, or rush in and say too much too soon.

Unfortunately, when this happens the conversation can begin awkwardly and the budding conversationalist takes it personally thinking, “I’m not good enough.”

In fact, what happened was just a natural reaction of the other person being thrust into a conversation before he was ready.

By using a simple “Hey,” with a smile, you get the person’s attention AND ease your nervousness by starting with something so easy. Plus, smiling just makes you feel spectacular.

And before you object…NO it isn’t always necessary to start a conversation like this. But it can be a good tool to have in your conversation arsenal.
 

Getting Attention is a Two-For-One Technique

 

One other reason this is great– it puts you on the spot.

Here’s what I mean by that…

I was ignored often in the past. I’d start talking to someone in a tiny voice, without getting their attention. They wouldn’t respond, but I actually felt relieved.

 

I’d think, “Oh well, they didn’t hear me. At least I tried.”

Then I’d leave, happy I didn’t have to talk but upset I still wasn’t good at this conversation thing.

 

 

I've talked on mic and DJed for years. Getting attention is the biz. You need to do the same in conversations.

 

That’s not healthy!

 

By making sure you have someone’s attention, it gets you in the habit (and mindset) of having people acknowledge you.

It takes away the (false) excuse you’re not important enough to be listened to. It pushes you to learn how to start a conversation.

This may feel scary, but you’ll get there little by little. This technique will help.
 

Take Action

 

Next time you talk to someone, even a current friend or a family member, practice getting their attention first.

Even if you don’t think it’s necessary, at least you’ll develop the habit. Then it’ll feel natural when approaching someone new.

As a bonus, you’ll never have to compete for attention with a LOST TV marathon ever again. (not easy to do! Just ask my girlfriend…)

 

What about you?

 

Do you want to learn how to grab people’s attention positively so they enjoy talking to you…with everyone wondering how you do it?

While still being yourself?

And without having to memorize lines?

 

 

 

 

A little-known secret to create warmth and comfort when talking to strangers 

 

 

 

What do these have in common?

– Starting a new job
– Learning to drive with your dad
– Talking to a complete stranger

You’re nervous in each one, right? You question your abilities. You lack confidence. You feel anxious.

(Although you just rocked it once your dad was out of the car, right? Sorry, beside the point…)

Unfortunately, if you feel anxious talking to someone new, they will too. They’ll link that discomfort to you and want to run far, far away.

It’s SO frustrating to feel you’re turning people off; I would know.

 

The good news is there’s an easy way to switch their feelings of anxiety to feelings of warmth. In this post, I explain how to do this so people want more of you instead of running the heck away.

 

The Secret to Reducing Anxiety… A Blue Dress?

 

In a previous job, I reluctantly attended dinner meetings with groups of high-profile people from my community.

I remember my nervousness talking to a member of our chamber of commerce. She was polite, but her eyes darted around the room as we talked. I tried to act “normal,” but only worried more about what to say.

Then I noticed her dress. Lace ruffles twirled like a spiral staircase around the sparkling blue gown. Beautiful. I suddenly admired how well put-together she was.

I didn’t mention this admiration, but immediately my anxiety decreased.  She engaged more in the conversation and we chatted pleasantly for much of the meeting.

The blue dress didn’t improve my conversation; my change in focus did. This affected my mood, which in turn affected hers. I’ll explain this in a sec, but first…

 

What Every Nervous Talker Should Know About Mirror Neurons Right Now

 

So what’s the deal? How can our mood rub off on those around us?

Two words: Mirror Neurons.

These highly-developed cells in our brain allow us to feel what another person is feeling. What we’re talking about here is empathy.

For example, have you ever seen someone cut their hand deeply? Did you grab your own hand or “feel” that person’s pain?

This is mirror neurons at work.

Dr. Marco Iacoboni, a neuroscientist at the University of California, Los Angeles, who studies mirror neurons, explains it like this:

“When you see me perform an action – such as picking up a baseball – you automatically simulate the action in your own brain… And if you see me choke up, in emotional distress from striking out at home plate, mirror neurons in your brain simulate my distress. You automatically have empathy for me. You know how I feel because you literally feel what I am feeling.”

(from the New York Times article, Cells That Read Minds)

 

Your Anxiety Shows in Ways You Can’t Control

 

The same thing happens (on a more subtle level) when you anxiously talk to someone.

While nervous, your tone of voice might pitch higher or waver. Your facial expressions give you away and your posture suffers in ways you can’t consciously control.

As humans, we’re highly attuned to these non-verbal signals.

The other person subconsciously picks up these cues and mirror neurons zap into action. He begins to feel the discomfort you feel, even if he’s not sure why.

Bottom Line: People feel uncomfortable with you and don’t want to stick around.

Punks!

It’s ok though, here’s how you change that.

 

How to Change Your Focus and Change the Vibe

 

1. Stop thinking things like, “ok, I’ve got to be less nervous.” That just brings your anxiety to the front of your awareness and in turn, to theirs.
2. If you want them to feel warmth toward you, you need to feel it first. The best way I’ve discovered to do this is by finding something you genuinely like about the person and focusing on that.

 

Examples of qualities to focus on:

 

• Nicely dressed, great accessories
• Hair well groomed or done-up
• Pleasant personality – fun, laid-back, quirky
• Passionately speaking about a subject

During the dinner, I noticed how well dressed and together the chamber member seemed. I admired her sense of pride. This shift in focus subtly reflected in my body-language and tone of voice.

She sensed the warmth of that admiration (or rather her mirror neurons did).

So, think of it as silently complimenting the other person. If you do say it out loud, fine. But the point is to focus on the quality in them you like, not your anxiety.

 

Two tips:

 

• Make sure you genuinely admire the trait. Otherwise you defeat the purpose of switching your focus at an emotional level.
• You still need to pay attention to what the person is saying. This technique doesn’t excuse forgetting the basics of good conversation etiquette.

 

Summary

 

By switching focus from your anxiety to a quality you genuinely appreciate in a new acquaintance, you create a warmth in yourself toward them.

Subconsciously, they’ll notice this and their mirror neurons do the rest, reflecting that feeling of warmth.

Now, instead of feeling anxious and uncomfortable when you’re around, they feel at ease.

Bottom line: They want more of you.

Now that’s more like it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2 - Shyness

 How to Overcome Shyness (and Be Confident)

 

 

 

Helpful Advice to Reduce Your Nervousness and Talk With Confidence

 

 

 

“The worst thing [about shyness] is the stupid hopefulness. Every new party, every new bunch of people, and I start thinking that maybe this is my chance. That I’m going to be normal this time. A new leaf. A fresh start. But then I find myself at the party, thinking, Oh, yeah. This again. So I stand on the edge of things, crossing my fingers, praying nobody will try to look me in the eye. And the good thing is, they usually don’t.”

 

– Carol Rifka Brunt

 

So, do you consider yourself shy?

Maybe you do. Maybe you’re not sure. And that’s understandable. Shyness can be pretty confusing!

Because shyness can feel different for every person it touches.

 

• Maybe you fear talking to some people some of the time (but do well with others)
• Maybe you CAN talk to new people, but you second-guess everything you say (and worry you’ll say something stupid)
• Maybe you’ve learned to loathe meeting new people, but at the same time yearn to have more friends
• Or maybe, you just feel others are better than you in general, and there’s no way you can compare

 

However you experience it, one thing is pretty clear: Shyness holds you back from getting the most from your life.So below are some articles I’ve put together to help you begin understanding what shyness is and how to overcome shyness.

Chapter 2.1 - Honesty (Part 3)

Note: yOU Just need a new set of mindset... YOU NEED TO REFRAME IT... once and for all.

 

 

 

 Turn Social Anxiety into Excitement With This 5-Step Public Speaking Trick

 

 

 

 

You’re waiting in a long line at the grocery store. I mean the place is packed! Suddenly, a cute gal (or guy) stands in line behind you. You’re attracted to her; you know it.

You want to talk to her, so you decide to give it a go.

But what to say? You think through possible beginnings, trying to get it just right. You almost turn to her 5 times.

Now your heart is racing, your palms sweaty. You’re jittery.

There’s no way you could chat to her like this! If you only knew how to stop over-thinking everything.

Arrrgh! Blasted social anxiety strikes again.

 

But wait…

 

What if you could use this anxiety to your advantage? What if you could turn it around to make your first words compelling instead of FREAKING OUT?

I actually learned to do exactly that from years of public speaking. Here’s how:

 

Why You Should Be Happy You Feel Anxiety

 

I spoke in front of crowds in one form or another for about 8 years. Two of which I also attended Toastmasters public speaking groups. And while it got easy to jump in front of an audience, those jitters never fully went away.

As you can imagine, getting up and speaking in front of 100’s or 1000’s of people can be pretty intimidating. If you’re not used to it, you sorta freak out and think, “why did I get myself into this?”

But guess what?

That’s a good thing.

If you’re a public speaker, you should be worried if you…well aren’t worried anymore. Because if you don’t have some sort of anxiety, you probably don’t care anymore.

 

There’s no fear because you’re apathetic. That’s not good for your performance because you probably won’t put any emotion into it.

 

Great Conversations Come From Enthusiasm & Excitement (Just Not Too Much)

 

In public speaking, emotion is important, especially the emotion of excitement. Excitement and enthusiasm transfers from you to your audience and keeps them engaged.

So, I learned to embrace my anxiety! Anxiety is power because I learned how to reframe it as excitement.

The same principles hold true for meeting new people. 

 

You don’t want to be completely devoid of fear. That would mean you’re devoid of enthusiasm and your interactions would be bland.

 

But on the other hand, unchecked nervous energy makes you, well…nervous. It’s easy to come off like a bumbling idiot in that state. So, here is a process I used in public speaking to reframe anxiety into excitement. Use it to do the same for your social anxiety so you feel more confident in conversation.

 

5 Step Process to Turn Anxiety into Positive Excitement

 

1. Accept Your Anxiety – Most people want to cure anxiety or deny they’re feeling it. But here’s the thing, fighting it only makes it stronger. It’s how you feel and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re a human being in a situation uncomfortable to you. It’s natural to have some fear. So just say to yourself, “I’m feeling anxious right now, but I can accept that. It’s ok. I can still function even with this anxiety. I don’t have to try and get rid of it.”

 

1. Take a Few Deep Breaths – I know you’ve heard this one before, but how often do you actually do it? Quite simply, it helps to calm you down and take your mind off negative thoughts.

 

1. Tense and Relax Your Arms/Legs – You can do this in any setting and no one will notice. This helps get the shakes out of your body by releasing that trapped nervous energy.

 

1. Re-Frame Anxiety as Excitement – Remember, you’re anxious because you care. This interaction is important to you and there’s nothing wrong with that. So to refocus that nervous energy, again don’t hide from it. Go into it. Really feel it’s power and potential. But instead of thinking negative thoughts, think about that energy giving you a bounce in your step. Think about it giving you the juice for an infectious smile and to say an enthusiastic, “Hey, how’s it going?” to that cutie behind you. Re-define the feeling as an enthusiasm to do well. Just thinking in terms of your nervousness being a positive, useful energy helps to make it so.

 

1. Go For It – No matter what you do, if you wait too long, your excitement will turn back into nervousness. So give yourself to the count of 3 and just go for it while you’re in a positively excited state. That’s a much better place to start from than where you were before.

 

Finally, one other major factor to reducing anxiety before a speech was being prepared. So, if you don’t feel you know what to do or say in conversation, then it’s understandable you feel nervous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me on microphone (middle). Yes, I'm also wearing an afro. But that's another story...

 

 

 

 

 Note: Not taking action... means that people won't take action... it start all from you...

So what's next!?

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: Get People Naked! Q: How to Gain Confidence in Conversation?

 

 

 

 

 

I just read an excellent article from Pick the Brain that reminded me of a simple but VERY important mindset.

Y’see, too often we choke who we really are because we’re afraid of what others might think. And what does that do?

Well, it keeps you quiet and unnoticed in groups. You don’t talk to the attractive person in the elevator because you’re afraid it’ll “come out wrong.” You stick to people you’re comfortable with instead of meeting someone new. And the list goes on and on, right?

Overall this stops you from living the life you want, from living your life to the fullest.

But, by constantly reminding yourself of one simple mindset, you can reclaim your freedom

 

People Are More Concerned About Themselves than You

 

It’s true. Nine out of ten, the number one thing on people’s mind is themselves.

Not so sure? Just look at yourself. What do you think about most?

Well, if you’re like most people (myself included) you’re probably thinking about what you’re doing, what you plan to do, how well you’re doing, what it all means for YOU…

Point is, keeping this in mind takes some pressure off your shoulders. Because people are so preoccupied with themselves, they rarely notice or care what you’re doing.

 

This means you don’t have to act or be perfect. You have lots of leeway to:

• mess up
• say silly things & be dorky
• reveal slightly embarrassing personal details
• bump into a table on accident

You have more freedom to be YOU than you think.

 

Everyone in the Bar is Naked – the Mindset in Action

 

I remember a few years ago, I was at a bar with co-workers after work. We were talking in a group and I felt so out of place.

Everyone had something to say, something interesting to contribute. I just felt like I’d sound stupid if I opened my mouth. I kept thinking, “What can I say? What can I say?” But I only faded more into the background.

I walked to the bar for a drink and looked around. Suddenly, I noticed the obvious.

No one was watching me; no one was judging me but ME.

Everyone was more concerned about how they were coming off. They worried what people were thinking about them!

It’s funny, but the realization had that “imagine people as naked” effect. Y’know, like what people tell you to do when you give a speech or something.

It’s like I realized, “Hey, you’re naked too. We’re all in the same boat.”

It chilled me out. I rejoined the group and stopped worrying so much what others would think of me. I focused more on the moment.

Because I was listening now, I noticed more opportunities to speak up. Because I wasn’t so self-conscious, I said the first ideas that came to mind and flowed in what I was saying.

 

The Skinny Dipping Summary

 

So next time you’re feeling oppressed, like anything you say or do will be weird, remember you’re probably the only one thinking that.

Everyone has trouble with what to say at times.

We’re all naked. It’s just a matter of jumping in and skinny dipping with the rest of us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2.2 - Honesty (Part 4)

7 Mind Hacks to Permanently Erase the People Pleaser Mentality

 

 

 

Being a people pleaser can become a soul draining habit. This is because, most people will be glad to walk all over you if you allow them that freedom.

Like any other limiting mentality, the people pleaser mentality arises out of a negative thought pattern in your subconscious mind. Such thought patterns generally develop from negative childhood experiences. For instance, a parent who was disapproving of you, who made you feel that you are not good enough.

Now, when your mind is conditioned with such limiting beliefs, you are automatically drawn to seek validation from others which lays the foundation for the people pleaser mentality.

If you believe there is a people pleaser in you, then you have already taken the first step towards overcoming this habit – you have recognized that you have this mentality. The next important step is to rewire your brain which is possible thanks to neuroplasticity – our brain’s awesome ability to discard old thought patterns and create new ones in its place.

Based on this premise, the following are some simple techniques that will help you rewire your brain and hence kick this limiting habit for good.

 

1. Become conscious of the negative thought pattern

 

Every mentality arises out of a thought pattern in your subconscious mind. A thought pattern is a neural network in your brain. Think of this thought pattern as a little entity of its own. It has existed and sustained itself over years of reinforcement.

The good news is that the brain has the power to change. It can discard old thought patterns and create new ones in its place. This ability of the brain is known as neuroplasticity.

So how can you make this change? Let’s find out.

The most important step in discarding a negative thought pattern is to become ‘aware’ of the thought pattern. When you become conscious of a thought pattern, it is no longer hiding away in the depths of your subconscious mind. Instead, you have brought it to the forefront for further questioning and examination. Think of this as catching a fugitive from their hideout!

 

Here’s a simple exercise to become conscious of negative thought patterns:

 

Sit comfortably, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Now bring to your mind a recent event where you felt obligated to say ‘yes’. Try to relive this moment in your mind. Now see if you can identify the thought pattern behind this action by asking yourself a series of ‘why’ questions.

For example, ‘why did I say yes?’ Listen to your answers consciously.

If you consciously analyze your answers, you will soon realize that these are just innocent beliefs that your mind picked up when you were still very young. You will realize that these beliefs might have helped you as a child to cope with the situation at hand, but as an adult these believes are baseless.

Also, as you ask these questions, you start getting familiarized with this thought pattern. The next step is to become familiarized with the emotion that this thought pattern generates in you.

 

2. Feel the thought-emotion connection

 

Every thought pattern has an underlying emotional response that is found in the body. Hence establishing the thought-emotion connections helps you understand the thought-pattern better.

Repeat the previous exercise (of reliving the moment), but now instead of focusing on the thought, divert all your attention to the feeling this thought generated in your body. Do you feel any sensations in your body? How do these sensations feel? where do you feel them? Is it in and around your heart, your gut area, your throat? Study this feeling as deeply as you can.

As you become conscious of this feeling, it will start to lose its grip on you. The next time you feel it, it will be much easier for you to deal with it as you are already conscious of it.

Also, now that you are conscious of the thought pattern and the associated emotion, it will be much easier for you to catch the thought pattern as it arises next time. You won’t be taken in by this thought pattern, instead you will have an option to be responsive rather than being reactive. You will no longer be compelled to say yes, but will have an option to think it through and say no.

 

3. Use affirmations

 

Affirmations are a great way to start reprogramming your negative thought patterns. You can simply listen to affirmations or say them out loud (or in your mind).

 

The following are examples of positive affirmations:

• I am perfect as I am; I don’t need anyone’s approval.
• It’s not important what others believe about me. It is only important what I believe about myself.
• I love and accept myself unconditionally.
• There is nothing that is too good for me. I deserve all the good that life has to offer.
• My happiness is not dependent on other people and it’s not up to me to make others happy.
• Today, I abandon my old habits and take up new, more positive ones.
• I am self-reliant, creative and persistent in whatever I do.

 

The best time to say these affirmations is right before you go to bed and as soon as you wake up in the morning.

 

4. Become a ‘NO’ person for sometime

 

 

A powerful way to change a thought pattern is to start doing things differently. Because you have been habituated to saying yes, the best way to discard this habit is to go to the other side of the spectrum and start saying NO . Do this on a day to day basis.

Every morning, say to yourself that you are your first priority and that you will say NO to things that do not appeal to you. If something does not feel right, you will say NO.

Sometimes you need to go to the other extreme in order to bring things back into balance.

 

5. Practice saying, ‘No’, with assertion

 

When you say no, you need to say it with a sense of assertiveness without sounding meek. Firstly, don’t feel obligated to give a reason to justify your answer. If you do that, you may come across as weak and the other person might try to pressurize you in other ways, making things more difficult. If you want, you can use a generic reasoning.

You can also visualize yourself saying ‘no’ with assertion.

Another way is to record yourself saying ‘no’ (rejecting a request) and listen to it over and over again until you get it right. Your tone needs to sound assertive, not necessarily arrogant. Don’t worry if you do not get it right the first few times, it will come with practice.

The human mind is a wonderful thing, it learns with practise and once it does, it starts becoming better.

 

6. Reassure your mind that you are not at fault

 

Because this is new territory, the first few times you say No, you will feel emotions of guilt that will make you feel bad. But don’t give into the emotion.

Understand that there is nothing outright good or bad in life and that everything is a matter of perspective.

Ask yourself, ‘why do I feel bad?’ The answer you might receive is,

‘I think I have hurt this person by saying no.’
‘This person can scheme against me and take revenge.’
‘This person will not respect me anymore.’

Reassure yourself that this person is an adult and needs to be mature enough to handle the hurt. It’s their problem that they took you for granted and expected you to reply with an affirmative. So if they feel hurt for that, then it’s not your fault.

Give yourself such reassuring suggestions whenever your mind throws up a guilt filled emotion.

 

7. Stay mindful of your attention

 

The more motivated we are to change, the more readily our brain discards negative thought patterns and replaces it with empowering ones. One of the most powerful things you can do to aid this positive change is to stay mindful of your attention.

If you find your attention focused on thoughts of worry that you have hurt someone, consciously refocus it on empowering thoughts. By not giving your attention to negative thought patterns, you are making these connections weak. This is how neuroplasticity works.

According to author and neuroscientist, Rick Hanson, “Neural Connections that are relatively inactive wither away”. This means, when you devoid a thought pattern of the unconscious attention and consciously divert your attention to positive thought patterns, the negative patterns tend to wither away.

Practicing focused meditation can be immensely helpful in this regard. It will help you stay more conscious of your attention thereby helping you gain more control over my attention.

In conclusion

As you do these exercises, you will find yourself becoming free from the people pleaser mentality along with other related limiting mentalities that hold you back. Because all these mentalities are connected, touching one thought pattern automatically starts to bring forth to your conscious vision other limiting thought patterns that you can also discard.

Finally, let me leave you with this empowering quote by Dr. Suess, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3 - Experience (Part 1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 You probably think I’m joking.

But I’m not. 

I’m writing to you on my cell phone, 
typing quietly as a mouse. 

I don’t want Katt to wake up.

Her tan, silky, smooth body is 
firmly pressed against mine. 

She’s the little spoon. 

And she smells like fresh strawberries. 

I can’t tell you how proud I am of 
myself right now.

Because the 20 year old ANGEL lying next 
to me is drop dead gorgeous – and I just met her 
tonight. 

How did I do it? 

How did I get this sultry sex bomb into my bed? 

To answer that question, we need to 
go back in time by about 4 hours…

I was standing at the bar when I first 
spotted her.

My jaw dropped. 

She was…so stunning… and just my type. 

And although she was talking to a 
pleasant looking young man (a man who had to be 
at least 30 years younger than me) – I could tell 
she was bored. 

So I walked up, said hello, and within a minute or two, 
I had her full attention… the young buck and his manbun – a forgotten memory. 


She was with me now. 

Our energies in sync. 

 All I had to do was keep the fearful voices quiet…  

The voices that like to creep into your head, and eat away at your confidence…

The voices that whisper...
“You’re too old for her.” 
“Everyone thinks you’re her father…” 
“She’s young and beautiful… you’re old and withered.” 

The voices that hiss...
“You are not enough…”

As Katt and I continued to vibe, I could hear the 
voices interrupting... 

Threatening the beautiful dynamic we were experiencing.

But I’ll be DAMNED if I was going to let my fear 
and insecurity screw this one up!

Katt was TOO BEAUTIFUL, and TOO PERFECT.

I silently shouted my mantra to all the 
demons and voices in my head:

“I am enough.”

“I am enough.”

 “I AM enough.” 

I could feel the demons slinking away in defeat.

My confidence restored, and my attention back on Katt’s 
delicious smile. 

Now, she is lying next to me. 

I can feel her breathing softly. 

The silhouette of her naked body, breathtaking 
to behold. 

And all this, because I didn’t let my fears take over.

All this, because I used my mantra to 
keep the demons at bay.

And now, I gift it to you. 

Never forget it.

Believe it. Trust it in it. 

It is kryptonite for your fears:

“I am enough.” 

Your friend,
Bill Grant

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are young women tighter?



Get ready for this…

The answer is… 

drumroll

“NO!” 

Contrary to popular belief, a woman’s age, height, 
(and even her sexual mileage) has very little 
to do with how tight she is…

And everything to do with her genetics.

In other words, her vagina size – which 
is really what we’re talking about here – 
is a lot like penis size...

It’s pretty much luck of the draw.

How do I know this? 

Well, I’ve been around the block.

I’ve literally slept with 6 foot tall, 40 year old, 
mothers of 3...

Who were tight as a glove.

And I’ve slept with petite, 19 year old 
VIRGINS…

I mean, actual virgins… 

And it was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.
(Assuming the hotdog was my dick) 

The moral of the story?

You never know who’s tight. 

However, that doesn’t mean 
younger women aren’t WAY better 
than older ladies...

Because they are. 

And in almost every single way.

For example… 

YOUNG WOMEN ARE…


* Gorgeous, perky, firm, soft, and 
all the things that older women aren’t...


* Excited about Life! And not hateful or 
jaded towards men (yet…)

* More hygenic, and more cosmetic –
this means perfect boobs, flawless bodies, 
and super smooth vaginas

* Much more likely to go to bed 
with you on the very first date 

It’s that last one that really stands out to me.

Younger women – aka women who are 
part of this Kim Kardashian generation –
rarely get “slut-shamed”.

In fact, more often than not, they get praised 
by their girlfriends for sleeping around…

“Oh you got that d--k last night? You go girl!” 

It’s a sign of the times, and for me, it’s the 
number #1 reason I exclusively pursue younger women…

It’s just easier!

And when you can SPOT young women 
who PREFER older guys? 

It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. 

Because now, you never have to waste time 
hitting on the wrong girl, because you’re only 
gonna talk to girls that are already interested in you… 

 

 

 

 

Why younger women have sex on first date?


When I was growing up, girls were scared 
to sleep around, because if word got out – 
she’d be labeled as a dirty slut. 

But boy oh boy, how times have changed. 

Nowadays, being a “slut” is not only 
acceptable, it’s admired.

Think about it for a second…

Who are the female icons of today?

Kim Kardashian…
Miley Cyrus...
Paris Hilton… 

Talk about super sluts...

Kim and Paris both have 
leaked sex tapes!

And yet, these super stars are imitated 
and revered by younger women everywhere.

Now, of course, in some ways this is 
kind of BAD.

After all, what does it say about the 
moral fabric of this generation? 

On the other hand, it’s really GOOD news 
for you and me. 

Because these days, if you play your cards right – 
the vast majority of younger women will sleep 
with you on the very first date. 

AND once again, thanks to Kim Kardashian 
and her team of super sluts, the current generation 
of young women are more cosmetic than ever.

That means vampire facials, flawless skin, 
bleached buttholes, fake tits that look and 
feel amazing, and baby smooth between her legs.

Is it superficial? 

Hell yes it is. 

Is it a little bit sad? 

Yep.

Does it mean the end of the world is 
coming soon?

Maybe… 

But the first time a gorgeous, perfectly sculpted 20 
year old sex kitten squats on your face –
you’ll forget all about that other shit. 

I guess my point is, if you’re an older man, 
you HAVE TO focus on younger women.

And NOT because young women are hotter...

But because young women are actually MUCH 
easier to sleep with.

She’s part of this new, wonderful, “proud to be a slut” 
generation.

And it’s time for YOU to cash in. 

If you want to find out more, check out 
my controversial video right now. 

In it, you’ll discover the ultimate secret 
to attracting young ladies.

I’ll also reveal 3 tragic mistakes that 
older guys make with younger women…

Mistakes that send young babes 
running for the nearest exit. 

 

 

 

 

"During crisis, don't let outsiders in on your miseries. Even the most sympathetic people would rather be in the company of a winner."


​Get this, the other night I was talking with a girl-friend of mine...


Not my actual girlfriend, but like a girl who's a friend.


[*Hint: if you want more women, get more women friends.]


And we were talking about my personal journey of dropping out of school, becoming an entrepreneur, and starting a MASSIVELY successful Dating business.


Like let's just recount some of the Low's and High's that this journey has involved for me over the years:


Dropping out of school to pursue my passion - against all the wishes of my family, friends, etc.


-Watching my bank account go down, down, down... With every dollar I make in my business going back into the business. 


-Completely changing my friends circle.


-Coming out of my financial rut, against all the odds.


-Doubling, tripling, and then quadrupling the size of the #RawDatingAdvice


-Speaking in front of crowds of 400+ multiple times.


-Gaining 6.5K subs on YT


-Writing a best-selling book on Attracting women anytime, anywhere


-Other top coaches in the industry asking for MY advice...


-An in-demand coaching client roster, of ambitious guys investing over $10K for access


...As you can see this has been a roller coaster of emotion.


So today, I'm gonna tell you 3 of the things that I told my girl-friend the other night as I was recollecting all my memories of the last couple of years.


These are the 3 biggest lessons I've personally learned about becoming the most Charismatic, Confident, and Courageous version of myself.


LIFE Lesson #1: Be GRATEFUL even when it looks like there is nothing to be grateful for.


People are constantly on the "pursuit of happiness"...


They think that once they hit a certain dollar amount in their bank account that they'll finally be happy.


This is WRONG. Dead wrong.


You can CHOOSE to be happy at any moment.


And the truth of the matter is, nobody wants to be around other people who aren't happy. 


Even if you are the most UNhappy person out of anyone, you won't want to be around others who constantly make you less happy.


"Happiness" is a mood, not a destination.


I'm personally GRATEFUL that I had the courage to drop out of school.


I'm personally GRATEFUL that I was able to go BROKE just so I could bring myself out of that financial low.


I'm personally GRATEFUL that I got to experience the entrepreneurial rollercoaster while I'm in my 20's.


Most people are too stubborn, and too caught up in the matrix, that they don't learn HALF of the lessons I have until they're in their mid-40's.


That's why so many people have "mid-life crisis'"... Because they start to get knocked down by the reality of life when they are old as sh!t.


Not me.


Not us.


I pushed my comfort zone to the absolute BRINK.


And experienced the sorrows and joys that come along with that...


And here's the thing that most excites me... Do you know who else experiences such highs and lows of entrepreneurship?...


Successful people. That's who.


Steve Jobs got FIRED from his own company before creating the iPhone that you're likely reading this email on...


Martin Luther King Jr. was shot at MULTIPLE times, while with his family, sitting in his own home before he led the movement that changed America forever...


Donald Trump went 9 BILLION dollars in debt, and now has a good chance at becoming the f$%^$# PRESIDENT of the U.S...


Adversity breeds success, and I'm so grateful for all the sh!t that's been thrown my way.


LIFE Lesson #2: "During crisis, don't let outsiders in on your miseries."


It's a quote by Chin Ning Chu -- genius author of the book Thick Face, Black Heart.


If you haven't already picked up that book, do it now. Seriously.


When I went through my own personal journey of financial crisis, I made the mistake of conveying my financial woes, and fear, to some of my close friends.


For some reason whenever we go through something bad, we feel like telling other people will somehow make everything better.


And when I finally realized that voicing your troubles does NOT make you more attractive, nor does it change your current situation... I learned that the only thing that can make you feel better is MASSIVE action.


Nothing else.


So I don't care who you are, or what you're going through...


There is always someone who is going through worse. Have some perspective.


And if you truly want to be the most Charismatic, Confident, and Courageous version that you can be, realize this...


Great leaders show strength when others would show weakness.


Example...


Franklin D. Roosevelt was the President of the U.S. when Japanese pilots devastated Pearl Harbor in 1941.


And although this man had Polio, and was confined to a wheel chair, his strength in our this country's lowest moment was unmatched.


Not only was he UN-reactive to this ultimate test of his strength, but he responded by giving one of the best speeches known to man. 


To quote him, "There is nothing to fear, but fear itself."


So here's the take-away from this.


Quit being a complainer.


Quit dumping negativity onto others. It's literally the most UN-Charismatic thing you can do.


Instead, take MASSIVE action, push your comfort zone, and show strength in times of weakness.


LIFE lesson #3: Trust your gut.


