How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #1)

by DeYtH Banger

Quotes

“Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Poor Performance” 
― Stephen Keague, The Little Red Handbook of Public Speaking and Presenting

 

 

 

“No audience ever complained about a presentation or speech being too short” 
― Stephen Keague, The Little Red Handbook of Public Speaking and Presenting

 

 

“The crowd shouldn't dictate your performance” 
― Bernard Kelvin Clive

 

 

“Some people talk too much without saying a lot.” 
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

 

 

 

We Can't

 It's so difficult to talk or say something in front of people

...

Imagine you are in a 

 

 

 

 

Try to make some kinda chit-chat... there... you are going to fail

 

...

 

So many people are watching

 

 

or even

 

 

 

 

Here...

 

 

so many people

 

...

 

 

again another failure

 

 

or

 

 

 

 

You are again going to fail

 

...

 

 

Again and again

 

 

doesn't matter where and when you gonna fail..

 

 

if you are last few years have been spend around the social media and games on the computer... enormous depression and anxiety you have.

 

 

 

 

This is not a lie, but a fact!

Content

• How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #1)
• Quotes
• We Can't

 

 

 

 

Part 1

 

 

• Chapter 1 - Just Start
• Chapter 1.1. - Just Start (Part 2)
• Chapter 2 - Secrets
• Chapter 2.1. - This Guy Did it!?
• Chapter 3 - Why Discipline Beats Motivation Every Time (Part 1)
• Chapter 3.1. - Why Discipline Beats Motivation Every Time (Part 2)
• Chapter 4 - How to Talk (Part 1)
• Chapter 4.1 - How to Talk (Part 2)

 

 

Part 2

 

 

 

• Chapter 1 - Learn
• Chapter 1.1 - Challenge
• Chapter 2 - Social Barrier
• Chapter 3 - Fuck
• Chapter 4 - Self-Criticize
• Chapter 5 - School Sucks

 

 

 

Part 3

 

 

 

• Chapter 6 - Excuses - NO ACTION
• Chapter 7 - Reason and Faces
• Chapter 8 - Why Mr. Nice % And why not Mr. Badass?
• Chapter 9 - Let's Talk
• Chapter 10 - Insult and Naked (Execise)
• Chapter 10.1 - And!? (Part 1)
• Chapter 10.2 - And!? (Part 2)
• Chapter 11 - It's Easy (Rules) (Part 1)
• Chapter 11.1 - It's Easy (Rules) (Part 2)
• Chapter 11.2 - Concepts (Part 1)
• Chapter 11.3 - Concepts (Part 2)
• Chapter 11.4 - Savender Way (Lie)
• Chapter 12 - Comedians (Truth) & Looner
• Chapter 13 - Try Again (Part 1)
• Chapter 13.1 - Try Again (Part 2)

 

 

Part 4

 

 

 

• Chapter 13.2 - Try Again (Part 3)
• Chapter 13.3 - Body (Part 1)
• Chapter 13.4  - Body (Part 2)
• Chapter 13.5 - Body (Part 3)
• Chapter 14 - New Level

 

Part 1

 So that happen!

Chapter 1- Just Start

 

 

Sex is all about inserting a dick in the ass or in the mouth or in the vagina or wahtever place...

 

...

The same and here

 

 

...

Take a step and do it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Overcome the I Don’t Know What to Say Syndrome

 

 

 

“There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.”
James Nathan Miller

 

“If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time-a tremendous whack.”

Winston Churchill

 

One of the most common problems that people may run into in conversations – based on my own experiences, emails/comments I get and feedback from people in real life – is that their heads go empty and they don’t know what to say next. The conversation stalls and there is even perhaps an uncomfortable silence.

So how can you overcome this challenge?

Here’s what I do.

 

Why does this problem even come up?

 

First, here’s my short explanation why you might run into this problem. One reason might be that you are simply not prepared or out of your “regular world” (meaning for example that you go to a party to watch the finals in the world championship in rugby but know nothing about the sport while the other people are huge fans).

But a more common reason why you may run into this problem is that you feel that you need to say the “right thing”. You may want to not want to appear stupid by saying the wrong things or asking the wrong question. Or you want to impress someone.

 

1. You don’t have to be perfect.

 

Realize that you don’t always have to have the best answer or say the perfect thing. No one is expecting that except you.
Setting such ridiculous expectations just screws with your mind and improves nothing. Instead it can lead to a sort of performance anxiety that winds up paralyzing your mind. And so you don’t know what to say next.

 

2. Don’t think too much.

 

When you think too much you tend to have your focus inwards. You become self conscious, start to question yourself and fear what the future may bring. You get stuck between options for what to say and nothing comes out.

If you instead bring your awareness back the present moment you shift your focus outwards again. You notice what the people you are talking to are actually saying, what is happening in your conversation and around you.

This is the natural headspace stay in when you’re in a conversation. It’s a place where you probably are most of the time with your closest friends and family.

 

So how do you get into this comfortable and social headspace?

• Breathe or observe. The simplest way to reconnect with the now is to just focus on your breathing or to observe and take in your surroundings with all your senses for just a minute.
• Assume rapport. Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?” you assume that you and the person(s) will establish a good connection (rapport). How do you do that? Just before the meeting, you just think/pretend that you’ll be meeting a good friend. Then you’ll naturally slip into a more comfortable, confident and enjoyable emotional state and frame of mind. In this state of mind conversation tends to flow more naturally without much thinking. Just like with your friends.

You may want to do a combination of breathing to relax if you feel tense and stressed and then you assume rapport to bring yourself into an even more positive headspace. Going straight from nervous to assuming rapport successfully may be too big of a leap.

 

3. Tap into curiosity.

 

When you are stuck in some kind of negative emotional state then you are closed up. You tend to create division in your world and mind. You create barriers between you and other things/people.

Curiosity on the other hand is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your nervousness or fear. So be curious.

But when you are curious, don’t get stuck in the questions game where the conversation turns into an interrogation. Mix the questions up with making statements. Instead of asking what someone’s favorite film is just tell them what your favorite one is and the let them continue from that statement.

 

4. Associate.

 

Find something in what you are already talking about to help you move into the next topic. The topic of fishing lure commercials on TV can help you bounce over to the time you and your uncle got trapped in boat without fuel while fishing. And then you and the people in the conversation can go on to talking about family or the oil problems the world is facing.

You can also find inspiration for topics by simply observing your surroundings.

 

5. Prepare.

 

The tips above should help you out but if you get really stuck anyway then you may want prepare and have a few topics in your mental backpocket.

 

• The person you are talking to. Again, curiosity is good because people like to talk about themselves.
• Passions. People love to share positive emotions and usually like to know what makes the other person tick.
• Watercooler topics and the news. It never hurts to be updated on what’s happening in the world.

 

6. Do the right thing.

 

This is more of a long-term solution but it makes conversations and just about anything easier and makes your life flow in a natural way.

If your thoughts and actions aren’t in harmony then you don’t feel so good about yourself. You feel like you are disappointing yourself and your self esteem sinks. If you on the other hand do what you deep down think is the right thing as much as you can then you feel like you deserve good things in life (and so the need to impress anyone significantly decreases). You feel confident and alive.

 

 

Note: The biggest problem which we face in this reality that we always care... caring fucks us up.

 

Btw: But let's face it... we always overthink it over and over and over aka "What to say now?" we want to be perfect and perfection without experiment is a real failure.

 

 

 

HOW TO START A CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE

 

 

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS CHAPTER:

 

• How to always know what to say next to someone you just met.
• What NOT to do when you start talking to someone (But most people do anyway).
• 6 universal phrases that you can always use to get a conversation going.

THE TRUTH ABOUT STARTING A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE:

A team of Scientists from Boston wanted to understand what really happens when two strangers meet, and they made a surprising discovery about the initial conversation between two people.

Their discovery can help us become better at starting conversations with people we just met. Small talk, which I used to see as something quite pointless, turned out to be more important than they first thought.

While we small talk about things that in themselves doesn’t really mean much, really important stuff happens subconsciously. We need to make seemingly random conversation while we subconsciously create a picture of the other person. And we need that picture of the other person before we can feel relaxed to move onto more interesting conversation.

The scientists said that the best way to describe small talk is like a “bonding ritual”.

They also found that exactly what we talk about isn’t that important. And here’s where most people make their first mistake - they are too picky with what they should say. That causes them to censor themselves too hard, and then they become self aware and can’t come up with anything to say at all.

So - trying to come up with a good opener or something smart to say will mess up your conversations. Instead, start off with really simple small talk subjects. That will make both of you more relaxed and you'll be able to get a good start to your conversation. That will make you feel more self confident when talking to people, too. (Read the chapter on how to be more self confident when making conversation here.)

6 SENTENCES THAT YOU CAN USE TO GET ANY CONVERSATION GOING

 

I want to show you 6 questions that I almost always use when I've just met someone. They are universal, so I can always fire them off, they always get a conversation going, and since I know them by heart I never need to worry that I won’t know what to say when I meet someone.

And now I can look back and think..

...Why didn’t I just memorize these questions ten years earlier..?

Then I would have been so much more comfortable meeting people, because my biggest fear in conversations had always been to run out of things to say.

SO THIS IS WHAT MY CONVERSATION-RECIPE LOOKS LIKE:

 

• I ask simple questions.
• I try to genuinely get to know more about the person I'm talking to by asking follow-up questions.
• Throughout the conversation, I share similar bits and pieces about myself, related to what the person is saying. (So it’s not like I’m performing interviews, It’s more give and take).

Later, I'll talk about how to start a conversation at places where you’re not explicitly meant to socialize, say, if you end up next to someone at the train or in a lunch queue. But first, I'll cover what I do when I’m somewhere where it’s expected to socialize, like at a party or when I meet friends of friends.

Here's a conversation script:

 

 

 

 

How I start a conversation when it's expected to socialize, such as at a party:

 

Curiosity is key to a great conversation

So, I start off by saying:

- HI, I'M DAVID. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

 

And they reply “Good” and present themselves. (Remember: Only use the name "David" if your name is in fact "David".)

 

- HOW DO YOU KNOW PEOPLE HERE?

 

They start to explain that to me. There are loads of ways they might know people. The trick is to be able to ask follow-up questions on whatever they are telling you. Here are some examples:

• If they met through work or school, It's a perfect opportunity to ask more about what they are working with or studying. It's natural to follow up by asking if they like it and if they have any free time, what they do on their free time and so on.
• Perhaps they know each other though a group or met at an event. I ask them about what type of event it was. What do they do there? Is it fun? Is it hard to learn? Who's best at it, the person I'm talking to or the friend?
• If they are childhood friends with someone, I might ask where they grew up.
• If they don’t know anyone, you can build on that too. I usually ask them what brought them to the party/event. Otherwise, again, I ask them some of my universal questions:

(I know that this might sound mechanic or canned. It's all about showing a genuine interest in the person you're talking to. You have to really want to get to know the person you're talking to, and that will take some time before you do. Before it feels natural to you to be curious about others, it's wise to memorize a few questions like the one's I'm using here.)

 

My universal questions:

 

These are questions you can have in the back of your head and fire off whenever you feel uncertain how to start a conversation.

You aren't supposed to fire all these questions off at once. Make sure to spend roughly the same amount of time talking. That means that you will spend a lot of time answering the other person's questions and sharing bits and pieces about yourself.

If someone gets the feeling that you know a lot more about them than they know about you, they will start feeling uncomfortable.

 

- WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

 

• If the person's from the same town as me, I ask them what area they live in and how they like it there.
• If they are from somewhere else, you can follow up on that by asking how they liked it there, why they moved and if they plan on moving back. There's enough stuff for an entire conversation here!

People have a lot of things to say about where they live or where they come from, so I usually ask more on this subject.

We might talk for several minutes about where we live and how that is.

 

- DO YOU WORK/STUDY?

 

Some say that you shouldn’t talk about work when you're at a social event, and that's part true: It sucks to get stuck in job talk. But it’s really helpful to know what someone is working with, as it will help you find mutual interests. And - it’s often easy for people to talk about because they are familiar with the subject.

If it turns out that they are unemployed, I just say something encouraging so they don’t have to feel bad, like this:

“So that means you can enjoy sleep-ins every morning right? Nice!”

And then I ask if they spend their time on any hobbies or interests, and we’ll continue the conversation talking about that.

What you want to avoid is getting STUCK in job talk.

To avoid this, just change the subject by asking:

 

- IS IT A SUPER BUSY JOB OR WILL YOU HAVE ANY TIME OFF THIS SUMMER/WINTER FOR A VACATION?

This question is natural to ask in connection to both job and studies. And this is my favorite question! Because no matter what they reply, you can now start talking about your passions and dreams. In my opinion, passions and dreams are the most rewarding subjects you can bring up with someone.

Ask them:

 

- WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE WAY TO SPEND YOUR VACATION / TIME OFF / WEEKENDS?