Einstein noted that a great person knows of his or her greatness long before anybody else does.


Kanye West was always the Kanye we all know and love/hate today.


Michael Jordan knew he was going to be the best player of all time even when his high school coach put him on the J.V. team.


Just like Patrick James KNEW that the #RawDatingAdvice was is meant to great things.


I just knew deep down that I could be the #1 Dating Coach in the world.


It's something that I feel deep down in my gut.


And because of that one feeling -- because I could trust that feeling -- I not only had faith when times were low, but I had courage to make things right.


Without being able to trust myself and my abilities, then I would have never been able to achieve half the things I've done.


Great leaders -- Charismatic leaders -- they have an unwavering belief in themselves, and their mission, which inspires others to join in.


If you know you want to do something, have FULL faith that you can. It's the only way.


Trust that feeling deep down that tells you YOU are meant to achieve great things.


That's the only reason you vibe with me, my message to you, and the #RawDatingAdvice Fam.


Go out today, and keep crushing it.

Chapter 4 - Porn (Part 1)

The Art Of Falling: Learning How To Deal With Relapses

 

 

 

 

 

Raise your hand if this sounds familiar:

Never again. Never, ever, ever, ever again. That was the last time. From now on I will be different. I’ll be the person I want to be. I will be in control and make good choices. I’m really going to do it this time. This is the first day of the rest of my life!

Then a short while later you mess up.

Again.

Maybe you made it a little longer this time, or maybe your pledge to your recovery was still echoing in your head when you fell back into old habits. Regardless, you made a promise and you broke it. You feel that all you are left with now is more evidence of your inadequacy.

Right?

WRONG!

The sooner you accept that there is no end to our making mistakes, the happier you will be. Remember, there is no such thing as a last straw. Pornography does not own us or govern our lives. We always have the ability to make a difference in our own lives.

Don’t believe it? Well, here’s a handy metaphor to help us explain what we mean.

 

Climb The Mountain.

 

The sport of rock climbing is based very loosely on two basic principles: going up and falling down. You actually have to be good at both in order to be a successful climber. There are a few different ways to rock climb but the form we want to talk about is called “Lead Climbing”. This when the climber brings the rope up with them as they move upward. As the climber gets higher and higher up the wall they will clip in with anchors to protect themselves from falling very far and becoming very dead. Guess what? Much more often than not, they still fall.

Recovery can be the same. Instead of looking at falling as an inevitable loose rock or an unsteady foothold, it can actually be a chance to get your bearings and make real progress. Like a rock climber, Fortifiers need to use the tools at their disposal and gear up for the challenge ahead. If they do it right they have a much better chance of reaching the summit and taking fewer, shorter falls along the way.

 

Beware Of Binging

 

A lot of people will want to give up after they fall. They think, it’s too hard, I’m too tired, I can’t do this. The problem is if you give in and let yourself turn one bad day into a bad week, it can be the difference of falling 100 feet instead of just a momentary slip.

Avoid this by trying to find a healthy and positive outlook. This is a lot easier said than done but don’t beat yourself up. But also don’t just brush it off and ignore it. Humbly accept the fact that you made a mistake and decide what you are going to do about it in the future. As soon as you realize that you’ve messed up, choose immediately the next moment to recalibrate. That will set you back in the right direction and you will be able to continue your climb.

 

Stop And Look Around

 

Falling can be discouraging for any climber (or Fortifier). It is easy to feel defeated and tired. Instead of wallowing, you owe it to yourself to analyze the situation. You fell for a reason so look at what just happened and identify it. Maybe it was stress or a trigger or boredom. Did you let your guard down or stop doing one of your battle strategies? Whatever the case, once you identify the problem and mark it down in your Battle Tracker, you can find a way around it. Make a new plan and go from there. Just like a climber working out a new route after a fall, you can use a setback to map out your life and recover more effectively.

 

Ground Yourself

 

 

From using the Battle Tracker to exercising the STAR method, one of the most important parts of your recovery in The Fortify Program is almost always your relationship with your accountability partner. And guess what? This relationship actually relates back to rock climbing as well.

Rock climbing has someone called the “Belay”. This person stands on the ground and acts as a safety weight for the climber. If the climber falls, the belay is tied into the rope so that they will stop the climbers fall. Without a belay, rock climbing goes from fun outdoor recreation to ridiculously dangerous. Your accountability partner can be the same for you and more.

It can feel heart wrenching to go to your accountability partner after a setback but it can also be what keeps you from slipping further and free falling uncontrollably.

Learning how to deal with setbacks is one of the most important parts of any recovery because there is a really high chance you will experience lots of stumbles and slips along the way. An experienced Fortifier knows how to fall just as well as they know how to climb. By keeping a clear head, not giving in to despair, and keeping your help close, you can turn your setbacks into mountain top victories.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Dangerous Road of Rationalization

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We humans love to rationalize, and we do it constantly.

I’ll just have one more piece.

I should stop watching… but Netflix already started playing the next episode.

Or the timeless classic:

You only live once!

The problem is these are all just ways of coping. These are little lies we tell ourselves so we can justify doing things we know we shouldn’t. Rationalization can be a harmless walk by the fridge at midnight to get leftover cake before anyone else or it can be our way of cheating ourselves out of progression and reaching our goals.

But there is another side to this coin.

What about being rational? What about making well-informed, educated decisions based off of life experience and logic?

There is actually a big difference between making rational decisions and rationalizing. In the context of porn addiction, it is crucial that we stop rationalizing and start choosing real recovery.

As an addict, you probably often feel like two people: the driven Fortifier, dedicated to self-improvement and healing, or the self-gratifying narcissist only concerned with avoiding pain and catching the next high. It’s an old story, one that is very similar to the famous story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

We all have a Jekyll and a Hyde so to speak, the trick is knowing who is in charge and which one to listen to.

 

Recognizing the Beast

 

In the many retellings of the classic story, Mr. Hyde is a monstrous, hulking terror. Fortunately, you won’t grow ten feet or sprout claws every time you have an urge to act out. But it isn’t always easy to identify which internal voice is talking.

Our “Mr. Hyde” uses a lot of different tricks to try to convince us to give in and watch porn. These include minimizing, justifying, comparing, and other harmful mind tricks we play on ourselves. However persuasive we may be to our inner selves, these things only do one thing: keep us trapped in our addiction. In order to see through all of the tricks we need to be completely honest. Just because your addiction makes you feel like two people, doesn’t mean you can’t choose who to be.

 

Reading Warning Signs

 

There may be times when a tough situation sneaks up on you. You’re innocently browsing social media and an account you follow has reposted something that triggers you. Or there is a billboard at the mall that really distracts you. Surviving these times calls for the STAR Method. You need to take a step back and think about what you really want.

The problem with rationalizing is that it usually starts a while before the actual act of using. A lot of Fortifiers have goals and rules about when and where they use their electronic devices. For example, most do not bring computers, laptops or tablets into their bedrooms. But this situation can be easily rationalized and put you in danger. Example:

My family is being so loud out in the kitchen and I need some quiet to study. I’m going to take my laptop into my bedroom or I’ll never get anything done.

This rationalization has nothing to do with porn and in a lot of ways feels totally innocent. But we need to be brutally honest with ourselves if we hope to gain real ground in our recovery.

 

Turning Weakness to Strength

 

If we look at that same situation again we can see how a rational response sets us on a safe path and empowers us to success. Instead of rationalizing one might say:

I’m having a hard time studying right now but I shouldn’t take my laptop into my bedroom. I’ve had plenty of setbacks in the past that way and it’s not worth the risk. If I’m being honest, just thinking about having privacy and access to a computer is already making me think about porn. I’ll figure something else out so I can study. Besides, I set the goal to not use devices in my bedroom and I want to stick to that.

Responding with clarity and direction in times where we could have easily taken the path of least resistance will strengthen you in so many ways. Every time we learn to inch toward our goals, we will find strength, vision and meaningful reward.

C.S. Lewis said:

Every time you make a choice, you are turning the core, central part of you into something a little different from what it was before. All of our lives, across many choices, we are slowly turning this central thing into one kind of person or another.

 

 

 

 

 

Urges

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s talk about urges.

I mean, that’s where everything starts, right? You can be going throughout your day with no issues but the instant that pesky urge hits, that’s when the real battle begins.

 

Urge
/erj/
noun

1. a strong impulse or desire.
synonyms: need, compulsion, longing, yearning, hankering, craving, hunger, thirst

 

 

Now, if you think about it, you’re not necessarily fighting against porn, you’re fighting against the urge to watch it. If you can learn to more skillfully work with your urges to look at porn, you will have a handle on your whole recovery. It’s all a matter of recognizing your urges and then doing what it takes to outlast them without having a setback.

One of the most important things to remember when overcoming your urges is that they WILL go away.

Most people generally believe that an urge will increase in intensity until you give into it. Isn’t that how we usually think? That an urge is this infinite thing that will keep going upward and upward as time goes on and won’t stop until we indulge the urge?

Wrong.

In reality, an urge is less like a forever rising spaceship and more like a wave in the ocean; it swells to a peak and then subsides. In other words, urges and cravings – no matter how strong – will eventually go away if you just wait them out.

This is always the case.

Not just sometimes – always.

That being said, it won’t always be easy. Some urges will be stronger than others and will feel like they will never go away. But trust us, if you face the urge head on, they will always pass.

Some people call this “urge surfing”.

Surf’s up, bro!

And just like a big wave surfer, it takes strength and courage to stand and face an urge.

So instead of trying to run from an urge or worse, give in to it, do this: stay present, step back, and watch it. Instead of trying to replace the urge, stand up to it and let it pass. Stay conscious and recognize the emotions you’re feeling. Notice the urge grow to its full strength and just watch it.

Like a hunter in the forest or a scientist observing an experiment, patiently wait for the urge to dissipate and fade away. It’ll be hard for a minute, but like a wave, it’ll break, wash onto the shore, and then recess back into the ocean where it came from.

It may take a while to master this technique, but we promise, once you do, you’ll be a world champion “urge surfer”.

Party on, dude.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 5 - Goes like

How To Be A Girl Bully

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was in elementary school, I was a bit of a tom boy. I spent every recess ignoring the gaggle of girls gathered by the monkey bars in favor of a sweaty game of soccer with the boys. To me, boys were superior because boys were simple and easy to understand. To win the respect of a boy, you simply had to run just as fast, throw just as far, and punch just as hard as they did.

With girls, it was a different story. Girl World is full of subtle manipulations, vague power struggles, and intense mental warfare. I was brought up to be a very straight forward and honest kid, but in Girl World, the ability to lie well was your greatest asset. If you couldn’t fake concern for a weaker kid one second and then rip her to shreds 10 seconds after she walked away, you couldn’t hang with the girls.

So I didn’t. I hung with the boys.

This worked out beautifully until Junior High rolled around. It was at this point that the boys started puberty and the practice of having a girl friend they weren’t fucking suddenly became taboo. So, I was pushed out of the group. For a couple of days, I was bitterabout this, but after much wound licking, I decided to suck it up and make some girlfriends.

The only problem was that I was absolutely clueless on how to go about it.

Fast forward to seventh grade gym class where I witnessed for the first time a group of girls bullying another girl. The victim was a gawky kid named Kristy who apparently had a pretty ridiculous sounding last name. Another girl, Wendy, began taunting her because of it and had even managed to convince some of her vicious harpy friends to join in with the name calling.

That’s how girls bully. They never confront a victim alone. They never say a word unless they have a bunch of loud mouth friends behind them backing them up. They are the worst kind of coward.

To make a long story short, I got up in Wendy’s face and called her some choice names of my own. Gawky Kristy was eternally grateful and ended up becoming my first female friend. The day I told Wendy to shut her fucking pie hole was the last day they ever picked on Kristy.

 

Instead, they started picking on me.

I cannot stress this point enough, but girls don’t pick on other girls the same way that boys pick on other boys. If you want to pick on a boy, you snap him with a wet towel in the locker room. Or you play keep away with his basketball. Or you lick your finger and stick it in his ear. If Wendy had done something like that to me, I would have been better equipped to defend myself.

Instead, Wendy gathered her harpy friends around her in a circle so they could whisper and giggle and shoot nasty looks in my direction. If I approached them, all confidence, and challenged them to say what they had to say about me to my face, they’d roll their eyes and insist, “We weren’t even talking about you. Paranoid much?” But they were.

If I bent over to grab something out of my locker, they’d oh so accidentally bump into me and knock my head against the metal. When I turned around, furious, they’d say, “Oh SO SORRY! Didn’t see you standing there!” and then they’d scurry away vainly trying to suppress grins behind their hands.

 

Wendy didn’t want my lunch money and she couldn’t care less about publicly proving her strength to the rest of our peers. The only goal of Wendy’s was to totally isolate me from the rest of the girls in my grade. Wendy wanted to make me into an outcast.

The main goal of Girl Bullying is to completely destroy your self esteem. It is not enough for girl bullies to convince others that they have gained the upper hand with you. They want to convince you that you’re a loser. They want to use all the people they manipulated into disliking you as evidence that you’re a failure and a totally unlikable person. They want you to go home and cry into your pillow and think, “Wow. Wendy must be right about me. Just look at all the people that agree with her.”

Even then, I realized that most of the people who befriended Wendy only did so because they were afraid of her. Woman, as a whole, have a really hard time accepting criticism and often mistakenly believe that if the negative spotlight is shining on someone else, no one will notice all the places were they fall short. The weaker ones almost always attach themselves to someone like Wendy in the hopes that enough ass kissing will ensure that they will never get attacked.

 

I guess what I’m trying to communicate with all this long winded philosophizing is that Girl bullies are far more complicated and sophisticated than boy bullies. And I, having very little experience in that world, hadn’t the foggiest clue on how to deal with them.

One day in gym class we got all set to play hockey. Because of my general aggressiveness when it came to sports, I was chosen to play forward. Wendy just happened to be the goalie on the other team.

 

When I picked up my stick, I became determined to score a point against Wendy. I thought if I could just make her look foolish and weak athletically, then I would ‘win the war’ against her and her friends.

Obviously, I was still trying to play by boy rules in Girl World.

 

I gained control of the puck and headed down the court towards Wendy. A few feet from the net, I began swinging my stick fiercely. Wendy was trying her best to block my puck, but she never quite managed to knock it completely out of my control.

I gave up trying to finesse the puck into the net and started swinging my stick harder…trying to score using brute force. At one point, my stick connected with Wendy’s shins with a loud smack that echoed in my ears. Instead of stopping, I swung the stick again and was rewarded with the faint plinking sound of my puck hitting the back of the net.

 

I stepped back, triumphant, convinced that I had finally gained the upper hand.

Wendy rolled her eyes and smirked at one of her friends. Suddenly, I realized once and for all that boy rules would never work in Girl World. If I wanted to beat Wendy, I either had to crush her spirit or steal her boyfriend.

 

To crush her spirit, I had to play her game. I had to seek out her past victims and rally them around me. We would have to rise up, together, and bully her like she had bullied us. We would have to turn all of her friends against her and make her believe in her owninferiority. Something like this would be more than effective, but it would take months and I was an impatient young woman.

And Wendy didn’t have a boyfriend to steal.

 

These two truths hit me simultaneously as I looked into Wendy’s sneering eyes after I had scored that point in Gym class. I realized that my aggressive athleticism wouldn’t be admired and respected in Girl World, but used against me later. Vicious rumors where my sexuality would be questioned would be my only reward for scoring that point.

I thought to myself, “Fuck it. Might as well run with it.”

 

Then I threw down my stick and I clocked her. That morning, God, my gym teacher, and all of my classmates watched in horror as I beat the shit out of Wendy like she was paying me to do it. Everyone was so shocked by my attack that it wasn’t until I started bouncing Wendy’s head off of the glossy gym floor that someone pulled me off of her.

As my gym teacher and a couple of other girls restrained me, Wendy sat up, backed away from me like a scared animal, rose shakily to her feet, and ran out of the room crying hysterically.

 

I ended up in a little trouble, but in the end, Wendy never said jack shit to me or about me ever again.

I guess sometimes boy rules do work in Girl World, if you take it far enough.

That happened nearly two decades ago and I’m not particularly proud of myself for pummeling some girl in seventh grade gym class even if she richly deserved it. What I am most proud of was that I refrained from playing her game. Like I said before, I could have ended Wendy’s bullying by gathering the troops and rallying against her. Plenty of girl wars have been fought and won that way and until women refuse to be ruled by their insecurities, many more will be fought and won that way in the future.

 

This is not to say that I am taking the moral high ground or dismissing girl rules as inferior to my own violent tactics. In the end, bitchiness is bitchiness whether it comes in the form of whispers and giggles or a smack across the face. All I’m saying is that the whispers and giggles are not my style. I am not above being the puppetmaster, I’m just no good at it. If I would have fought fire with fire with Wendy, I would have failed and humiliated myself in the process. So I’m glad I did it my way.

 

Generally, if I have something to say to someone, I say it and I’ll keep saying it even if there isn’t a single person alive willing to ‘back me up.’ My intent has never been to systematically ruin someone’s self esteem and I am not vindictive enough to attempt to make someone into a social outcast. But kudos to you, if you are. It takes a certain talent and ambition which I most definitely do not have.

Me? It’s more likely that I’ll break your nose before I’ll crush your spirit.

Either that or I’ll steal your boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6 - Action

 Commit Yourself to Action by Investing in Success

 

 

 

 

Getting motivated is a challenge, and it often takes more than good intentions to really get going. When we first come up with an idea, our heads are filled with scattered thoughts and a vague plan of action. The problem is that good ideas don’t go anywhere on their own. Without a tangible force behind us nothing happens. Do you work harder when faced with a deadline? We all do because we have no choice but to produce.

So how do we force ourselves into action? A great way is stepping up and putting some hard earned cash on the line. Investing money in a goal does two things. First, it provides you with a valuable resource towards reaching your goal. Second, it gives you something to lose. If you don’t do anything at this point you’re wasting your own money.

 

I was first exposed to this idea in a post by Violent Acres that explains why the poor have a higher rate of obesity than the rich. V points out that poor people don’t lack the willpower to get in shape, they lack the resources. Only the rich can afford personal trainers, expensive gym memberships, and high priced groceries. With all these resources available it’s hard not to stay in shape.

At first I disagreed. Why can’t someone get a great workout for free by running outside and doing pushups and situps at home? In theory this works, but practice is different. Say you decide not to buy the gym membership and resolve to work out at home. Excuses always turn up. One day the weather is bad so you don’t run. The next day you come home tired, turn on the TV and never get up. Without a monetary investment to lose, there isn’t pressure to perform. By investing in a gym membership, you’re not just buying a place to workout, you’re buying motivation.

 

In effect, you become your own employer. When someone is hired, an employer pays for office space, a computer, training, etc. If that person doesn’t produce, the employer loses money. That’s why he also pays a supervisor to ensure the employee works hard. If you decide pay a consultant or personal trainer, you hire you own supervisor. By investing money in your goals you become employer and employee.You have something to lose if it fails and everything to gain if it works. It’s harder to be lazy when it means wasting your own money.

 

This strategy can be applied to any goal. When I decided to create this website, I started writing articles and bought a domain name, but without a significant investment my motivation fluctuated. I nearly abandoned this pipe dream before I put down $200 for a year of hosting. I could have gone month to month, but I knew it would take a year to build traffic. With that money spent up front I was committed. I also had a new resource. Seeing my articles published online was a tangible sign of progress. I also bought a great book on CSS(aff) and a Wacom Tablet(aff) to develop my web design skills and improve the looks of the site. These are all assets that enhance the site and provide reasons to keep working.

 

Any savvy entrepreneur will tell you that it takes money to make money. If you aren’t willing to spend a nominal sum to further your cause then how committed are you? By all means be frugal, but look at the big picture. Free resources are great but you can’t rely on them alone. What is the worth of a $30 book that helps you make thousands in the long run? Spending on valuable assets that grow your business is the sign of a wise investor.

 

We’re only human. We have good intentions, but our willpower can fail us. Over time we wear down and need an extra push. Don’t let the fear of wasting money prevent you from investing in your goals. If you know you want something, invest in it financially and mentally. Give yourself a resource and a reason to push yourself. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. One great investment can make up for scores mediocre ones. With hard work you’ll make back the money you spend, but you’ll never be able to get back lost time.

 

 

 

 

 

How To Change Your Brain

 

 

 

 

It’s no secret anymore. Porn is addictive.

There is a ton of research that points to this conclusion. And those trapped in the vicious cycle of porn addiction know all too well. They know how hard it is to walk away from pornography when it seems to be the only thing that makes them feel good. They know how damaging it is to relationships, and know how isolating of a behavior it is, even when they’re surrounded by people who love them. Many people feel like there is no hope for the future, like porn has inflicted permanent damage and that it is impossible to break free.

That is simply not true.

Here at Fortify, we have the mission to help people who are already struggling and let them know that there is hope. An addiction to pornography CAN be overcome. Permanently. And here’s why:

 

Your brain is plastic.

 

“Plastic” comes from the Greek word plastos, which means molded. When something is plastic, it means it can change shape.

Scientists used to think that once the human brain reached a certain part of development, it stopped growing and changing. They believed, as the old saying goes, that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

As it turns out, Harvard research shows that it is possible for the brain to change and develop no matter how old it is. The brain is an ever-changing thing. Your brain is made to change.

 

Check out this study as an example:

 

Researchers took a group of regular people and taught them to play a five-finger piano exercise, causing them to develop new motor skills and use different parts of their brain. They had to learn how to do the exercise perfectly and at a regular tempo. At the end of each practice, they had to take a test.

 

Before and after practice each day, the researchers would place a large electromagnetic coil against the subjects’ foreheads to stimulate parts of their brain with electric currents. Their fingers would naturally respond to these currents by twitching or making small movements.

 

As the subjects continued to practice the piano and develop that part of their brains, it required less electric stimulation for their fingers to respond, and their fingers would respond to a greater degree even though they were being stimulated less.

Basically, their brain had changed. By continuously doing something, (in this case, playing the piano) it was activating new parts of their brain and new pathways were being formed.

Pretty cool, huh?

 

Well what’s not cool is that porn also changes your brain, in a negative way. Continued exposure to porn will make you want more porn. You will gain a dependance to it. You will need more of it. You will need more hardcore versions of it. Your brain will encourage you to go back to it because it knows that it makes you feel good. All these things happen because the brain has been changed due to porn use. And before you know it, you are having a hard time stopping.

But the brain can change. Through continued practice and effort, you can change your brain back. And it can be a lasting change. Due to nueroplasticity, the harmful effects of porn will fade away during recovery and eventually disappear all together. It is a process, and it takes commitment, but it can be done.

Bottom line: your brain can heal and recover. No matter how hard it may seem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6.1 - Action (Part 2)

Why I Had Sex w My Son’s Ex-Girlfriend…

 

 

 

 I know…

It sounds terrible.

But I had a damn good reason to
sleep with Mariela.

MONEY!

You see, my son bet me $200 bucks
that I couldn’t do it.

He dared me to try.

And I couldn’t resist the temptation –
because Mariela was HOT…

22 years old, bleached blonde hair,
smooth skin, and a fat delicious
Mexican ass.

How could I say no?

Plus, I needed the cash.

Luckily, I already KNEW that Mariela
was into older guys…

Thanks to my son and his idiot ways,
Mariela had quickly become disenchanted
with guys her own age.

I also noticed a few less obvious “signals”...

Signals that screamed...

“I want to be with an older man!”

 

 

 

 

The surefire SIGN she's attracted to you...

 

 

 

Yo, wussup dude?!​​​​​​​

Today I'm gonna do something that I haven't done for a while (for some reason), but always enjoy doing...

 

 

 

And that is a Q+A.

It's Friday, and I want you to be able to take this value and immediately apply it to your life as soon as tonight.

As you may have figured out by now, Patrick James is all about delivering the value that is immediately actionable #RawDatingAdvice

(I also have an important question to ask you at the end of this email, so read on...)
​​​​​​​
Let's begin...

Question #1: "I'm starting to realize how huge it is to have that aura of being entitled to all the good sh*t in life. What are the best ways to truly cultivate that, to where you just believe that you deserve the best? Thanks for the advice pimps."

Here's the thing, you've got to understand about being entitled, and confident...

NOBODY is 100% confident.

Not me. Not you. Not the girl who blew you off. Not even Donald Trump.

Everybody has a little bit of an ego, and where there is ego there is insecurity.

Here's one of the greatest truths that you can ever hear: Only fools and saints are totally and absolutely secure about themselves.

[Ok maybe Donald Trump does have 100% confidence in himself...]

And I'm assuming that you're not a fool or a saint, so the trick is to Fake It Until You Make It.

And if you think about the word "confidence" logically, then you'll realize that you can never be 100% confident until you've actually achieved what your goal is, or you've won the race, or you've made the game winning shot.

However, up until that moment [and even after the moment is gone] all you can really do is have "certainty".

Certainty that you WILL achieve what you set out to.

Certainty that you ARE the best person suited for the job.

Certainty that YOU are the f*cking man.

And how do you do that?

Through repetition, after repetition, after repetition...

Conscious practice is the way.

Do you know what made Michael Jordan so damn successful?

You see, most people think that what defined MJ was the 22 game winning shots at the buzzer, 6 championship rings, NCAA championship, and closers mentality...

Not at all.

What really made MJ successful was all those days where he woke up at 3 AM to make sure he got to the gym several hours before anyone else.

What really made him successful was the millions of times he practiced and MISSED the exact same shots that made his career so noteworthy.

It was all the stuff behind the scenes.

He knew that he had practiced a lot harder than anyone else in the world, so that when they called on him to hit the game winner, he was absolutely confident in his ability to rise to the occasion.

THAT'S how you cultivate the feeling of confidence, and entitlement.

A little personal note...

Most people don't know this about me, but my entire life up until the age of about 21-22, all I wanted to do was play professional basketball.

Every single day, I'd imagine my competition out there practicing, and it fueled me to work even harder, and practice even longer, because I wanted to have the competitive edge.

But here's the thing...

Whenever I stepped onto a basketball court with anyone, for absolutely no reason at all I always believed that I was the best player on the floor.

I don't care who I'm playing against... I have the irrational belief that I am the best.

If I was playing against Kobe Bryant, I'd still believe that I'm gonna win.

To some that sounds completely irrational, but to winners like me, MJ, Kobe, and maybe even you...

That's how we think. We never accept the possibility that someone will beat us.

We're either gonna win, or we're gonna die trying.

It's Certainty, and it makes all the difference.

Question #2: "What are the things you do to keep making progress on your path?"

Here's exactly what I do to stay on my path...

First, I mindstorm all the things I want to achieve or do in the next 3 months to 1 year.

This entails literally getting out a sheet of paper and for about 10-15 minutes listing everything I that comes to mind.

After that I choose the top 3 that I want.

Then at the top of a new sheet of paper, I write "How can I achieve (insert one of those goals)?"

Then I list off every idea that comes to mind on how I can actually achieve that goal, for like a solid 10 minutes. Every idea.

Then I go back through that list and choose the top 3 things that will get me to that goal.

The reason I do that is because of something called the Pareto Principle, which states "80% of your results will come from 20% of your actions."

So even though you now have an entire list of ideas to achieve your goal, I want you to only pick the top 3 ideas that you can do and will get you there.

Then I map out how I'm going to take action on those 3 things everyday for the next ~10 days to 1 month to implement those things.

Then before I do anything else, I always take immediate action on one of those 3 things.

So for example, if I were doing this exercise I wouldn't do it and then go make a sandwich... I'd do it, find my 3 things, and then immediately do one of those 3 things.

When you do that, you're literally showing your brain, "I am serious about this, I want this now, and I'm not gonna put it off until later."

You'll boost your state. Boost your self-esteem. And you'll achieve your vision even quicker.

For more on this, I highly recommend reading "No Excuses: The Power of Self-discipline" by Brian Tracy

Alright, now let's get in a social tip...

Question #3: "I find it difficult to see girls pupils dilate especially when they're Asian or have dark brown eyes. Any tips for other IOIs or how to see it clearer?"

My man. Dude. Bro...

Quit looking for "IOI's"

First off, when you use terms like "IOI" then you sound awfully nerdy to me.

Seriously, who truly uses terms like "indicator of interest" in the real world?!

Pickup artists, that's who.

And do 99% of guys who do "pickup" actually get laid?

Not at all.

So go back to the first question that we went over, and cultivate some fucking certainty that YOU are the man.

For no rational reason at all, you just assume that she's attracted to you.

And if she gives you any evidence to the contrary, then you re-frame that shit to think that "She's just so nervous around you that she hides how she really feels," or if that's not the case, "she clearly just hates herself."

And you do this because the #1 mistake for all guys who are new to social dynamics, charisma, and game is that they are in their heads WAY too much.

So if you are constantly looking for "IOI's", then you are not 100% present to the moment, and you are naturally inhibiting your attractive qualities.

When you're in your head you seem unnatural, fake, and disinterested.

So get out of your head. Quit looking for IOI's. And start assuming all positive things.

However, before I go, the answer to your question is this...

You don't look for "dilated pupils"... You look for her eyes having a little more shine in it -- if it's reflecting a little more light than normal... [a direct result of dilated pupils]

Also when women are attracted to someone, they constantly flip their hair behind their ear or shoulder... Biologically they do this because they are exposing their neck to you [which apparently releases pheromones into the air]

So between that extra sine in her eye, constantly flipping her hair back, and assuming all positive things... You should be set my dude.

On that note, got a busy day ahead.

I hope you have a wonderful Friday.

Go crush it this weekend man. You deserve this.

 

 

 

 

Part 2

•  Social Pressure
• Social Tension

 

 

 

Chapter 1 - Action (Part 3)

 The Girl Who Changed EVERYTHING (*valuable story inside)

 

 

 

Meet Doug…



He’s was a virgin until he was almost 22…



He always seems to be the 3rd wheel to his friends and the girls they’re dating…



And every time he tells his buddies he likes a girl, they laugh hysterically at him because they know he has no shot with her.



…This secretly kills him inside.



That’s until he met Kate.



The “Good Girl” next door…



This girl has him and she knows it.



3/4ths of the year, they live in separate college towns.



And they both bond over the fact that they both want to go to medical school one day…



(They have so much in common right?…)



Every night Doug and Kate talk on the phone as they fall asleep to each other’s voices. And he texts her every morning the instant he wakes up…



But the only times they actually ever see each other are holidays and summertime…



It’s something straight out of
a Hollywood movie…



The only catch. They’ve never had sex. In fact, the most they have ever done is kissed.



You see, Doug has been under the impression that Kate is just one of those innocent and “good” girls. Until…



(Have you ever believed things like "women don't like sex as much as men do" or liked a girl and thought of her as "innocent" or "good"?…)



Exactly 1 week before Thanksgiving when they are supposed to see each other again. She stopped replying to his texts…



Doug sat there in anticipation and felt like he was sitting on a deserted island just waiting for a ship to come and save him.



She completely ghosted Doug. Then he saw it…



The day after Thanksgiving, Kate posted a picture on Facebook of her making out with ANOTHER DUDE.



A guy she was now calling her “boyfriend.”



Doug FLIPPED out and did the only thing I could think to do… Tried to brush it off and hang out with one of his buddies.



While hanging out, Doug slammed about ten beers and passed out on his couch because he was so drunk.



He may or may not have even shed a tear while falling asleep that night.



The next morning he felt empty.



..Abandoned…



He even gotten mad at a cute little puppy dog for wanting him to pet it. Yeah man, this was bad…



And one thing remained the same. Kate still wasn’t talking to him.



So what was a heart-broken man
like Doug to do?…



He HAND-WROTE her a “love” letter.



(Have you ever confessed your feelings for a girl after she started to distance herself?...)



He dropped it off on her front-door step himself. Nervously hoping she would take him back…



He never got a response…



And after 3 days of waiting… He called her. No answer…



Then FINALLY. He got a single text from her…



“I just don’t see you like that anymore…”



But it gets worse. Enter girl #2…



The Girl Who Would Change EVERYTHING…



[To be continued…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Kiss Test:How To Tell If A Woman Is Ready ToBe Kissed

 

 

 

 

My client, Samuel, used to have no clue at all if a woman was ready to be kissed.  


He could be sitting there talking to her, thinking to himself, “Wow, her lips look so nice… so soft… so inviting…” but he didn’t know what to do next.  


This would many times leave him kissless, and usually for good, because he wouldn’t get another opportunity.  


Here’s how Samuel handles this today:  


When he’s been talking to a woman and wants to know if she’s ready to be kissed, he’ll look at her like there’s something in her hair.  


Next, he’ll reach over and pretend to gently remove it. He’ll gauge her reaction. If she’s comfortable with it, he’ll continue the conversation for 5 more minutes.  


After that, he’ll reach over and touch her hair again. Only this time, he doesn’t pretend to remove something from it. This time, he holds the tips of her hair in his hand and compliments her: “Your hair is so soft.”  


If she smiles and enjoys it, he’ll reach back over and start stroking it again. But now he’ll glance down at her lips and look back up to her eyes a few times.  


If she lets him keep touching her hair, he knows she’s ready for a kiss.  


By using the “Kiss Test,” Samuel was both manly and subtle at the same time. Because he used micro-escalations, he hasn’t given her anything she can object to.  


He now has a way to find out if she’s ready to be kissed without EVER getting rejected.  


And he knows within 5 minutes what it used to take him hours or even days to figure out.  


Now it’s your turn, my friend! Next time you want to know if a woman is ready to be kissed, just use the kiss test!


Here’s to your success!  


Talk soon.


Your friend,


Nick Neeson


P.S. BIG GIFT coming your way tomorrow.

As a member of Team Introverted Badass, we’ve got your back.

 

 

 

7 Jedi Moves That Make Women Chase You

 

 

 

 

By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
 If you’re not a stud with women yet, I bet this sounds familiar to you: You look around you and see guys and gals hooking up everywhere.


More often than not, the man seems to be just a normal guy… not particularly Brad Pitt-looking or with Rockefeller-deep pockets.


In fact, he seems to have absolutely NOTHING going for him that would make a great woman fall for him…


… yet YOU can’t seem to get a woman to give you the time of the day.


Not a particularly pleasant feeling, is it?


And I know it leaves you wondering…“What’s going on here? What do these men have that I don’t?”

As they watch their less good-looking friends rock it with women, they are baffled. They feel like they have to understand what’s going on here, or their heads are going to explode.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Makes Women Chase Men

 

In general, humans chase that which they can’t have, is scarce or difficult to obtain.


Look at men. Most of us are chasing women for sex because for most guys, sex is scarce and difficult to obtain.


Once we get what we want, we usually stop chasing.


Now the million-dollar question is: what is scarce and difficult to obtain for most women?


I’ll tell you what.


It’s POWER.


Even though we live in the 21st century, the average woman doesn’t have much power in her life.


She doesn’t have much power in her family or at work. Usually the first time women get that feeling of power is when they interact with men.

 

 

Even though we live in the 21st century, the average woman doesn’t have much power in her life. Usually the first time women get that feeling of power is when they interact with men.

“What do you mean, Nick?”


Let me explain.


When in the presence of a beautiful woman, most men start accommodating to the extreme.


Listening to their every whim and wish, kissing up to them, flooding them with compliments, taking their dog out, buying them gifts…


… all because their balls have them by the mind. The power of the penis is controlling their brain!


And that’s the problem.


Men give up their power in exchange for sex. But it’s a LOSING STRATEGY.

 

 

When men act like lovesick puppies, it puts women in a position where they have all the power. Since power is something that is scarce for most women, of course they want to hang onto that some more.

To truly understand this concept, you have to REALLY look at it from a woman’s perspective.


For the average woman, sex is NOT a scarce thing. It’s not hard to obtain. In fact, it’s easy to obtain.


Therefore, she’s not so obsessed with it as we are.


But power IS scarce for women.


When men act like lovesick puppies, it puts women in a position where they have all the power. Since power is something that is scarce for most women, of course they want to hang onto that some more.


They know that once they give the man sex, there’s a big chance they lose their power.

 

 

If you want to turn the tables and MAKE WOMEN CHASE YOU, you need to KEEP YOUR POWER.

I know this sounds sick, and the world shouldn’t be like this, and neither your parents nor Disney ever told you this…

Believe me, I understand. I’ve been coaching thoughtful, introverted men to become successful with women for more than 20 years.


Almost all of them have friends that are less good-looking then they are, but have way more appeal with the ladies.


As they watch their less good-looking friends rock it with women, they are baffled.


They feel like they have to understand what’s going on here, or their heads are going to explode.


If that’s you, buckle up, because I’m about to give you seven Jedi moves to take control of the dynamics and your interactions with women in a way that MAKES THEM CHASE YOU.


But first, let’s look at the SECRET PSYCHOLOGY of what makes women chase men.

 

 

 

 

 

… BUT IT’S THE ABSOLUTE UNTOLDTRUTH.


The faster you accept this, the faster you’ll become successful with women and dating.


So, if you want to turn the tables and MAKE WOMEN CHASE YOU, you need to KEEP YOUR POWER.


It’s as simple as that.


And if you’re wondering how to do it, today’s your lucky day!


Here are seven power moves to make women chase you.


 1. Keep Your Cards Close To Your Chest

 

 

 

 

 

Control the power of the penis. Show her you are socially intelligent.


You have to come from a mindset that you’ve met many women like her before and she won’t be able to wrap you around her finger like she does with all the other guys.


You do this by BITING YOUR TONGUE. Keep compliments to a minimum before you become physically intimate with her.


You can do this in different ways.


The first and most obvious way is not to compliment her at all.


The second way is to only compliment her about non-physical stuff. This could be a character trait she has or something that she put a lot effort into.


Here’s how you would give her a compliment about a character trait.


First, make a list for yourself of the character traits that your dream woman would need to have. That way when a woman shows you this trait, your compliment will be sincere. Believe me, they notice.


Then during your conversation with her, you would have a purpose to find out more about her personality and see if she has the traits you like.


Let’s say you don’t like overly social butterflies, but prefer the more reserved type.

Don’t compliment her on her looks. Instead validate some of her personality traits.

You could ask her questions like:


Are you a social butterfly with a big group of friends, or do you prefer deeper relationships with a smaller group of people?


If she answers with the character trait that you want, you can then validate her for it.


It’s important you do it in a cool, non-kissing-up way. Just tell her you like her answer and explain her the reasons why.


“Nice. We can be friends now (said with cheeky smirk). I think it’s better to have deeper relations with people than to be superficial. You just can’t have meaningful relationships with a ton of people. And I think today it’s even more important than ever before, because these days with social media people don’t know what it means to genuinely connect with each other anymore.”


Another chase trigger compliment is what I call The Double-Edged Compliment.


Basically, you are going to tell her you like some aspect of her, but you’ll also immediately give her a tip on how to improve herself.


For example: I like how the shades you put in your hair complement your skin. You made a good choice there, but have you considered wearing your hair up? I think it would better accentuate your neck.

 

 

The Double-Edged Compliment has the added effect that it will make her think about you, trying to figure you out. “What did he mean by this? Does he like me? Does he not like me?”

The reason this compliment works so damn well is because it’s done in a way that keeps the power with you.


You were perceptive enough to see how she matched her hair shades with her skin tone, which is something she put a lot of attention into.


Believe me. Women put a ton of time into thinking about these details. When you compliment her about something that she put a lot of time into, she feels validated. And on top of that, you gave her some advice on how to improve it.


This totally keeps your power by implying that you are used to beauty and think she can do better. In other words, you didn’t idolize her. You kept the power.


This kind of compliment has the added effect that it will make her think about you, trying to figure you out. “What did he mean by this? Does he like me? Does he not like me?”


Chasing behavior starts in the mind. It starts by her mentally investing time in you.


And by the way, don’t be surprised if later she goes to the bathroom and puts her hair up.


 2. Be Hot And Cold

 

 

 

 

 

When you are with her, you behave like a gentleman. You open doors for her, put on her coat, etc.


You connect with her and you mix it up with some teasing to keep the attraction going and keep the conversation from becoming boring. You do all the things you need to do.


But then when you are not with her, you become more distant.


You don’t text her all the time.


When she texts or calls you, you make her wait before you respond.


You end phone conversations and text conversations first.


In general, you are much less available.


To understand why this works, you need to put yourself in her place. Here’s what most guys do to her: THEY TEXT HER ALL THE TIME!


“Good morning, beautiful.” “Good night/sweet dreams, baby.” or “How are you?”


When you are doing the opposite, you immediately stand out from the other men. She’ll start to think about you. “Why isn’t he texting me all the time, like all the other men do?”


In short, it shows her you are in control of the power of the penis. It shows YOU still have the power. That will make her chase you.


Here’s a great little tip. After you go on a first date with a woman, don’t send her a text until the next day at 9 p.m.


Most guys send women the same lame text after their date: “Text me when you’re home, beautiful. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2 - Secret

 Note: Enough.. is enough... no more examples... and useless... shit... what we need is a good material on which people can work.

 

 

P.S.: I study people... how to manipulate them and how to pull string... and how to control people and be free as a man who has never been into jail.

 

 

 

By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
 As you can probably imagine, I interact with a lot of introverts who are having issues with women.


And one of the things I’ve noticed is that almost every introverted man has an excuse as to why he’s failing with women.


Usually they don’t call it an excuse, but “a good reason” why they are not succeeding.


I’ve come to believe that every man that is failing in the game of love has some kind of secret excuse.

I’ve come to believe that every man that is failing in the game of love has some kind of secret excuse.

A secret and unique reason why he’s not succeeding.


Well, I’ll bet you two things.


First, I bet you have one too.


Second, I bet your excuse is not as secret as you might think.


I also can guarantee you two things.


First, no matter how unique you think your “good reason” is, I can guarantee you it’s more common than you might think!


And second, I can guarantee you that there are MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of introverted men that have overcome your exact situation and succeeded with women and dating.


In this article, I’d like to bust the seven most common myths or “hidden” excuses that are ruining your love life.

 

 

 

DATING MYTH #1: WOMEN WANT WEALTHY MEN

DATING MYTH #1: WOMEN WANT WEALTHY MEN

This is probably one of the most widespread misconceptions that exists about dating.


And as much as this myth is a common one, it’s also absolutely false.


Here’s why.


Men and women evolved their mate preferences in pre-history, back in caveman days.


In those times, everybody was a hunter or gatherer, living in tribal societies.


There was no money, there was no ownership of land, there was no inheritance!


What women paid attention to was, “Does this man get off his butt?” “Does he take action? Does he go out there and make an effort, or is he just sitting on his lazy butt in his cave?”

Men and women evolved their mate preferences in pre-history, back in caveman days. There was no money, there was no ownership of land, and there was no inheritance.

And even the best hunters came home empty-handed more often than not. Women knew that.


Mating with a confident, dominant action-taker was very important for women’s survival back in caveman days. Not only for her survival, but also for the survival of her offspring.


Plus, these are inheritable traits. Her babies would inherit these traits from their father, and grow up to become good at surviving themselves.


All this means that women are not attracted to money, because it didn’t exist when we evolved our attraction mechanism - what triggers attraction in us.


Women are attracted to character traits.


Money is only an indicator of certain attractive character traits like confidence, dominance, action-taking, etc.

Money is only an indicator of certain attractive character traits like confidence, dominance, action-taking, etc.

There are many more character traits, but I limited them here just to explain the idea.


So why do we believe in that myth?


There are multiple reasons.


First of all, we’ve seen examples of the most beautiful women with some of the world’s richest men.


That’s a fact.


But here’s what messes it up.


We put the wrong conclusion on that fact.


We think: “She must be with him for the money”. In fact, she isn’t—she’s with him because he has all these character traits that are attractive.


Character traits that millions of years of evolution have wired her to feel attracted to.


If a woman meets a millionaire that doesn’t have the attractive character traits to match his millions, she will not feel attraction.

If a woman meets a millionaire that doesn’t have the attractive character traits to match his millions, she will not feel attraction.

The second reason that we were led to believe in this myth is because culture and capitalism are feeding us this lie.


“Get a degree, work hard, make money and you’ll get the girl.” 


This belief serves some very rich and powerful people very well, and so it gets pushed and promoted around the world.


But the truth is that women are not attracted to money!


There was an interesting study done by Geoffrey Miller, the world’s foremost authority on evolutionary psychology.


He asked women: “Would you rather be with a boyfriend who inherited a bunch of money, but didn’t really work to get it, or an entrepreneur who launched a business and failed for reasons beyond his control and now he doesn’t have much money?”


Most women would rather be with a failed entrepreneur who at least tried than with a rich guy who didn’t even make an effort to get the money.


So I’m going to say it again, because this so incredibly important: women are not attracted to your assets, they are attracted to your potential.

Women are not attracted to your assets, they are attracted to your potential.

When women see “material proof” of success, that will surely get them interested to get to know more about you.


But if they find out you don’t have the internal qualities to match, they’ll either see you as a rich loser or a daddy’s boy.


On the other hand, if you have the internal qualities but haven’t materialized them yet, then they will be attracted to you. It’s your internal qualities that trigger attraction, not your assets.


So, what do we do instead of buying into that myth that women want rich guys?


Well, first, you need to truly realize that money is just a strategy to signal impressive character traits.


You can have all the money in the world, but if you don’t have the character traits to match, it’s game over.


Once you are aware of that, focus on developing these character traits that truly impress women.


Okay, now that we debunked the first myth, let’s take a look at…

 

 

 

DATING MYTH #2: BEAUTIFUL WOMEN ARE HARDER TO GET

DATING MYTH #2 BEAUTIFUL WOMEN ARE HARDER TO GET

Most men think that the most beautiful women are the most difficult to get.


I’m talking like real perfect tens here.


Well, that’s false.


Stunning women are approached less often than their less physically attractive friends.


They might get looked at more, but they get approached much less frequently.


Put yourself in her place for a moment.


Every time she goes out with her friends, all her friends get approached by men but she doesn’t.


Because of that, many stunning women are usually less confident than their less stunning friends.

Stunning women are approached less often than their less physically attractive friends. Because of that, many stunning women are usually less confident than their less stunning friends.

And they secretly wish they’d be approached more often.


They usually also have less experience interacting with men that approach them, which again makes it easier to talk to them.


Many of the less attractive women, who get approached all the time, are usually much harder to talk to.


That’s for two reasons: First of all, their ego is more inflated by all the approaches. And second, they have more experience giving men a hard time.


The reason we think the hottest women are harder to approach is simply because of our wrong assumptions.


We assume they will be harder to approach, and that than turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy that then reinforces that idea.


Here’s what to do instead.


You need to deeply realize some things.


Once you realize them, approaching beautiful women becomes easy.


First, you need to realize it’s an excuse for not approaching. We all make up excuses not to approach.


I call them “Approach Weasels” because their purpose is to make you weasel out of the approach. “She’s too hot. She’s not my type. I’m not her type. I don’t look good today. I didn’t sleep well…” The list goes on and on.


Second, you need to realize, as I said earlier, that really beautiful women are easier to approach and that you get points just for approaching her.

Beautiful women are easier to approach and you get points just for approaching her.

Third, you need to realize that she’ll see you as incredibly confident for approaching her.


She knows she’s beautiful, but she doesn’t get approached much like her friends do so she’s more open to it. She also knows that most guys are scared of her.


If you approach her, you instantly become attractive to her because your confidence is SO high compared to all the losers who looked at her but didn’t have the balls to go and talk to her.


Also, she’ll assume that you are used to dating really hot women.


Only a man who is used to dating these model-type women would feel comfortable talking to them. That implies pre-selection and social proof.


Pre-selection states that women become more attracted to a man when other women are attracted to that man.


So, by approaching her, she’ll assume you are pre-selected by other really gorgeous women. This will create attraction in and of itself.


By the way, if you want to learn different ways to approach and start conversations with women, read my blog post 7 Conversation Starters That Work Like A Charm.


Alright, let’s have a look at…


 DATING MYTH #3: WOMEN WANT HOLLYWOOD-LOOKING MEN

DATING MYTH #3: WOMEN WANT HOLLYWOOD-LOOKING MEN

Again, a totally false idea!


As I mentioned earlier, we evolved our mating preferences in pre-history.


Survival was harsh in these times. Therefore, women evolved to be attracted to men that had good survival qualities.


When a woman mated with a man that had good survival qualities, her survival and the survival of her offspring would also increase.


Good looks just mean that we had less genetic mutations.


But as long as you don’t have two heads, being LESS good looking really is IRRELEVANT compared to your inner qualities for survival.


Why? Because a less symmetrical face has less impact on survival than certain inner qualities.


By inner qualities, I refer to your psychological and behavioral traits like confidence, strength of character, assertiveness, leadership, social intelligence, etc.


The reasons we believed in that myth is because we saw some examples and drew the wrong conclusions based on these examples.


We see a good-looking guy walking around with a good-looking girl, and we conclude it’s because of his looks.


But his looks were not the reason. Now, don’t get me wrong, looks do matter. But not as much as you think. To a woman, a man’s looks are worth about 10% of his total value.


His personality and behavior is worth the other 90%.


Most good-looking guys get their confidence because of their looks. So, what gets them the girls is not their looks—it’s their confidence.

Most good-looking guys get their confidence because of their looks. So, what gets them the girls is not their looks—it’s their confidence.

And of course culture, magazines, and movies have reinforced that negative belief that women want good looks. But it’s false.


They want the personality traits that indicate you have high survival value. Remember: we evolved our attraction wiring in pre-history, when survival was a really hard thing.


What do we do instead of buying into that old lie?


First, you realize that good-looking guys gain their confidence from their looks.


Second, you realize that confidence is the real attraction trigger here.


And third, after realizing all that, you focus ondeveloping true confidence.


 DATING MYTH #4: WOMEN WANT MEN THAT AGREE WITH THEM

 

 

DATING MYTH #4: WOMEN WANT MEN THAT AGREE WITH THEM

Let’s dive straight in and debunk this sucker!


I’ve had many female friends in my life. And I’ve never ever heard any of them say, “I had to sleep with him because he just always agrees with me.”


But I did hear, “I just had to have him because he’s such a challenge.”


Women perceive men that agree with them too much as submissive, weak liars.


Now, here’s the thing. You already know that survival qualities trigger the most attraction in women. And you also know that dominance is one of the strongest survival qualities a man can have.


I mean, if a man wasn’t dominant, his food would get taken by more dominant males. So, dominance is a powerful attraction trigger. It outcompetes good looks BY FAR.


Now, guess what’s the opposite of a dominant, assertive guy? If you guessed a submissive guy, you are right.


By agreeing too much she sees you as submissive, which is a total turn-off for women.

Women perceive men that agree with them too much as submissive, weak liars.

So why did we believe that myth?


Well, both religion and culture have taught us to behave like this.


It’s culturally accepted to be a nice, agreeable person.


A woman can easily say she wants a nice guy without any social repercussions.


But it’s much less accepted for a woman to say she wants a dominant guy that arouses her sexually.


So how do you stay clear of being the nice guy?


The first thing you can do is to stop looking for commonalities during your conversations with women.


Just stop looking for things that both of you have in common, like for example, that both of you have the same favorite drink, or movie.


Instead, I would like you to connect with her on deeper levels and challenge her from time to time.


And the second thing you can do is to just be authentic.


During your conversations with women, there will be topics on which you have a different opinion than her. When that happens, just voice your opinion and disagree with her.


By doing that you show assertiveness and strength. That’s attractive.


 DATING MYTH #5: WOMEN WANT TALL MEN

DATING MYTH #5: WOMEN WANT TALL MEN

This one is going to be easy to understand.


Again, we go back in time to pre-history.


What do you think was more important? Height, or behavioral traits like confidence, strength of character, assertiveness, leadership, etc.?


Of course, character traits were more important.


Let’s say a taller guy and a shorter guy would meet. But the short guy was more confident and more dominant. Who do you think would become the boss? The shorter guy, of course.


There’s also a recent interesting study done on the topic of height.


The study analyzed data from 60,000 people about the importance of height and weight in terms of how many sexual partners a man can attract.


Here are the results:


• If you are WAY below average in height, it hurts you a little bit, but not much.


• If you are WAY above average in weight, it hurts you a little bit, but not much.


• But there’s a huge middle ground where it doesn’t matter at all.

The study analyzed data from 60,000 people about the importance of height and weight in terms of how many sexual partners a man can attract. The results show that height is not important to women.

So, what that means is that if you are below average in height and above average in weight, it doesn’t hurt your chances AT ALL.


Only if you are WAY below average in height or WAY above average in weight will it hurt your chances. But even then, it hurts your chances JUST A LITTLE BIT!


What that means is that height and weight is absolutely not important to women.


Height is part of looks, and as I said, looks count for about 10% in your overall attractiveness to a woman. The 90% that really counts is your inner personality traits and behavior.


That’s exactly what the study says when they say it hurts your chances JUST A LITTLE.


So how did we come to that limiting belief?


Again, because of culture.


And so again, the best antidote to this myth is:


First of all, realize that personality traits and behavior are much more attractive than height.


Second, develop these attractive personality traits and behaviors.


 DATING MYTH #6: WOMEN ONLY GO FOR THEIR TYPE

DATING MYTH #6: WOMEN ONLY GO FOR THEIR TYPE

I’ve dated many women over the course of my life, and I’ve had many different female friends.


Every single one of the women that I know has dated different types of men in her life.


Tall men, short men. Good-looking men, less good-looking men. Successful men, less successful men, etc.


The only two things these men had in common were this:


Thing number one: They all had confidence.


Thing number two: They all knew how to talk to women.


Did you notice that the two things are personality traits and behavior?


Now, of course, women have some physical type they are attracted to.


And when they see that exact type, of course they will look at him twice.


But if he doesn’t have the personality traits to match his physical looks, it’s definitely game over.

Confident is my type!

Many women have told me that they fell for a guy who initially was not their type, but after talking to him for a few minutes, they became attracted to him.


What happened? During their short interaction, he had the chance to show his personality. BOOM! Attraction created.


So how did we form that limiting belief in the first place?


Again, we just assigned the wrong conclusion to things that we heard.


Maybe a woman rejected you in the past by saying you were not her type and you interpreted it as not being her physical type.


But actually, it was a polite way of brushing you off because you didn’t manage to trigger attraction in her.


You were probably lacking confidence, or your behavior was not indicating high-value personality traits.


A lack of understanding on how attraction works led you to the wrong conclusion.


Again, the way to solve this problem is to develop your confidence and learn how to talk to women.


 DATING MYTH #7: WOMEN WANT COMMITMENT

DATING MYTH #7: WOMEN WANT COMMITMENT

Well, technically this one isn’t a myth. This one is true, but not in the way you think.


Women do want commitment, but not immediately.


If you tell a woman early on that you are looking for a committed relationship, it’s a real turn-off.


It makes you look desperate.


And there’s no need to tell you that desperate men are not attractive to women.


Women want to earn your commitment—they want a challenge.


So, instead of telling her that you are looking for a long-term relationship, here’s what you do.

 

 

 

No matter how much you desire a committed relationship, you CONCEAL it.


If she asks you about it, you can tell her:“Yeah, sure, I’m open to the idea to settle down with my ideal woman someday, but I’m not in a rush.”


This is much more attractive to her, and it has the added benefit that she’ll ask you what your ideal woman is.


Once she does that, just describe your ideal woman. The trick here is not to talk about looks, but about your ideal woman’s personality traits.


Next, watch how your date will tell you how she matches these traits, or she will even start to behave in that way.


 ConclusionMost of the things we believe about women and dating are culturally programmed and plain wrong!


Culture tells us that women want good-looking, tall, overly nice ass-kissers with a million dollars in their account, and that beautiful women are hard to get.


But in reality, these are all lies that serve religious views and capitalism.


The reality is that women are attracted by a man’s personality traits and his behavior.


The number-one quality that all women find attractive is confidence.


So, by now you might be wondering: What’s the best way to become more confident and in control?


I’m glad you asked.


The best way to get it handled is by going through my ABSOLUTELY FREE core confidence package.

 

 

 

P.S. - Everything is some kinda cultural lie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Impress A Woman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.


 Today I’d like to talk about a question most of my students ask me:


“How can I impress women?"


Knowing how to impress girls is a top concern for most men.


Why is that?


Well, our most basic primitive need as a species is to survive and reproduce.


We unconsciously know that if we want to succeed in reproducing, we need to be able to attract women.


So, the desire to impress women is driven by our instinct of wanting to attract them.


In fact, when a woman says she is impressed by a man, she’s actually saying that she feels some kind of attraction toward that man.


What we are really talking about here is attraction.


Therefore, the best way to impress women is knowing how to trigger attraction within them.


Before I show you some ways to impress (or attract) women, let me give you a few pointers on getting into the right mindset to do so.


Knowing how to impress a woman starts with the right mindset.There are two crucial mindsets you must have:


1. You are the value.Many men think that the way to impress women is to buy them gifts, brag about themselves, take women to expensive places, or show off how much money they have.


That’s totally wrong.


Just the fact that you are a man is why she wants to see you. In fact, you don’t need anything at all to attract women.


Studies have shown that just putting a man and a woman physically close to each other builds attraction.


Yes, you read that right. You don’t have to do anything to attract her. You just need to not mess things up.


Sadly, though, that’s exactly what happens. Men mess up the natural attraction that occurs between them and women by trying to impress them.


Realizing that YOU are the value will give you more self-confidence.


This mindset will also attract the right kind of women. You will avoid gold-diggers.


 2. The best way to impress a woman is by not trying to impress her at all.This might seem counter-intuitive at first. But once you understand female psychology, it’s actually quite simple.


You see, when you come from the mindset that you want to impress her, you are subconsciously telling yourself that she is better than you.


And when you try to impress her, she will pick up on that. Seriously. Think about it for moment.


If you think of her as being on the same level as you or as being on a lower level then you, would you try to impress her?


Probably not.


Your mantra would probably be, “She should be happy that I even want to go on a date with her.”


Now, here’s the thing. Women want to date men that they perceive to be of higher value than them, or at least of equal value to them.


Every time you try to impress a woman she is subconsciously registering that you are of lower value then her. This in turn kills the attraction that she has or might have for you.


So when you try to impress a woman, you are actually achieving the complete opposite.


STOP THAT IMMEDIATELY.


Easier said than done, you might say. And how exactly do you go about impressing a women without trying to impress her?


Here’s how.


How to impress a woman: the only three ways to do it.Whatever you have read, or whatever people have told you in the past, there are only three ways to impress women.


Everything that a man can do to impress women falls into one of the following three categories:


Powers, Personality, and Presentation.


Presentation: your looks and the image that you project.


Powers: your skills.


Personality: your inner world.


Below I’m going to break down each of the three ways to impress women.


When you’re reading this, it’s important to understand that everybody has different strengths.


You should focus where your strengths are. If you are really good-looking, than you will want to use that natural advantage in your presentation.


If you are not particularly good-looking, then you want to focus on your powers and personality.


One is not better than the other. It’s just different ways to impress or attract women. In fact, women are not impressed by good-looking men if they have no personality or powers.


Let’s start with personality first.


 1. How To Impress A Woman With Your PersonalityBy personality, I refer to your inner world. This includes your personality, mindsets, believes, and character traits. Here are two of the best character traits to impress women:


Mysteriousness & Carefreeness


What do we mean by mysteriousness?


To put it more simply, mystery is that which is not easily understood or comprehended.


The good news is that as an introvert, you are naturally mysterious. That’s a strength that you NEED to leverage. I’ll give you an example of how to do it later.


But first let’s talk about carefreeness a bit more.


What do we mean by being carefree?


Other words to describe it would be:


Detached from the outcome.


Non-neediness.


Indifference.


Remember when we said earlier that the best way to impress a woman is by not trying to impress her at all?


Carefreeness is perfect to accomplish that. It means that you don’t care whether she’s impressed by you or not. You are indifferent to that fact. That doesn’t mean you don’t want her—it means you don’t need her.


Tip 1: How to impress a woman with mystery & carefreenessHere’s the situation: You are talking to a woman, and she asks you what you do for a living. Let’s look at two different responses.


The trying-to-impress-her answer:


“I’m a lawyer at Anderson & Anderson, and I’m about to become managing partner. That means I’ll be in charge of 200 people.”


The mysterious and carefree answer:


“I help people get what they are entitled to.”(Mysterious: it’s not easy to comprehend exactly what it is.)


“I also own an international drug trafficking ring.” (A light joke, showing you are carefree.)


Do you see the difference?


Which answer do you think is going trigger attraction?


The mysterious and carefree answer of course. It will make her curious and make her laugh at the same time. She’ll start asking questions to find out more about you.


Little by little, you disclose more. This way, she will find out by herself that you are an important person. She will think of you as the opposite of a bragger, and she will be really impressed.


Here’s a funny, carefree thing you can do when a woman asks for your name.


Instead of telling her your name, you say:“Brad… (wait until she says “Nice to meet you, Brad” and then you say)… Pitt.” You will probably get a laugh.


Many women will even playfully say, “Well, I’m Angelina Jolie”. Next, tell her your real name:“My name is John, actually. What’s your name?”


These are just some examples of what a carefree person would say. I hope these examples have helped you understand what we mean by impressing a woman by not trying to impress her.


Feel free to use these answers in your next conversations. That way, you will experience the impressing impact it has on women for yourself.


I hope you see this carefreeness is more than just using tricks. The key is to develop real carefreeness, and to become a carefree person. And when you do, you’ll automatically have these kinds of answers coming out of your mouth.


Women will be impressed by you and attracted to you like moths to the flame. The best part is that you didn’t come across as a “try hard”. Instead, you are mysterious and carefree.


Also, don’t worry—it won’t have any negative impact on the rest of your life. You’ll still be a responsible person. Being carefree is different from being careless.