Here you’ll discover their favorite interests and hobbies or places they want to go.

They’ll love to talk about this and you'll have a great opportunity to find mutual interests. Let them expand on their interests.

“How does that work?”

“How do you do that?”

If you find any common ground; if you’ve both been to the same place or share any interest, you can emerge into that just like you talk to any close friend. You’re off the shaky launch and into conversation you'll both find entertaining.

Make sure to read this chapter on how to avoid awkward silence.

That’s it, these six questions have helped me start great conversations with so many people.

If you want a flying start - memorize them and practice them whenever you get the chance, just as long as you ask them in a genuine way. You don’t need to learn them in a specific order, and you don't need to phrase them exactly like I did. Just fire any of them off when the conversation stalls.

 

 

STARTING A CONVERSATION WHEN YOU'RE NOT NECESSARILY EXPECTED TO:

Sometimes you want to start a conversation even when it's not explicitly meant to socialize. Perhaps you end up next to someone on the train or in the lunch queue in school. In these settings, it’s too direct to start asking people stuff out of nowhere. Instead, you need to say something related to the situation first.

 

My advice here is to not try to fake questions about the situation. You don't have to. Your brain has a constant inner conversation, so just let some of that conversation out instead. So say something that’s on your mind. Let's say that you end up next to someone on a train:

 

 

Starting a conversation with the person next to you on the train

“Excuse me, do you know when we will arrive?”

or

“Do you know if they serve food on this train?”

or

“Do you know if they have any Wifi on this train?”.

As soon as you've initiated a conversation with this situation-related question, it's more natural to ask something about the person you're talking to.

"Where are you heading?"

And after this warm-up you can go over to the universal questions above, like:

“Where are you from?”

 

THE 4 MOST COMMON MISTAKES WHEN STARTING A CONVERSATION:

 

1. Being too linear in the conversation. 
   Don't be afraid to jump around among the subjects and go back to what you were previously talking about. Or, you can relate to a new subject. If you have a too linear approach to conversations, you will have a hard time as soon as you don't come up with anything to say on the current subject. If I can’t come up with anything on the current subject, I just fire off any of my other questions or relate back to something we were previously talking about.
2. Asking too few or too many questions in relation to how much you share about yourself. 
   I make sure to share bits and pieces about myself, so it’s a give and take throughout the conversation. I make sure to keep a balance in how much I share, meaning, If someone tells me a longer story about where they work or what they do, I share a story of the same length and depth with them so they don’t feel like they open up without getting to know me. If they give me a shorter reply, I don’t give them the long story back in return. This balance helps me connect with people fast.
3. Not being genuine when asking something.
   Ask questions like you genuinely want to get to know the one you're talking to. Asking a question and not showing enough interest to the answer will appall people.
4. Trying to follow the rules of conversation and being afraid to do something wrong 
   Break the rules - Just because I use these questions doesn't mean that other questions are wrong. Use these questions as lifelines if you lose track, but don’t let them confine you. Rather experiment and allow yourself to do mistakes than not experimenting at all. It's virtually impossible to become great socially without repeatedly messing up along the way!

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 2:

HOW TO KEEP AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION GOINGWHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS CHAPTER:

• How to keep an interesting conversation with anyone at any time.
• How to come up with things to say so that you’ll get a natural flow in your conversation from the start.
• How to avoid awkwardness when you start talking to someone.
• How to feel more relaxed when you are about to initiate a conversation with someone.
• The reason why we don’t come up with anything to say and what to do about it.

Click here to go to the specific chapter for avoiding awkward silence in a conversation.

HOW TO ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY NEXT IN A CONVERSATION:

When you talk to someone you've just met, it’s often harder to come up with things to say compared to when you’re talking to a close friend.

For example, even the basic questions I use in the previous chapter on how to start a conversation with someone can be hard to remember when you’re actually in a conversation with someone you've just met and don't feel comfortable around yet.

And there’s a reason for this. When you’re talking to someone, you use the language center of your brain. It’s hard to - at the same time - start to think back on advice you read in a guide somewhere. Just like it’s hard to read a book and at the same time talk to someone.

There is actually a clever way to come up with what to say by using a different part of the brain. And you can use this method to not just start conversations, but also to keep an interesting conversation going for a long time.

We call this the Timeline Method. It's a method that uses the visual center of your brain, so it won’t interfere with your conversation. It’s much like how you can watch a sunset with a friend and at the same time focus on a conversation you're having. The sunset and the conversation are being processed by different parts of the brain, so they don't interfere.

 

USING THE TIMELINE METHOD

 

 

When you talk to someone, visualize a timeline. Your goal is to fill out the blanks of that timeline. The middle is “now”, and here’s where you should start the conversation. So you always start talking with someone about the very moment you're in, then work your way out on the timeline like a ripple going further away from the current moment - the middle of the timeline, both into the past and the future.

If you’re wondering about what to say next, explore the timeline of the other person going from the present and out. Visualizing the timeline is something you can do even when you’re in the middle of a conversation, because it won't interfere with the language center of your brain - and it will help you to come up with new subjects.

As soon as you strike up a conversation with someone, start of by filling out the blanks of the very moment you're in. Remember the 6 universal questions from the previous chapter? They explore the very moment you're in and then work their way out the timeline:

You can associate the 6 universal sentences from the previous chapter with the timeline quite easily.

How are you doing?

How do you know people here?

Or you might come up with other questions about the very moment:

Did you like the canapés?

Do you know the name of this song?

Then, continue talking about less immediate things, like,

What are you working with / studying [...] How do you like that?

Is it busy or do you get any time off? Do you have any plans for your next vacation?

Where are you originally from? How come you moved?

Notice how these questions start in the very moment and then ripple off into the future and the past. By visualizing the timeline in your head, you'll be able to come up with these questions quite easily.

IMPORTANT NOTE: HOW TO AVOID INTERVIEWS

I've stacked these questions as a list for your reference. But you don't want to conduct interviews.

In between these questions you share relevant things about yourself, and the conversation might take off in any direction far away from the timeline. Perhaps you talk for several minutes about the canapés already.

The timeline is more of a framework that you can fall back on if the conversation stagnates.

HERE'S HOW TO USE THE TIMELINE

1. Memorize the universal questions from the previous chapter
2. Notice how they start in the moment and then moves out in the timeline like a ripple
3. Pay attention to where on the timeline each question is positioned
4. When you're in a conversation, visualize the timeline. If you've previously memorized the questions, they will pop up now. This is because our brain remembers through association.
5. As the timeline uses the visual part of your brain, it won't interfere with your conversations.

So when the conversation stagnates, you can think this way:

Timeline -> I don’t know anything about this person's future -> You said that you studied, what are your plans after you're done with that?

So - on a theoretical level - find out things about the person, where in life he is today, where he’s from, where he’s going. As you do that, let the other person know where YOU are from and where you are today and where you are going.

On a practical level - ask questions about the other person. Share similar bits and pieces about your life. Ask follow-up questions. Start off by talking about the immediate now and then work your way out on the timeline.

Coming up with these questions has a learning curve of course. The first couple of times it will feel a bit unfamiliar, but then you’ll notice how you will start coming up with questions to fill the blanks of the timeline.

THE IMPORTANCE OF FINDING SIMILARITIES:

The reason for asking all these questions is to find similarities.

As soon as you find a mutual interest or passion or experience, you’ll notice how the conversation changes. You will both become more relaxed because you feel comfortable with the subject.

So, always be on the lookout for similarities. It’s when you find them that the conversation becomes truly interesting for both of you. You start bonding. Of course you won’t find similarities with everyone, but you have to ask questions to find out.

 

 

AN EXERCISE YOU CAN DO ANYTIME:

You can practice the timeline without even speaking with someone.

Visualize the timeline on people you see when you are out walking. Try to come up with questions to fill their timelines before they’ve passed you by.

This way you can practice on a lot of people and it will make you better at conversations faster.

It’s a great feeling when questions just come to you, because you know that you will be able to just come up with questions and subjects, no matter who you are speaking to. And that will make you so much more comfortable hitting up conversations with people.

Click here to go to the specific chapter on how to how to become more self-confident in conversations.

SUMMARY:

• Keep the initial conversation as simple as possible.
• Find out where the person is from, where the person is today, and where the person is going - simply by asking questions.
• Share relevant bits and pieces about your own life, so that you share roughly the same amount of information.
• In an environment where you’re not expected to socialize, first focus on the situation you're in to warm up the conversation

Awesome!

You now know how to keep an interesting conversation going. But there will still be moments where the conversation hits a wall. In the next chapter, you will learn exactly how to deal with awkward silence.

It's time for Chapter 3: How to avoid awkward silence.

 

 

CHAPTER 3:

HOW TO AVOID AWKWARD SILENCEWHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS CHAPTER:

• How to always know what to say next in a conversation.
• How to fill awkward silence.
• Specific examples of what to say when a conversation runs dry.
• A dangerous mistake people often make that causes awkward silence.
• What you should say when your mind goes blank.
• What you should do after you’ve read this guide to not feel overwhelmed - but to actually improve your conversations.

HOW TO MAKE CONVERSATION IN A WAY THAT PREVENTS AWKWARD SILENCE

As you know from previous chapters, a great way to make conversation is to ask the other person genuine questions and share related bits and pieces from your own life.

One reason why conversations hits a wall is that they simply aren't interesting enough. We don't get emotionally affected and after some boring job talk we don't know what to say.

However, there's a simple solution to this:

Ask questions that the other person can connect to emotionally.

Here's what that means: People are emotionally connected to things that interest them, such as thinking about their future plans, or thinking back on their previous experiences, in some cases their occupations, and - not to be forgotten - themselves and their own lives.

Asking questions about something people aren't interested in is like biking uphill, whereas asking questions about something they can connect to emotionally just makes the conversation go on without effort.

Here are some things that people connect to emotionally and some related sample questions. These are questions you ask after some more general questions, like the ones I went through in chapter 1.

If you ask these questions too early, people might feel uncomfortable. But to truly bond and move the conversation forward, you need to involve people emotionally as soon as you're warmed up.

 

These questions shouldn't be asked out of the blue. You should ask emotionally connected questions based on what you're currently talking about

Themselves

- Did you get exhausted hiking so far or what did it feel like?
- Would you say that you are you a high performer?
- Did you have a specific diet plan to succeed so well with your weight loss?

Experiences

- How was your vacation?
- What did you think about the movie?
- How did you like living in [city/country]?

Interests

- How do you usually spend your free time?
- What kind of music do you mainly listen to?
- What’s your favorite movie?

Hopes and dreams (after you’ve gotten to know each other a bit more)

- Where would you rather live?
- What’s your plan for the summer?
- What are your future plans after [...]?

You shouldn't memorize these questions. In fact, you should only ask questions that relate to the situation. These are only examples so that you catch my drift. What you need to remember is that they ALL have something in common:

They all contain the word “you”.

To avoid awkward silence, ask questions that contain the word “you”. That's a good rule of thumb to find questions people connect emotionally to. That will make you more emotionally connected with each other and they will start contributing more to the conversation.

Obviously, your goal should be to make conversation both you and the person you're talking to enjoy. Chances are that as you ask questions, you come across something, perhaps a mutual interest or maybe similar future plans, that you'll both enjoy talking about.

 

HOW TO COME UP WITH THINGS TO SAY WHEN YOUR MIND GOES BLANK

A conversation goes silent when you can’t come up with things to say. Here's some advice for what to do when your mind goes blank:

Think back on previous subjects

This is an important one!

Memorize this technique and you'll see vast improvements in your conversations.

Let's say that the person you were talking to said something, and you have no idea of how to build the conversation on that. You've hit a wall. Now, ask yourself what you were talking about earlier in the conversation. Go back to any previous subject and ask questions that relate to that.

Say that the other person previously mentioned a trip to Paris, but the conversation since then has carried on:

- How was your weekend?
- Good. I didn’t do anything special though. (The conversation is about to hit a wall)
- I see. You said you visited Paris, right? How was it?

You can even relate back to discussions you had the last time you met:

- How was art class?
- Did you manage to get your apartment sold?
- How was your journey?

Click here to go to the specific chapter on how to get an interesting conversation going.

WHY QUESTIONS DON'T HAVE TO BE "CLEVER"

You probably notice when people don’t know what to say next. It get's awkward and weird.

But on the other hand, I guess that you almost never think "what a random statement that was" or "what a silly question he asked".

The truth is, it’s OK to ask silly questions. Questions don’t have to be clever. It’s much more awkward to not say anything than to ask something “silly”.

In the conversation below, pay attention to how simple and perhaps “silly” some of the questions are – and they work anyway. So, the next time you are about to censor yourself because you think that what you are going to say sounds too silly, try saying it anyway. See how it goes!

WHAT ARE THEIR OPINIONS OR FEELINGS ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?