Here is a list of more personality and character traits that impress women:

• Dominance
• Adventurous
• Humor (especially cocky humor)
• Confidence
• Chivalry
• Being calm, cool & collected
• Being comfortable in your own skin
• Having a strong frame
• Being unaffected
• Social intelligence
• Sexuality
• Having an abundance mindset
• Decisiveness
• Intelligence
• Leadership

Show a woman any of these characteristics and she will be impressed. Unfortunately, I can’t go into all of them in detail here.


But if you want to develop these character traits, the best way to go is through personal coaching.


Would you like a FREE coaching session on how to impress women, become more carefree, and build these attractive character traits?


In this FREE session, I’ll build you a customized dating blueprint to help you take your dating life to the next level, so that ultimately you can find, get, and keep the woman of your dreams.

 

 

 

 2. How To Impress A Woman With Your PowersBy “powers” I mean three things: your skills, your influence and your real power.


Women are impressed (attracted) by men who have good skills. The great thing is it doesn’t matter what that skill is. If you are talented at something, she will be attracted to you.


Look at how women are attracted to artists. Many artists are broke, but they have skills, and women are attracted to that. That’s because skills means potential. Women love men with potential, even if they are broke.


Women are also attracted to men with influence and power.


And again, if you have influence and power, leverage that strength and learn how to use it to impress women.


Be careful, though—if you use it in the wrong way, it won’t work. Just like bragging about your job has the opposite effect, the same is true for power.


If you don’t have power and influence, you might want to focus on your skills. Here’s how to do it. Make sure to invite women to places where you can show them your skills.


For example, if you are great at playing the piano, invite her to one of your concerts.


It doesn’t need to be a big concert. It can be a small one in a small establishment. It’s the fact that she sees your skill in action that matters.


But what if I don’t have a skill set that I can show off with?


Well, I have some good news for you, because…


Here’s an unexpected skill set you can excel at to impress women: dating skills.


Yes, you read that right. Dating skills will impress women. A skill is a skill, and when you excel at something, women will be attracted.


The advantage of dating skills is that you can show them off anywhere and anytime.


How to impress a woman with dating skillsHere’s an example of a crucial dating skill: deep bonding. Knowing how to structure a conversation to create a deep bond with women is a crucial skill to impress them. And you can learn it!


Imagine the following. You are mysterious and carefree. She’s impressed by it. You stand out from all the wimps that try to impress her and that put her on a pedestal. She’s totally attracted to you.


Now imagine that you are also capable of taking conversations to a deeper level, and connecting with her in a way that nobody else can.


How impressed do you think she will be? You’re the total package! Cool and carefree like James Dean, AND able to go deep and create a soulmate bond with her.


So how do you do it?


Tip 2: How to take any conversation topic and go deeper - talk about her past.It goes like this: she tells you something about herself, and you use that topic to go deeper by going into her past.


For example, let’s say she tells you she’s an architect. You could say. “Not bad. Tell me, have you wanted to be an architect since you were a little girl?” 


She’ll now tell you about what she wanted to be when she was a little girl.


The fact that she does that makes both of you more connected to each other.


This is because you are now talking about her past, and that’s not something people do unless they’ve known each other for a longer time.


By knowing how to speed up the process to talk about things that only very close people talk about, you actually form a deep bond much more quickly.


Now, guess what she will think if you had a conversation like this? She’ll feel like she’s known you her whole life after talking for just 30 minutes. She’ll get that soulmate feeling.


Talking about the past is just one technique you can use to stand out and create a deep bond. But, be warned! Don’t make the mistake of taking every subject she talks about back to her past. That would be weird.


There are many other techniques you can use to have deep bonding conversations with women. And deep bonding is just one dating skill, but there are many more.

 

 

 

 

3. How To Impress A Woman With Your PresentationFirst, let’s define what we mean by your presentation.


Most people think that presentation is about being good-looking, but it’s much more than that. Your presentation is the overall impression and perception that she has of you.


That perception is made up by what she can observe about you and what she hears about you (your reputation).


I’ll give you an overview of everything that has an impact on your presentation later in this article.


First, I’d like to focus on what is the most important part of your presentation. And it’s not being good-looking. In fact, women are not impressed by good looks.


They are impressed by good body language. That’s right—body language is what triggers attraction.


In fact, even if you are a good-looking guy, if you have weak body language you will be unattractive to women.


If you want to know what body language really impresses women, think about James Dean. You don’t need to like his films or his acting skills, but he’s definitely the king of carefree body language.


Tip 3: A simple but powerful body language trick to impress women.Here’s a great body language tip you can use when you’re at a restaurant, a club, a bar, or in any other venue.


When you are talking to a woman, make sure to maneuver yourself so that you have a wall behind you and the room in front of you.


It’s even better if you can lean against something, like a piece of furniture, the wall, or the bar.


But the main thing is that you want the room, all the other people, and the woman you are talking to in front of you.


Why does that impress women?


Many reasons.


First of all, it puts you in a power position. This goes back a long time in history, and it’s something that is hard-wired in us.


Throughout history, the highest-status person was always positioned with a wall behind him, and the room and crowd in front of him.


Think of the king sitting in his throne. He has a wall behind him and the room before him. That was to make sure nobody could attack him by surprise.


Throughout our evolution, that position has been associated with power. We are pre-wired to think like that.


When you position yourself like this, people will unconsciously think you are the most powerful man in the venue. And as you know, women are very attracted to men with power.


Secondly, when you talk to a woman from this position, she will be facing you with her back towards the crowd.


To all the other women in the room it looks like she’s chatting you up. That makes them even more attracted to you.


That’s the power of knowing how to present yourself.


Here are all the presentation elements that automatically impress women:

• Body language
• Social status
• Entourage
• Pre-selection
• Fashion and style
• Grooming
• Haircut
• Good looks
• Your body

So there you have it, my friend—you now know the only three ways to impress women: presentation, powers, and personality.


And as always, take action. Don’t just read this, do something with it. Your dreams will only come true if you take action.

 

 

 

Chapter 3 - Secret (Part 2)

 Be a crazy fucker!

 

 

Note: In the beginning everyone (The Male figure... - in this case).... cares to much and gives fuck to much and tries to impress the woman...

 

 

 

P.S.: People should be more creative in conversations.

 

 

 

 

6 Ways to Build Attraction and Connection During Conversations

 

 

 

 

By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
 I get a lot of guys who write in to ask me how to behave with women.


Many of those questions focus on conversations.


I thought I’d share six ways that I feel are VITAL to have a natural, free-flowing conversation with women you’ve just met.

 

 

 

1. Have a set of requirements.

If you ever start acting all nervous or freakish on a date, stop yourself and think of your requirements.

I’ve noticed a KEY difference between how men and women act on dates.


Women usually act in a way that can be described like this:


“I think you’re interesting. I’d like to get to know you better, and we can see where this will lead us.”


Men usually act in a way that can be described like this:


“I want you so much that I’m nervous. In fact, I’m already thinking about you and me in a relationship or getting married…or at least having a one-night stand.”


In other words, women are usually casual and laid-back on dates.


But men tend to behave like every woman is the POTENTIAL MOTHER OF THEIR FUTURE CHILDREN.


I think you can see this creates a lot of tension and pressure.


And I’m not talking about the RIGHT kind of tension. I’m talking about the kind that makes guys shiver and shake with nervousness, and makes women feel uncomfortable because they can sense it.


I’m sure you can relate to this on some level.


The solution to this is quite simple.


HAVE A SET OF REQUIREMENTS.


If you ever start acting all nervous or freakish on a date, stop yourself and think of your requirements.


Act like a CEO that is recruiting someone.

Act like a CEO that is recruiting someone. It helps you to keep your composure.

A set of requirements helps you in so many ways.


First off, as I just said, it helps you to keep your composure. That’s because you won’t be sold so easily.


Second, it makes the conversation much more interesting, because you now have a purpose. You want to get to know her and see if she matches your criteria.


Third, you’ll build attraction. When you ask questions to find out if she matches your requirements, she’ll think you’re picky. Only men with options are picky.


Therefore, she’ll assume you have choice with women. Just the fact that she knows that other women want you makes you more attractive.


It’s called pre-selection. It’s one of the most powerful attraction switches within women. When women believe that other women are attracted to a man, they can’t help but feel attraction for that man too.


Here’s how to use your standards.


For example, let’s say one of your standards is that she has to eat healthy.


During your conversation, there might be some moment when the subject of food arises. That would be a perfect moment to ask her if she eats healthy.

Use your standards to screen women during your dates. It also builds attraction.

“Do you eat healthy?”


Once she answers, you then either approve or disapprove of it.


If she meets your standard, you approve of her by telling her you like it and explain the reasons why you like it.


For example:


Her: “Yes, actually, I’m a health freak. I only eat whole foods and make green smoothies for myself every morning.”


You: “That’s good. I like that. Eating healthy is so important because it keeps you fit, and it gives you a lot of energy. You get done more in a day and you get sick less often.”


Now if she doesn’t meet your criterion, you have two options.


You can either disapprove by commenting on it, or you can just change the subject.


But if you comment on it, don’t be an ass about it.


And don’t underestimate the power of changing the subject.


When you change the subject, she will have seen on your face a mini-reaction that lets her know you didn’t like her answer.


Women are very perceptive about this. And it WILL show on your face if you truly care about the answer.


That’s why it’s so important that you take the time to find out what you want in a woman. What are your likes and dislikes? And what are your deal-breakers?


So again, knowing your criteria will make you more attractive and more relaxed during your conversations.


Speaking of relaxed…


 2. Be relaxed and don’t smile too much.

A man that smiles too much is not attractive to women.

I see too many men on dates that are acting too happy or too excited.


From the moment they meet her, they’re smiling. And they keep smiling during the whole date.


This is not good. A man that smiles too much is not attractive to women.


So instead of smiling all the time, practice a neutral face.


When talking or listening to her, just keep good eye contact but have a more neutral face.


Now, don’t become some emotionless robot that NEVER smiles. But you should keep smiling to a minimum, and only smile at appropriate times.


Also, be sure not to sit on the edge of your chair, giving her your full attention.


First of all, it’s not comfortable. And if you’re not comfortable, she’ll feel uncomfortable too.


Second, it gives away all your power.


Instead, make sure that you make yourself comfortable. Sit like you would sit at home. Also, lean back as much as possible.


 3. Comment on her answers and go deeper.

When she gives you an answer, COMMENT on it first. Only AFTER you’ve commented on it should you ask another question.

Most men ask women question after question after question, and it becomes like an interrogation.


For example:


She says she likes to cook.


Him: “So you like cooking, right? What kind of food do you like to cook?”


Her: “I like cooking big meals.”


Him: “What type of big meals?”


Her: “Italian.”


Him: “What Italian dishes exactly?”


Her: “Pasta”.


Him: “Oh, cool.”


The conversation dried up.


See how this kind of conversation feels like an interrogation? It also makes her answers shorter and shorter.


You are putting all the weight of the conversation on her shoulders. You’re not connecting with her or contributing to the conversation.


Here’s how to do it instead.


When she gives you an answer, COMMENT on it first. Only AFTER you’ve commented on it should you ask another question.


There are multiple ways you can comment on it.


You can comment on it by relating her answer to yourself. For example:


“Yeah, I like cooking too. I love making…”


That’s better than nothing, but it’s not the best way to make a comment.


The best way to make a comment is to make that comment ABOUT HER.


You can do this by asking yourself WHY she likes cooking. Then, just imagine her reasons for liking it and describe them to her.


For example:

The best way to make a comment is to make that comment ABOUT HER.

You: “Yes, I can imagine why you like cooking. It allows you to be creative. You can make something from almost nothing. Or when you cook for someone, it makes you feel like you’re taking good care of them. And when you can see on their face that they enjoy their meal, it makes you feel really good. Tell me, what is it about cooking that you like so much?”


See how this is different?


I just imagined why she would like cooking and described it to her, and only after I described it did I ask her a question that probed deeper.


You’ll notice that when you do it this way, your conversations will go much easier. You’ll also bond with her much more deeply.


So how do you know what topics you want to connect and go deeper on?


Look for topics that she seems to like more than others. You’ll see it on her face and in her way of reacting to them.


If she doesn’t like the topic, don’t go deeper. Instead, switch to another topic.


For example, you might start talking about her job and you notice her enthusiasm go down. Maybe she has some bad associations with it.


Maybe she’s not happy at her job anymore. Don’t go deeper on that subject.


Instead, change the subject and only go deeper on topics that she looks interested in.


When you do this correctly, you’ll be able to build a deep connection with her very quickly.


Now be careful! If you only do this, you might have some problems with attraction. You might fall into the friendzone.


You need to make sure you also spike her attraction from time to time.


That’s why you need to know your criteria and qualify her like I talked about in the first point.


When you connect with her and challenge her through qualifying questions, you build both attraction and a connection. You need both.


 4. Have a safety net.

A safety net is nothing more than a bunch of interesting topics or questions that you’ve prepared in advance. You only use them in case the conversation runs dry.

Sometimes the conversation can just run dry.


This is a real nightmare for most men. They seem to have a good conversation, and suddenly it dies. They don’t know what to do, and it’s game over.


But not you. You’ll know exactly what do to.


Now, bear in mind that this doesn’t always happen. And when you become better at conversation skills, this will happen less and less. Eventually you’ll be able to keep conversations going forever.


But just in case it does happen, you need a safety net that you can fall into.


A safety net is nothing more than a bunch of interesting topics or questions that you’ve prepared in advance. You only use them in case the conversation runs dry.


Just knowing in the back of your mind that you have these interesting questions ready will relax you. Because of that, your conversations will be much better and you probably won’t even need them.


But if you ever do need them, they are there ready to use.


Here are some examples of interesting questions that you could ask:


• “Do you remember your first day at school?”
• “What’s the one thing you can’t say no to?”
• “What talents do you have that would surprise me?”


Now, of course, you wouldn’t just ask them out of the blue like this.


You would introduce them into the conversation by talking about the topic first and then asking the question.


For example, you might ask her where she went to school first, and then ask her if she remembers her first day at school.


Also, be sure to have interesting answers to those questions yourself.


She’ll probably ask these questions back to you. You can’t just say, “I don’t know”.


 5. Lead.
Many times, women start asking questions in the beginning of a date.


Don’t confuse this with signs of interest.


When they ask questions at the beginning of your date, it might be because they are being socially savvy. They want to get the conversation going.


This is a trap that most men fall into. They start answering all her questions and let her lead the conversation.


Don’t let that happen.


YOU NEED TO LEAD.


You always need to lead the conversation toward your purpose.


Your purpose could be to connect with her, to create attraction, to create sexual tension, to get to know her and see if she meets your standards, etc.


Always keep your purposes in the back of your mind and lead toward them.


Now if later on in the date she starts to ask you more questions, that’s usually a good sign.


That’s usually because she became really interested in you.


 6. Listen the right way.

While you’re listening, look in her eyes and build a picture of her—a picture that you continue building based on the information that she’s giving you.

Many men listen the wrong way.


When she’s talking, they’re nodding their head the whole time – all while thinking about the next question to ask.


That’s a big NO-NO.


Women can see that you’re not listening and that you’re nervous.


This kills attraction.


Instead, do the following.


Listen to what she says. Don’t think of what to ask next.


While you’re listening, look in her eyes and build a picture of her—a picture that you continue building based on the information that she’s giving you.


Once she’s done talking, KEEP EYE CONTACT and think of your next comment or question.


Yes, you read that right: You only start thinking of what to say AFTER she’s done talking, and you do it while you keep eye contact.


This will leave a natural pause in the conversation. In that pause, you will be thinking of what to say.


The fact that you keep eye contact while there is a pause (in which you are thinking of what to say) builds sexual tension.


This is my favorite conversation technique, because it builds sexual tension so incredibly naturally.


No need for flashy techniques or games. Just natural eye contact and a pause!


 ConclusionConversations are a vital part of dating.


Without a conversation, you won’t be able to finish all the steps in the dating process.


Most men are too nervous during conversations because they’ve already decided that they want the woman. Women feel that and become uncomfortable themselves.


The first step in having a great conversation with women is to develop a set of requirements that you want them to meet.


Furthermore, most men don’t “get” women.


They look for tricks and pick-up lines when they try to learn how to improve their dating life.


They don’t realize that all the tricks in the world aren’t going to help them if they don’t know how to have a NATURAL, free-flowing conversation that builds both attraction and a connection.


Use the six steps outlined in this article during your next date. You’ll be amazed at the results you get!


One of the major milestones on the first date is to get the first kiss.


That’s where my First Date To First Kiss Package comes in. It's ABSOLUTELY FREE.


Inside, you’re going to learn my most powerful techniques for never running out of things to say and using invisible micro-escalation to escalate toward the first kiss, and much more.


And great news: you can read it RIGHT NOW online, 100% FREE.


The First Date To First Kiss Package includes:


1. Seven Hacks To Never Run Out Of Things To Say: How To Keep The Conversation Going For Hours - so that you’ll have plenty of time to escalate physically.


2. The Touch Guide: How To Go From Social To Sexual In No Time – even if you’ve never touched a woman before.


3. The Kiss Test: How To Tell If She’s Ready To Be Kissed – even if you can’t read an ounce of body language.


4. A secret bonus.

 

 

 

 

P.S.: Start saying all type of shit... stop with excusing yourself about when and how and why to say it... just go and say it...

 

Could be like

 

You: You suck biatch 

 

or

 

You: You are a cutie

 

 

or

 

You: You are boring

 

 

 

or whatever

 

...

Just say what first comes in your mind... no overthinking game... anymore....

 

 

0 your mind

 

 

 

 

Special Thanks to Nick Neeson

 

 

 

 

 

7 Conversation Starters That Work Like A Charm

 

 

 

 

By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
 What’s the number-one reason introverted men don’t succeed with women the way they want to and dream about?


It’s because they don’t even try!


In fact, tell me if this sounds familiar…


When it comes to approaching and starting conversations with women, most introverts shiver and shake and sweat at the mere thought of it.

 

 

 

They worry about getting tongue-tied or disturbing her, or they compare themselves to better-looking guys in their heads.


In short, they fear rejection.


I get it.


If walking up to a woman isn’t something that you’re used to, it can feel like too much of a challenge. To some, even an impossiblechallenge.


If that’s the case, I want you to know it’s not your fault.


And you’re not alone.


Most introverted men have issues getting comfortable with the idea of striking up conversations with women they don’t know.


After more than 20 years of coaching introverted men, I discovered that certain approaches work like magic.


They make approaching beautiful women and chatting them up so much easier and risk-free.


If my students could learn them, I know for sure YOU can too.


With that said, here are my top seven road-tested word-for-word conversation starters to get you incredible results approaching women.


 1. The Street Approach.
This one works great when you see a woman walking on the street.


Don’t approach her from the front, but first walk past her and then do a 180.


Start walking behind her, then gently put your fingers on her shoulder.


It should be as soft as a little tropical bird landing on her shoulder.


She’ll turn around, and voila! You can deliver the next opener:


You: “Excuse me, I’d like to tell you something.”


Her: “Yes?”


You: “I literally just saw you and I think you have a very nice… energy… and I wanted to come and say hi… So, hi.”


As you can see, it’s a compliment, but it’s a low investment compliment. I said, “You have a very nice energy.” I didn’t say, “You are SOOO BEAUTIFUL”.


Low investment compliments work much better than over-the-top compliments.


 2. The Coffee Shop Approach.
Just like the street, this is a perfect venue to approach women because of its serendipity effect.


All women have dreamed about being approached in serendipity venues. It’s a fantasy they have from romantic comedies.


Here’s how to do it.


You just walk up to her and you say the exact same thing as you would on the street.


You: “Hi, excuse me. I’d like to tell you something.”


Her: “Yes?”


You: “I just noticed you from over there and I think you have a very nice energy. And I wanted to come and say hi. So, hi.”


As you can see, it’s the same opener, but here’s what’s crucial to do IMMEDIATELY after that opener.


You have to immediately let her know that you won’t stay there if she doesn’t want you to.


The reason you do this is because the situation is different from the street.


On the street, she can just walk away if she feels uncomfortable, so there’s less pressure.


But in a coffee shop, she can’t just walk away. I mean, she’s sitting there drinking something. Maybe she’s waiting for her boyfriend.


If you just keep talking to her in that situation and she doesn’t like it, she’ll feel very uncomfortable because she can’t just get up and leave.


Therefore, you immediately say the following after your opener: “Hey, listen, if you feel uncomfortable with me talking to you here, just tell me and I’ll leave. Are you ok?


By doing that, you give her a way out if she wants one.


You also build attraction by doing so. That’s because you showed social intelligence.


Social intelligence is an attraction trigger in women.


 3. The Clothing Store Approach.
What better place to find beautiful, fashionable women than in clothing stores?


Here’s how you do it.


In this situation, you go for a less direct approach than when you’re on the street or in a coffee shop.


Here are two ways to do it.


The first is to ask her opinion on something you want to buy for yourself.


You: “Hi, can I ask you something? “


Her: “Yes.”


You: “What do you think of this shirt with these jeans?”


Let her answer and sense her receptivity.


If she’s friendly, chat some more.


If she doesn’t seem friendly, thank her and continue shopping.


Or, you could give her advice on something SHE’S picking out.


You: “I would definitely go with the pink. That shade was made for you.”


After she answers, introduce yourself.


You: “My name is Nick.”


Her: “My name is Jenny.”


You: “Nice to meet you, Jenny.” Shake her hand.


 4. Partner Dancing Clubs.
Partner dancing clubs are a great place to learn to approach women for multiple reasons.


First of all, the ratio of women to man is fantastic.


And most men that are there are not good dancers, with the exception of the older men.


So, if you learn some basic moves, you’ll immediately stand out from your competition.


Second, women EXPECT you to approach them.


“Would you like to dance?” always gets you a yes.


Third, many times women will even approach you. You won’t even have to take the first step!


And fourth, dancing gives you a chance to immediately touch her and get comfortable with touching women.


 5. The Gym Approach.
If you like fit and slim women, the gym is a great place to go.


Here’s how to start a conversation in the gym.


‘Would you mind spotting me for a set?”


After she spots you, you can thank her, and if she seems friendly you can continue the conversation.


 6. The Bookstore and Library Approach.
Bookstores and libraries are great places to meet women.


First off, they are serendipity venues, which are always good places to meet girlfriend-type women.


And second, it allows you to shop for women based on your tastes.


For example, if you like women that are into art, go to the art section of the bookstore.


If you prefer women that are into personal development, then go to that section.


See what I mean?


Here’s a great universal opener that you can use.


“Do you want to know how it ends?”


Alternatively, you could say: “I read that book. It’s great. Do you want to know how it ends?”


It usually gets you a laugh.


And it works even better if the book she’s looking at is NOT a storybook—for example, a book about art or cooking.


By the way, you can use that same approach at the library.


 7. The Bar Approach.
There are multiple ways to go about approaching women at a bar.


But going direct is pretty good because most men at bars use cheesy pickup lines.


So by going direct, you differentiate yourself from other men and you show you have BIG cojones. 

Chapter 4 - Lies

The 8 habits of extremely bitchy women

 

 

 

I met a barefaced bitch the other day. The pursed lips and incredulous gaze was the first clue. When she looked me up and down and swished her hair from side to side, I realised this chick was playing hardball.

I would like to tell you that I raised her hair flick with a stone-cold eye roll, but instead, I smiled even wider. Why do we try to ingratiate ourselves to people who clearly don't like us?

More to the point, how do women like her survive in this world?

I went to an all-girls school, where I was taught the entire curriculum of withering looks and passive-aggressive put-downs, but I thought Mean Girls didn't go on to become Mean Women. I thought the formative education at schools of this sort was learning that bitchiness retards one's evolution.

I thought these girls moved on with their lives, their spitfire side only rearing its ugly head when they meticulously planned their weddings, got a bad Shellac or engaged in drunken squabbles with the husbands they don't love. Apparently not.

It's been a long time since I've encountered a woman this mean-spirited, but I would like to thank her for inspiring me to write about the '8 Habits of Extremely Bitchy Women'.

 

1) THEY NONPLIMENT

 

A good bitch has many weapons in her arsenal, one of which is the 'nonpliment'. This is not to be confused with the backhanded compliment, eg "you look so much better when you're not caked in make-up". (The backhanded compliment is dated, which is why it's a favourite of mothers-in-law and women of a certain vintage).

The nonpliment is a little more nuanced. It involves triangulating the target by zoning in on another woman in their mutual company and heaping praise and compliments on her. However, the compliments are invariably undeserved and are only doled out in an attempt to undermine and exclude the victim.

 

2) THEY ARE GIFTED WITH FACIAL CONTORTION

 

A bitch learns to express herself through many non-verbal forms of communication, which is just as well, given that her vocabulary tends to be limited. She has the facial range of a mime artist and can evince distaste with the raise of an eyebrow. Other expressions include the slack-jawed nostril-inflate and the dead-eyed grimace. No, she didn't train with Lecoq; she's just a straight-up bitch.

 

3) THEY EXPLOIT VULNERABILITY

 

Sharing is required in order to move an exchange between two women beyond small talk and towards something deeper and more profound. Empathy-building, if you will.

The bitch doesn't have this capability or intellectual range. Hence, when her target shares something more penetrating than who does her highlights, the bitch will immediately exploit her vulnerability by saying: "TMI!" or "bit weird".

Mental health professionals call this manipulation technique "gaslighting" and it's the perpetrator rather than the victim that needs help.

 

4) THEY DRIP FALSE SINCERITY

 

Bitchy women are very talented at mock-concern. How can you tell the difference? A truly concerned person has mastered the art of discretion, while a bitch has all the tact of a bulldozer. They are concerned for concerned's sake and simper with statements like: "Are you sure you're okay, babes?" and "you don't look like you're okay".

 

5) THEY ARE THE QUEEN BEE

 

One can immediately identify a bitch when they are introduced to new, predominately male, company. In this scenario, kind, open-hearted women acknowledge any social anxiety and go to the ends of the earth to include the newcomer. Bitches do their darnedest to exclude. They subtly ostracise the newcomer with elaborate bonding exercises.

I've been this newcomer and I've seen men baffled by the way in which their female friend has suddenly taken to fist-bumping, head-rubbing and any other gesture that indicates that these men are not just her friends but her possessions.

 

6) THEY DRAW BLANKS

 

This is another old-school, and rather heavy-handed, tactic employed by older bitches. It involves asking the target's name before repeatedly referring to them with a name that sounds similar. "And who did your highlights, Kathy?" "It's Katie." Repeat ad nauseam.

 

7) THEY SHADOW BOX

 

I must admit that I find this particular tactic slightly impressive as it employs the aforementioned "gaslighting" but in a much more subliminal sense.

In this scenario, the bitch instinctively identifies the shortcomings or insecurities of the target and proceeds to casually mention them in an abstract sense.

Example: "I read somewhere that excessive highlighting really damages the hair." Is she talking about me? Am I being paranoid? The evil genius of this tactic is that there's no resolution. Maybe you're imagining it, maybe you're not. Bitch 1 - Victim 0.

 

8) THEY DOMINEER SPOUSES

 

My friend once wondered how it was that all the bitchy women we knew were married while we hadn't even had the sniff of a fella. We concluded that they shackle their romantic interests in emotional bondage in the early stages of a relationship.

One minute they're using the ickle wickle baby voice, the next they're storming out of the pub because their husband looked at the waitress for too long. Sherry Argov wrote a book called Why Men Love Bitches. She should have called it 'Why Some Men Have No Testicles'.

'No, she didn't train with Lecoq; she's just a straight-up bitch'

 

 

 

P.S.: People say... that within us there is extrovert and introvert... we are sometimes extroverts and introverts... we all have that moments... are both things.... But for all this shit is a labels... once you label yourself... you start believing in all that shit... this fucks your mind.

...

Stop Fake Beliefs
Stop wasting time
Stop Making it so Harder
Stop Wanning and not giving
Stop fucking
Stop being asshole
Stop being a biatch

 

 

 

 

3 Easy Steps To A Kick-Ass Social Life

 

 

 Note: I am not falling for it... I am not pupping in what my neurons and... I got everything oxytocin.... myrotocin... no need for those complex... shit.

 

 

P.S.: It doesn't matter what I said... I just say shit... because I can!

 

 

 

By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
 What’s the number-one secret to building a better social life?


The answer might sound like a no-brainer to you…


You have to put yourself in situations where you meet more people.


But if it’s that simple, why do I keep getting so many emails from introverted men asking me how to become more sociable?


The answer is…they don’t have an introvert-friendly step-by-step plan to do it.


A plan that doesn’t drain their energy levels. A plan that builds a social life that serves as a funnel for attracting the exact kind of women they like.

Is your social circle a funnel for attracting the exact kind of women you like?

At the very best, they join some group activities, but results in terms of women and dating are usually poor.


With that in mind, here they come…my three road-tested, results-guaranteed steps to build a kick-ass social life filled with deep connections, women, dates and tons of fun.


By the way, did I tell you that it only takes 63 days to get there?

 

 

It only takes 63 days to build a kick-ass social circle.

So if you start today, you’ll still be able to have an EPIC summer.


The kick-ass social life method has three phases.


Each phase is 21 days long.


There’s a reason why they’re 21 days long.


Habits are built in 21 days. If you do something for 21 days, it becomes a habit.


So, we are going to install three habits. One by one. Nothing overwhelming. No draining your energy levels. Just a great, introvert-friendly social life as a result!

 

 

Phase 1: Train Your Brain To Be More Social

 

 

 

Train your brain to be more social.

The first thing you need to do to build a better social life is become more social.


And no, that doesn’t mean you need to become a superficial extrovert that makes small talk with everybody all day long.


But it does mean you need to train your brain to be in a social mood.


Being social and friendly to people doesn’t mean being superficial.


So here’s what I want you to do.


For the next 21 days, just greet five people a day. That’s all.


Just say hello, good morning, or good evening, to five people each day.

Just greet 5 people a day and you'll feel more social.

You don’t even need to have conversation, just a greeting is enough.


But you need to greet each person in a certain way. You need to greet with the intention of sending out positive energy. No agenda. Just genuine friendliness.


When you greet people, they usually greet you back.


As small as it seems, it’s a social interaction. It’s a positive, friendly energy exchange between people.


By doing that you will feel more social.


You’ll also find that some people will even start talking to you after you say hello.


When that happens, just have a short, genuinely friendly conversation with them. It’s not superficial. It’s a genuine social conversation without any agenda.

Have genuine conversations without a hidden agenda.

You can also start conversations yourself. But here’s the thing—don’t greet people and then start conversations with everybody like those obnoxious guys do.


Here’s how to do it: When you greet a person, just look at how receptive they are.


Do they greet you back with an energy that’s inviting? Then yes, have a short conversation.


If they greet you back because they just don’t want to break social norms, but are in fact not really open for a conversation, then don’t.


It’s that simple.


Doing this will train your social muscle and prime you for Phase Two.


 Phase 2: Engineer Your Lifestyle

 

Engineer your lifestyle

Phase two is all about engineering your ideal lifestyle. It’s about making it INEVITABLE to meet women that are exactly your type.


The way you do it is simple.


First of all, you keep doing the habits you built in Phase One. By now, this has become second nature.


The new focus of Phase Two is to join groups—groups where you can meet beautiful women.


You have many options. Here are just a few to give you some ideas.


• Cooking classes


• Partner dancing


• Yoga classes


• Art classes


• Gyms with group activities


• Mountain climbing


• Kayaking


The real trick to make this work is not to just pick some random groups.

Join group activities to kickstart your social life

You need to pick groups that are pre-populated with women of exactly YOUR taste.


Here’s how you do it.


Step 1:Think of your ideal type of woman and list the kinds of groups she would join.


Step 2:List the kinds of groups that you would like to join.


Step 3:Cross map the groups that you would like to join with the groups your ideal woman would be at.


Congratulations! You now have a list of groups that you can join that not only are interesting to you, but also have the exact kind of women that you like.


That’s a really strong base for building a truly fun social life. It’s fun because you like the activity, and even MORE fun because you’ll meet plenty of women that match your taste while doing that activity!


Now, of course, just joining those groups and being a wallflower without interacting with people won’t do you much good.


That’s why you trained your brain to be social in Phase One. Because you’ve trained your brain, you’ll find it much easier to be social with the people inside the group or groups you joined.


Again, you can just start by greeting people, and if someone seems warm have a short conversation with that person.


If you just repeat that every time you go to the group event, you’ll quickly get to know people. After three weeks, you’ll have a pretty good base and you’ll be ready for Phase Three.


 Phase 3: Become The Leader

 

 

Become the leader of your social circle.

Now, this phase is crucial.


If you’ve already joined groups in the past, but haven’t had much luck with women, then this step is what you need. It will make women flock to you as if their lives depended on it.


As you know, for good evolutionary reasons, women have always been attracted to leaders.


So if you can become the leader, you won’t need to do much. Women will literally come to you and make it easy for you. By the way, I didn’t exaggerate when I said “as if their lives depended on it.”

 

In prehistory, women’s lives literally depended on it. If they could mate with the leader of the tribe, their chances of survival were much higher than if they mated with another man.


And here’s something interesting to know. We developed our mate preferences in prehistory.


That means that still today, women are incredibly attracted to leaders.


So how do you do it? How do you become the leader?


Here’s the easy way to do it.


Host gatherings.

Host gatherings

When you host gatherings, you are the organizer, you’re the center, you’re the leader.


Women will be attracted to you just because of that. No kidding. It’s THAT simple.


Not only will they be attracted to you, but as the host you’ll also have plenty of opportunities to talk to them. In fact, the women will come talk to you.


If you have a nice apartment or house, you can use your place to host the gatherings.


If you don’t have a big place, you can host your gathering at a restaurant or other location.


I’ll give you some more specific ideas later.


But first, let me share with you the exact steps of how to set it up.


Step 1: Choose a type of gathering that would be appreciated by the groups you joined.

Choose a gathering theme that both you and your group like.

This is important. People are more likely to come if it’s something they like.


If you joined a gym with group activities, a chess game is probably not the best choice.


So, pick something that fits with the likes of your group.


Here are some examples to inspire you:


• If you are doing acting classes, chances are good that people might be interested in movies with good actors. You could rent a cinema room on closed days. Rent it exclusively for you and your guests, and do a movie evening with some old movies with the best actors. You can negotiate a pretty good deal, because you’ll go on days or times when it’s normally closed to the public.


• BBQ at the beach.


• Beach volleyball.


• An outdoor bar with a nice chill vibe.


• Visiting art galleries.


• Or just a good old-fashioned dinner.


These are just some examples. I’m sure you can come up with even better ones for your unique situation.


Step 2: Invite a few of your closest friends.

Invite your closest friends first

Before you invite any people from your group activities, first invite some of your closest friends. Invite three or four friends and make sure to pick the ones that are the most fun.


Also, tell each of your friends to bring one extra person.


The reasons you start with your closest friends are many.


First of all, it gives you a core group of people that you’ve known for a longer time. It gives you a safe base for the gathering. They will make you feel more comfortable.


Second, you’ll be sure that there are already enough people coming. Let’s say you invite some people from your gym group to a beach BBQ and only one or two come.


Well, you don’t want them to arrive and see that you’re just by yourself. That doesn’t really portray you as a cool guy.


So when you already have six or seven people present, there’s social proof and more value for the people you invite.


So make sure to invite a core group first.


Step 3: Invite people from your group activities.

Invite people from your group activities

Once you have your core group, you are ready to invite women from your group activities.


But don’t just invite women—also invite some men. You don’t want those women to show up and see there’s nobody else there from the gym. That might make them suspicious.


Here’s how you invite people to your group activities.


Just tell them you’re hosting a gathering and tell them what it’s about.


Let’s say you’re talking to a woman at the gym. You could just say this:


“Hey, you seem like a fun and friendly person. I’m hosting a beach volleyball gathering next Sunday afternoon. You are welcome to join, and bring some of your friends.”


You see how easy this is?


You’re not asking her out on a date.


You’re inviting her to a gathering, and you are inviting her friends as well. The fact that you also invited her friends makes it safer for her and will increase the chances of her accepting.


It also means she’ll bring her female friends. And guess what? If she’s beautiful, her friends will usually also be beautiful. But there’s more.


If she’s your type of woman beyond her looks, chances are her friends are too. Like-minded people tend to become friends.


If you invite a few women like this, and they all bring their friends, here’s what you get:


A cool social gathering full of fun and filled with your exact type of women!

Invite women and tell them they can bring their friends. If she's beautiful, chances are her friends are too.

And you’ll be the leader. You’ll be the center of their attention.


Now, don’t worry.


That doesn’t mean you need to become some kind of extroverted entertainer.


Not at all. You’ll just be there chilling with the rest of the group and you’ll have your close friends with you.


You can have nice deep conversations with just one or two people at a time, and then do the same with some other people. You don’t need to be talking to everybody at the same time.


In fact, it’s a big advantage to not talk to everybody at the same time like an extroverted guy would.


The reason being is that it makes you more scarce.


When you talk to one of the women, she gets validation from you just because you chose to talk to her. Yep, it’s that easy. Especially since you are the leader.


Now, here’s the interesting part. When you stop talking to that one woman and start talking to another woman, she will feel just a little left out, and even become a little jealous.


I’m not talking about over-the-top jealous behavior, but just enough.


So by talking to one woman and then talking to another woman, you’ll install a natural push-pull effect.

By talking to one woman and then talking to another woman, you’ll install a natural push-pull effect.

She’ll feel validated when you talk to her, but a little left out when you start talking to other women.


As a result of this, women will start putting in more effort to talk to you.


There are so many attraction triggers at work here.


First of all, you are the leader. Second of all, you have pre-selection social proof.


Pre-selection states that women are more attracted to a man if they know other women are attracted to that man.


And guess what? When women see other women talking to you at your event, that’s pre-selection. It triggers attraction like crazy.


Third, because of the push-pull effect you naturally create when individually talking to different women, they’ll start to work harder for your attention.


This extra effort or investment they make will make them even more attracted. Women don’t put effort into men they’re not attracted to.


Okay, so you’re on your gathering, you’re the leader and you’re talking to women. Now the big question is:


How do you actually take it further with them?


I mean, you can’t just make a move there in front of everybody.


First of all, the other women would see it. If you were to do that with different women, you would quickly be labeled as a player.


And they’ll even figure out that you are hosting these events as a funnel to get women.


So how do you do it?


How can you make sure you set up one-on-one dates with as many women as you want without being labeled a player?


It’s simple.


You’ll be doing the EXACT opposite of what every other guy is doing.


Instead of setting up dates or asking for their number, you’ll GIVE OUT YOUR NUMBER.

Instead of setting up dates or asking for their number, you’ll GIVE OUT YOUR NUMBER.

Here’s how you do it.


While taking to women, there will be opportunities to ask them to get in contact with you.


For example, let’s say you’re talking about a topic that both of you enjoy.


You could say this:


“Hey, you know what, that’s an interesting thing you said there. Why don’t you text me about that we’ll talk some more about it?”


Usually they’ll say: “Well, I don’t have your number.”


Then you say: “You have your phone or something to write with?”


Next, she’ll take out her phone or a pen and paper and you just give her your number.


That’s all there is to it!


Now, think about this.


You can do that as many times as you want. You won’t be seen as a player because you’re giving out your number. You’re seen as the cool guy. The leader.


Oh, and if you are doubting that this will work, let me tell you: it works wonders!


You will be surprised when women start reaching out for you.


And guess what? When they reach out to you, THEY ARE CHASING YOU!


From there, it’s easy to set up the date.


Don’t make the mistake of starting a long texting conversation with women once they reach out.


Just make sure you set up the date quickly. Like almost instantly.

Don’t make the mistake of starting a long texting conversation with women once they reach out.

Here’s an example of how that might go:


Her: “Hey, Nick, it’s Aurore from the beach volleyball last Sunday. How are you?”


You: “Great! What’s up?”


Her: “Not much, just watching some TV show”


You: “So, I guess you want to get together?”


Her: “So self-confident, huh?”


You: “I’m available Monday or Thursday.”


Her: “Thursday would be good.”


You: “Happy cocktail bar. 8 pm hudson street 89.”


Her: “Okayyyyy”


You: “Dress sexy 

Chapter 4.1 - Lies (Part 2)

 

As you can see in the example, I go for the date pretty quickly. That’s how it should be done.

Remember, she’s reaching out to you. She’s into you. She wants to see you. Give her what she wants. Don’t ruin it by texting too much at this point.

ConclusionBuilding a cool social circle that fills your life with exactly your type of women doesn’t need to be hard.

In fact, it’s easy and can be done in just 63 days.

The first step is to train your brain to be more social by just greeting people.

The second step is to join groups where your type of woman would be.

The third step is to host gatherings with themes that your groups would like and invite people from your groups.

Because you’re the host, you’ll be the leader. This will make women attracted to you, and they’ll be the ones chasing you.

From there on, you just give out your number instead of asking for their numbers.

As a result, you’ll have women contacting you and CHASING you.

 

 

 

Special Thanks to Nick Neeson

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 5 - Anxiety (Getting Out)

Collapsing Anchors for Approach Anxiety

 

 

 

 

After you do this powerful exercise, you will be freed of your approach anxiety.
You will replace approach anxiety with confidence and happiness.
In fact, whenever you encounter a situation that triggers your approach anxiety, you will
automatically feel confident and happy.
Your anxiety will trigger confidence and happiness.
Here are the steps:

1. Think of a moment when you felt approach anxiety. Think about this situation again.
Where are you? What do you see? What do you think? Where do you feel the
approach anxiety? Once you feel the approach anxiety emotion fully, rub your left ear.
This rubbing of your left ear is the anchor. (You can choose another anchor if you
want.)

2. Distract yourself for one minute. Look around. Look for the color blue. Find as much
blue as you can. When you are looking for blue, you are distracting your mind.

3. Do the same exercise from Step 1 again, and then distract yourself again (Step 2).
Repeat Steps 1 and 2 seven times.

4. Now, think of a time when you felt both happy and confident at the same time. Think
about this situation. Where are you? What do you see? What do you think? Where do
you feel the happiness and confidence?

5. Once you feel the happiness and confidence, maximize the feeling. Increase the
intensity of the happy/confident feeling.

6. Once your happy/confident feeling is at its peak, rub your right ear. This rubbing of
your right ear is the anchor. (You can choose another anchor if you want.)

7. Distract yourself for one minute. Look around. Look for the color blue. Find as much
blue as you can. When you are looking for blue, you are distracting your mind.

8. Repeat Steps 4, 5, 6, and 7 again for a total of seven times.

9. Take a two-minute break and distract yourself. Maybe you look for the color green
now.

10. Next, rub both your left ear and your right ear at the same time. That way, you’ll fire
off both anchors at the same time.

11. Distract yourself for one minute. Look around. Look for the color blue. Find as much
blue as you can.

12. Repeat Steps 10 and 11 seven times.

13. Next, think again about a situation that triggers your approach anxiety. Think about
this situation again. Where are you? What do you see? What do you think? Notice
how this situation DOES NOT trigger your approach anxiety.

Chapter 5.1 - Nasty Women

 How to handle the nasty women in your life

 

 

 

Ever had to deal with mean women at work? Here, we list the different types of nasty women and how to deal with them - one at a time.

 

 

 

 

Be it at the office, the gym or the school gate, we've all encountered women who live to make others miserable. Because sadly, that nastiness we thought we said goodbye to at our high school, follows us like a bad smell through our adult life.

Jordan Baker investigates the different types of mean women, and how to deal with them - one at a time.

 

 

 

When Sally took up *martial arts, she joined what she thought was a well-run gym owned by a friendly young couple, John and Vanessa.

She was welcomed into the fold; her fellow students were friendly, and Vanessa seemed keen to make her feel at home.

Sally loved her new training centre. She threw herself into the work and social activity, and after a while, a friendship with one of the instructors, James, became romantic.

Their flirtation blossomed into a courtship that would one day become an engagement.

But when they revealed their relationship to the others, things changed for Sally. She discovered that James' ex-girlfriend was friends with Vanessa.

From that point, Vanessa became not only frosty, but nasty. She encouraged the other students to avoid Sally. She no longer invited Sally to social activities, but made sure she knew she was excluded. She became highly critical of every aspect of Sally's training — her technique, her fitness, her commitment.

Sally's partner, James, didn't take Vanessa's behaviour seriously. For him it was petty girl stuff, and both of them needed to grow up.

Sally found the whole experience hurtful and confusing. She could understand James' ex-girlfriend might be upset about him meeting someone else, but why was Vanessa so intent on revenge? Why were the other women joining Vanessa's vendetta? And why couldn't James see what was going on?

Sally blamed herself. Maybe she had done something to offend? Perhaps there was something wrong with her?

"I would often cry before I went to training," she says. "I kept going because it was the best way I had found to cope with my grief. I thought I'd left that kind of behaviour behind in high school — turns out I was wrong."

 

Flashbacks to high school

Like Sally, many of us experienced that particularly female kind of warfare at high school, when hormones, insecurities and playground politics created a breeding ground for nastiness.

There was silent treatment, exclusion, backstabbing. There were girls who made nasty comments, or spread false rumours, or giggled about others, and who seemed intent on belittling, humiliating and undermining.

Unfortunately, some of those "mean girls" turn into mean women. They take their behaviour into adulthood and continue to inflict it upon other women in their friendship circle, their family or their workplace.

During her years as a psychologist, Meredith Fuller estimates she has seen thousands of women coming to see her about their struggle to cope with a campaign of subtle nastiness from the "bitch" (her terminology) in their life.

According to Meredith, bitchy behaviour is not as overt as bullying — it's too nebulous to pin down as deliberate sabotage.

 

A bully or a bitch?

 

"The difference between bullying and a bitch is you're talking about someone who is engaged in behaviours that are very subtle," says Meredith, the author of Working With Mean Girls, a women's guide to handling bitchy behaviour.

She defines it as sustained pattern of behaviour that amounts to an emotional campaign, but one that is so faint that most women think it's their problem — that they are too sensitive, or reading the behaviour wrongly, or inadvertently triggering the problem.

"It creates a bit of a time bomb," says Meredith. "You are still not sure if it's really happening, or if you're imagining it. As time goes on, you start to feel lower in confidence, your immune system is affected, and you are doing things that really compromise your career."

Of course, men are no angels, and can be both bullies and bitches. But often, says Meredith, conflict between men is overt — they argue at a meeting, then laugh about it over lunch.

Women can be more devious, perhaps because they were never encouraged to be assertive as girls and so learned different ways to meet their needs.

"Some [of these behaviours] are unconscious," says Meredith. "They don't realise what they are doing, and they probably don't want to hurt another person, they just have inadequate relationship skills and they haven't had a good interpersonal model — they are doing the best they know with a limited range of resources.

"But some women think it's funny. Some say they love to put the boot in, to see what other people are made of, and they see that as, 'If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, get out'."

 

Women who experienced schoolyard nastiness can feel, in adulthood, like they are having a flashback.

"The healthy part of you is re-triggered for a good reason, it's like your body is saying watch out, this person is not safe," says Maureen. "If you have had that experience in early life, sometimes you can start to worry — 'Is it me, do I attract it?' You really start doing the self-blame. Then you feel ashamed.

"There are a lot of women who have idyllic childhoods, and they never noticed what went on. They haven't got any war wounds whatsoever, so when these odd sort of behaviours start happening, and they are more shocked."

Trying to engage a male partner on this issue can leave women feeling even more isolated, says Meredith, because many men struggle to understand how hurtful and confusing the experience can be.

"Their male partner says, 'I don't know what the problem is, just tell her to get lost', and the husband thinks he's solved your problem," she says. "

One woman I spoke to, who is very senior, said she would come home, and she would start crying in front of her husband and sons. They would think, 'what's the matter with you?'"

 

The different types of nasty

 

Not all 'bitchiness' is as nasty as Vanessa's campaign against Sally. It's the co-worker who deliberately embarrasses you in a meeting, the friend who puts you down in front of others, or the critical mother-in-law.

One teacher went to see Meredith about another, more senior teacher at school, who was constantly sniping at her choice of dress, saying it was inappropriate for a boys' school.

"She would continually scold me about what I was wearing, to the point where I would get nervous walking past her," she says.

"I could wear a neck-to-knee robe, and she would find something wrong with it. I began to worry about going to work, it completely undermined my confidence."

Another woman described a boss who treated her female staff like children. She did this loudly, and in front of lots of people.

When she was a few minutes late to a conference and slipped in at the back with a male colleague, her boss demanded — in front of the entire gathering — that she sit down the front, "where I can keep an eye on you". The male was not required to do the same thing.

Types of mean girls

From the cases Meredith studied, she developed rough categories of 'mean girls'.

 

The Excluder: She fails to acknowledge you, appears not to hear your hello, and might giggle or roll her eyes while you're talking.

 

The Insecure: She loves telling people what to do, and will tell you what you already know. She doubts other people's competence.

 

The Toxic: She is overly friendly at first, and attempts to engage your sympathy with tales of how horrible other women have been to her, but becomes needy and demanding.

 

The Narcissist: She needs to believe that she is the most popular or admired person in the office, but puts down others and gets irritable if things do not go her way.

 

The Screamer: She screams or yells, using intimidation to get the job done. She is perceived as being in a perpetual bad mood.

The Liar : She can be charming, but is unreliable and always finds excuses for her behaviour. She lacks empathy and puts her needs first.

 

The Incompetent: She is not up to whatever job she has, but goes to great lengths to hide it, including passing off other people's work or ideas as her own.

 

The Not-a-Bitch: She disagrees with you, reminds you to complete tasks you are required to do, reinforces office protocols and holds you accountable.

 

 

 

How to avoid nasty women

 

Meredith's tips for protecting ourselves from this behaviour include never engaging in gossip with them, keeping our distance and changing our expectations.

 

She also encourages women to take a long hard look at themselves and ask — 'is it possible I've got it wrong?'

Meredith also says, women need to ask themselves whether the problem may actually lie with them. Am I being stand-offish? A bit over-sensitive? Am I really doing my job as well as I can, or is there room for improvement? If a friend or co-worker is being touchy, they might have a good reason.

 

"We're all not perfect, and sometimes when we're stressed, we can revert to a ratty way of behaving," says Meredith. "Women are trying to juggle too much, we are very busy, and there's not a lot of time to reflect.

"Sometimes we do things we don't intend to do, but no-one ever tells us, so you just keep doing it and you don't realise the impact you can have on someone else."

 

Meredith counselled Irene, who worked in retail, and was a nervous wreckthanks to a deeply conscientious manager who wore her diligence as a badge of honour, and berated others for failing to live up to her standard.

"It just made her really difficult to work with, because you were always on tenterhooks, and always felt like you were failing, no matter how hard you tried."

 

The counselling helped Irene understand the manager's behaviour. "I would deal with those things very differently now. She had targets to meet and had a boss on her case, and she was extremely stressed all the time," she said. "She needed a scapegoat."

Sometimes it takes an outsider — a counsellor, perhaps — to help us work out whether we are victims of emotional campaigns, or just upset by someone's manner or tone.

 

But we can also help ourselves by trying to de-stress and look at the big picture, says Meredith. When we have breathing space, we reflect on how significant this person is in the context of our whole life, and whether we can do anything to better manage our own responses.

 

The difference between encountering mean girls at high school and mean women in adulthood is that back then, we were young and insecure; as adults, we have experience, perspective, and choice.

Sally, for example, left Vanessa's martial arts training centre and found a new one, where she was valued and respected.

And one day, when she confessed why she had left her earlier centre, she found a little vindication too. Other women had left for the same reason.

 

So she wasn't imagining Vanessa's behaviour, and it wasn't her fault; it was just that, mentally at least, some girls never quite leave the playground.

 

*Names changed for legal reasons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6 - Truth

 Note: And let's face the truth... lets build a wall

 

 

How to Deal With Rude & Disrespectful Women

 

 

 

 

A rude woman may get in your face as she demands her way.

 

Dealing with rude, disrespectful women requires patience, a calm state of being and a clear mind. You never know when you will run into a woman who is less than polite to you; demanding her way, cursing at you or just being generally rude. You also may simply be an observer who witnesses a woman being rude and disrespectful to somebody else. Whatever the case, knowing how to deal with rude, disrespectful women will prepare you for the next time you run into one.

 

Remain calm. That's one of the most important things you can do when dealing with a rude, disrespectful woman. While she may not be calm or clear-minded, this does not mean that her bad mood has to rub off on you. If you encounter a woman being rude to you or someone you know, keep your cool and do not get in her face like you may feel the urge to.

 

Decide if confronting her about the problem is a reasonable step to take in this particular situation. Perhaps she is generally under control but made a smart remark to you; at this point, intervention is not called for or necessary. However, if she is openly insulting you or someone else close by, it may be appropriate to take action and step in.

 

Remain calm and ask her what the problem is. If you have decided that intervention is necessary, calmly approach her and ask her what the problem is. Listen to what she has to say without losing your temper or arguing with her. After she has stated why she was being rude, explain why her behavior is offensive and ask her to respect either your boundaries or the boundaries of the person you are standing up for. If she still does not respond and continues to throw out insults, it is time to get help from someone else, or possibly the authorities.

Be a good example. If you are the one talking to a rude woman, you may be the kind-hearted, patient example that stands out. If she says something openly rude to you and you have the strength, you may counter her meanness with a genuinely kind remark that will startle and surprise her. Whatever the case, do not let her rude spirit bring you down too much.

 

Avoid interactions with rude, disrespectful women. If you know a rude, disrespectful woman close to you, avoid interactions with her at all costs. It may upset you, and you do not need this burden. If you know someone who is constantly rude to you and she notices that you are avoiding her, perhaps she will re-examine her behavior and consider being a little more sensitive to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Behave as an Adult When a Friend Ignores You

 

 

At its worst, being ignored is considered silent bullying.

 

How you handle being ignored by a friend depends on the circumstances and your true relationship. Some fixes are obvious: if you got desperately drunk one night and insulted her, then you probably need to apologize. Other reasons for being shunned, however, aren't so easy to spot. This is especially true if the cold shoulder comes out of the blue. Before you act, look at the situation objectively. Getting ignored is a painful experience; setting your emotions aside will help you choose the most appropriate solution.

 

Take a Step Back

 

Put your feelings on pause for a moment and look at the facts. Are you really being ignored? If you and your friend have a strong relationship and nothing negative has transpired, it may just be a case of crossed wires. What you perceive as shunning could simply be nothing more than indication of a change of pace in your friend's life. She may have new job responsibilities, stress at home, a full schedule or unexpected chores that have made her less available than usual. A string of unreturned phone calls or text messages may simply result from normal life fluctuations.

 

Reflect

 

It's sometimes easy to overlook the role you may have played in the cooling off of a friendship, says Cosmopolitan. If a good friend suddenly ignores you, think back. Chances are -- if you're honest with yourself -- you'll be able to recognize anything you may have done to hurt or offend, paving the way for you to apologize or explain. While giving you the silent treatment isn't the most adult way for your hurt friend to respond, it could be that she didn't know what else to do.

 

Be Open

 

Don't be afraid to come right out and ask what's going on. Sometimes this is the best way to get to the heart of the matter. Choose a time when the two of you can speak privately. Approach the subject calmly and try not to let your emotions take over. Say something like, "I feel you've been avoiding me lately. Can you tell me why this is?" Or, "I feel that we're not as close as we were. Has something happened to change our friendship?"

 

Make a Decision

 

Hopefully, there's a fixable problem at the heart of your friend's behavior toward you -- but this isn't always the case. When every approach you take proves fruitless and your friend is still ignoring you, ask yourself whether this is a friendship worth getting bent out of shape over. Losing a relationship that involved nothing more than a superficial connection should hardly break your heart. Even if you were once close, persistent shunning is a form of punishment that can hurt as much as a physical injury. Don't be a victim. Move on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 How to Avoid Fighting Someone Who Wants to Fight

 

 

 

How to Avoid Fighting Someone Who Wants to Fight. Often people think that fighting is brave or somehow makes them stronger and more powerful if they're not afraid of backing away from a fight. Actually, the opposite is true. The minute a fight happens, instinct takes over and it has nothing to do with bravery or power. It takes more strength to avoid a fight than to get into one.

Learn to handle your emotions. The first rule is to think before acting. This will take practice and an entire new set of skills. Human nature is to let emotions rule how a person acts, but it's possible to keep emotions in check. Avoid the temptation to let anger get the best of you.

Forget about who's right. When tempers flare it's difficult to reason with someone who wants to fight. Now is not the time to make your case or explain how the other person is overacting. Maybe there will be a time to talk things over later, but maybe the person is a stranger that you'll never see again and in that case, who cares who was right or wrong?

Acknowledge that the person is angry. Often people simply need the person they are angry with to recognize their emotion. This doesn't mean that you concede to being wrong or say it's OK for them to be mad. Tell them that you can see they are angry and you've clearly upset them.

Be sorry for upsetting the other person. This doesn't mean that you are sorry because you did something wrong. You are sorry for him that he is letting anger get the best of him. But sorry goes a long way in soothing over a touchy situation and can get emotions back down to a safe level to help you avoid a fight.

Walk away. Sometimes nothing beats avoidance like walking in the other direction. If the person who wants to fight is coming down the street or a discussion is heating up to an uncomfortable level, simply take a step in the opposite direction and continue walking.

 

 

 

 

 

Shunning – The Ultimate Rejection

 

 

 

 

Shunning can cause enduring damage.

 

Source: dreamstime.comIn the past few months, the topic of shunning has presented itself to us one too many times to be ignored. And so we off-road from our usual topic of PTSD and delve into this unfortunately pervasive social phenomenon.

Most of us can probably recount an incident when we have been either the perpetrator of the act of shunning and/or the recipient of being shunned. In the first instance, maybe you didn't want to see someone you know because you didn't have the time to deal with them. So you turn your face away and walk quickly by, hoping they didn't see you. You know perfectly well why you ignored the person, but they don’t have a clue, if you have had a good relationship previously. Conversely, let’s say you notice someone you haven’t seen in a while and want to say hello and catch up. You are sure they saw you. So you make a beeline toward them, but they do an about-face and walk in the opposite direction. You spend hours or days - maybe longer - trying to figure out what you did to warrant being ignored, or worse being rejected. This really hurts when that other person is someone you thought liked you, accepted you, and maybe even ideally respected you.

 

Nani Nani Boo Boo

 

We've read stories such as Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter about people being shunned in centuries past by communities for what were considered having behaved immorally. In the past several decades, we've expanded this type of rejection to the fine, negative science of avoidance; one that can be upsetting and hurtful to the recipient. For most, we get our first taste of shunning in grade school. You know the scenario, a group of friends decides that some kid in the group just doesn't fit in, too fat, too ugly, too poor, too smart, too nerdy, too whatever, and the shunning begins. Unfortunately, this behavior continues for many well into adulthood. When it becomes evident that the shunning is directed at just you, it is like Silent Bullying.

 

Enduring Damage

 

From a psychological standpoint, the act of shunning is social or mental rejection. Why do people shun others? Here are some reasons, instances, forms of shunning and the damage done:

 

• Embarrassment – You recently had a party that the other person knew about but wasn't invited to and you don’t want to talk about it. You see them at the mall and dart into a store.

The person wonders what’s wrong with them.

• Shame – You left your job for another one and told your new employer confidential info about your former employer. Now you shun your former employer and former co-workers because you know what you did was unethical.

Your formers speculate what happened and may eventually lose respect for you.

• Jealousy– You are resentful about the progress made by someone in your field and have found your passive-aggressive behavior toward the person isn't working. So you shun them instead.

The person and others notice your behavior which reflects poorly on you.

• Annoyance – You just don’t like the person – they irritate you and don’t pick up on your signals. You don’t attend events you know they are invited to and shun them if you happen to be in the same room.

The person: a) may think they did something wrong, b) experiences a plummet in self esteemand/or c) may think you have a personality flaw.

• Racial or cultural bias – You have a negative bias towards cultures other than yours. You shun those whom you think are of those stigmatized races or cultures.

You offend others and miss out on rich opportunities to learn from individuals you may actually enjoy as well as their cultures.

• Poor timing – You just don’t have the time to talk.

The person thinks: a) you are a snob, b) you are blind or oblivious and/or c) don’t care about them.

• Shyness – You are painfully shy and shun just about everybody—when down deep you want and need that social connection.

You miss out on rich opportunities.

 

Take Control – Of Yourself

 

If you tend to shun people but want to give it up, start by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Compassion and communication work wonders. For instance, in the party scenario, instead of darting into a store, meet the person head on and explain what happened; you are sorry that you could only invite a limited number of people. That’s an acceptable explanation. If you don’t have time to talk, don’t turn away, be civil to the person who wants to chat and explain you are on a tight time schedule. They will understand. If you are shy, annoyed by others, or culturally biased, a simple “Hi! Nice to see you”, works - and keep moving. By acknowledging the other person, even for a moment, you validate them and do no harm to their self esteem.

 

The two work-related examples are more complicated – the damage may be irreparable. Make a vow to handle situations better in the future.

 

If you believe you have been shunned intentionally, you have two options: hold your head up high, move on, Don’t waste time trying to figure out what you may have done to create the situation. Or, bite the bullet and have a “courageous conversation” with that person, simply saying that you feel he or she is avoiding you and you wonder why. That way you have closure, and it may be that you learn something valuable about yourself or the shunner.