Make it a habit to get to know the other people’s thoughts and feelings on the subject you're currently talking about.

Research shows that people who are genuinely interested in others make friends more easily. This is probably because they get to know people better, and two people (obviously) need to know things about each other to get to know each other.

In the example below, pay attention to how I ask about the other person’s thoughts.

LET THEM EXPLAIN SOMETHING

It’s easy for people to talk about what they are interested in.

You can almost always ask someone to expand on the subject. So when the conversation goes quiet, ask, “So, how does that work?” or “How did you…?” Notice how I ask the other person to expand on the subject on several occasions below.

TWO UNIVERSAL LIFELINES

Here are two phrases that are almost universal. If you don’t come up with anything else – fire these off.

1: -Where are you from?

This one is great to use at the beginning of a conversation.

2: -Have you heard / Did you hear that [Insert anything newsworthy]

These are so useful because you can use them no matter what you were just talking about, and you can refer to anything you’ve heard in the news, or anything newsworthy related to where you are.

-Did you hear that they will hire more people?
-Did you hear about the robbery here last week?
-Have you heard about the new owners?

Knowing what to say next will make you feel more relaxed in conversations as well. Click here to go to the main chapter on how to become more relaxed and self confidentwhen you're talking to someone.

A CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO STRANGERS

Lets say that you are new at the company or new in school.

At lunch, you end up next to a co-worker or classmate. For the sake of the example, let’s say the other person is really nervous and doesn’t say much at all – so you have to lead the conversation.

If you come across people who don't say much, it could obviously be because they don't want to talk. But most often, it just comes down to them being nervous.

Look at the context to find out. Are they occupied, do they look stressed and so on? If not, they are probably just glad that someone is acknowledging them.

-You: Hi, I'm David!

-Stranger: Hi, I’m Josh!

-How are you doing?

-I’m good.

-Where are you from?

-I’m from town.

-Ah, you were born here?

-Yes

-I think I’m starting to get my head around this town now. Which is the best cafe to do schoolwork from in your opinion?

(Josh starts explaining, and at the same time get’s warmed up talking to you)

- Where do you like to be when you do work?

- I think I prefer just sitting at home or sometimes being in the library.

- By the way, what phone is that?

(Josh talks about his phone)

- I’m thinking about getting an Iphone, but you would recommend that one?

(Josh talks)

- So what’s your plan, do you want to stay here, or do you want to live somewhere else in the future?

(Josh explains that he wants to live in Berlin)

- I see, that's a place I want to visit, actually. Why Berlin?

(Josh explains)

- OK, so it’s mainly the culture and the atmosphere.

-Exactly! And also…(It’s easy for Josh to talk about something he likes, so now he starts talking more about Berlin.)

-I should go there some day. How do you spend your weekends in this town?

- There are a lot of clubs, but I spend most of my time gaming, actually.

-What games?

(Josh explains what games he plays)

- I’m playing [ that game] too. What level… (The conversation continues from there)

Initiating a conversation should be as simple as possible. Nothing fancy here.

Make sure to adjust how quickly and loudly you speak to the other person. If you approach the conversation with too high an energy level, you might come off as annoying.

When you come across people who are not super-social, you will probably have to fire off a couple of questions before you can expect to get them into the conversation. They need to get “warmed up”.

 

I make a statement to break off the questions, and follow it up with a new question, making it easier for Josh to carry on with the conversation. 

Here, I didn’t come up with anything to relate to Josh’s reply, so I changed the subject to the phone he had on the table. You can talk about almost anything as long as it relates to the conversation or the situation. There’s also a possibility that Josh likes his phone, and then it’s something he’s emotionally connected to.

Here, I didn’t come up with anything more on the “Berlin” thread for the moment, so I summarized what he had just said. Summaries are great to make the other person notice that you are alert and care about what he or she is saying, and you can always use this "summary trick" even if your head’s blank.

Notice how I repeatedly let him explain things, and that as soon as I didn't come up with something to say about the current subject, I went back to a previous one.

 

We now reached a mutual interest. The small talk is over, and the conversation becomes interesting. Now, both Josh and I can come up with things to say without effort.

In real life, you shouldn't be this calculating. The comments are here to illustrate the principles of conversation that we went through earlier.

In real life, it’s about practicing these principles in conversations over time so that after a while, you can use them without consciously thinking about them.

With many of the people you come across, you will be able to find some kind of mutual interest or experiences or opinions, as long as you ask the right questions.

Here I came across a mutual interest – the gaming. From that point on, the conversation continued without effort because we were talking about something that we both were passionate about.

IF WE EXTRACT WHAT WE’VE LEARNED FROM THIS CONVERSATION, KEEP THIS IN MIND TO ASK:

-Where is he from?
-What’s his/her feelings/opinion on the subject?
-Can he/she explain this matter to me?
-What were we talking about previously that we can go back to?
-Has he/she heard about that interesting thing I heard?

I've now been talking a lot about techniques.

If we become a bit more philosophical for a moment, I would say that the best mindset to have to avoid awkward silence is to shift the focus from you, to the person with whom you are talking. Over time, cultivate an interest in others:

Who are they? - Where are they from? - Where are they going?

Get to know the person, and relate to him or her by sharing bits and pieces of your life.

Although this might sound abstract, if you manage to implement this philosophy, you won't have to focus as much on learning specific tricks and techniques.

AVOID THESE DANGEROUS MISTAKES WHEN MAKING CONVERSATION1. DON’T CONDUCT INTERVIEWS

Whenever you ask someone questions, throw in comments that reveal something about you or what you think. You don’t want the other person to feel that he or she reveals more than you do.

- Hi! How are you doing?
- Good!
- How do you know people here?
- I know [this and that person].
- Ah. Where are you from?
- Brooklyn
- Ok, me too. I ended up in Williamsburg. How do you like Brooklyn?

As usual, this sample conversation partner isn’t that talkative.

In the last sentence, I revealed that I too live in Brooklyn. That little piece of information is enough to break off the “interview-vibe”.

Try reading the sample conversation again and skip the“Me too, I ended up in Williamsburg”-part. Notice how it changes the feeling of the entire conversation?

DON’T GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN DETAILS.

After all, awkward silence is caused by talking too little rather than too much so it’s better that you feel relaxed and make some mistakes, rather than trying to avoid mistakes so badly that you become self aware and awkward.

So – if you realize that you’ve been asking too many questions, no worries. Just break in with a statement or a story or reveal something about yourself. A good rule of thumb is that both of you should have spent roughly the same amount of time talking by the end of the conversation.

2. NEVER COMMENT ON THE AWKWARD SILENCE

This mistake is probably obvious – but because I hear people giving this insane advice regularly: Don’t comment on an awkward silence!

Don’t use the word “awkward” when it feels awkward. It won’t make anyone feel any better.

Likewise, you don’t necessarily need to say funny things to break the awkward silence.

Instead, use any of the techniques above, such as asking whether they heard about something newsworthy, or go back to a previous subject.

3. DON'T END WITH A STATEMENT.

A great way to end up in awkward silence is to drop a statement and then expect the other person to reply.

It can work with someone you know well - however, if you talk to someone you don't know well, make sure to finish off your sentences with a related question.

- …so that’s why we decided to move here. How long have you been here?
- …yeah that’s one of the best movies I’ve seen. What’s your favourite movie?
- … so you could say that I’m mainly a carpenter. What are you working with?

WHY I WANT YOU TO BREAK THE RULES OF THIS GUIDE

The key to having a great conversation is not taking it too seriously. The more relaxed you get, the better the conversation will flow. A glass of wine or a beer is proof of that.

See this guide as just a guide. If something slips out of your mouth that is the total opposite of what this guide says, it’s OK! Actually, it’s even better for a conversation if you don’t watch your tongue all the time.

However, if you notice that you repeatedly make a specific kind of mistake, this guide can be helpful in correcting that. So, follow this guide, but don’t be afraid to break it’s rules – and you'll be on your way to having a relaxed, flowing conversation that everyone will enjoy.

SUMMARY

• Ask questions that the other person can connect to emotionally.These include questions concerning his or her interests, experiences and hopes and dreams. All this can be summarized as questions that contain the word “you”.
• End statements and stories with a questions, so that the other person will be able to continue the conversation.
• If you don’t come up with anything to say, ask something about any previous subject you were talking about.
• Don’t censor yourself: Say something silly rather than not saying anything at all. People don’t notice “silly questions” – they notice awkward silence.
• Make it a habit to get to know the other person’s opinions or feelingson what you are currently talking about.
• Ask the other person to expand on the subject by letting him or her explain how something was or how something works.
• Two phrases you can use that work almost any time are “Where are you from?” and “Did you hear that [newsworthy story]?”
• Avoid performing interviews by breaking off your questions with your own statements and stories.
• Avoid pointing out the awkward silence by commenting on it.
• Break some of the rules in this guide rather than trying to watch your tongue and becoming self-aware as a result. See the bigger perspective of this guide as a pathway to better conversations.

BEFORE YOUR NEXT CONVERSATION

Hey!

Don’t get overwhelmed by all the advice in this guide. There’s one, single principle that ties together most of what we have talked about here. And that is having a focus on the other person.

I recommend that you cultivate a curiosity in people you meet. Who are they, where do they come from and where are they going? Get to know the person, and relate to him or her by sharing related bits and pieces of your own life. Cultivate this interest, and the rest will follow.

Don’t try to learn everything at once. Select a few ideas and implement them in your conversations. When you are able to do them routinely, come back to this guide and take something new away with you.

Congratulations on following this guide so far!

It's time for the final chapter: Chapter 4: How to become relaxed and confident in any conversation.

 

Chapter 1.1 - Just Start (Part 2)

 The danger of high self-confidence and low self-esteem

 

 

I know this guy back in Sweden who’s very confident. He talks with a loud voice and has no problem taking up space.

Well, let me rephrase that: His problem is that he takes up too much space.

You see, he always has to be the center of attention. If he’s not, he doesn’t enjoy himself.

He has great self-confidence. In other words, he believes in his own social ability. He can take tell stories that catches everyone’s attention and he knows that he can make everyone laugh.

What he doesn’t have is self-esteem. (I’m not trying to play hobby psychologist here – he’s going to a therapist and these are his own words.)

So what’s the difference between the two?

• Self-confidence is how much you believe in your ability to do something. (For example, taking the center stage in a social setting.)
• Self-esteem is what value you put on yourself. (How high you think that your self-worth is.)

That guy I know needs to constantly get the approval of others to feel self-worth.

He’s great at getting to know new people. He’s great with girls. He’s fun at parties. But – he’s terrible at long-term relationships because people tire of him.

CONTINUES BELOW

Free training: "How to double your social confidence in 5 minutes"

On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today.

It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life". 

 

What happens if you instead have HIGH self-esteem but LOW social self-confidence?

This person is probably afraid to take the center stage and take initiatives. But they don’t need to continuously feed their egos. This makes them more pleasant to be with – generally speaking. But there are exceptions. New studies show that more isn’t better when it comes to self-esteem.1You want to have a decent self-esteem, but not a sky-high one. A sky-high self-esteem makes us unpleasant to be around and hard to relate to. For example, narcissists have a very high self-esteem, they see themselves as perfect.

Assuming you have a healthy dose of self-esteem, you’re more likely to have happy long-term relationships because you’re able to focus on what others need, too. (You’re not stuck constantly trying to feed your starving ego.)

Many methods we hear about to improve self-esteem doesn’t actually work. Most affirmations, for example, even make people with low self-esteem feel worse about themselves.

 

But, how do you actually boost your self-esteem?

 

Here, SocialPro’s behavioral scientist Viktor Sander goes in-depth into ways to increase your self-esteem that actually work.

What if you want to work with your self-confidence, too?

Here’s SocialPro’s guide for how to increase your self-confidence

 

 

Most people are actually somewhere in the middle, but it’s the most helpful to look at the extremes.

Where are you in the matrix above? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 4:

RELAXED AND CONFIDENT IN ANY CONVERSATIONWHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS CHAPTER:

• Two tricks that will make you feel more self confident in conversations in just a few minutes.
• How a simple misunderstanding cause most people to feel nervous and tense in vain.
• The mindset that has helped me the most in becoming a self-confident person.

Often, the more relaxed we feel, the better our conversations flow. Therefore it's really important to work on becoming comfortable and relaxed when talking to people you've just met.

HOW TO FEEL MORE SELF CONFIDENT IN CONVERSATIONS IN LESS THAN 2 MINUTES, ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH.

In an experiment, scientists asked people to position themselves in a way that took up a lot of space - a so called power pose.

When the participants had held this pose for just 2 minutes, testosterone levels in their blood had increased by 20 percent, and cortisol, a stress hormone, had decreased by 25 percent.

Similar studies showed that in a similar way, you will feel more self confident if you simply act more self confident.