 

What Phil did When Shunned

 

This is what Phil did to solve the social puzzle he experienced when his family moved from New York City to North Hollywood, California, way back when he was in high school. He had always been a really popular kid, liked, admired not only for smarts and leadership skills but also for his athletic abilities in baseball and track. But from the very first day in this new school, he was totally and brutally SHUNNED! Meaning classmates would not sit next to him, they would all move away from wherever he sat in the cafeteria or auditorium. This total social exclusion hurt so deeply that he developed severe asthma, bad enough that he would have to stay home when he had not been able to sleep at all. (Obviously a psycho-somatic coping mechanism.) In the spring, after making the baseball team, on a bus ride to a game, Phil had to know the Why of his shunning. So he simply asked a teammate, what had he done wrong to deserve such social abuse. The answer was startling: “ A lot of kids are afraid of you, because they think your family must be from the East Coast Mafia, since you are Italian - the only one in our school - so it’s better to avoid you than takes any chances angering you.” NOT SO!! But it no longer mattered; his asthma became the reason the family all moved back to the Bronx, and as you might suspect, his dreaded asthma vanished shortly thereafter. And he was voted most popular boy in the senior class at James Monroe High School the very next term !

 

 

So forgive and forget the shunners, while making more time for all the people who love you unconditionally, and whom you can love fully in return.

 

 

 

 

What Causes People to Drink Too Much Alcohol?

 

 

 

When you drink too much alcohol it can cause problems with your liver and make you do things that you will likely regret. There are a few common reasons why someone might drink too much alcohol.

 

Friends

 

Many people consume too much alcohol because of pressure from friends to continue drinking.

 

Compulsion

 

An alcoholic will consume too much alcohol because he has a compulsion to drink and his body is dependent on the alcohol.

 

Depression

 

When a person is depressed, she may drink too much alcohol to cope with her emotional problems.

 

Inhibitions

 

Some people drink excessively as a way to lose all inhibitions and build up the confidence to do things that they would not normally do when sober.

 

Genetics

 

Research by the Human Genome Project has shown that the tendency to drink too much alcohol may be genetic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6.1 - Truth (Part 2)

 

People say that they use tobacco for many different reasons—like stress relief, pleasure, or in social situations. One of the first steps to quitting is to learn why you feel like using tobacco. Then you can think about the reasons you want to quit.

 

 

Here are some common reasons why people say they smoke.

 

Addiction

 

Nicotine is the main addictive substance in cigarettes and other forms of tobacco. Nicotine is a drug that affects many parts of your body, including your brain. Over time, your body and brain get used to having nicotine in them. About 80–90% of people who smoke regularly are addicted to nicotine.

Nicotine reaches your brain within 10 seconds of when it enters your body. It causes the brain to release adrenaline, and that creates a buzz of pleasure and energy. The buzz quickly fades, though. Then you may feel tired or a little down—and you may want that buzz again.

Your body is able to build up a high tolerance to nicotine, so you’ll need to smoke more cigarettes to get that same buzz. This up and down cycle happens over and over. That’s what leads to addiction.

 

When people don’t smoke, they may have withdrawal symptoms. That’s because their bodies have to get used to not having nicotine. Withdrawal symptoms may include:

 

• Feeling down or sad
• Having trouble sleeping
• Feeling irritable‚ on edge‚ grouchy
• Having trouble thinking clearly and concentrating
• Feeling restless and jumpy
• Slower heart rate
• Feeling more hungry or gaining weight

 

Learn more about nicotine withdrawal. Medication called nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) can help reduce cravings and withdrawal symptoms. Your VA health care provider can give you a prescription for NRT. It’s also available without a prescription from your local pharmacy.

 

Addiction is the main reason people smoke, but it’s not the only reason.

 

Replace smoking with other behaviors. Distract yourself and keep your hands busy. Try a new hobby, chew gum, sip on water, or exercise!

 

 

Patterns

 

Smoking can become connected to other activities of your day-to-day life—like watching TV, talking on the phone, hanging out with friends, going certain places, or taking a break to relax. Then smoking becomes a part of a pattern or routine.

But you can get help to stop the routine. In-person counseling or talking with a counselor over the telephone can teach you how to break the link between smoking and your daily activities. Ask for help to create new patterns.

 

Emotions

 

Many people smoke because it’s a way they’ve learned to cope with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, negative moods, and the stress of daily life. There are ways to deal with emotions without smoking. Counseling can teach you ways to cope, and getting support from loved ones can help, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: The shit starts... from selling your body... from somebody wanting to kill you... from cops lurking around your apartment...


...

I am just joking with the few last parts... so let's clear the shit

...

It starts from stress and depression... to relief it... you use cigar... you say you are not addicted... but you are... boring... is a simple excuse... just to go and boost your mind...


Alcohol and the same here case!

 

 

 

 

Tobacco Use and Other Health Issues

 

 

 

 

Smoking affects everyone’s health. But if you have other health issues, smoking can affect you even more. That’s especially true if you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), HIV, depression, or substance use disorders (SUD).

 

 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

 

Dealing with PTSD is hard. But did you know that smoking actually makes PTSD symptoms worse? It also makes recovery harder.

Think about the goals of your PTSD treatment. How does smoking keep you from reaching those goals?

You can use the same skills to manage your PTSD symptoms and deal with nicotine cravings.

 

HIV

 

Research shows that people with HIV are two to three times more likely to be smokers than people who don’t have HIV. Smoking is tough on the body, and that’s especially true for people with HIV. They are more likely to get sick more frequently.

Smokers who have HIV face the same tobacco-related health risks as other smokers—like cancer, cardiac disease, stroke, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. 

 

Plus, people with HIV who smoke have an increased risk of respiratory tract infections, including acute bronchitis, bacterial pneumonia, and tuberculosis. The risk of pneumocystis pneumonia—a serious infection common among people with HIV—is increased by smoking.

Smoking can affect the metabolism and effectiveness of some medications that are used to treat HIV. So they might not work as well as they should to keep the HIV virus under control. This may cause a faster progression from HIV to AIDS.

Overall, people with HIV who smoke have a shorter life expectancy than people with HIV who don’t smoke. Thinking about quitting? Build your quit plan.

 

When you quit smoking, any medications you are taking for other conditions may do their job better. Your whole body will thank you.

 

 

 

Depression and Anxiety

 

People living with depression or anxiety are two times more likely to smoke cigarettes than their peers. Some people think that smoking relieves stress, but that’s not true.

Any short-term relief you feel from smoking is replaced by the stress of going through nicotine withdrawal. Research shows that over time, quitting smoking lowers stress levels and decreases depression symptoms.

If you smoke while taking medication to treat depression or anxiety, it’s important to know that some medications won’t work as well. And smoking may make you more likely to have thoughts about suicide.

Quitting won’t interfere with your mental health treatment. In fact, quitting can boost the benefits you get from treatment. And quitting can improve your mood and well-being. Want to know more? Talk to your VA primary care provider or mental health provider about quitting. Or call 1-855-QUIT-VET to talk with a Quit VET counselor.

Learn about other resources that can help support you during your quit journey.

 

Substance Abuse Disorders (SUD)

 

About 70–80% of people with SUD are smokers. The good news? Effective treatment is available.

The risks add up for SUD and smoking. Did you know that veterans who smoke and use other drugs have higher rates of disability and poorer health? In fact, more than half of the patients treated for SUD die from tobacco-related causes—that’s almost double the risk for smokers without SUD.

Smoking actually makes it harder to recover from SUD. Smoking and drinking/drug use often go together. So when a person smokes, it can trigger a strong craving for alcohol and drugs. That increases the risk of relapse.

Quitting smoking can actually help a person recover from SUD. Smokers with SUD who receive treatment for both their smoking and SUD are more likely to successfully stop using drugs and alcohol.

Ready to get started with treatment? Call the Quit Vet Quitline at 1-855-QUIT-VET to speak with a counselor about quitting. 

 

 

 

 

Smoking & Depression

 

 

 

 

Smokers are more likely to have depression than non-smokers. Nobody knows for sure why this is. People who have depression might smoke to feel better. Or smokers might get depression more easily because they smoke. No matter what the cause, there are treatments that work for both depression and smoking.

 

 

Find Help 24/7

 

If you need help now, call a 24-hour crisis center at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) for free, private help or dial 911.

Sometimes people who are feeling depressed think about hurting themselves or dying. If you or someone you know is having these feelings, get help now.

 

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)—a part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services—runs both crisis centers. For more information visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline(link is external) website.

Para obtener asistencia en español durante las 24 horas, llame al 1-888-628-9454.

 

Mood Changes

 

Mood changes are common after quitting smoking. Some people feel increased sadness. You might be irritable, restless, or feel down or blue. Changes in mood from quitting smoking may be part of withdrawal. Withdrawal is your body getting used to not having nicotine. Mood changes from nicotine withdrawal usually get better in a week or two. If mood changes do not get better in a couple of weeks, you should talk to your doctor. Something else, like depression, could be the reason.

Smoking may seem to help you with depression. You might feel better in the moment. But there are many problems with using cigarettes to cope with depression. There are other things you can try to lift your mood:

 

• Exercise. Being physically active can help. Start small and build up over time. This can be hard to do when you’re depressed. But your efforts will pay off.
• Structure your day. Make a plan to stay busy. Get out of the house if you can.
• Be with other people. Many people who are depressed are cut off from other people. Being in touch or talking with others every day can help your mood.
• Reward yourself. Do things you enjoy. Even small things add up and help you feel better.
• Get support. If you are feeling down after quitting smoking, it may help to talk about this with friends and family. Your doctor also can help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 7 - Understanding Depression

 About DepressionDepression can happen at any age. Your race, where you live, or how much money you make doesn’t change your chance of having depression. But some people are more likely to be depressed than others:

• Smokers.
• People with medical problems.
• People who are stressed.

Everyone is different, but some common things can lead to depression:

• Feeling lots of stress.
• Going through a difficult life event.
• A big life change, even if it was planned.
• A medical problem.
• Taking a medication known to cause depression.
• Using alcohol or drugs.
• Having blood relatives who have had depression.

For some people, depression is only a problem during stressful times, like a divorce or the death of a loved one. For other people, depression happens on and off throughout their lives.Signs of DepressionEveryone has down days and times when they feel sad. Sadness could turn into depression, but depression and sadness are different:

• How long: Depression is felt every day or most days and lasts at least two weeks, usually much longer.
• How bad: Depression gets in the way of everyday life. It can stop you from working, carrying out family duties, or doing things you want to do.

People with depression usually feel down or blue. They may have other signs:

• Feeling sad all the time.
• Not wanting to do things that used to be fun for them.
• Being grumpy, easily frustrated, or restless.
• Have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, waking up too early, or sleeping too much.
• Eating more or less than they used to.
• Having trouble thinking.
• Feeling tired, even after sleeping well.
• Feeling worthless.
• Thinking about dying or hurting themselves.

 

 

Get Help for Depression

 

Many people benefit from treatment for depression. Treatment can help reduce symptoms of depression and shorten how long depression lasts. Treatment usually means getting counseling, taking medications, or doing both.

 

Counseling

 

Counseling is also known as talk therapy or psychotherapy. Talk therapy can be helpful and is often an important part of treatment for depression. Most talk therapy for depression is for a short time. It typically focuses on the thoughts, feelings, and issues happening in your life now. Talk therapy is more than telling the counselor about your problems. It means working with the counselor to improve the way you cope with things in your life, change behaviors that are causing problems, and find solutions. 

 

Medications

 

Many people with depression find that taking medication can improve their mood and ability to cope. Medications for depression are called antidepressants. Antidepressants cannot solve your problems. They can help you even out your mood and be more able to handle events in your life that are affecting your mood. You will need to see a health care provider to get a prescription for an antidepressant. Follow instructions carefully when using antidepressants. Don’t stop taking them without talking to your health care provider. 

 

 

Know Your Smoking Triggers

 

 

 

Triggers are the things that make you want to smoke. Different people have different triggers, like a stressful situation, sipping coffee, going to a party, or smelling cigarette smoke.

 

Most triggers fall into one of these four categories:

• Emotional
• Pattern
• Social 
• Withdrawal 

 

Knowing your triggers and understanding the best way to deal with them is your first line of defense.

 

Emotional Triggers

 

Many people smoke when they have intense emotions. An emotional trigger reminds you how you felt when you used smoking to enhance a good mood or escape a bad one, like when you were:

 

• Stressed
• Anxious
• Excited
• Bored
• Down
• Happy
• Lonely
• Satisfied
• Cooled off after a fight

 

How to deal with emotional triggers. You can learn how to cope with your feelings without leaning on cigarettes. Try these ways to deal with emotional triggers:

 

• Talk about your emotions. Telling a friend or family member how you feel can help.
• Take some slow, deep breaths. Deep breathing will slow down your body, quiet your mind, and reduce cravings. This is also a great way to manage stress and anxiety.  
• Exercise. Physical activity is a great way to handle emotions. When you exercise, your brain releases endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals in the brain that make you feel good.  
• Listen to calming music. Music can relax you by slowing your heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and decreasing stress hormones.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop. Breathe. Think. It’s a great way to take a time out and de-stress.

 

 

 

Pattern Triggers

 

A pattern trigger is an activity that you connect with smoking. Some examples of these activities include:

• Talking on the phone
• Drinking alcohol
• Watching TV
• Driving
• Finishing a meal
• Drinking coffee
• Taking a work break
• After having sex
• Before going to bed

 

How to deal with pattern triggers. One way to beat pattern triggers is to break the association with the trigger and transfer the feeling to another activity.

 

 

• Find a replacement. Chew gum. Eat sugar-free candy. Suck on a straw.
• Try activities that keep your hands busy. Squeeze a handball. Do beading or needlework. Hold on to a silver dollar or “worry stone.”  
• Get moving. Go for a walk. Ride a bike. Go swimming. Exercising can distract you from smoking.
• Change your routine. For example, try drinking your coffee at a different time or brushing your teeth right after you eat a meal.

Do you smoke after your morning cup of coffee? Try switching up your routine when you quit.

 

 

Social Triggers

 

Social triggers are occasions that usually include other people who smoke. Here are some examples:

• Going to a bar
• Going to a party or other social event
• Going to a concert
• Seeing someone else smoke
• Being with friends who smoke
• Celebrating a big event

 

How to deal with social triggers. Once you’ve made the decision to quit, it is best to avoid places where people smoke, and ask your friends not to smoke around you. Over time, it will get easier. Tell your friends and family that you have quit. Ask them for their support.

 

Withdrawal Triggers

 

If you’ve been a long-time smoker, your body is used to getting a regular dose of nicotine. When you quit, withdrawal symptoms will produce cravings for nicotine. Withdrawal triggers include:

• Craving the taste of a cigarette
• Smelling cigarette smoke 
• Handling cigarettes, lighters, and matches
• Needing to do something with your hands or mouth
• Feeling restless or having other withdrawal symptoms

 

How to deal with withdrawal triggers. Distract yourself. Find something to take your mind off the craving. Try nicotine replacement medication. Learn more about medications and other quit methods.

 

Now that you better understand triggers, identify the ones that you want to control, and make a plan to manage your cravings.

 

 

P.S.: How deep is going down this shit!?

 

 

Note: I never got in the shit... the problem ... was I wasn't getting too much money to afford everything and if I get it... I am real smart with it...

...

 

 

Note: I am sure... I am not a introvert... I got the ideas and I can apply all tactics... along the way... PEOPLE SHOULD STOP LABELING AND BABLING ABOUT THEMSELFS.

 

 

Obesity, alcohol, depression interlinked for women

 

 

 

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Alcohol abuse, obesity and depression seem to go hand in hand for many women, according to the first study to look at how the three relate to one another over time in young adults.

Dr. Carolyn A. McCarty of Seattle Children’s Research Institute and her colleagues also found that almost half of the men and women in their study suffered from at least one of these problems between the ages of 21 and 30.

 

“That’s big,” McCarty told Reuters Health, and is likely only “the tip of the iceberg,” because she and her colleagues used fairly stringent definitions of alcohol abuse, depression and obesity in their study.

 

The young men and women in the current study have been followed since 1985, when they were in fifth grade. McCarty and her team looked at data from interviews conducted when the study participants were 24, 27 and 30 years old to understand the interrelationships among depression, obesity and alcohol use disorders.

 

At age 21, 8 percent of women and 12 percent of men had at least two of the three problems. Over time, having more than one of the problems became more common for women, but less so for men.

 

For men, the only association the researchers saw was for obese 27-year-olds, who were less likely to be depressed at age 30. But women who were depressed at 27 were more than three times as likely to meet criteria for alcohol abuse or dependence at age 30.

Women who had alcohol use problems at 24 were nearly four times as likely to be obese at 27, while being obese at age 27 more than doubled the risk of depression at 30.

 

And lower-income individuals of both sexes were at greater risk of depression and obesity.

A tendency to “ruminative coping”-in which a person replays and obsesses about negative events-may be one of the traits that links alcohol abuse, obesity and depression, McCarty noted in an interview.

 

Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksma, a psychologist at Yale, has referred to the three as a “toxic triangle” of “eating, drinking and overthinking,” the researcher added, and has shown that women-and men-who ruminate are more depressed and more likely to drink or to binge eat to cope with emotional problems.

 

There are interventions that target all three legs of this toxic triangle, McCarty said, including physical exercise, mindfulness training, and stress management. Strategies for treating depression, alcohol use problems, and obesity-all of which are characterized by problems with the brain’s “reward system”—also need to help people find alternatives to rewarding themselves with food or alcohol, she added.

“We have to think about how people can start to build in naturally rewarding experiences in their lives,” she said.

 

SOURCE: General Hospital Psychiatry, September/October 2009

 

 

How to Cope With Friends Talking About You Negatively

 

 

 

Talking to your friend about what you heard could end the negativity.

 

 

A friend comes to you and explains that a mutual friend of yours has been calling you names, spreading rumors or gossiping about personal matters. A friend speaking negatively about you can amount to a hurtful betrayal. While you may not be able to get your friend to stop, you can take steps to protect yourself and cope with the behavior.

 

Planning Ahead

 

Maybe a mutual friend told you about other friends who said something negative about you, or you overheard your friends spreading the gossip yourself. If you did not hear the gossip firsthand, consider your source first. Does this person like to cause trouble or have something to gain by getting you into an argument with your friends? Confiding in someone else you trust, such as a family member or counselor, can also give you the confidence and tools you need to confront this negative behavior, according to TeensHealth.org.

 

Confronting Your Friends

 

Arrange a time to talk when you and your friends are feeling calm. It may be ideal to talk to each person individually, according to "When Friends Fight: Think About It" on the PBS Kids website. You might open the conversation by saying "I feel hurt because I heard that you blamed me for your breakup. Is this true?" Giving each friend the chance to explain the situation may give you new insight. If the conversation gets heated, or your friend seems eager to start a fight, disengage by saying that you can discuss the matter at another time. If your friend apologizes, consider accepting it if this is a first offense.

 

After the Confrontation

 

If your friend apologizes, leave the argument in the past -- don't bring it up when you are upset later. In the meantime, take note of whether your friends continue to speak negatively of you. If you are frequently hearing about negative gossip from your friends, it may be a sign that they are never going to change the way they communicate, or how they feel about you. If you pick up on other passive-aggressive behavior, such as friends rolling their eyes after you speak, you should confront the behavior calmly, firmly and directly, according to licensed social worker Signe Whitson, writing for "Psychology Today." You might say "it seems to me that you are unhappy about what I had to say."

 

Getting Help

 

Negative talk from friends can leave you feeling poorly about yourself and clinging to friendships that may not be worth your time, according to PBS Kids. If your friendships leave you feeling emotionally drained and defensive, it may be time to move on. Having no friends at all is better than having friends who will continually put you down. Speaking to a counselor or therapist can also help you get perspective on the situation and how to move forward.

 

 

 

Note: If you want to be in the game and to be funny... you need first to learn with who you are playing.

 

 

Tips

 

1) Say All type of shit... it doesn't mean... as longer as you don't think.

2) Don't stay in your head.

3) Don't stay in the past

4) Don't go in the future

5) As longer as you put less... value you gonna succeed

6) End a discussion with saying a shit which puts you in carefree mod... 

which means .... say something like

 

You: Okay... I gonna fuck my mom...

or
You: I like fucking my grandpa...

You: I am total slut...

 

 

Comedians are carefree people... they don't put value in anything that's how they say so many shit and they continue and continue and.... they don't give a fuck!

 

 

 Note: I don't like smoking... but I like holding something my hand...

 

 

 

 

 

It's so lovely and deadly... let's pre-exposure the whole thing

 

 

 

 

 Secondhand Smoke

 

 

 

Smoking harms both you and the ones you love. Quitting smoking will benefit you plus help you protect the people in your life.

 

 

Quitting will make the people you care about happier and healthier. This may be one of your reasons for quitting.

 

Dangers of Secondhand Smoke

 

The main way smoking hurts non-smokers is through secondhand smoke. Secondhand smoke is the combination of smoke that comes from a cigarette and smoke breathed out by a smoker. When a non-smoker is around someone smoking, they breathe in secondhand smoke.

Secondhand smoke is dangerous to anyone who breathes it in. It can stay in the air for several hours after somebody smokes. Breathing secondhand smoke for even a short time can hurt your body.

 

 

Health Effects of Secondhand Smoke

 

Over time, secondhand smoke has been associated with serious health problems in non-smokers: 

• Lung cancer in people who have never smoked. 
• More likely that someone will get heart disease‚ have a heart attack‚ and die early. 
• Breathing problems like coughing‚ extra phlegm‚ wheezing‚ and shortness of breath.

 

Secondhand smoke is especially dangerous for children, babies, and women who are pregnant: 

 

 

• Mothers who breathe secondhand smoke while pregnant are more likely to have babies with low birth weight. 
• Babies who breathe secondhand smoke after birth have more lung infections than other babies. 
• Secondhand smoke causes kids who already have asthma to have more frequent and severe attacks. 
• Children exposed to secondhand smoke are more likely to develop bronchitis, pneumonia, and ear infections and are at increased risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). 

 

The only way to fully protect non-smokers from the dangers of secondhand smoke is to not allow smoking indoors. Separating smokers from non-smokers (like “no smoking” sections in restaurants)‚ cleaning the air‚ and airing out buildings does not get rid of secondhand smoke.

 

 

Other Ways Smoking Affects Others

 

Smoking affects the people in your life in other ways, beyond their health. When you smoke, you may miss out on:

• Spending time with family and friends.
• Having more money to spend on the people you love.
• Setting a good example for your children. Children who are raised by smokers are more likely to become smokers themselves.

 

Steps You Can Take to Protect Your Loved Ones

 

The best thing you can do to protect your family from secondhand smoke is to quit smoking. Right away, you get rid of their exposure to secondhand smoke in your home and car, and reduce it anywhere else you go together.

Make sure your house and car remain smokefree. Kids breathe in secondhand smoke at home more than any other place. The same goes for many adults. Don’t allow anyone to smoke in your home or car. Setting this rule will:

• Reduce the amount of secondhand smoke your family breathes in.
• Help you quit smoking and stay smokefree.
• Lower the chance of your child becoming a smoker.

When you’re on the go, you can still protect your family from secondhand smoke:

• Make sure caretakers like nannies, babysitters, and day care staff do not smoke.
• Eat at smokefree restaurants.
• Avoid indoor public places that allow smoking.
• Teach your children to stay away from secondhand smoke.

 

 

How to Support Your Boyfriend While He Goes Through Drug Withdrawal

 

 

Note: It starts... from depression, stress, anxiety... it goes over porn... alcohol and drugs... how far it will get?

 

 

 

 

Withdrawing from drugs can cause headaches, body aches and muscle cramps.

 

If your boyfriend has chosen to withdraw from drugs that he is addicted to, it is highly advisable that he does so with the help of a medical professional to ensure that he is safe and supported. Drug withdrawal is often a painful and draining process, mentally, physically and emotionally. There are things you can do to help him feel more comfortable during the withdrawal process and to support your boyfriend to kick his drug addiction.

 

Be Patient

 

Most drug withdrawals have an acute stage and a post-acute stage. In the first stage, the physical symptoms of withdrawal are at their worst and your boyfriend may feel quite ill. When those start to subside, it can still take time for the body to get back to normal, and your boyfriend may experience such symptoms as restlessness, drug cravings and insomnia for weeks or even months. Be patient with him and keep reminding him of the progress he has already made throughout the process.

 

Ease His Pain

 

Soup and soft fruit are good, nourishing recovery foods.

 

People withdrawing from physically addictive drugs often experience a lot of physical pain and discomfort. This can include nausea, body aches, muscle cramps, feeling extremely cold or hot, and sweating profusely. Running your boyfriend a soothing bath can help to ease the pain in his body. In the first few days, he may find it difficult to eat much if he feels too sick, but make sure he drinks enough water and eats some nourishing food as soon as he is able.

 

Listen To Him

 

While your boyfriend is detoxing from the drugs, he is likely to suffer from some low moods, partly due to the physical discomfort and partly because kicking an addiction is an emotionally difficult process. Listening to him share his pain, concerns and fears can help him feel cared for and comforted. Talking to you may also distract him from the pain when he is feeling particularly bad. Offer your boyfriend some encouraging words back to show him that you are there to support him.

 

Reward His Efforts

 

The Community-Reinforcement Approach is a model for treating addiction that is used in drug treatment centers. It suggests that an effective way of encouraging drug users to be abstinent is by rewarding them when they do well. To reward your boyfriend for completing his withdrawal, you could plan a special event, such as taking him to see his favorite sports team or going on a day trip together. While he is still detoxing, you can encourage him by reminding him of what he has to look forward to.

 

 

Chapter 7.1 - It's like a Fantasy

 Note: So our journey... will continue... now within the lives of Total Divas TV Reality, something tells me that this here people got a game... to learn how to talk to people we should  first learn people's game.

 

 

Sherlock Holmes

 

1) Unique

2) Genius

3) Smart

4) Observant

5) Very confident

 

 

 

Monk

 

1) Unique

2) Genius

 

 

Larry King

- He always starts conversation with talking about himself... then he throws the ball.

 

...

 

but

Kezia Noble

 

- Strategy is ask a few questions... then a statement or opinion... then again few questions and escalate the whole thing. - Game

 

 

Patrick James

 

- Escalate... escalate... don't think... do it... - Game

 

 

 

Second Smoker - Facts

 

 

 

 

Secondhand smoke harms children and adults, and the only way to fully protect nonsmokers is to eliminate smoking in all homes, worksites, and public places.1,2,3

You can take steps to protect yourself and your family from secondhand smoke, such as making your home and vehicles smokefree.2,3

Separating smokers from nonsmokers, opening windows, or using air filters does not prevent people from breathing secondhand smoke.1,2,3

Most exposure to secondhand smoke occurs in homes and workplaces.2,3

People are also exposed to secondhand smoke in public places—such as in restaurants, bars, and casinos—as well as in cars and other vehicles.2,3

People with lower income and lower education are less likely to be covered by smokefree laws in worksites, restaurants, and bars.4

What Is Secondhand Smoke?

• Secondhand smoke is smoke from burning tobacco products, such as cigarettes, cigars, or pipes.1,5,6
• Secondhand smoke also is smoke that has been exhaled, or breathed out, by the person smoking.5,6
• Tobacco smoke contains more than 7,000 chemicals, including hundreds that are toxic and about 70 that can cause cancer.1

Secondhand Smoke Harms Children and Adults

• There is no risk-free level of secondhand smoke exposure; even brief exposure can be harmful to health.1,2,6
• Since 1964, approximately 2,500,000 nonsmokers have died from health problems caused by exposure to secondhand smoke.1

Health Effects in Children

In children, secondhand smoke causes the following:1,2,3

• Ear infections
• More frequent and severe asthma attacks
• Respiratory symptoms (for example, coughing, sneezing, and shortness of breath)
• Respiratory infections (bronchitis and pneumonia)
• A greater risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)

Health Effects in Adults

In adults who have never smoked, secondhand smoke can cause:

• Heart disease
  • For nonsmokers, breathing secondhand smoke has immediate harmful effects on the heart and blood vessels.1,3
  • It is estimated that secondhand smoke caused nearly 34,000 heart disease deaths each year during 2005–2009 among adult nonsmokers in the United States.1
• Lung cancer1,7
  • Secondhand smoke exposure caused more than 7,300 lung cancer deaths each year during 2005–2009 among adult nonsmokers in the United States.1
• Stroke1

 

 

Secondhand smoke can infiltrate into other units through hallways and stairwells.

 

Smokefree laws can reduce the risk for heart disease and lung cancer among nonsmokers.1

Patterns of Secondhand Smoke Exposure

Exposure to secondhand smoke can be measured by testing saliva, urine, or blood to see if it contains cotinine.3 Cotinine is created when the body breaks down the nicotine found in tobacco smoke.

Secondhand Smoke Exposure Has Decreased in Recent Years

• Measurements of cotinine show that exposure to secondhand smoke has steadily decreased in the United States over time.
  • During 1988–1991, almost 90 of every 100 (87.9%) nonsmokers had measurable levels of cotinine.7
  • During 2007–2008, about 40 of every 100 (40.1%) nonsmokers had measurable levels of cotinine.7
  • During 2011–2012, about 25 of every 100 (25.3%) nonsmokers had measurable levels of cotinine.8

• The decrease in exposure to secondhand smoke is likely due to:8
  • The growing number of states and communities with laws that do not allow smoking in indoor areas of workplaces and public places, including restaurants, bars, and casinos
  • The growing number of households with voluntary smokefree home rules
  • Significant declines in cigarette smoking rates
  • The fact that smoking around nonsmokers has become much less socially acceptable

Many People in the United States Are Still Exposed to Secondhand Smoke

• During 2011–2012, about 58 million nonsmokers in the United States were exposed to secondhand smoke.8
• Among children who live in homes in which no one smokes indoors, those who live in multi-unit housing (for example, apartments or condos) have 45% higher cotinine levels (or almost half the amount) than children who live in single-family homes.9
• During 2011–2012, 2 out of every 5 children ages 3 to 11—including 7 out of every 10 Black children—in the United States were exposed to secondhand smoke regularly.8
• During 2011–2012, more than 1 in 3 (36.8%) nonsmokers who lived in rental housing were exposed to secondhand smoke.8

Differences in Secondhand Smoke ExposureRacial and Ethnic Groups8

• Cotinine levels have declined in all racial and ethnic groups, but cotinine levels continue to be higher among non-Hispanic Black Americans than non-Hispanic White Americans and Mexican Americans. During 2011–2012:
  • Nearly half (46.8%) of Black nonsmokers in the United States were exposed to secondhand smoke.
  • About 22 of every 100 (21.8%) non-Hispanic White nonsmokers were exposed to secondhand smoke.
  • Nearly a quarter (23.9%) of Mexican American nonsmokers were exposed to secondhand smoke.

Income8

• Secondhand smoke exposure is higher among people with low incomes.
• During 2011–2012, more than 2 out of every 5 (43.2%) nonsmokers who lived below the poverty level were exposed to secondhand smoke.