 

You don’t need to strike a power pose every time you talk to someone, it’s enough to behave in a self confident way to feel more self confident. The first time I heard about these findings I didn’t believe it would work out as well as it actually does. I recommend you to actually test this to feel the difference:

 

You can’t force yourself into just “feeling confident”, but you can force yourself into acting confident.

In general, It's important to not try to be someone else in social situations. But there's one exception to this. You can play the role of a relaxed and confident person. As the studies proved, if you act in a confident way, you will feel more confident.

In a short time, this acted self confidence turns into a real self confidence.

When you act confidently, you will automatically adjust a number of things:

You will...

• Slow down your breathing.
• Use your strong voice (If it’s a loud environment).
• Avoid fiddling with things or with your fingers.
• Release tension in your muscles.
• Keep more eye contact.

A good rule of thumb is to act like when you’re in a relaxed environment with a good friend.

Something that helped me a lot was knowing that when I acted self confident, people saw me as self confident, and that made me genuinely more relaxed and confident.

When acting self confident, don't try to keep every detail about what you can change to look confident in your head, just remember this rule:

Act like everyone you meet is an old friend.

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT "FACEBOOK DEPRESSION" IS AND WHAT THAT MEANS TO YOUR CONVERSATIONS

In a study, researchers discovered that scrolling the Facebook feed too much lowers our self esteem and even can make us feel depressed. This is called "Facebook Depression"

One theory is that when we do, we feel bad because we see how everyone else seem to have more fun in life than we are having. And that’s an illusion of course, because people only share the very highlights of their lives on Facebook. But it can create the illusion that others have fun together while we are on our own.

This illusion existed long before Facebook. A classic example is how it LOOKS like everyone is having a great time at parties and standing in groups laughing, when in reality most people feel quite nervous and think they are the only ones who aren’t feeling 100% self confident.

The reason for this is that we can only feel our own feelings, obviously, and it’s hard for the brain to realize how most people are actually quite insecure.

HERE ARE SOME HARD FACTS:

• Every 15th person you meet qualifies for Social Phobia.
• Every 6th person you meet qualifies for some some kind of anxiety disorder.
• Every 3rd person you meet say that they feel uncomfortable in social situations three times per week or more, we can assume that’s every time they meet new people.

It’s really helpful to know this, because that helps us take people down from their pedestal and realize that - while people try to cover it up the best they can - they're often quite insecure on the inside.

And now to the trick: The next time you sit on the bus or take a walk, study people and try to visualize them with their insecurities.

Notice how something weird happens: YOU start to feel more confident. Your brain is re-calibrating and you will start to see people more for who they are.

Notice how it would be easier to start a conversation with someone you know is nervous, compared to someone who’s super self confident.

So the next time you are on your way to a social event, remember that most people are quite insecure. Combine that with meeting them like old friends, and practice conversation with the chapter on how to start talking to people you just met.

SUMMARY

• Fake confidence and act relaxed by meeting people like if they're all old friends, until you feel truly relaxed and self-confident.
• When you enter a party - be aware people aren't as confident as they seem.
• Whenever you get the chance, visualize people's insecurities to re-calibrate your mind.

Congratulations, you've finished the Complete Guide on How to Make Conversation with Anyone, Wherever You Go!

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2 - Secrets

 "When you directly compliment other people, particularly anybody who suspects you might want something from them (for example: your date, your boss, or a friend), they tend to discount your efforts because they suspect you are intentionally trying to influence them through flattery. A third-party compliment eliminates this skepticism.
To construct a third-party compliment you will need to find a mutual friend or acquaintance who knows both you and your person of interest. Further, you should be relatively certain that the third-party individual you choose will be likely to pass along your compliment to the person for whom it was intended. If this transmission of information is successful, the next time you meet your person of interest, he or she will see you from a positive perspective."

 

 

"Referring back to Ben’s fledgling relationship with Vicki, he can set the stage for Vicki to compliment herself.
BEN: Then you’ve been really busy lately. (sophisticated empathic statement)
VICKI: Yeah, I worked sixty hours a week for the last three weeks getting a project done.
BEN: It takes a lot of dedication and determination to commit to a project of that magnitude. (a statement that provides Vicki the opportunity to compliment herself)
VICKI: (Thinking) I sacrificed a lot to get that mega project done and I did a very good job, if I may say so myself.
Note that Ben did not directly tell Vicki he thought she was a dedicated and determined person."

 

"If you tell someone that they are good at something and they know they aren’t, they are likely to question your motive because they recognize the discrepancy between your assessment of them and the way they really perform.
An alternate, and vastly superior, method of using compliments exists. This approach avoids the pitfalls inherent in complimenting another person and instead allows others to compliment themselves. This technique avoids the problem of appearing insincere. When people compliment themselves, sincerity is not an issue, and people rarely miss an opportunity to compliment themselves if given the opportunity (which you conveniently provide)."

 

 

P.S. - If you want know this  topic on a deeper level this chapter is for you!

 

"USING EMPATHIC STATEMENTS TO KEEP CONVERSATIONS GOING
Empathic statements also serve as effective conversation fillers. The awkward silence that comes when the other person stops talking and you cannot think of anything to say is devastating. When you are struggling for something to say, fall back on the empathic statement. All you have to remember is the last thing the person said and construct an empathic statement based on that information. The speaker will carry the conversation, giving you time to think of something meaningful to say. It is far better to use a series of empathic statements when you have nothing to say than to say something inappropriate. Remember: The person you are talking to will not realize that you are using empathic statements because they will be processed as “normal” by the listener’s brain and will go unnoticed."

 

 

"We naturally tend to say something to the effect of “I understand how you feel.” The other person then automatically thinks, No, you don’t know how I feel because you are not me. The basic “So you . . .” formula ensures that the focus of the conversation remains on the other person. For example, you get on an elevator and see a person who is smiling and looks happy. You can naturally say, “So, things are going your way today,” mirroring back their physical nonverbal cues.
When using empathic statements to achieve the objective of the Golden Rule of Friendship, avoid repeating back word for word what the person said. Since people rarely do this, when it occurs the repetition is processed by the brain of the listener as abnormal behavior and causes a defensive reaction."

 

 

"Empathic statements also close the discourse cycle. When a person says something, they want feedback to know if their message was received and understood. Mirroring back what a person says using parallel language closes the communication circle. People feel good about themselves when they successfully communicate a message.
Constructing empathic statements requires you to carefully listen to the other person. Concentrated listening demonstrates that you are really interested in the other person and understand what they are ­saying."

 

 

"TECHNIQUES TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES: EMPATHIC STATEMENTS

Empathic statements keep the focus of the conversation on the person you are talking with rather than on yourself. They are one of the most effective ways to make people feel good about themselves. Keeping the focus on the other person is difficult because we are, by nature, ego­centric and think the world revolves around us. Nevertheless, if every time you talk to people they feel good about themselves, you will have successfully achieved the objective of the Golden Rule of Friendship and people will like you as a result."

 

 

"...task facing new Special Agents bent on getting people to like them is developing this vital skill. Agents often approached me and asked me to teach them the techniques to get people to like them instantly. And I gave them the exact same instruction: If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves. You must focus your attention on the person you are befriending. It sounds easy, but it takes practice even for trained agents. If you make someone feel good about themselves, they will credit you with helping them attain that good feeling. People gravitate toward individuals who make them happy and tend to avoid people who bring them pain or discomfort.
If every time you meet a person you make them feel good about themselves, he or she will seek out every opportunity to see you again to experience those same good feelings. The stumbling block many..."

 

 

via the book: The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Overby Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2 .1 - This Guy did it!?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This is Jim Norton and he gives less fucks... - I fucking love this guy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This here is Ally Law, I guy who doesn't give a fuck what other says - In my opinion typical bad ass attitude.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This here is my favourite mentor it's Jason Capital and he is one fucking damn good badass

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This here is Bill Burr (Comedian)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: From the TV Show "Better Call Saul" - Saul GoodMan/ Jimmy McGill

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: From the TV Show "Chance" - Mr. D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: From the TV Show "M.D. House" - Doctor Gregory House, probably you already know this show very well

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: From the TV Show "Sherlock" -  Sherlock 

 

 

...

Now it's the right time

 

 

...

Just somebody to push you...

 

choose somebody who has already done it.

 

 

I have choosen:

 

- Ally Law - Because he trains Parkour

- Sherlock - Because he is damn smart

- Jason Capital - Because he is damn good with women

- Gregory House - Because he is good conversationalist

- Mr. D - Because he is good with weapons

- Jim Norton - Because he doesn't care

- Bill Burr - Because (The same reason and here)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Eric Thomas a guy who motivates people

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Jocko Willink a guy who motivates people

 

 

 

Chapter 3 - Why Discipline Beats Motivation Every Time (Part 1)

 

 

Research: Affirmations Don’t Work for Self-Esteem – What to do Instead

 

 

 

Have you ever had thoughts like these:

• “People will think [insert negative thing] about me”
• “No matter what advice I get, there’s just… somethingin me that’s not enough”
• “I don’t feel important enough to people”
• “Everything would be better if I just had the right looks”

What we really want is to just stop caring what other’s think of us. Why is that so hard?

There are thousands of self-help books promising to help, and I’ve read a lot of them. 90% of the advice is terrible.

Luckily, there’s been a lot of research the recent years on what ACTUALLY works to increase your self-esteem.

Just had the most interesting talk with Viktor Sander. He’s the guy making sure everything you read on SocialPro is scientifically based and not just some random guy’s opinion.

 

 

B. Sc Viktor Sander

 

He has a B. Sc. in Behavioral Science (University of Gothenburg). Basically, you could say that he’s good at understanding how people actually work.

Today I’m going to summarize what Viktor said when we talked about self-esteem. He told me some pretty mind blowing things.

 

 

 

On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today.

It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life". 

Let’s cut right to the chase.

 

We often feel like we’re unique and that advice might work for others, but not for us.

In reality, most of those thoughts aren’t very unique at all:

 

• Fearing that people will realize that you’re a fraud (There’s even a name for that feeling: The Impostor syndrome)
• Assuming we’re not important enough to others
• Feeling like everyone pays attention to us and will notice how weird we are (Called the Spotlight effect)
• Feeling like people laugh at us behind our backs
• Getting nervous talking to people with high social value/ attractive people / tall people
• Having a general feeling of being less worth than others
• Thinking that there’s something wrong with us that makes us unable to learn, for example, learn to be more socially skilled
• Feeling like a stranger, like you don’t belong
• Thinking that being more good-looking would solve everything
• Assuming other’s just won’t like us
• Not trusting people

 

It feels like we are the only ones who think stuff like this because few like to admit that they think the same way.

What’s generally true is that as our self-esteem improves, we care less and less about these thoughts.

A good self-esteem is wonderful to have. It’s nice to knowing you can go to a party and just feel at ease being there. And it’s great to not be self-conscious all the time and just be able to enjoy the moment.

So, how do you increase your self-esteem?

 

 

One advice that we hear all the time is using “positive affirmations”. You know, putting post-its on the bathroom mirror and repeating to yourself that “I’m good, I’m lovable”.

But when scientists studied positive affirmations, they discovered something surprising. Yes, affirmations can work for people with good self-esteem. But for people with low self-esteem (those who need it), affirmations will actually make them feel WORSE about themselves. Because their inner voice replies “No you’re not, no you’re not”)

What actually works is being okay with NOT being great all the time.

So instead of telling yourself things like “I’m the best, I’m the best” you can say “I’m probably not the best, but that’s OK”. This method is called “Self-compassion”.

 

 

But this is actually still not the most powerful way to boost your self-esteem.

Self-esteem is quite hard to change sitting at home trying to make yourself believe different things.

The most powerful way to increase your self-esteem is to actually improve something in your life. Just setting up small, reachable goals and then achieving them is an extremely powerful way to make us feel better about ourselves. (Study 1, Study 2)

For example, if you improve your social life, that will in itself make you feel better about yourself. It makes you feel capable.

Personally, I never did any specific “self-esteem exercises” – I just improved my social life with very hands-on methods, like the ones I teach at SocialPro. Thanks to the improvements, people want to hang out with me more.

When people tell you that they love to hang out with you, that makes your self-esteem skyrocket.

Just knowing that you have a close set of friends will boost your self-esteem, too.

That’ll help release the pressure from social interaction:

 

You can be yourself, you can mess up, you can experiment and you can say what you want to say. You might make someone dislike you and it’s not a big deal. Rejection isn’t bad when you have really good friends to fall back on.

That safety will make you feel more at ease, and it’ll help you enjoy life more in general.

 

 

How to deal with hate and criticism

 

 

A week ago I tried setting up an ad on Reddit to promote our free training.

As you know by now, I love hearing what people think about SocialPro. Maybe that’s why SocialPro is so successful today. Naturally, I wanted to allow comments on my ad to hear people’s thoughts.

Checking in after a few hours, I was quite surprised to see the comments.

 

 

You can see all comments here: https://www.reddit.com/comments/7vqyks/heres_a_free_video_training_called_conversation/

It’s fascinating with hate comments like these. Because even if they are from people who don’t know me and clearly hates ads, they still make me sad and uncomfortable.

 

 

Others soon started defending me and the comment field turned into a battlefield. Interestingly enough – the more heated the comments became, the more people signed up with us. So ironically, these hateful people helped us spread our message.

Sometimes when we continue doing something we think is right even when people mock us or hate on us, we get rewarded for it. Why? Because, generally, people avoid criticism. No normal person wants to be in a position where they get negative remarks. But if we can fight through those negative feelings, we can reap the rewards when we come out the other end.

Sometimes criticism is legitimate. This kind of criticism is the most painful one because we know that there’s truth to it. But it’s also a gift because being open to constructive criticism is one of the most powerful ways to improve.

 

 

Then there’s unfounded criticism. That’s the kind of criticism we know isn’t true. Like people telling you that you should kill yourself… If we can continue doing what we know is right despite that criticism, we can stand out from most others.

When was the last time you got criticized? How did you react and what did you learn from it? I’m interested to hear about your experiences with criticism and hate in the comments!

 

 

Interview with Tripp Kramer of Tripp Advice

 

 

 

 

Tripp Kramer runs the blog trippadvice.com, helping guys get over social fears and find great women by being their most attractive and confident selves.

You were shy when you were younger, was there an insight or moment that triggered you to turn it around?

When I was 23 years old I was drinking on the weekends to meet girls. And one night I got so drunk, that I went up and approached a girl and it went terribly.

At this point, I realized that drinking was NOT the solution. I needed to figure out how to meet a girl and be sober.

To me, that seemed like a superpower because you could go up to any woman without having to rely on a crutch. I wanted the ability to talk to any girl at any time and have the chance of getting a date.

How did you manage to go from shy to social and attractive?

I made a pact to go out 5-6 nights/week for 2 years.

 

It was fun, challenging and one of the best decisions I ever made for my life. It was as if I took my own course in socializing and meeting girls.

It helped me overcome all the obstacles in terms of meeting and attracting the women I desire.

You’ve been running Tripp Advice for 7 years now. What motivates you the most?

What motivates me the most is the response I get from guys after they take my program Hooked.

 

 

On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today.

It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life". Click here to go to the free training.

 

It’s as if they finally see the light. In my program, I teach them how attraction works and how they can set up any type of dating scenario they are looking for, whether it’s casual relations or a loyal, loving relationship.

Guys take the program, put it in action and see results. Their results are what motivates me to tell as many people as I can about the RIGHT information on attraction.

What piece of information or habit has had the most positive effect on your life socially the last years?

Starting a conversation with anyone and everyone.

Guys like to only start conversations with girls they find attractive. This is a big mistake. DO NOT DO THIS. If you want to practice your social skills, talk to everyone.

 

Guy, girl, waitress, dog (ok maybe not), everyone. This habit of creating conversation makes it easier to connect because you’re practicing. So once you end up in a conversation with a girl you like it will be 10x easier.

What is some realization or understanding about social life that you wish everyone would know?

People are not as mean or scary as you think they are. Give them a shot. Talk to them.

People get nervous to talk to people because they don’t like the feeling of being judged. Most people are NOT judging you. Instead, they are wondering what YOU are thinking of them! So remember that the people you talk to are not going to bite. Talk to everyone and have an open mind.

 

How do you recommend people go about to set themselves up for long-term social success, especially for someone who tends to overthink socially?

 

Start small. And don’t overwhelm yourself.

I would make it a goal to talk to 1 new person a day for a month. That’s it. Just one person. That’s 30 new people every single month. Kind of a lot right? But when you break it down into small chunks it’s not so bad. Make small goals, because small goals turn into big progress.

 

What kind of person should visit your site?

The kind of person who should visit my site is a guy who is lonely, shy and/or scared to talk to women, yet want a beautiful woman in their life. If you’re looking to socialize with high-quality women, then let me teach you the techniques I’ve been using for years.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3.1 - Why Discipline Beats Motivation Every Time (Part 2)

 How to Use Rapport Building to Bond Faster with Anyone

 

 

As humans, it’s in our nature to have the desire to be close with other people. This is why it can be such a detriment to our mental and emotional health when we are lacking in healthy personal relationships.

The term “rapport” describes a relationship between two people who have a good understanding of one another and who are able to communicate well. Learning to build rapport with other people can help you to bond quickly with virtually anyone you meet, and having this skill will benefit you in your career as well as in your personal and social lives.

Mirror and Match

According to Dr. Aldo Civico, “Rapport is the root of effective communication.” The key to building this type of rapport is the strategy of “matching and mirroring” which, he says, is “the skill of assuming someone else’s style of behavior to create rapport.”1

This does not mean mimicking the other person’s behavior, which they will likely perceive as mockery. Instead, it is the ability to make observations about the style of someone’s communication and apply aspects of it to your own communication.

Doing this helps the other person to feel understood, and mutual understanding is essential to developing rapport. It also helps to build trust with the other person, which is an important part of the bonding process.

 

The “mirror and match” strategy can be applied to various components of communication when being used to build rapport with someone: body language, energy level, and tone of voice.

 

1. Match and Mirror: Body Language

 

Body language makes up the majority of your communication with the world, whether you are aware of the messages you’re sending or not. Using the “match and mirror” strategy to adopt certain aspects of a person’s body language will put them at ease and make them more comfortable in your interaction.

Imagine you’re speaking with someone you’ve just met who has a very reserved and calm demeanor. If you approach them with wild gesticulation and are constantly patting them on the back or using other physical means of communication, they will likely feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed by you.

 

 

 

Matching their more reserved body language style will make them feel safe around you and make them more comfortable opening up as you develop your relationship.

On the other hand, if you’re meeting a person with a more active and outgoing body language, using hand gestures as you speak and moving around more the way they do will not only help them to better understand you in your communication, but will also help them to feel more understood as they communicate.

 

Here’s a personal example as evidence that this strategy is effective:

I am not a very “huggy” person. I simply wasn’t raised in a family or community culture where hugging people other than your immediate relatives or significant other is a common practice.

 

But when I began spending time with a new group of people in college, I quickly realized that hugging was a very regular part of their interactions with one another. They hugged when they greeted each other, they hugged when they said goodbye, and they hugged during conversations if things took a more emotional or sentimental turn.

 

For a while I was extremely uncomfortable. This triggered my social anxiety and I would spend the entirety of every social event thinking about how I was going to respond when people inevitably went in for a hug at the end of the evening. But I quickly realized that I was being perceived by the others as standoffish as a result of my hesitation when it came to hugging.

When I began to work on being more willing to match their style of communication through my body language, my relationships with the others in the group finally began to blossom. The “match and mirror” strategy of building rapport worked quickly and effectively, and I ended up getting to know my best friend of six years during that time.

 

2. Match and Mirror: Energy Level

 

Have you ever been engaged in a conversation with someone whose energy level was much higher than your own? You probably began to feel uncomfortable–maybe even annoyed– and were eager to exit the conversation as quickly as possible.

Matching a person’s energy level is an important part of relating to them and making them feel comfortable enough to stick around long enough for you to continue building rapport.

 

If you encounter a calm, reserved person, lowering your energy (or at least lowering the amount of energy you express) will help you to better communicate with them. Using a similar pace and volume when speaking to the other person will help your conversation last longer and be more enjoyable.

 

On the other hand, if you are speaking to a very high-energy person and you remain very calm and reserved, they may find you boring and become disinterested in further interaction with you. In this case, communicating more energetically will help you to bond with them.

 

Matching a person’s energy level is a very easy way to subtly change your communication style to more effectively use rapport-building to bond with them.

 

3. Match and Mirror: Tone of Voice

 

In some ways, matching a person’s tone of voice can be a very easy way to improve your rapport-building.

If someone speaks very quickly, speaking very slowly may cause them to lose interest. If someone speaks at a more steady pace, speaking very quickly may overwhelm them.

 

However, remember that when you are “matching and mirroring” it’s important to do it subtly so as not to cause the other person to feel mocked. Perceived mockery will ruin any chances you have of bonding with someone.

 

Mirroring someone’s mannerisms is another, slightly more complex, way to build rapport through conversation.

For example, my dad is a claims adjuster for a vehicle insurance company. Everyone he talks to has either been in a car accident or had something terrible happen to one of their valuable modes of transportation. In other words, my dad talks to a lot of very unhappy people. And as we all know, unhappy people aren’t always the most pleasant.

 

But somehow my dad manages to bond with nearly everyone he speaks to. He is extremely personable and well-liked. Being in the south, men use the terms “man” and “buddy” when referring to one another in conversation (“How’s it going, man?”, “Yeah buddy I understand”). So when he speaks to someone southern, my dad slightly alters his accent to match the other person’s and uses their culturally appropriate terminology throughout the conversation. When he’s speaking with someone from a different part of the country, he makes minute adjustments to his accent and uses terminology that will be more relatable to to that person.

In this way, mirroring someone’s tone of voice and mannerisms can help them feel like you’re “one of them” and will go a long way towards building rapport.

 

Rapport building is an essential part of bonding with other people. Making them feel that you have a mutual understanding builds trust and lays the foundation for bonding.

 

Using the “match and mirror” strategy to build rapport and bond with people can significantly improve your career as well as your personal and social lives, and it will undoubtedly assist you in developing relationships that last a lifetime. 

How can you use rapport building to impact your life? Share your thoughts in the comments!

 

 

Your Drunk Self May Actually Be the Real You

 

 

 

 

Who do you become when you drink a little too much alcohol? Maybe you're the party animal, dancing on tables and singing at the top of your lungs. Maybe you're the drama queen, getting teary-eyed and overly emotional over a text you sent your ex two months ago. Or perhaps you're the ray of sunshine, complimenting the outfits of everyone at the bar and insisting you'll all hang out sometime. According to research, your drunk alter ego isn't a separate identity at all. That's the real you, pal.

 

Debunk Your Drunk

 

If you're of legal drinking age, we've got news — whether it's news you're ready to cope with or not. Research says that your drunk self is probably not as far off from your actual personality as you think it is. Though it may feel like you're a completely different person when you're in the club getting tipsy, a 2017 study published in Clinical Psychological Science found that your drunk persona doesn't differ from your sober one, more or less. Basically, you're always that special, unique, wonderful you, no matter how many tequila shots you foolishly ended up taking on your birthday.

 

Sloshed for Science

 

For the study, the researchers from University of Missouri and Purdue University sought to find out if "drunk personalities" are a thing or not. They specifically tested if "differences between sober and intoxicated personality expression can be observed reliably" by friends during some drunk game-playing. Two weeks prior to the experiment, the researchers had the 156 participants complete surveys describing their typical sober and drunk personalities. Next, the team gave half of the participants booze, then had their friends join them in the lab to play games meant to bring out different personality traits. The drinkers rated their own in-the-moment personality traits during the session while trained (and sober) raters assessed the same traits. While the drinkers noted personality differences in themselves while drunk, the sober onlookers didn't see any big differences between their sober and drunk personalities. Except for one thing: the drinks made those participants more extroverted. Obviously.

 

"We were surprised to find such a discrepancy between drinkers' perceptions of their own alcohol-induced personalities and how observers perceived them," said lead author Rachel Winograd, a psychological scientist at the University of Missouri, in a press release. "Participants reported experiencing differences in all factors of the Five Factor Model of personality, but extraversion was the only factor robustly perceived to be different across participants in alcohol and sober conditions."

As for why you feel like an entirely different being when you've been a bit overserved? Probably just the placebo effect. If you have it in your head that tequila makes you wild or wine makes you emotional, you'll make those expectations come true all on your own. Kind of impressive, actually. Cheers!

 

 

Fake News Spreads Way Faster Than Real News Online

 

 

 

There's a quote that's often attributed to Mark Twain: "A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can get its boots on." Ironically enough, he probably never said it. But it just goes to show the adage is true, and so does a new study on fake news and social media.

 

 

Cascade of Lies

 

According to a 2018 study published in Science, false "news" spreads faster and more widely over social media than real news does. Soroush Vosoughi, Deb Roy, and Sinan Aral of the MIT Media Lab looked at more than 10 years of tweets from 3 million users and tracked how different kinds of stories behaved in the Twittersphere. They did so by tracking how the tweets "cascaded," or spread to other corners of the internet via retweets and replies. Afterward, they'd rank how those stories did according to six independent fact-checking organizations, including Snopes and Politifact.

According to Nature News, are two ways a tweet can cascade. If a famous celebrity with a million followers shares it, it might be retweeted by 10,000 of their fans. Or it could be shared by a person with few followers, all of whom retweet it. Then those users' followers retweet it and their followers' followers retweet it until eventually, it gets to a crowd of 10,000. The first example, where a bunch of people share one person's tweet, is called a shallow cascade. The second, where the tweet is shared via a chain of thousands, is deep. And in the battle between real news and fake news, fake news dominates both varieties.