Occupation10

• Differences in secondhand smoke exposure related to people’s jobs decreased over the past 20 years, but large differences still exist.
• Some groups continue to have high levels of secondhand smoke exposure. These include:
  • Blue-collar workers and service workers
  • Construction workers

What You Can Do

You can protect yourself and your family from secondhand smoke by:2,3,4

• Quitting smoking if you are not already a nonsmoker
• Not allowing anyone to smoke anywhere in or near your home
• Not allowing anyone to smoke in your car, even with the windows down
• Making sure your children’s day care center and schools are tobacco-free
• Seeking out restaurants and other places that do not allow smoking (if your state still allows smoking in public areas)
• Teaching your children to stay away from secondhand smoke
• Being a good role model by not smoking or using any other type of tobacco

 

 

Part 3

Nooobies

 

 

Chapter 7.2 - It's Like a Fantasy (Part 2)

Note: It really sucks

 

 

 How to Identify Warning Signs of Alcoholism

 

 

Alcoholism is a serious illness that affects many people in this world. The term alcoholism refers to an uncontrollable need for alcohol that involves compulsive drinking on a regular basis. Alcoholics constantly find themselves drinking greater amounts of alcohol in order to satisfy their dependency. Consuming large amounts of alcohol can damage important organs in the body, such as the brain and liver. That is why it is important to know how to determine if someone is suffering from alcoholism. There are a few things that you can do to identify warning signs of alcoholism.

 

Determine if the person’s drinking habits have changed. Think about the last few times that you were around him and decide if he is consuming more alcoholic drinks than usual. Also, try to remember if he’s drinking at unusual hours of the day (such as first thing in the morning when he wakes up) or if he has strong cravings to drink at certain times of the day.

 

Verify whether or not there are any major changes in his appearance or personal life. Alcoholism affects a person’s behavior which can cause problems in that person’s home, at work or in his social life. For example, alcoholics may stop practicing proper hygiene and fail to care for their outer appearance, lose their job from drinking too much, withdraw from social activities or destroy friendships with close friends.

 

Check to see if the person can remember things such as conversations, commitments or appointments. Alcoholics normally have a difficult time remembering important things such as doctor's appointments or scheduled meetings at work.

Look for any changes in his health status. Due to their physical dependence on alcohol, it is common for alcoholics to experience sweating, nausea, anxiety and shakiness when they try to stop drinking. They may also develop certain illnesses such as liver disease, cancer or digestive disorders.

 

Confirm any changes in the person’s eating habits. For example, decide if the person is demonstrating poor eating habits or eating less food. Alcoholism normally affects a person’s appetite and he may replace meals with alcoholic drinks or start eating a lot of unhealthy food.

Decide if the person constantly makes excuses to drink. For example, he may use alcohol to help cope with emotional pain or a problem that he is dealing with at work. He may also turn to alcohol to help deal with stress or fear.

 

 

Note: Lovely... I like the whole idea of degrenading your brain... it's awesome... but let's be honesty it's not my thing... to make my brain to melt.

 

What are tobacco, nicotine, and e-cigarette products?

 

 

Also known as:

 

Cigarettes: Butts, Cigs, and Smokes

Smokeless tobacco: Chew, Dip, Snuff, Snus, and Spit Tobacco

Hookah: Goza, Hubble-bubble, Narghile, Shisha, and Waterpipe

Tobacco is a leafy plant grown around the world, including in parts of the United States. There are many chemicals found in tobacco leaves or created by burning them (as in cigarettes), but nicotine is the ingredient that can lead to addiction. Other chemicals produced by smoking, such as tar, carbon monoxide, acetaldehyde, and nitrosamines, also can cause serious harm to the body. For example, tar causes lung cancer and other serious diseases that affect breathing, and carbon monoxide can cause heart problems.

Teens who are considering smoking for social reasons should keep this in mind: Tobacco use is the leading preventable cause of disease, disability, and death in the United States. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), cigarettes cause more than 480,000 premature deaths in the United States each year—from smoking or exposure to secondhand smoke—about 1 in every 5 U.S. deaths, or 1,300 deaths every day. An additional 16 million people suffer with a serious illness caused by smoking. So, for every 1 person who dies from smoking, 30 more suffer from at least 1 serious tobacco-related illness.

 

How Tobacco and Nicotine Products Are Used

 

Tobacco and nicotine products come in many forms. People can smoke, chew, sniff them, or inhale their vapors.

 

• Smoked tobacco products.
  • Cigarettes (regular, light, and menthol): No evidence exists that “lite” or menthol cigarettes are safer than regular cigarettes.
  • Cigars and pipes: ​Some small cigars are hollowed out to make room for marijuana, known as "blunts." Some young people do this to attempt to hid the fact that they are smoking marijuana. either way, they are inhaling toxic chemicals. 
  • Bidis and kreteks (clove cigarettes): Bidis are small, thin, hand-rolled cigarettes primarily imported to the United States from India and other Southeast Asian countries. Kreteks—sometimes referred to as clove cigarettes—contain about 60-80% tobacco and 20-40% ground cloves. Flavored bidis and kreteks are banned in the United States because of the ban on flavored cigarettes.
  • Hookahs or water pipes: Hookah tobacco comes in many flavors, and the pipe is typically passed around in groups. A recent study found that a typical hookah session delivers approximately 125 times the smoke, 25 times the tar, 2.5 times the nicotine, and 10 times the carbon monoxide as smoking a cigarette
• Smokeless tobacco products. The tobacco is not burned with these products:
  • Chewing tobacco. It is typically placed between the cheek and gums.
  • Snuff: Ground tobacco that can be sniffed if dried or placed between the cheek and gums.
  • Dip: Moist snuff that is used like chewing tobacco.
  • Snus: A small pouch of moist snuff
  • Dissolvable products (including lozenges, orbs, sticks, and strips)
• Electronic cigarettes (also called e-cigarettes, electronic nicotine delivery systems, or e-cigs). Electronic cigarettes are battery-operated devices that deliver nicotine and flavorings without burning tobacco. In most e-cigarettes, puffing activates the battery-powered heating device, which vaporizes the liquid in the cartridge. The resulting vapor is then inhaled (called “vaping”). See What About E-Cigarettes? to learn more.

 

 

 

 

People should make a syndrome... for the people who are too much lazy... and refuse to be serious.

 

 

What about e-cigarettes?

 

 

 

E-cigarettes are fairly new products. They’ve only been around for about ten years, so researchers are in the early stage of studying how they affect your health.

 

How E-cigarettes Work

 

E-cigarettes are designed to deliver nicotine without the other chemicals produced by burning tobacco leaves. Puffing on the mouthpiece of the cartridge activates a battery-powered inhalation device (called a vaporizer). The vaporizer heats the liquid inside the cartridge which contains nicotine, flavors, and other chemicals. The heated liquid turns into an aerosol (vapor) which the user inhales—referred to as “vaping.”

 

 

How E-cigarettes Affect the Brain

 

Research so far suggests that e-cigarettes may be less harmful than cigarettes when people who regularly smoke switch to them as a complete replacement. But since they are so new, we do not know for sure. And, nicotine in any form is a highly addictive drug. Health experts have raised many questions about the safety of these products, particularly for teens:

• Testing of some e-cigarette products found the aerosol (vapor) to contain known cancer-causing and toxic chemicals, and particles from the vaporizing mechanism that may be harmful. The health effects of repeated exposure to these chemicals are not yet clear.
• There is animal research which shows that nicotine exposure may cause changes in the brain that make other drugs more rewarding. If this is true in humans, as some experts believe, it would mean that using nicotine in any form would increase the risk of other drug use and for addiction.
• Some research suggests that e-cigarette use may serve as a “gateway” or introductory product for youth to try other tobacco products, including regular cigarettes, which are known to cause disease and lead to early death. A recent study showed that students who have used e-cigarettes by the time they start 9th grade are more likely than others to start smoking traditional cigarettes and other smoked tobacco products within the next year.10
• The liquid in e-cigarettes can cause nicotine poisoning if someone drinks, sniffs, or touches it. Recently there has been a surge of poisoning cases in children under age 5. There is also concern for users changing cartridges and for pets.

• Some research shows that secondhand e-cig vapor pollutes the air quality with particles that could harm the lungs and heart.11

• Some research suggests that certain brands of e-cigs contain metals like nickel and chromium, possibly coming from the heating of coils.12

 

Regulation of E-cigarettes

 

Yes. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced in 2016 that the FDA will now regulate the sales of e-cigarettes, hookah tobacco, and cigars. Therefore:

• It is now illegal to sell e-cigarettes, hookah tobacco, or cigars in person or online to anyone under age 18.
• Buyers have to show their photo ID to purchase e-cigarettes, hookah tobacco, or cigars, verifying that they are 18 years or older.
• These products cannot be sold in vending machines (unless in an adult-only facility).
• It is illegal to hand out free samples.

FDA regulation also means that the Federal government will now have a lot more information about what is in e-cigarettes, the safety or harms of the ingredients, how they are made, and what risks need to be communicated to the public (for example, on health warnings on the product and in advertisements). They will also be able to stop manufacturers from making statements about their products that are not scientifically proven.

Regulation does not mean that e-cigarettes are necessarily safe for all adults to use, or that all of the health claims currently being made in advertisements by manufactures are true. But it does mean that e-cigarettes, hookah tobacco, and cigars now have to follow the same type of rules as cigarette manufacturers.

 

 

Note: Where are the biatches....... I need few... to test some of the cigars and hookah

 

 

 

One Hookah Tobacco Smoking Session Delivers 25 Times the Tar of a Single Cigarette

 

 

PITTSBURGH, Jan. 11, 2016 – As cigarette smoking rates fall, more people are smoking tobacco from hookahs—communal pipes that enable users to draw tobacco smoke through water. A new meta-analysis led by the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine shows that hookah smokers are inhaling a large load of toxicants.  The findings, published online and scheduled for the January/February print issue of the journal Public Health Reports, represent a meta-analysis, or a mathematical summary of previously published data. The research team reviewed 542 scientific articles potentially relevant to cigarette and hookah smoking and ultimately narrowed them down to 17 studies that included sufficient data to extract reliable estimates on toxicants inhaled when smoking cigarettes or hookahs. They discovered that, compared with a single cigarette, one hookah session delivers approximately 125 times the smoke, 25 times the tar, 2.5 times the nicotine and 10 times the carbon monoxide. 

 

 

“Our results show that hookah tobacco smoking poses real health concerns and that it should be monitored more closely than it is currently,” said lead author Brian A. Primack, M.D., Ph.D., assistant vice chancellor for health and society in Pitt’s Schools of the Health Sciences. “For example, hookah smoking was not included in the 2015 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey System questionnaire, which assesses cigarette smoking, chewing tobacco, electronic cigarettes and many other forms of substance abuse." Dr. Primack and his co-authors note that comparing a hookah smoking session to smoking a single cigarette is a complex comparison to make because of the differences in smoking patterns. A frequent cigarette smoker may smoke 20 cigarettes per day, while a frequent hookah smoker may only participate in a few hookah sessions each day. 

 

 

“It’s not a perfect comparison because people smoke cigarettes and hookahs in very different ways,” said Dr. Primack. “We had to conduct the analysis this way—comparing a single hookah session to a single cigarette—because that’s the way the underlying studies tend to report findings. So, the estimates we found cannot tell us exactly what is ‘worse.’ But what they do suggest is that hookah smokers are exposed to a lot more toxicants than they probably realize. After we have more fine-grained data about usage frequencies and patterns, we will be able to combine those data with these findings and get a better sense of relative overall toxicant load.” The research team also notes that these findings may be helpful in providing estimates for various official purposes. “Individual studies have reported different estimates for inhaled toxicants from cigarettes or hookahs, which made it hard to know exactly what to report to policy makers or in educational materials,” said co-author and expert in meta-analysis Smita Nayak, M.D., research scientist at the Swedish Center for Clinical Research and Innovation.

 

 

“A strength of meta-analysis is that it enables us to provide more precise estimates by synthesizing the currently available data from individual studies.” These estimates come at an important time: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently reported that, for the first time in history, past 30-day use of hookah tobacco was higher than past 30-day use of cigarettes among U.S. high school students. Additionally, about one-third of U.S. college students have smoked tobacco from a hookah, and many of those individuals were not previous users of other forms of tobacco.

 

 

- I don't want you to use substances... if you can't talk to people... ... and you are noob..... we are going to build a confidence... without using substances... if you are using substances... I am going to throw you the facts... and lets see what happens.

 

 

 

 

Alcohol Facts

 

 

 

 

Drinks like beer, malt liquor, wine, and hard liquor contain alcohol. Alcohol is the ingredient that gets you drunk.

Hard liquor—such as whiskey, rum, or gin—has more alcohol in it than beer, malt liquor, or wine.

These drink sizes have about the same amount of alcohol in them:

• 1 ½ ounces of hard liquor
• 5 ounces of wine
• 8-9 ounces of malt liquor
• 12 ounces of regular beer

Being drunk can make a person feel very silly, angry, or sad for no reason. It can make it hard to walk in a straight line, talk clearly, or drive.

Some slang names for alcohol are:

• Booze
• Juice
• Hooch
• Sauce
• Rotgut

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is heroin?

 

 

Heroin is an opioid drug made from morphine, a natural substance taken from the seed pod of the various opium poppy plants grown in Southeast and Southwest Asia, Mexico, and Colombia. Heroin can be a white or brown powder, or a black sticky substance known as black tar heroin. Other common names for heroin include big H, horse, hell dust, and smack.

How do people use heroin?

People inject, sniff, snort, or smoke heroin. Some people mix heroin with crack cocaine, a practice called speedballing.

What are the effects of heroin?

Heroin enters the brain rapidly and binds to opioid receptors on cells located in many areas, especially those involved in feelings of pain and pleasure and in controlling heart rate, sleeping, and breathing.

 

Short-Term Effects

 

People who use heroin report feeling a "rush" (a surge of pleasure, or euphoria). However, there are other common effects, including:

• dry mouth
• warm flushing of the skin
• heavy feeling in the arms and legs
• nausea and vomiting
• severe itching
• clouded mental functioning
• going "on the nod," a back-and-forth state of being conscious and semiconscious

 

Long-Term Effects

 

People who use heroin over the long term may develop:

• insomnia
• collapsed veins for people who inject the drug
• damaged tissue inside the nose for people who sniff or snort it
• infection of the heart lining and valves
• abscesses (swollen tissue filled with pus)
• constipation and stomach cramping
• liver and kidney disease
• lung complications, including pneumonia
• mental disorders such as depression and antisocial personality disorder
• sexual dysfunction for men
• irregular menstrual cycles for women

 

Other Potential Effects

 

 

Heroin often contains additives, such as sugar, starch, or powdered milk, that can clog blood vessels leading to the lungs, liver, kidneys, or brain, causing permanent damage. Also, sharing drug injection equipment and having impaired judgment from drug use can increase the risk of contracting infectious diseases such as HIV and hepatitis (see "Injection Drug Use, HIV, and Hepatitis").

 

Can a person overdose on heroin?

 

Yes, a person can overdose on heroin. A heroin overdose occurs when a person uses enough of the drug to produce a life-threatening reaction or death. Heroin overdoses have increased in recent years.3

When people overdose on heroin, their breathing often slows or stops. This can decrease the amount of oxygen that reaches the brain, a condition called hypoxia. Hypoxia can have short- and long-term mental effects and effects on the nervous system, including coma and permanent brain damage.

 

How can a heroin overdose be treated?

 

Naloxone is a medicine that can treat an opioid overdose when given right away. It works by rapidly binding to opioid receptors and blocking the effects of heroin and other opioid drugs. Sometimes more than one dose may be needed to help a person start breathing again, which is why it’s important to get the person to an emergency department or a doctor to receive additional support if needed. Read more in the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s Opioid Overdose Prevention Toolkit.

Naloxone is available as an injectable (needle) solution, a handheld auto-injector (EVZIO®), and a nasal spray (NARCAN® Nasal Spray). Friends, family, and others in the community can use the auto-injector and nasal spray versions of naloxone to save someone who is overdosing.

The rising number of opioid overdose deaths has led to an increase in public health efforts to make naloxone available to at-risk persons and their families, as well as first responders and others in the community. Some states have passed laws that allow pharmacists to dispense naloxone without a prescription from a person’s personal doctor. Read more about naloxone at our Naloxone webpage.

 

Photo by ©iStock.com/KatarzynaBialasiewiczIs heroin addictive?

 

 

Heroin is highly addictive. People who regularly use heroin often develop a tolerance, which means that they need higher and/or more frequent doses of the drug to get the desired effects. A substance use disorder (SUD) is when continued use of the drug causes issues, such as health problems and failure to meet responsibilities at work, school, or home. An SUD can range from mild to severe, the most severe form being addiction.

Those who are addicted to heroin and stop using the drug abruptly may have severe withdrawal. Withdrawal symptoms—which can begin as early as a few hours after the drug was last taken—include:

 

 

• restlessness
• severe muscle and bone pain
• sleep problems
• diarrhea and vomiting
• cold flashes with goose bumps ("cold turkey")
• uncontrollable leg movements ("kicking the habit")
• severe heroin cravings

 

Researchers are studying the long-term effects of opioid addiction on the brain. Studies have shown some loss of the brain’s white matter associated with heroin use, which may affect decision-making, behavior control, and responses to stressful situations.4–6

How is heroin addiction treated?

 

A range of treatments including medicines and behavioral therapies are effective in helping people stop heroin use. It’s important to match the best treatment approach to meet the particular needs of each individual patient.

Medicines include buprenorphine and methadone. They work by binding to the same opioid receptors in the brain as heroin, but more weakly, reducing cravings and withdrawal symptoms. Another treatment is naltrexone, which blocks opioid receptors and prevents opioid drugs from having an effect. A NIDA study found that once treatment is initiated, both a buprenorphine/naloxone combination and an extended release naltrexone formulation are similarly effective in addiction. Because full detoxification is necessary for treatment with naloxone, initiating treatment among active users was difficult, but once detoxification was complete, both medications had similar effectiveness.

 

Behavioral therapies for heroin addiction include methods called cognitive-behavioral therapy and contingency management. Cognitive-behavioral therapy helps modify the patient’s drug-use expectations and behaviors, and helps effectively manage triggers and stress. Contingency management provides motivational incentives, such as vouchers or small cash rewards for positive behaviors such as staying drug-free. These behavioral treatment approaches are especially effective when used along with medicines.

 

 

How many teens use tobacco and nicotine products?

 

 

Smoking and smokeless tobacco use generally start during the teen years. Among people who use tobacco:

 

 

• Each day, nearly 3,200 people younger than 18 years of age smoke their first cigarette.13
• Every day, an estimated 2,100 youth and young adults who have been occasional smokers become daily cigarette smokers.14
• If smoking continues at the current rate among youth in this country, 5.6 million of today’s Americans under the age of 18 - or about 1 in every 13 young people - could die prematurely (too early) from a smoking-related illness.15
• E-cigarettes are the most commonly used form of tobacco among youth in the United States. 
• Young people who use e-cigs or smokeless tobacco may be more likely to also become smokers.16, 17
• Using smokeless tobacco remains a mostly male behavior. About 490,000 teens ages 12 to 17 are current smokeless tobacco users. For every 100 teens who use smokeless tobacco, 85 of them are boys.18

A survey of teens in the United States shows cigarette smoking is on the decline. That could be in part due to the introduction of e-cigarettes. Teens today are more likely to smoke an e-cigarette than a regular cigarette.19

 

 

 

Below is a chart showing the percentage of teens who use tobacco and nicotine products:

 

Swipe left or right to scroll.

 

Monitoring the Future Study: Trends in Prevalence of Various Drugs for 8th Graders, 10th Graders, and 12th Graders; 2017 (in percent)*

Drug	Time Period	8th Graders	10th Graders	12th Graders
Cigarettes (any use)	Lifetime	9.40	15.90	26.60
	Past Month	[1.90]	5.00	9.70
	Daily	[0.60]	2.20	4.20
	1/2-pack+/day	0.20	0.70	1.70
Smokeless Tobacco	Lifetime	6.20	9.10	[11.00]
	Past Month	[1.70]	3.80	[4.90]
	Daily	0.40	0.60	2.00
Any Vaping	Lifetime	18.50	30.90	35.80
	Past Year	13.30	23.90	27.80
	Past Month	6.60	13.10	16.60

 

* Data in brackets indicate statistically significant change from the previous year.

 

 

 

Chapter 8 - Fuck You

 -  This chapter is not so serious!

 

 

Effects of Alcohol on Brains and Bodies

 

These are just some of the problems alcohol can cause:

 

Alcohol Poisoning

 

You can die from drinking a lot of alcohol at one time.

 

Diseases

 

Heavy drinking over the years can raise your risk for stroke (brain injury from a blood clot), cancer, liver disease, and other illnesses. People can forget to use condoms when they're drunk, have unsafe sex, and get HIV/AIDS or hepatitis (a liver disease).

 

Hurts the Baby

 

If a pregnant woman drinks alcohol, it can cause brain damage, which can lead to other health problems in the baby.

 

You Can Get Hurt or Killed

 

Being drunk makes you more likely to get hurt or killed. Alcohol is involved in:

• 60 percent of drownings, murders, and deadly burns
• 50 percent of severe injuries and sexual attacks
• 40 percent of deadly driving crashes, deadly falls, and suicides

 

Brain Damage

 

Long-term alcohol abuse can permanently hurt your brain cells. This can make it hard to walk, remember, or learn new things.

 

Addiction

 

You can get addicted to alcohol just like other drugs. Fortunately, there are medicines and other treatments that can help someone recover from alcohol addiction.

 

 

 

 

©istock.com/aijohn784 Being drunk makes you more likely to get hurt or killed. Alcohol is involved in many deadly car crashes.

 

 

 

 

- I love people when they abuse alcohol

...

Look Before and After... before....  normal human... then after aka ... it's zombie

 

 

 

Effects of Meth on Brains and Bodies

 

 

 

 

These are just some of the problems meth can cause:

 

You Overheat

 

Meth can make your body temperature so hot that you pass out. Sometimes this can kill you.

 

Crank Bugs

 

Meth can make you feel like bugs are crawling on or under your skin. It makes you scratch a lot. Scratching causes sores on your face and arms.

 

Meth Mouth

 

People who use meth break, stain, or rot their teeth. They often drink lots of sweet things, grind their teeth, and have dry mouth. This is called "meth mouth."

 

You Look Old

 

People who use meth start looking old. They burn a lot of energy and don't eat well. This can make them lose weight and look sick. Their hands or body might shake. Their skin looks dull and has sores and pimples that don't heal. Their mouth looks sunken as the teeth go bad.

 

HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis

 

People who inject (shoot up) meth can get HIV/AIDS or hepatitis (a liver disease) if they share used needles. People also get these diseases by having unsafe sex. They often forget to use condoms because they're high on the drug.

 

Addiction

 

Meth use can quickly lead to addiction and hurt different parts of your brain. It can cause thinking and emotional problems that don't go away or that come back again even after you quit using the drug. For instance, you might feel, hear, or see things that aren't there. You might think that people are out to get you or start believing strange ideas that can't really be true.

 

 

Pain Medicine (Oxy, Vike) Facts

 

 

 

 

Pain medicines relieve pain from surgery or injuries. You need a doctor's note (called a prescription) to buy some strong kinds of these medicines. Prescription pain medicines are legal and helpful to use when a doctor orders them to treat your medical problem.

But people sometimes take these without a doctor's prescription to get high or to try to treat themselves or their friends. Drug dealers sell these pills just like they sell heroin or cocaine. Some people borrow or steal these pills from other people.

 

Some people think that prescription pain medicines are safer to use than "street" drugs because they are medicines. Prescription pain medicine use can be as dangerous as heroin or cocaine use.

 

Oxycodone is one pain medicine that people often abuse. Sometimes it goes by the brand names OxyContin® or Percocet®. Another one that is often abused is hydrocodone. One of its brand names is Vicodin®.

Pain medicines are usually white, round, or oval pills. They can be taken whole, smoked, or crushed into a powder that is snorted or injected.

 

Like heroin, pain pills can cause a rush of good feeling when they're first taken, but they can also make you want to throw up. They can make you very sleepy. And you can get addicted to them.

 

Some slang names for oxycodone are:

 

• Oxy
• Cotton
• Percs

 

Some slang names for hydrocodone are:

 

• Vikes
• Vikings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Effects of Pain Medicine Abuse on Brains and Bodies

 

 

 

 

These are just some of the problemspain medicine abuse can cause:

 

You Stop Breathing

 

Pain medicine abuse can slow down or evenstop your breathing.

 

Coma

 

Pain medicine abuse can put you in a coma.That's when nothing can wake you up.

 

Addiction

 

Prescription pain medicines can be as addictive as heroin—especially if they are smoked orinjected. Then, even if you get treatment, it's hard to stay away from the drug. Fortunately,there are medicines that can help someone recover from prescription pain medicineaddiction.

 

Overdose

 

Signs of a pain medicine overdose are cold and sweaty skin, confusion, shaking, extremesleepiness, trouble breathing, and coma.

 

Death

 

Many people die from pain medicine overdoses. In fact, more people overdose from painmedicines every year than from heroin and cocaine combined.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coping With Stress Without Smoking

 

Stress is a normal part of life—in moderation it can help you reach your goals, but too much stress creates more problems. Managing stress is a key part of quitting smoking. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You may have learned to deal with stress by smoking. But there are ways to handle stress without smoking. Here are a few ideas you might find helpful. Some of these tips may take practice, but others you can do right away. Try one or more to learn what works for you.

 

Relax

 

Our bodies respond to stress by releasing hormones that increase your heart rate and raise your blood pressure. Practicing relaxation techniques, like the ones below, may improve your health and help you handle your stress in positive ways.

 

Breathe

 

Take a few slow, deep breaths—in through your nose, out through your mouth. You will feel your body start to relax.

 

Locate Your Stress

 

Take a minute to figure out how stress affects your body. Where do you feel tension in your body? Finding ways to reduce that tension will also help your mental stress. A warm bath, a massage, or stretching can help you release built-up tension.

 

Visualize

 

Think of a place where you feel safe, comfortable, and relaxed. Picture it as clearly as you can, including imagining what you would feel, hear, and maybe even smell if you were in that relaxing place. Let yourself enjoy being there for a few minutes. 

 

 "I am not my slip-ups, mistakes, or shortcomings. Disappointment in myself is a place to visit, but not to live. "-Smokefree Laura

 

 

Exercise

 

Being active sends out natural chemicals that help your mood and reduce your stress. Sometimes a short walk is all it takes to relieve stress. And walking is free! 

 

Talk

 

You don’t have to deal with stress alone. Share your feelings with friends, family, and other important people in your life who are able to support you in staying smokefree.

 

Focus

 

Life can sometimes be overwhelming. Try not to get caught up in worrying about what’s next. Instead, try to focus on what is happening now, not what you might have to deal with in the future. 

 

Care

 

Make an extra effort to take care of yourself. This includes basic things like eating a balanced diet, drinking lots of water, and getting enough sleep. 

 

Try to cut down on caffeinated drinks. They can make you feel anxious and increase nicotine withdrawal symptoms.

 

 

 

 Do Good

 

Doing something nice for others can make your day a little better too. Being caring toward others helps you reduce your own stress. 

 

Decaffeinate

 

Caffeine can help you stay awake, but it also can make you feel tense, jittery, and stressed. Cutting back or even doing away with caffeine can help reduce your feelings of stress. Switching to herbal tea or even hot water with lemon gives you a chance to enjoy a hot beverage but without the caffeine. 

 

Accept

 

Life is full of twists and turns. You’ll always have some stress in your life. It helps to understand that there will be good days and bad days.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8.1. - Fuck You (Part 2)

 Note: Women... search for somebody to validate... them... for emotional support... and helping them to achieve high status.

 

 

Posttraumatic Growth: Shifting from Dysfunction to Evolution

 

March 20th marked the 15th anniversary of the U.S. invasion of Iraq. Although only a fraction of American service members remain deployed to Iraq today, the residual effects of combat permeate many of our communities.

 

As a nation we opened our communal arms to the men and women as they returned home from Iraq.  Main Street parades were held and memorials were constructed. However, a darker side of this time began to show and still remains. It's the presence of the psychological effects of war, the most notable being post-traumatic stress disorder - simply referred to as PTSD.

 

PTSD has a long and sordid history with war.  After witnessing countless soldiers suffering from fatigue, heart palpitations, and shortness of breath, Civil War doctor Jacob Mendes Da Costa labeled soldiers as suffering from "Soldier's Heart".  What was believed to a be a cardiovascular condition was in fact anxiety. 

 

The term "battle fatigue" was the dominate label during World War II. And although the medical community's understanding of the psychological consequences of combat was greater at this time, many military leaders incorrectly and callously labeled struggling soldiers as cowards.

 

It wasn't until the Vietnam War that researchers truly began to classify and categorize the many shared psychological symptoms of combat veterans. Consequently, the term PTSD made its way into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the publication often referred to as the "psychiatric bible."

 

Today, 15 years into the longest period of war in our nation's history, we're still trying to understand PTSD. The prevalence rate in post-9/11 veterans hasn't changed from that of their predecessors from earlier conflicts, which has been reported to be as high as 30% in certain groups.

 

Our treatments haven't changed that much either. Talk-therapy and medications are the dominate interventions for our combat veterans. And unfortunately it's estimated that only about half of veterans who need treatment actually seek it. And of those who initiate treatment only a modest portion actually finish and achieve remission.

 

One hundred and fifty years after Soldier's Heart, it's time to rethink our approach to PTSD. Let's get away from the medical model that reduces our combat veterans to a set of symptoms and start harnessing their inner strength and turn their struggles into new possibilities, purpose, and meaning.

 

This novel concept is called "posttraumatic growth," or "PTG". PTG supports the notion that our most difficult experiences can make us stronger. Instead of just thinking in terms of recovery from traumatic events, we should also help combat veterans use their experiences to grow and become stronger, healthier, and better versions of themselves.

 

Many experts in psychology and psychiatry believe that PTG can be cultivated in veterans. In fact, over 30 years of research by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun, the fathers of modern-day PTG, establishes a strong foundation for this belief.

We don't believe that facilitating PTG in veterans should replace current treatments.  Talk-therapy and medication are effective for a subset of combat veterans struggling with PTSD. We do believe that leveraging veterans' inner strength in order to help them explore new possibilities for psychological, relational, and spiritual growth is imperative.  In other words, we must help them focus on what they have gained from their combat experiences versus what they have lost.

 

Bret A. Moore, Psy.D., is a former Army psychologist, veteran of the Iraq War and writer. He's the co-author of "The Posttraumatic Growth Workbook.”  

 

Ken Falke is a retired Navy Master Chief. He's chairman and founder of both the Boulder Crest Retreat for Military and Veteran Wellness and the EOD Warrior Foundation and co-author of "Struggle Well".

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8.2. - Fuck You (Part 3)

 What Is the Psychological Toll of Stalking?