That's right, fake news consistently reaches a bigger audience than real news, and it tunnels deeper into social networks than real news does. That's even true when you factor out the bots whose only job is to spread fake news. Real news struggled to chain together 10 retweets, while fake news could easily amass a chain of 19 in a tenth of the time. So what is it about falsehoods that makes them so darn speedy?

 

Brain Bait

 

When you factor out the bots, it becomes clear that it really is human beings that cause fake news to spread — seriously, the bots actually show less of a preference for false stories than people do. And that suggests that the problem might just be our brains. But it's not as if we seek out lies in order to spread them. Even accurate stories that function well as propaganda, like this story about Trump allowing a sick boy to fly on one of his planes, don't spread as well as false stories that can serve the same purpose. To the researchers, that suggests that something intrinsic to falsehoods makes them spread more easily.

 

It basically comes down to two things: novelty and emotional charge. Accurate news tended to inspire sadness, joy, or trust, while fake news inspired feelings of anger, disgust, and fear. Those charged negative emotions? They spread like wildfire. And when you aren't constrained by the truth, you can make your headline as out-there as you can get away with — and that's a recipe for clickbait.

The good news is that other studies have found that an overwhelming majority of people get their news from legitimate sources, according to Nature News. It's also important to recognize that this study only tracks how headlines spread, not how trusted they are. After all, the retweeters might just be laughing at the tinfoil hat-wearing corners of the internet.

To arm yourself against misinformation, check out "The Truth Matters: A Citizen's Guide to Separating Facts from Lies and Stopping Fake News in Its Tracks" by New York Times bestselling author Bruce Bartlett. We handpick reading recommendations we think you may like. If you choose to make a purchase through that link, Curiosity will get a share of the sale.

 

 

Box Breathing Is the Navy SEAL Technique for Reducing Stress and Staying Calm

 

 

 

With a motto like "The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday," Navy SEALs are known for their toughness. But we should probably start lauding these combat-ready professionals for being zen masters, too. The group has a quick, simple exercise that anyone can use to reduce stress and remain calm, cool, and collected. Got 16 seconds to try it?

 

Got What It Takes?

 

Being a Navy SEAL is no walk in the park, unless that walk is a mile-and-a-half trot that clocks in at less than 11 minutes and 30 seconds. To be a SEAL, you must be able to swim a 500-yard breast or side stroke in less than 12 minutes and 30 seconds, do 42 push-ups in two minutes, do six pull-ups, and do 50 sit-ups in two minutes. This training prepares you for war, after all.

On top of transforming your body into a fitness machine, you need the ability to keep cool under pressure, too. Maintaining a calm demeanor in every setting and scenario is crucial for a SEAL before, during, and after the chaos of combat. To do that, they do some deep breathing, using a tried and true tactic that can slow the heartbeat and lower or stabilize blood pressure.

 

Breathe Outside the Box

 

This calming technique is called box breathing, and you can try it yourself right this moment. Why not? You'll see that each of the four steps is done for four seconds, hence the box part of the title. It will only take you 16 seconds to cycle through the method one time. Just repeat the cycle as long as it takes you to feel relaxed. (This SEAL recommends doing the technique for five minutes.) Follow along:

 

1. Breathe in for four seconds. Make sure all the air has been expelled from your lungs before you start to inhale. Once you start sucking up your air, make sure to really fill those lungs.
2. Hold your breath for four seconds. No more inhaling at this point, and don't let any air escape yet.
3. Exhale for four seconds. Let the air out of your lungs at an even rate for the whole stretch of time, and make sure to get it all out.
4. Hold your lungs empty for four seconds. It may be tempting to suck in some more air immediately after letting it all out, but just hang on for four.

 

Whether you're in combat, reading a tweet from a political nemesis, or just trying to keep cool at work, box breathing can keep you frosty in the most heated situation. Give it a try!

 

 

 

According to a Harvard Psychologist, People Judge You Based on Two Criteria

 

 

Judging people is less a conscious choice and more an instinct. No shame, we all do it. But when you're being judged, or you're the one doing the judging, the stain on your shirt isn't the deal maker or breaker. (Relax, no one even notices the tiny things you freak out over, anyway.) According to a Harvard psychologist, people judge you based on two criteria. Are you making your best impression?

 

In Warmth We Trust

 

Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy is an expert in first impressions, having researched that split-second interaction with fellow psychologists Susan Fiske and Peter Glick for more than 15 years. In her best-selling book "Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges," Cuddy spells out two questions you'll immediately ask yourself — and answer — upon meeting someone new:

 

1. Can I trust this person?
2. Can I respect this person?

 

In psychologist speak, asking yourself those questions is a way to gauge a person's warmth and competence, respectively. The goal is for someone to answer two resounding yeses to those inquiries. But, according to Cuddy, people usually think competence is the more important factor, especially in a workplace setting. Not so fast — it's better to nail the warmth before business acumen. "From an evolutionary perspective," Cuddy writes, "it is more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust."

Consider a coworker who is great at his job but cold as ice around the office. That's off-putting, right? "If someone you're trying to influence doesn't trust you, you're not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative," writes Cuddy. "A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you've established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat."

 

 

Is There Something on My Face?

 

Then there's the physical judgment, the "judging a book by its cover" bit. Unless you're Morgan Freeman, nothing about your physical appearance can really compel someone to inherently trust or respect you. (People sure like to try, though.)

According to a 2017 study by psychologist Leslie Zebrowitz of Brandeis University, people judge your face by analyzing four facial cues. They are babyfacedness, familiarity, fitness, and emotional resemblance. Some of these factors you can't help, but you can boost your "emotional resemblance" score by at least turning up the edges of your mouth a little bit. And whaddya know, a little warmth in your expression could cross over into your projection of trustworthiness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4 - How to Talk (Part 1)

 1) Stop Thinking
2) Stop Holding for later
3) Stop Over Thinking
4) Stop Logic


If you want succeed in talking to anyone (at this moment it's normal to fail in getting solid contacts but still it's a good strike.)… you should stop acting as how somebody else is going to see you.


…

1) - The real thing about this whole point is to stop thinking… just go and do it….


As Patric James From #RawAdvice YouTube channel said:

- First the left leg… then the right and DO IT!


2) If you say now isn't the time/the day/the moment you are one FUCKING son of a bitch.

- Because this excuse is type of procrastination,
By itself later is not tomorrow or the other tomorrow it's a non specific time aka to be more accurate it's answer: Never


3) - Over thinking is hell of a ride if you start thonking over and over the sentence loses it's impact plus you start questioning yourself.


"Am I good enough?"
"Is it good enough?"
"Should I do it now?"
"Should I do it later?"
"What now? What next?"


4) Stopping logic is a smart move

- Most logic questions are so FUCKING boring and you always gonna make the discussion overrated… putting women on pedestal. It's horrible move.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4.1 - How to Talk (Part 2)

 What you need at this time is a calm mind… if your brain is filled with filters and even whole level of screenplay/s….


Just clean it up!
Just clean up!
Just clean it up!


Just clean it up!
Just clean up!
Just clean it up!



Just clean it up!
Just clean up!
Just clean it up!


You can do it by going to a silent place and silent this thoughts.


Ask yourself questions like

"And"
"Why"


…


This is going to destroy the loop

…

"And" is going to create something like a "I don't care so what?"
….

"Why" is going to deepen the whole thing… probably down there… all this thoughts are going to go in the trash.


…


Good exercises are:

1) Breathing method

- BrEaTh in…. Slowly then out… in… out


2) Comfort Zone Crusher

- Go in a Mall or in a busy street and lay down… for 30 seconds… be calm and take picture then… stand up and continue what you are normally going to do.

Part 2

 “If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.”
― Winston S. Churchill

 

 

“Naked lions are just as dangerous as elegantly dressed ones” 
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

 

 

“A speaker should approach his preparation not by what he wants to say, but by what he wants to learn.” 
― Todd Stocker

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1 - Learn

 1) It's time to learn to walk

-  You learn that... by stepping into a boring conversation... you got how to do it

 

2) Then you got in some rough material

- It's going to come more from that place

 

 

“Communication without clarity is noise. Speak with purpose and you’ll propel your audience to take massive action towards a journey of self-improvement.” 
― Farshad Asl

 

Chapter 1.1 - Challenge

 “It's much easier to pull in an audience by framing the talk as an attempt to solve an intriguing riddle rather than as a plea for them to care. The first feels like a gift being offered. The second feels like an ask.” 
― Chris Andersen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get comfortable in this social groups by starting a challenge which is

 

1) Go in social place and lay down...

 

for 30 seconds

 

 

 

 

Take a snap and then continue your day

Chapter 2 - Social Barrier

 We always create some barriers which stop us from progress  the best barriers as the self-image one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

then putting the world like

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and putting all this people in a group

 

• Sociable
• THe best
• The most famous

 

 

 

And we

 

• Miserable
• Fucked up
• Screw Up
• less SOciable

 

...

 

 

And labeling and putting down this barriers stops you from progress...

 

...

The best thing which you can do is... forget about this beliefs... try to give less fuck about them.

 

 

 

 

 

...

JUst stop

 

 

• Over Analysing
• Over OBsessing
• oVer Thinking
• OVer Self-Criticising
• Over self- Hatred

 

or whatever you call it

 

this whole process

 

 

 

JUST STOP!

 

 

#Snap

Chapter 3 - Fuck

 How to Stop Giving a Fuck (and Stop Seeking Approval)

 

 

 

It’s only natural to give a fuck what other people think about you…

It’s only natural to seek the approval of other people…

But there are serious consequences costs to doing so.

• When you give too many fucks what strangers think about you, you end up feeling insecure in public places.
• When you seek approval through dating (and getting attention from women), you end up on an emotional roller coaster that can leave you feeling ‘unworthy’ and lonely.
• When you give too many fucks what your family thinks about your career, you end up working a job you don’t care about.

In this article I’ll cover 3 steps you can follow to stop seeking approval, so you can free yourself from all the negative emotions that come along with giving too many fucks.

 

 

#1: Understand Why it Doesn’t Matter

 

The first step is to understand why it’s useless to worry about the opinions of other people.

Most People Are Too Self-Conscious to Judge You

You’re not the only person who’s worried about what other people think.

In fact, it’s absolutely crucial for you to realize just how self-conscious the average person is. Seriously, even the most confident men worry about how other people perceive them.

It’s why we take so much time to choose what we’re going to wear. It’s why we go to the gym. It’s why we get cool-ass haircuts. And it’s why we want to make a lot of money and become famous.

The entire concept of fame, and what makes it so attractive, is that it implies that lots of other people will like you…

So next time you catch yourself worrying that everyone is looking at you and judging you, realize that they’re probably too busy worrying about what other people are thinking about them to even notice you.

The ‘High’ of Approval Does Not Last

Here’s another big thing you need to understand: the ‘high’ you experience after getting approval NEVER lasts.

• Get that big promotion? Congrats, you’ll feel super important for a few days. Then you’ll be back at it, chasing the approval of your boss yet again.
• She finally texted you back? Congrats, you’ll feel good about yourself for a few hours. Then you’ll be back at it, anxiously awaiting the next response.
• Receive a nice compliment? Congrats, you’ll walk with swagger for a few minutes. Then you’ll be back at it, worrying what everyone thinks about you.

I don’t mean to be a ‘Debbie Downer’ here, getting approval does feel good. But it’s like a drug…

 

If you depend on getting approval to feel good about yourself, then you’ll always be chasing it. You’ll never feel happy or ‘complete’ without it…

And you’ll always give way too many fucks what other people think about you.

If you’re having a good day and people are paying you attention, then all is well. But if you’re alone for the day or someone looks at you wrong, then you feel like a worthless piece of shit.

Which leads me to point #2…

 

#2: Build a Lifestyle You Can Be Proud of

 

The fastest way to stop giving a fuck is to start living a life that YOU can be proud of… regardless of what other people think. And this all starts with strong daily habits.

Develop the Right Habits for YOU

I’m not talking about brushing your teeth, making your bed, and flossing. No, I’m talking about habits that allow you to live up to your own expectations.

For me, this means doing things like lifting weights, practicing martial arts, playing basketball, writing, meditating, and traveling on a regular basis. I do these things because I enjoy doing them. 

 

I do them because I feel happy when I do them.

 

This way, it doesn’t matter if some girl rejects me. Or if some guy disrespects me. Or if I get a bunch of nasty comments on one of my posts or YouTube videos…

No, I don’t give a FUCK about any of these things!

And it’s all because I know that I can still hit the gym. Or go a quick trip to visit my buddies in Colombia. Or get lost in a deep meditation. Or compete in a summer league basketball game…

No matter what other people say about me, I can always take comfort in the fact that I’ve built a lifestyle that I’m proud of…

And that is something that no one can take from you.

Set Goals YOU Care About

While developing the right habits is the #1 thing you can do to ‘self-validate’ and stop giving a fuck what other people think, it’s also important to set the RIGHT goals.

It’s too easy to fall for the trap of setting goals that serve other people, and what you think THEY want you to do…

But when you do this, you basically chop off your balls and serve them up to someone else. Seriously, you suppress your own aspirations and trade them for someone else’s. You give other people the authority to choose YOUR life’s direction.

So how do you avoid this mistake?

Easy, you avoid setting super-long term goals, and instead focus on setting moderate-term goals (think 1-6 months) that reflect your current interests and aspirations.

You see, other people tend to pressure you (directly and on a subconscious level) to live up to their long-term visions for you. By focusing on shorter-term goals, you effectively give yourself permission to focus exclusively on YOUR aspirations, while gently ‘pushing aside’ the interests and opinions of other people.

#3: Catch Yourself Seeking Approval

In the video above, I share some of my best strategies for overcoming the need for validation and approval. This is the final step to truly stop giving a fuck what others think.

Catch Yourself in the Moment

Even after you structure your life around habits and goals that you actually care about, you are still liable to give a fuck what other people think.

The key is to catch yourself giving in the act of too many fucks. 

 

 

It doesn’t matter if you’re at work, and you catch yourself agonizing over whether or not your boss is pissed at you. Or if you want to ask a girl out, and you catch yourself over-analyzing whether or not she likes you. Or if you’re at a party, and you catch yourself worrying about whether or not the other party-goers think you’re a cool guy.

Regardless of the situation, follow these 3 steps to break the cycle and stop giving a fuck.

• Catch yourself. The most important thing is to recognize that you’re giving a fuck what others think, or seeking their approval.
• Accept it. The natural thing is lie to yourself and tell yourself that you’re not actually seeking approval. DON’T do this. Instead, accept it and tell yourself that it’s going to be okay.
• Let it go. It doesn’t matter exactly WHY you’re giving a fuck. The important thing is to let it go. And the best way to do this is to focus on breathing 4-5 deep ‘belly’ breaths.

 

 

This will be challenging at first, but the more you catch yourself giving a fuck, the easier it will be to let it go. And then you can get back to living your life… with ZERO fucks given!

The great thing about this technique is that it will become a natural, subconscious process over time (i.e. you will slowly retrain your brain to stop giving a fuck).

Be Aware of Larger ‘Approval Seeking’ Trends

The same way you should catch yourself giving a fuck what other people think in the moment, you should also be cautious of seeking other people’s approval in regards to your larger life choices.

In fact, take a minute RIGHT NOW to answer the following questions…

• Why are you working at your current job?
• Why do you have the hobbies that you do? Or why aren’t you doing a hobby you’d like to do?
• Why do you live in the city that you do? Why do you live with the people that you do?
• Why are you afraid of commitment? Or why are you a serial-dater? Or why do you avoid women?

Now, I know we can’t all have our dream jobs, and sometimes we have to make sacrifices to support our families… but I want you to be brutally honest with yourself here.

If your answer is because your father wants you to do it, or because you think it will impress your friends, then take note! Structuring your life around the expectations and preferences of others is a recipe for disaster….

 

It will cripple your self-esteem and cause you to chronically seek approval from other people. It will make you give way too many fucks.

 

How to Stop Giving a Fuck

 

And there you have it!

If you follow these 3 steps, you’ll soon be free from giving a fuck what other people think:

• Understand that it’s useless to worry about what other people think, because the ‘high’ of getting their approval never lasts anyway.
• Build a lifestyle that YOU can be proud of by practicing hobbies that make YOU happy and setting goals that YOU care about.
• Build the habit of catching yourself seeking approval, accepting it, and then letting it go…

…and enjoy the FREEDOM that comes with not giving a fuck (and looking only to yourself for approval)!

 

 

How to Talk to Girls: 9 Tips to Get Her HOOKED

 

 

 

PHASE I: How to Make the Move

 

 

 

 

If you want to improve your dating life, you NEED to know how to talk to girls.

“Pick-up” lines and pre-rehearsed stories will only get you so far. Without the right tools, you will never make it past boring small talk.

In this article I’ll teach you 9 keys for charming her, getting her out on a date, and making the move. It doesn’t matter if you want a girlfriend or a hook-up, these tips will get the job done.

 

 

#1: Do Not Hesitate

 

Listen up, because here is the secret to never getting stuck in the friend-zone…

When you notice a girl you’re attracted to, go ahead and make the move. Otherwise you will procrastinate and give up. And even if you do work up the courage to ask her out later on, she will be more likely to see you as “just a friend”.

#2: Be Direct

 

So, what exactly is the best way to ask a girl out?

Simple. Be honest and state your intentions. Don’t worry about being super flirty or getting her “attracted”, just ask the fucking question…

“Do you want to hang out sometime?”

And also, make it OBVIOUS why you want to hang out with her. Let her know you aren’t looking for another friend…

“I know this is random, but I think you’re really cute. Do you want to hang out sometime?”

Stop worrying about waiting for the “perfect” time, because it will never come. Instead, face your fears now. She will appreciate your boldness. And you will build self-confidenceregardless of her answer.

 

#3: Embrace Rejection

 

Look man, all of us are afraid of failing and getting rejected. That shit hurts.

But think about it like THIS…

You will NEVER regret putting yourself out there and getting rejected. At least now you know that she is not into you. You can move on with your life.

However, you will ALWAYS regret not even trying in the first place. You will never know if she was actually attracted to you. You will never know the experiences you might have shared.

 

 

PHASE II: Effective Text Game

 

 

 

#1: Text Her Immediately

 

Okay, let’s imagine that you ask her out and get her number. What’s next?

Most guys wait a day or two before they text… but this is a HUGE mistake.

You want to capitalize on your momentum and set up the date as fast as possible. Otherwise the spark may fade or she may make plans with a new guy she meets.

A simple, “Hey Julia, this is David” message is enough to get the conversation started.

 

#2: Keep the Goal in Mind

 

Another big mistake guys make is getting stuck in long text conversations.

You might think you’re doing well because she’s responding, but really you’re just showering her with validation and becoming another texting buddy in her phone.

Always remember your #1 goal: make a plan to meet in person. This is where you will flirt with her and find out if there’s a connection… not via text messages.

Keep small talk to a minimum before the date. After she answers your first text, only send 2-3 more messages before you start planning the date.

 

#3: Make Concrete Plans

 

When you schedule a date via text, you want to make sure you are both on the same page.

Here are 3 easy steps for making plans…

• Get her to commit again: “Do you want to hang out sometime this week?”
• Find a day: “What nights are you free?”
• Suggest a plan: “Let’s meet at X bar for drinks. Does 8 or 9 work for you?”

At this point, you have successfully scheduled a date.

I recommend getting drinks for the first date, because it’s cheaper and less time investment than dinner or most other ideas. Plus, sitting side-by-side at a bar is an easy, low pressure environment for chatting and flirting.

 

 

PHASE III: The First Date Blueprint

 

 

 

#1: Confirm, Confirm, Confirm

 

If you don’t confirm your date, there is a high chance of flaking.

Humans are creatures of habit. If we can find an excuse to avoid attending an event, there’s a good chance we’ll take it. And girls are no exception to this rule.

You need to check-in and confirm the date MULTIPLE times…

• The night before: “Hey Julia, hope your weeks going well. We still good for tomorrow at 9?”
• And again the afternoon of the date: “Hey see you at 9 tonight”

Following up is so crucial because it makes the plan feel REAL in her mind. It also makes it harder for her to justify being lazing and flaking. By simply sending these 2 messages, you will almost guarantee she shows up.

 

#2: Hug Her Immediately

 

First impressions are crucial — wear a sharp outfit and hug her as soon as she arrives.

Don’t hesitate and wait to see what she’s going to do. Don’t give her a handshake. Take the lead and get the date started on the right foot. This will avoid awkwardness and make both of you feel comfortable together.

I know this sounds basic, but honestly getting the small stuff right is more than half the battle. Put yourself in a good position to succeed, and the rest of the night will be easy.

 

#3: Keep the Conversation Focused on Her

 

Ok, so what are some easy conversation topics you can use on the date?

Simple. Keep the majority of the conversation focused on her…

• Find out what she is passionate about
• Discover her most exciting stories
• Make guesses what shes likes (in a flirtatious way)

When you consistently drive the conversation towards her, it makes it a lot easier to think of things to say. Plus, people love talking about themselves so it will be fun and engaging for her as well.

 

RECAP: How to Talk to Girls

 

The best way to talk to girls is to be honest and keep things moving forward.

You should always ask her out as soon as possible to steer clear of the friend-zone and avoid wasting your time. When texting, always set the date up as soon as possible so you can actually hang out with her in person.

And finally, when you’re on the date, keep the conversation focused on her passions and experiences. She will love talking about herself, and also quickly become curious about you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4 - Self-Criticize

 Is Awful thing, the moment you do it you start losing all chance and you start focusing all your mind on past events. The moment you do that the moment it gets horrible and horrible.


You could be saying:

- "Hey"
- "You suck"
- "Cool T-Shirt"

But you end up with

What if "…" that happen
It already "…" that happen


Past judges your future and you are and in the past and the future. How about the


FUCKING

"NOW"


…

NO present, the moment you become less present you become a freak and a creep.

Note: Yo I am not the fucked up guy, you are the fucked up guy… you give more fucks than any other person on this earth.


You are a self-conscious bitch.

You could be doing some cool work… but your excuses are upon some conclusion.

Chapter 5 - School Sucks

 It really sucks.. . No Need to say it in 3000 words.

School system is:

Study...

Memorize..
And

Apply



…

Neglection and less being yourself is school.

It's a place where labels play big role.

Like for example:

- Nerds
- Geeks
- Stupid
- Awkward
- BadAsses
- Weak
- Noobs


…

And etc.


The labels can go and go and go and go and go and go.

They are endless loop…

Once you get in this loop it's fucking hard to get out. Because believing in labels lowers your status… if you have lower status… you ain't gonna go and talk with a girl which is in rate category:

10/10
Or

9/10

Or

8/10

7/10

…

You could be going for a girl which is lower than 6/10 category.


…


If you want to get progress stop with the lies and labels which you say to yourself.

- DeYtH Banger

Part - 3

 

Chapter 6 - Excuses - NO ACTION

 The pure negativity stops from action…. I won't do that because:

He/She

- He is eating
- He is not alone
- He is walking
- He is with his parents
- He is going to laugh
- He is going to me fuck me around


Or

- She is badass
- She could have a bitch shield
- She won't like me
- She is way fucking way better than me…
- She will hate me

…


And the list could go on and on and on and on and on

….


All this here excuses or procrastinating reasons are just a way showing.

- "Too much giving fuck"
- "Too much caring"
- "Wayyy wayyy fucking too much attachment"


…

She is going to hate you - So what?
You can't change that?

(Note: If you want to be realistic… stop with brain FUCKING illusions and go out and do it…)

Stop saying:

- I can do it… when time comes I will know what to do (Now is the time… and this sounds like procrastination as to me.)

- I can't (You want to try something and you fill your brain with words which delete and stop all type of action)

…


If you want to succeed…


Clap few times and go for it…


- I did it… I can so do you can.

Chapter 7 - Reasons and Faces

Faces are awful…

…

If you start thinking on what's going to happen out of your control…

You start giving way too much fuck.


Social Media = Give a fuck media (In Short)


…

It's time to stop being a asshole = And Being Mr. Nice stop with filter words.


When we talk about confidence!


We are talking about the natural one…, not the confidence with the use of substanctes.

- No Drugs
- No Alcohol
- No Cigarites


…

The antidote is consistent action… a
Doesn't matter results… if you at least start working on your mistakes.


…


I mean if you give too much fuck:

START GOING ON THE INTERNET AND START READING ARTICLES ABOUT HOW TO LESS GIVE A FUCK!


..


IF YOU WORRY WHAT PWOPLE ARE GOING TO SAY - START GOING AROUND HOW TO MAKE WHOLE SITUATION FUNNY.


COMEDY CAN LOWER THE WHOLE INTENSITY IN ALL THIS SITUATIONS


…

People are in a state or lets say in a stake of sadness… anger.. . No Need to give a fuck… stop caring and stop making this reflecting your concious mood.

Chapter 8 - Why Mr. Nice % And why not Mr. Badass?

 How “nice” are you when talking to women...


The other day I was talking to a client of mine, and he told me how he used to immediately reject most dating advice because the humor didn’t seem “female friendly”…


You see, the exact thing that this man thought would attract girls to him is the exact thing that keeps him OFF of their sexual radar.


Think about it like this:


I want you to imagine the last time you went out to eat at a restaurant…


Imagine about the people sitting around you… 


Imagine about the servers walking around taking orders from all the people sitting at the tables…


Now let me ask you… What did the person at the table right next to you order off of the menu?