 

 

 

 

“What are you going to do? Are you going to live in the dark, locked in here? Afraid to look out, answer the door, leave? Yes, he's out there, and he's clearly not going to leave you alone until one of three things happens: he hurts you and gets arrested, or he makes a mistake and gets arrested, or you stop him.”   —Rachel Caine

What constitutes stalking behavior(link is external)? While the #metoo movement has brought sexual harassment and assault against women into the spotlight as never before,  the question of how to deal with complaints of stalking continues to defy easy solutions. 

 

Source: Tony Bowler/Shutterstock

 

Part of the problem stems from the lack of agreement over what constitutes stalking behavior in the first place. Despite efforts by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to recognize stalking as a form of partnership violence, laws pertaining to stalking behavior vary widely from place to place and getting police protection is often impossible for many potential victims until too late.

Along with more blatant stalking behaviors such as threats of physical or sexual violence,  researchers have also identified what they term unwanted pursuit behaviors (UPB) which, while creating a feeling of menace in their targets, are rarely illegal in themselves. These behaviors can include:

 

• questioning friends and family of the person targeted to gather information on whereabouts, new relationships, or friendships.
• appearing in places where the targeted person might be.
• waiting outside the target's workplace/school/home.
• sending or leaving unwanted gifts or letters.

 

 

Along with these in-person unwanted behaviors, stalking victims are also reporting having to deal with a sharp rise in cyberstalking(link is external) activities including:

 

• threatening to release information and/or images if the target doesn't do what the stalker wants.
• sending an excessive number of emails/Facebook posts or repeatedly trying to make contact using online chat.
• sending threatening texts/posts/tweets, etc.

 

Whatever form the stalking takes, the consequences can be severe for the person targeted.  Researchers have consistently shown that being stalked can often produce of posttraumatic stress, whether that stalking involves in-person stalking or the online equivalent.   Even when dealing with cyberstalking alone, studies show that victims are far more likely  to report depressive and somatic symptoms, sleep problems, and generally lower well-being than non-victims. Victims are also far more likely to take defensive actions such as taking time off from work or school, changing jobs or schools, and even moving away from family and friends to avoid contact with their stalker. 

 

A new research study published in the journal Psychology of Violence(link is external)provides an in-depth look at different kinds of unwanted pursuit behavior and how they can relate to relationship violence and posttraumatic stress. The researchers designed their study to refine existing measures of cyber- and in-person victimization as well as to gauge how this victimization can predict interpersonal violence and psychological problems afterward.  For the purpose of this research, Christina Dardis of Towson University and a team of co-researchers recruited 330 women, aged 18 or over, from a pool of psychology undergraduates at a mid-Western university. All of the participants reported having been in one or more relationships which ended in the previous three years.  

 

To conceal the real purpose of the study, all participants completed an online survey titled, "What happens when your relationship ends?" Along with collecting demographic data, the survey contained items from inventories measuring:

 

• "In-person" unwanted pursuit. Based on a 26-item measure used in previous studies, participants were asked how often they experienced unsolicited contact behaviors ranging from relatively minor actions such as "Wait outside of your home, work or school” to more serious examples including, "Cause harm to someone close to you or to your pet”
• Cyber unwanted pursuit. Based on an 18-item research instrument measuring cyber-harassment, participants were items such as “[Did he/she] Use web cam to monitor your activities" as well as items relating to threatening calls, emails, or posts, checking on ex-partners by using their password, excessive phone calls/emails, etc.
• Follow-up in-person and cyber unwanted pursuit items. When participants endorsed items relating to experiencing unwanted pursuit, they were then asked to complete items describing the extent to which this harassment made them feel frightened or annoyed.
• History of physical, sexual, or psychological victimization. Participants completed items describing different forms of abuse with higher total scores reflecting degree of victimization.
• Posttraumatic abuse symptoms. Items relating to symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder as measured by the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).  This included symptoms such as flashbacks, avoidance behaviors, and hypervigilance.  For the purpose of the research, items focused on symptoms experienced in the past seven days.
• Depression symptoms. Using the 20-item Center for Epidemiologic Studies Depression Scale, participants reported on any depressive symptoms occurring in the past week.  Total score was used to measure level of overall depression.

 

 As expected, results showed considerable overlap between reports of unwanted in-person pursuit behavior and unwanted cyber-pursuit.  Among the 59 percent of women who reported two or more examples of unwanted behaviors, most reported it occurring to them both online and in-person. Victims of unwanted pursuit behavior were also more likely to report being a victim of some form of interpersonal violence as well as depression and posttraumatic symptoms. 

 

Types of unwanted behavior most likely to lead to mental health issues included: being sent an excessive number of texts/posts; asking mutual friends for personal information; and sending threatening messages.  Interestingly enough, there seemed little difference whether these behaviors occurred in person or online.  Even for participants who experienced cyber-stalking alone, excessive or threatening messages were strongly linked to later development of posttraumatic or depressive symptoms.

 

For in-person unwanted pursuit behavior, the two factors that seemed to have the greatest emotional impact on women were: indications of active pursuit (either following the person targeted or showing up unexpectedly) and aggression (threatening or committing actual violence towards the target, her property, or those close to her).  As for unwanted cyber-pursuit, participants were most likely to report emotional distress after receiving an excessive number contacts or posts, or else when pursuers made use of active surveillance or GPS and/or posting revealing images of the target online. 

While previous studies have already shown the negative impact of in-person and cyber-stalking on targeted women, these study results go further in showing the cumulative impact of unwanted behaviors that have been underresearched up to now.  Though the participants in this study were all young, undergraduate women from a single Midwest university, the traumatic impact of this kind of post-relationship pursuit behavior is very similar to what has been reported in numerous other studies on stalking and harassment over the years. 

 

Along with recognizing study limitations, Dardis and her co-authors acknowledge that more research is needed to study the long-term consequences of in-person and cyber-harassment as well as the kind of harassing behavior reported  by other population groups (including males and females in other age groups).   

 

Still, these results demonstrate the need for better intervention programs to help victims of post-relationship bullying/cyberbullying. For example, those stalking victims still in school (whether college or high school) can benefit from safe spaces being established where they can feel free to disclose what has been happening to them.  School health staff (especially nurses and counselors) can also screen for signs of relationship violence as well as providing counseling to address posttraumatic stress and depression. Also, since many victims may not recognize unwanted pursuit behavior as stalking, screening instruments to question victims about whether they have been targeted by unwanted pursuit behaviors (such as the ones described in this study) can be used as well.  

 

As for dealing with the pursuers themselves, education can be essential,  especially for those pursuers who may not even recognize that their unwanted pursuit behavior is upsetting to their targets.  Education programs can also help promote greater awareness of issues surrounding unwanted pursuit behavior and its role in preventing later episodes of sexual or relationship violence. And there is also a need for greater vigilance in policing online social platforms such as Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, to identify instances of cyberstalking and to provide greater safety for targets online.

In an era of increasing anonymity, electronic surveillance, and social media, the opportunities for unwanted pursuit behavior seem greater than ever.  But the political and social will for developing real solutions for this kind of stalking behavior is stronger than ever as well.  Finding better solutions and putting them into effect is an essential first step.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 9 - I love Fucking Myself

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- We watch this shit... it's one sided thing... but in the end we end up... something like

 

 

 

 

...

 

So it's awful thing... you think that you are getting something... you are getting somewhere... but in the end you don't get anywhere...

 

...


Just look it from the true side... not from the illusion... which keeps you awake at night!

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Life is not like stroking a cock...

you can spit on it... somebody can touch it... you can touch it... you can go up and down few times...

 

 

...

But life is not like this

 

...

It's endless cycle of ups and downs

...

You can't touch life

You can't spit on it...

 

...

Life is all about connection... porn is all about getting pleasure...

 

 

Pleasure and connection are two different... rounds!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

....

 

 

P.S.: People should stop putting too much value on someone....

 

 

 

Interview with dating expert Kezia Noble

 

 

 

 

 

Kezia runs kezia-noble.com, she is one of the worlds leading dating experts and has helped over 100,000 men to overcome a multitude of sticking points and limiting beliefs.

 

You are known to give insightful and unapologetically honest advice. What’s one important truth that you teach your students when it comes to social life?

 

Never to become too available! It sounds kind of counterintuitive, because if you want to grow your social circle and make friends and connections, then yes, in the early stages you do have to be very proactive and say “yes” to a lot of invitations, even if you can’t be bothered or don’t really want to. However, at some point, you need to know when to value your time more wisely. People generally don’t like hanging out with loners or people who are just that a bit ‘too keen’ to come along to any gathering. This essentially comes down to the ‘abundancy’ attraction trigger. A person who is in demand in any area of their life will be perceived to have a higher level of value. Your presence will be appreciated a lot more if you don’t give it away too easily.

 

What piece of information or habit has had the most positive effect on your life socially the last years?

 

To be the last to arrive and the first to leave. Again, this goes back to the ‘abundancy’ mentality. Being someone who has little time and/or whose time is precious, creates an aura of high value. Everyone wants to connect with someone who is in demand.

I have also learned that humor can be the best solution when faced with nearly every unwanted social predicament. A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

 

Are there similarities between the advice you give on attraction and the advice given to people who want to improve their social life?

 

Absolutely. The attraction spectrum is very wide. Whether we use attraction in a sexual way, or use attraction to accumulate business, trust, and friends, the attraction principles remain the same. Demonstrating high value, having an abundance attitude, coming across as unapologetically genuine, being able to connect on an emotional and psychological level via verbal and non-verbal communication, listening, reading others and situations with accuracy, and of course having the confidence and self-belief to take action.

 

If you could restart your life knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?

 

The changes I would have made in the past in regard to my social life, would NOT include avoiding the people I had chosen to spend my time with, even if some of them had a negative influence on me at the time, they are still played an important and ultimately positive role in many ways. By spending time with ‘Losers’ or ‘Energy vampires’ (for lack of a better expression) It has served to give me the ability to spot these kinds of characters very quickly and filter them out efficiently and pragmatically.

 

However, I do feel that my unconditional honesty could have been a bit more sugar-coated sometimes. Not everyone really wants to hear ‘your truth (even if they pay lip service to it that they do) sometimes people just want to hear something that makes them a feel better, and now that I’m older (and hopefully a little wiser) I can see that I didn’t read situations or agendas correctly, and really should have known when it was socially and emotionally appropriate to unleash my unfiltered opinion and when to have just backed down and offer well-meaning sentiments instead.

 

This is why I love what I do, because the men who come to me for advice really don’t want nice sounding sentiments, and make it clear that they want the full on no holds barred advice, feedback, and insights that will help them to take the right steps.

 

 

What’s your best advice to someone who tends to overthink social interaction?

 

I actually think it is important to be aware of what you’re saying and how you are behaving in social interactions because first impressions to amount to a lot. Overthinking is obviously not something that I encourage, but nor is underthinking. You should want to present the best version of yourself, and some people can do this effortlessly, but some people can’t, the ones who struggle usually end up coming across as guarded and quiet or if they’re a natural extrovert they will overcompensate and become overbearing, in which case thinking through stories, anecdotes, non verbal communication behaviours are key, and it’s essential to be able to observe people’s micro reactions, by observing others, you automatically take the pressure off getting too stuck in your own head or caught up in your own private reality.

 

What kind of person should visit your site?

 

Any man who is serious about getting more comfortable with women. The team and I have helped men of all different ages, of a wide spectrum of social statuses and from many different cultural backgrounds. Whether you want to overcome approach anxiety, become a better conversationalist, make sincere and impactful connections, get out of the friend zone or learn how to flirt with women you are attracted to, we can help. We have over a decade of experience and have helped increase the success rate of every single man who comes to us. Get started with this article about things you should NEVER say to a girl.

 

 

Via SocialPro (Website... so far the website... is not useful if we start going deeper... if your thinking is reading cliches... go for it... but in reality no value you are going to get.)

 

 

 

 

Comedians say shit and don't get easily offended...

It's time  you to start saying shit and less give a fuck! 

 

Chapter 9.1 - Exercises

- I am piece of shit... I won't lie in this... it's a big event!

 

 

 

 

 

 

1) Lay Down

 

 

Mall

 

 

 

 

 

Shop

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Street

 

 

 

 

 

It's now time go into a place where there is too much pressure... and too much people... and to get rid of the pressure... lay down on the street like

 

 

 

 

 

for 30 seconds or 1 minute... and just stay down... CHILL.... CHILLL

 

...

 

 

CHILLL

 

 

 

 

 

 

- You can lay on the street.... on a busy street, at the shop, mall... and even in the bus, in the train...

 

and list goes on and on and on

 

 

2) Start saying shit...

...

Stop putting girls on pedastal and stop giving so much value on strangers... go there and insult them... go there and say something in other language... be polite in the beginning and then kill it...

 

1) First you need to get their attention

2) Then to give the impact

 

 

 

and

 

 

3) Start giving compliments 

 

- Once you have down 2)... go for 3)... this will make some kinda connection ... and you can even introduce yourself... if you feel safe... start being honest with them... tell her or him or them  your real name and start going in the conversation... but... if you don't feel safe... you can say few truth things about yourself... but lie about your name... where you live... and such stuff like this.

Chapter 9.2 - I love Fucking Myself (Part 2)

Note: Let's have a chat

 

 

 - People in game... such game like dating always take it so serious

like

 

• What now?
• What next?
• How to say it?
• Will it sound well?
• When to say it?
• and etc.

 

and sometimes they even come with dumb excuses

 

 

• It's not my day
• I can't now
• I will do it later
• I will sound like a creep
• She is talking to a friend
• She is talking on the phone
• She looks pretty busy
• and etc

 

and along the way... put less value on ourselfs and put more value in other people hands. We ruin our day by overthinking everything... which doesn't make us... really smart... it makes us to feel more uncomfortable.

 

 

 

 How To Compliment Girls Without Commenting On Their Appearance

 

 

The things that are told to us as children and adolescents stay with us longer than we realize.

 

 

 

 

It feels good to give and receive compliments,  but when it comes to complimenting girls and complimenting women, all too often we comment on their appearance. While such a compliment is appreciated once and while, when young girls grow up only validated based on how they look, it sends a dangerous message they are only worth what they present externally.  

On the flip side, boys are often complimented on their skills, interests, and abilities. They are complimented for being strong and brave, while girls are compared to Disney Princess and simply called "beautiful." 

How we compliment girls matters. To ensure girls feel confident from a young age, and through adulthood, about their qualities that have nothing to do with their looks, it's important we let them know what it is about them that is worth being valued.  

 

Compliment her  intelligence.

 

Complimenting a girl's intelligence can help affirm her self-esteem. Superficial compliments on things we have no control over, like our natural appearance, don't do as much as a compliment that acknowledges inner-work. 

 

Praise her accomplishments.

 

Find out what she has been working on or has accomplished. Imagine how diminishing it must feel to have worked so hard to create something, only to have your looks be the center of praise. Complimenting a girl's accomplishments will empower her to continue pursuing her goals. 

 

 

Compliment her creativity.

 

In whatever way her creativity manifests, be sure to tell her how awesome it is.  Pay attention to her passion and curiosity. Listen to, and compliment, her ideas and her dreams. 

 

Compliment her personality.

 

The most important thing you can compliment anyone on is who they are on the inside. Speak about her humor, her values, and all of the things that make her special. You'll be encouraging her to remain true to herself and know that she is enough.

 

Be sincere.

 

With any compliment, remember to be sincere. Take the time to think about your compliment before you pay it. Think about how your words will affect the person receiving them.

 

 

Note: Discussion should start in a unique and fun way... don't set up the cards of giving too much value to all the players in this game.

 

 

 

 

People Were Asked What The Best Compliment They Ever Received Was. Their Answers Made Us Happy.

 

 

 

 

 

It might be something your best friend said at 2 in the morning over too much wine or just the most random thing a complete stranger blurted without thinking. Perhaps it's your mom pouring her heart out.

No matter who said it or when or why, for some peculiar reason, some compliments become just so much more powerful than the others. And there's always that one you wouldn't trade for a million others.

So we asked a bunch of people to share the one nicest thing anyone has ever told them. 

 

Here it goes:

Mandy:

 

"I'm excited about your life."

- A childhood friend on the schoolbus to their performing arts day camp.

Rafael:

 

 

"That was a really good taco-flavored kiss."

- Rafael's ex.

Greg:

 

 

"Nice skin."

Gets it all the time.

Danutė:

 

 

"Don't freak out, but you give me goosebumps... Or was this too soon?"

- A guy in a queue at 7/11.

Jerome:

 

 

"You look like your dog, just a bit taller."

- A stranger at a dog park.

Cate:

 

 

"You're the best version of yourself you could be."

- A high school classmate Cate hadn't seen in 5 years.

Kimberly:

 

 

"You're my sister."

- A Ghanaian man who ran an orphanage home in Senya Beraku, Ghana.

Dan:

 

 

"You are just so genuine."

- Dan's mom's best friend.

Nick:

 

 

"I wish I knew how to quit you."

 - Unknown.

Jordan:

 

 

 

"You're not fat. You look fine."

- A dude.

Marilyn:

 

"You look hot."

- Marilyn's brother in California after she sent him a couple photos of her. "Since he has 'PD' (Parkinson's Disease), I think it made him feel good to say it," Marilyn told Aplus.

Clarissa:

 

 

"You're like a pistol shrimp — I never thought anything so small could be so loud."

- Clarissa's boyfriend, a day after they met.

Vince:

 

 

 

"You would be the first to die in a horror movie."

- A high school friend after watching "I Know What You Did Last Summer."

Manny:

 

 

"You look like Batman."

 - Unknown.

Claire:

 

 

"You're selfless, have made me smile, & I hope I've been as good of a friend to you as you have been to me."

- Claire's roommate after they graduated college and moved out of their apartment to go live in separate cities.

 

 P.S.: I study people ... and so far this sounds very simple... but there is deep down more shit... to go over... there are secrets and ways to pull things and make them sound powerful!

 

 

 

17 Of The Best Compliments Women Ever Got

 

 

 

Giving compliments isn't just a nice way to get someone's attention, it's also an easy way to make someone feel good and even make yourself feel good.

That being said, a lot of people probably receive compliments that sound the same over and over — especially if they have a particularly endearing quality.

For the women of one Reddit thread, though, weeding out the best compliments they've ever gotten was easy. We picked our favorites and put them together below, along with a few submissions from the A+ staff. They offer some serious insight on how to compliment a girl without relying on cliches.

 

1. Don't be redundant.

 

Honest and unique compliments. As a girl, you get a lot of generic ones, such as, "You have really pretty eyes" etc. It's nice to hear, but if you go to enough bars, you hear it a lot.

The first night I met my ex, we were casually talking outside a bar and he interrupted me to say, "You have a freckle on your neck. Did you know that? It's rather cute." I blushed right away. It was so unexpected and unique, yet showed he had been discreetly checking me out. I found it incredibly endearing. - PoopsieDoodles

 

2.

 

"You are absolutely, astoundingly gorgeous and that's the least interesting thing about you." - butnoreallyy

 

3.

 

I don't think there is anything nicer than being called "gorgeous." It just warms my heart, and it's so much more kind than "you're hot," or even "pretty" for that matter. - antiquedsketch

 

4. Strangers CAN get away with being friendly.

 

I had a random guy in Memphis once stop me in the street to tell me I was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. I blushed and mumbled 'thanks' and stammered like a dipshit, and he just smiled at me and kept on walking.

I was a little dressed up, but nothing spectacular, and sure hadn't been fishing for compliments. But that really made my day, the more so because he didn't follow it up by asking for my number or anything. Just that. Awesome. Thanks, random dude. - drtfred

 

5.

 

"Your hair is so free, never change it. Your hair just adds to your gorgeousness"

 

6.

 

From a stranger, best compliment was about how she enjoys seeing me when I'm at work: "You are always so happy and kind to people, it's like a big breath of fresh air when I walk into the building and see you here!" - _Ab_Aeterno

 

7.

 

Last week I was with my boyfriend, his family and our friends in his living room. I made a comment about how I couldn't wait to get my makeup bag back after leaving it at a friends house for a week. He says, "You haven't worn make up all week? Damn, you are gorgeous!" I turned the brightest of red. I feel like the best compliments are simple but just said at the right times. - sSamoo

 

8. Maturity is a good thing.

 

Had a professor yesterday ask me how old I was. I replied 21. He looked surprised and said, "You carry yourself with much more maturity than that."

This was a prof I was uber-intimidated by, who is rumored to be an elitist misogynistic asshole. I was dreading going to his office hours. It didn't exactly make me blush but I felt great for the rest of the day - westerrrr

 

9.

 

From my fiance: On our one-year anniversary, he was opening a bottle of wine he'd been saving for over 5 years for a 'special occasion.' He looked at me and said, "I don't know why I've been saving it- I've had a reason to celebrate for 365 days now." - _Ab_Aeterno

 

10. Communication still wins out.

 

"I love talking with you" would make me lose my mind. Best thing I can think of. I'd be walking on air for daaays.

If I am dressed formally, 'stunning' would be amazing.

If I am dressed casually, "you look really nice today" would be enough.

People tell me often enough that I'm smart and have pretty hair, but I didn't work for those. To me, those things are everyday. Try to compliment your lady on something that she obviously put effort into. Ex: her outfit, an intricate hairstyle, a piece of artwork.

Also, a wink from someone I'm already interested in puts a violently happy pep in my step. Disclaimer: only do this if you know how to wink. - GizmoMachine

 

11.

 

"You look just like your mom."

My mom passed away when I was 9, so it's the biggest compliment someone could give me.

 

12.

 

To this day the best compliment I've ever been given was: "Damn, that confidence looks sexy on you." Totally made my day, and I still think about it and it makes me smile - in_all_honesty

 

13. Look up!

 

If someone compliments me on my eyes, and they mean it. I have really big boobs, so it's nice that they even bothered to look above my neck. - crash_marie

 

14.

 

I had just beat his ass at Mortal Kombat and he turns to me and said, "I adore you."

I definitely blushed. - spaceshipinmypants

 

15. A traditional compliment.

 

I've found "I love seeing your smile, it brightens my day every time" always gets a huge smile from women. . . but I've been married now for 12 years, so that may be quite dated! - Edwardian

 

16.

 

My boyfriend and I were in bed one night just talking and laughing. He said something, I forget what, but it was so funny I laughed in that loud, uncontrollable, throw-your-head-back kind of way. I was still laughing, and as I turned back to him, and he says:

"I wish I could make you laugh like that more often. You're beautiful all the time, but when you smile like that, I swear my world stops."

Laughter to tears in 2.6 seconds. -darling-nikki-

 

17. Some advice:

 

Don't tell me I'm smart. I am smart, and most days I know it. On the other days, you're poking at my already-inflamed insecurities. Plus, I'm really not sure whether you're in a position to judge.

Don't tell me I'm beautiful. I mean, I'll probably like it. I'll probably like any compliment. But whether I'm beautiful or not, my beauty is not the core of my identity. It'd be like telling someone they're "punctual". Sure, it's positive, but... is that really the best trait you could think of?

 

If you really want a blush, compliment what I do and what I make. Tell me that it was kind and thoughtful to bring that little gift to a friend. Thank me for the thousand little things I do to keep our home a good place to live. Look at my art, read my stories, listen as I describe my code design. Tell me the portrait captures their personality. Tell me the story builds a fascinating world, that it's beautifully written, that it taught you something (and be prepared for a long discussion). Tell me that the way I built my code was clever, especially if you can say most people don't catch on to those tricks.

 

This example won't work on everyone. More generally, figure out what she values about herself. Figure out what she thinks is important. Compliment that. - Asterai

 

 

 

Hint: Social Sites

like

Cupid or Facebook or even twoo (Twoo wants you to pay money), tinder (Whatever you do... it difficult to get anywhere...)
...


Social Media makes you to less like yourself!

 

 

10 Compliments Women Can't Resist

 

 

 

 

Complimenting a person you’re romantically interested in can sometimes be tricky business. You don’t want your compliments to ring hollow or come across as disingenuous — or as just another attempt to get in her pants — but, at the same time, leaving her starved of affection and affirmation is unlikely to be a smooth move, either.

 

The trick is to focus on less-obvious areas for praise in order to truly impress her. Compliments like “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world” are thoroughly cliched and are unlikely to cut it, so you’re going to need to be slightly more creative. Here are the top 10 compliments women can’t resist, and that might not come to mind immediately:

 

1. “You’re hilarious!”

 

One of the biggest drags about being female is the persistent myth that women aren’t funny, even though female comedians and actors are consistently proving this trope wrong, and ordinary women are cracking each other up whenever we gaggle together in groups. Occasionally, too, men are so preoccupied with the idea that they need to be The Funny One in the relationship that they stifle their significant other’s attempts at humor or drown them out, and this can lead to an awkward dynamic where your girl feels under-appreciated in the comedy department and like you’re always trying to outshine her.

 

It’s great to be appreciated for your humor: as a guy, you know this, so why would it be any different for women? Show sincere appreciation for her humor, and she’ll warm to you as a result. The bonus here is that, by complimenting your girlfriend on her sense of humor, you establish that you aren’t a sexist idiot who thinks women aren’t capable of inducing a belly laugh.

 

Letting your girlfriend know you find her funny is usually best communicated by simply laughing at her jokes (or responding with the cry-laugh emoji to her joking texts), but can be reinforced on occasion by letting her know in actual words (“you’re hilarious,” “you crack me up” or “you have such a sharp sense of humor”).

 

2. “I always learn so much from you.”

 

Everyone likes to feel as though they bring valuable information to the table, so try to remember to compliment the love interests in your life on their intellect. It doesn’t matter whether they are book smart or street smart, let them know that you value their opinions and input, and learn from them.

Everyone brings something to the table in terms of knowledge, so think carefully about what exactly your girlfriend or date is teaching you, and compliment on that specifically so that the compliment is more genuine. A more tailored way of delivering this compliment is by relating it to taste; for example, “you have such good taste in books/movies/music” or even the more covert (but equally flattering) “could you recommend me a good article/song/series? I definitely trust your taste.”

 

3. “You’ve got such nice eyes/lips/teeth/hair.”

 

Telling a woman she is beautiful will usually be well-received, but it can be such a generic compliment that it occasionally comes across as a bit disingenuous and hollow. Go a step further by isolating her best features and complimenting them specifically. If she’s got amazing, full lips, tell her that — in a non-creepy way, and if you’ve known her a while! If she’s got gleaming white teeth, hone in on that particular feature.

The more specific you are the better, because it shows that you’re paying attention, although try not to compliment weird areas like ears and feet, at least at first - it’ll sound like you’re struggling to find something you like about her! It’s also best to avoid focusing on cruder, more sexual body parts (her boobs or ass, for example) unless you have an established relationship and are sure that it will go down well. Complimenting a woman on her skin, hair or nails, if they are particularly clear, glossy and strong respectively, can be a good move, because a lot of women put unheralded effort into those particular areas.

 

4. “I trust you implicitly.”

 

This one’s for all the guys in committed relationships: Tell your girlfriend that you trust her! Jealousy can be an ugly dividing force in relationships, and if you have a tendency to let the green-eyed monster run a little wild, you should take stock of your girlfriend’s loyalty and compliment her for it.

After all, unless you have actual evidence that she’s cheated on you, she will appreciate some acknowledgment for staying true to you, especially if the norm for you is suspicious text messages and thinly-veiled accusations of flirting. It takes effort for women to remain faithful in relationships too, and even though loyalty is something that should go without saying when you’ve agreed to commit to someone, that doesn’t mean it’s not nice to occasionally show your gratitude for it.

 

5. “You’re not like everyone else.”

 

NOTE WELL: This is not the same as saying “you’re not like other girls,” which is thinly-veiled sexism and unlikely to be well-received by self-respecting women. “You’re not like other girls” contains the assumption that being like most girls is a bad thing, because girls are vapid, love pink and can’t throw balls, or [insert whatever other stereotypes you’re relying on when you set your special snowflake apart from the rest of her gender].

However, “you’re not like everyone else” is a lovely thing to hear, for people of all genders. It acknowledges your girlfriend or date’s unique personality quirks and reassures her that you find them endearing rather than weird. We’d all like for our less conventional quirks and idiosyncrasies to be noticed and appreciated too, because it means that we’ve valued for the entirety of who we are, and not just the polished facade we adopt when we’re on our best behavior.

 

6. “You’re good at what you do.”

 

Whatever your girlfriend or date does in terms of career, hobbies and side hustles, she’s bound to want to be noticed for her skill and talent at them. Pay attention to the craft that matters most to her: there’s no point complimenting her on her abilities at her 9-to-5 banking job if you know she finds it soul-destroying and does a half-assed effort, but a meaningful compliment about her art or sporting prowess will be better received and show that you care about the things she truly values and wants to spend her time doing. Most of us are secretly burning to be noticed for our talents and abilities, so a compliment like this will set you apart and make her feel warm and fuzzy.

 

7. “You’re a good friend.”

 

We’re often complimented for fairly meaningless things in life: our outfits, how we look or how nice the things we buy are. There’s something very satisfying, then, about being told you’re a good friend, because it strikes at the core of who you are as a person and your very best, most selfless qualities. Whether you’re complimenting your girl for being a good friend to you or to her friends, she’ll appreciate it and be touched by your thoughtfulness.

 

8. “You’re sexy.”

 

Keep this one for at least a few dates in, so you don’t seem creepy or overtly focused on sex, but if you’re dating or in a relationship, your girl will want to be reassured that you find her attractive in a sexual way. Usually best for when you’re just about to get it on or when she’s looking and feeling her best, a “you’re soooo sexy” can really be the icing on the cake to boost her mood.

 

9. “You look great today.”

 

Complimenting a woman’s appearance can be delicate business. If she’s wearing a face full of makeup or is dressed up to the nines and you specifically compliment either of those things, she may feel as though you don’t like the way she looks when she’s more dressed down. Conversely, if you praise her makeup-free face or tell her you “prefer her without makeup,” she may well take that as a snub, and sign that you find her too made-up on other occasions. The same problem occurs when you use specific body-based compliments like “curvy,” “skinny” or “toned.”

For this reason, it’s best to keep looks-based compliments general and not too specific. The last thing you want is for something you’ve intended as a compliment to make her feel worse about her appearance or like you place too much value on it, so go with catch-all niceties like “you look great today” and “you always look so good.”

 

10. “You’re my favorite person to spend time with.”

 

Telling someone that you enjoy their company is about the simplest, sincerest compliment on earth. It’s humble and undramatic, but it’s always to hear from someone you’re seeing that you’re their favorite person to spend time with, or that they find you easy-going and a pleasant person to wile away the hours with. Sometimes long-term relationshipslose a bit of the spark and passion that characterizes them at first, so this can be a good way to reaffirm what your partner means to you, even if you’ve moved into comfortable, familiar territory.

 

Compliments are a simple way to strengthen a relationship and improve the self-esteem of your partner. The key with compliments is to make them thoughtful, specific and related to things other than her looks. If you’re being genuine and pointing out aspects you truly like about her, you can’t go too far wrong. So be generous with your verbal affection, and hopefully she will return the favor!

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Publication Date: 05-29-2018

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To all Cons