If you answered, “Patrick, how on earth would I know that?!”


Then you answered exactly how I expected you to.


You most likely have NO CLUE what the person sitting at the table next to you order because it wasn’t emotionally relevant to you.


If you remember anything from this article, remember this… 


Women are very intuitive. They are constantly moving through the world by how they FEEL.


They don’t remember men for the “lines he used” on them. They remember the way he made them FEEL, and the vibe they got from him.


So if you’re reading this, and have ever toned yourself down just to have “safe” or “female friendly” humor around women, then STOP right now.


“Safe” is boring.


“Safe” is forgettable.


And “safe” is a one-way ticket to the dreaded friend-zone.


“So what’s the solution, Patrick?”


You’ve got to BRING OUT the natural sexual tension that already exists between us men and women.


And the way you do this is by injecting little emotional spikes into a conversation.


So bust out your pen and notepad because I’m about to give you the absolute easiest way to pop onto a girl’s sexual radar without being offensive or boring…


Teasing her in a playful way.


Do you remember back in the day, when boys used to tease girls about having cooties? And would try to keep the girls away so that they would catch the cooties themselves…


Well THAT’S exactly the same way I want you to start playfully teasing girls today.


And this is a lot easier than you think.


Here are a few of the ways you can start using today…


Playful Teasing Example #1: Accusing Her of Hitting On You/Trying To Get You Into Bed


Let’s pretend you’re at a coffee shop, sitting on your computer, and there is a girl sitting at the table next to you…


If you have to go to the bathroom, or temporarily leave your stuff for any period of time, lean over to the girl and ask her if she can watch over your stuff while you’re gone…


Most likely she’ll be happy to. Which is perfect because all you have to do is add in a little comment like:


“Awesome. And you better not roofie my drink while I’m gone. I know how you women work.”


Of course, you say this with a joking tone, and a sly smile. 


While you’re gone, she won’t be able to stop thinking about you and your playful little comment.


And when you come back, she’s completely open to talking to you, and you’ll be starting off with a foundation of sexual tension and playfulness.


Or if a girl is telling you about a movie she liked, you can say:


“Ok fine, I’ll go to the movies with you. Just promise you won't try to take advantage of me in that dark movie theater.”


Have fun with this.


Playful Teasing Example #1: Typecasting Her


One of the easiest ways to playfully tease a girl is by making guesses about her personality based on facts about her.


For example, if she’s from Texas, you can say:


“You’re from Texas? Omg please tell me you’re not one of those girls who thinks you’re always right and that the world revolves around you…”


Or if you and her are at a bar and she orders vodka, you can say:


“Vodka? Question, how many frat parties a week did you go to when you were in college? Has Kesha always been your favorite pop artist? Are you one of those girls who starts yelling “WOO!” after a few shots?”


Just make sure you say these with a joking tone, and a sly smile on your face.


Playful Teasing Example #3: Teasing her when she messes up


If you’re on a date with a girl and she accidentally spills part of her drink, just say:


“Gosh, this is why we can’t have nice things!”


Or if she accidentally stutters, or loses her train of thought while talking say something like:


“It’s ok. Just be yourself. You don’t have to be nervous around me.”


So why do these techniques work so well?


Simple. 


Because all of these ways spike a small emotional response out of women.


And any time you can playfully tease a girl, they'll no longer categorize you into the same group as those guys who are safe, predictable, and boring.


You’re now one of those intriguing, and exciting guys. The type of guy who she can imagine taking her on an wild and fun adventure.


Aka the guy who girls just can’t get enough of.


And if playfully teasing doesn’t seem completely natural to you right now… 


With a little bit of practice you’ll find your conversations that used to be “safe” boring are now charged with sexual tension.


Trust me. As a dating coach who has coached 1000's of guys and been with.... A LOT of women. I can confidently say that women LOVE when a guy can do this the right way…


I also believe this is WHY over 100 guys have already emailed me about their excitement for "Words That Make Her Want You" -- releasing soon!


That said, I've gotta jet!


So much to dominate today.


Talk soon.

Chapter 9 - Let's Talk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Patrick James
#RawAdvice




"Eliminate the time between the idea and the act, and your dreams will become realities." -Dr. Edward L. Kramer


Anytime I get asked to speak at a huge seminar, one of the KEY themes I always hit on is... TAKING ACTION.


The last place I spoke was at a Boldness Seminar with my good friend, Adam Gilad.


Now if you don't know who Adam Gilad is, he is one of the most successful people you will ever come across...


He's a multi-millionaire. Sleeps with beautiful women who are 30 years younger them him. Daily. And he travels the world all year round.


And this last time he pulled me aside to tell me..."Patrick, in all the people I've met who are high achievers, the #1 trait of every single one of them is SPEED OF IMPLEMENTATION."


And it makes sense for today's lesson because I have this reputation from my friends as being the guy who is instantly talking to people as soon as I enter a room.


Not a bad reputation to have huh?


One second I'm hugging the MILF sitting at the bar, and the next second the cocktail waitress is shoving her number into my phone...


The truth is that most people are too nervous to talk to people when they go out [especially the hot girls] and they have no clue what to say.


And those same people likely don't get the success they crave in life.


I've never met a super successful person who simply couldn't spark a conversation with someone...


Most successful people have one trait in common, no matter what they're successful in, and it is this:


They ELIMINATE the time between the idea and the act.


The reason entrepreneurs become successful is because they fail fast. They act, act, and act again until they hit success. 


The failed entrepreneur has the idea, watches netflix, checks his facebook, and then plans on taking action tomorrow. And that is precisely why he fails.


The guy who fails isn't any less capable, he just doesn't give himself enough chances to succeed.


And this is the exact same trait that has made me so good at all things Dating & Social related...


The reason that I'm able to write to you today as the only guy out here giving the #RAW truth about dating in today's world...


It's the reason I regularly sleep with models, waitresses, bartenders, nurses, flight attendants, etc.


It's the reason I spend weeks at a time mansion hopping in Las Vegas, and So-Cal.


And it's the reason that #RawDatingAdvice has been taking over the globe!


So here's the action plan for you from today on...


Quit hesitating to act.


When you go out, develop the same reputation that I have in public.


There are only 2 steps to this:


Step 1: When you walk into a room, talk to the first person you see. 


It can be as simple as saying "Hi."


Step 2: Any time you see someone who piques your interest, or grabs your attention, walk up and start a convo with them. WITHOUT question.


Make your reaction time between noticing them, and walking over to them as close to zero as possible.


So if you go to a bar, and you see a cute girl... Walk up to her and say what's up. Even if she's with another guy, or group of girls.


If you see a dude who has a cool shirt on, walk up and compliment him on his shirt.


Or if you're in public and you're curious about something, ask the girl who is closest to you if she's noticed that thing too...


Step 3: Never try to plan out anything you say.


The reason people get frozen is because they hesitate, and then they get in their heads and psych themselves out before they even begin.


The truth is your words don't matter. Only 7% of communication is the words your blabber out of your mouth, so fuck it, go over there like you're confident, and don't care what words may or may not come out.


Don't even give yourself the time/chance to wonder about what you're gonna say. THAT'S how quickly you should act.


The simple act of hesitating is what f*cks you up.


Embrace the excitement of knowing that literally anything could happen, and you're excited to find out.


And if you've ever wondered how you become a social stud really quickly... Those steps I just gave you are it.


You'll learn how to become "calibrated" super quickly. And your ability to read social cues from others will be unmatched.


So what are you waiting for?!


Start taking action right now.


-Patrick "#RAW Action" James


P.S. Remember: Hesitation is voluntarily losing.


(or in the words of my buddy Adam Gilad: "F*ck average before average F*cks you.")​​​​​​​

 

 Note: If you want to get successful stop giving so much fuck... I mean

 

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

 

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

 

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

 

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

 

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

 

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

 

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

 

 

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

 

 

stop caring like if this happen that will happen... if that happen that will happen

 

 

 

"And"

"If"
"But"

- This here are fucking deadly words... one small deal make it so bigger... so the brain goes like

 

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

I will do that

 

 

 

Under do that... I mean:

 

• i am going to say that "that she is boring"
• I am going to say that she "sucks"
• I am going to challenge her
• I am going to tease her

 

 

and

 

 

 

...

(FEW MINUTES LATER)

 

 

Nothing really happens.... the mind gets bored and start playing with other thoughts the whole impact gets  lost around the moment

 

Repeation loses meaning of all.

 

- DeYtH Banger

 

...

 

No need to repeat

No Need to plan

 

...

Just go for it

 

...

What you need is not a person who is going to give you fucked up advice... you  need a person who is going to say to you.

 

 

- YOu can do it... just say fuck it... and go and do it.

 

 

...

Stop being so serious

Stop being nice

 

...

Go and do it

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10 - Insult and Naked (Execise)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you want to succeed:

 

 

1) Less Give a Fuck

2) Less Wanting Validation
3) Less Caring

4) Less Being Nice

 

 

...

YOu need to start insulting and swearing in public places... if people turn mad don't give a fuck...

 

just continue... you are not there to be nice... to seek somebody to validate your opinion.

 

 

If you want to be Nice... you gonna end up in friendzone
If you give a fuck what others say and think and do you gonna suck as much as they do

If you start caring... you are going to be a retarded biach

If you start seeking validaiton like 

 

•    People to accept you
• People to be nice to you
• People to like you
• People to do that 
• and etc

 

 

....

 

 

This is going to stop your grow... if you want to grow and start improving your life stop giving a fuck!

 

 

Start Insulting... swearing... teasing

 

- --- Do it.... 

DO IT

DO IT

 

DO IT

Chapter 10.1 - And!? (Part 1)

 Most advice about how to stop a panic attack makes panic attacks stronger

Hello, my name is Noah Elkrief and in this video I’d like to talk to you about how to stop a panic attack. The reason why I’m making this blog post about how to stop a panic attack is because as I do one on one sessions with people, I often hear a lot of advice about how to stop panic attacks that actually makes panic attacks even stronger. In this blog post, I will show you how to come back to being in peace when a panic attack arises.

When you try to stop a panic attack, it gets stronger

If you look at your own experience, what happens when you try to stop a panic attack? Well, if you’re anything like the people that I work, with when you try to stop a panic attack, it gets worse. It gets stronger. We get more trapped in it. We become even more powerless when we try to stop it.

Why is that? Why does that happen? Well, in order to understand how to stop a panic attack, you first need to really understand why trying to stop a panic attack makes it worse. There are 5 reasons why this happens. I’m going to talk about each of the five reasons, and then I’m also going to give you an action step for what to do in order to stop creating the intensifying affect.

1) When you try to stop thinking about something, you think about it more

In order to make something clear for you, I would just like you to take a moment right now and try something. I want you to try as hard as you can to not think about oranges. Don’t think about what orange juice tastes like. Don’t think about what it’s like to peel an orange. Don’t think about the texture of the orange. Don’t think about what an orange feels like or looks like. Don’t think about the last time you had an orange. Don’t think about orange trees. Just don’t think about anything having to do with oranges. Can you do that for a moment? Give it a try. Don’t think about orange juices, oranges, juice anything. Close your eyes and do that for about 30 seconds.

How’s did it go? Probably not so good, right? You thought about oranges didn’t you? Because when you try not to think about something, that’s when you think about it. Trying not to think about something gives more energy to what you’re trying to not think about. You see how that happens?

Therefore, when you try to stop thinking the thoughts that are creating your panic attack, you’re just fueling it, giving more energy to the thoughts that are creating it. You can’t get rid of these thoughts by just trying to stop them and push them away. That’s not how the mind works. That just keeps the thoughts there, intensifies them, and makes the panic attack last longer.

Action step: Allow thoughts and feelings to be as they are

What happens when you try to stop thoughts and push them away? You can see from your own experience that it doesn’t work. What do you do about that? Give up that tactic. That’s what you do. Stop trying to get rid of the thoughts. Trying to get rid of the thoughts, fuels them. Instead, try something radical. Allow the thoughts to be there. Allow the feelings to be there. Paradoxically, this calms things down.



2) When you try to make negative thoughts positive, you create a battle in your mind

When you try to stop a panic attack, when you try to stop specific thoughts, what you do is you create a battle, a war, in your head. First, you think, “I’m scared. This situation is going to hurt me. Something bad might happen.” And then you try to convince yourself of the opposite by telling yourself “This situation won’t hurt me. That’s crazy. It’s okay. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

What happens when you do that is you now have two beliefs colliding; the negative beliefs that’s creating your feelings, and this positive belief that you are trying to convince yourself is true. But, since you are not addressing the reason why you have the negative belief in the first place, just telling yourself something positive is not going to get rid of the negative belief. Instead, it’s just creating a battle, a war in your mind. And that war creates even more tension.

Action step: Don’t try to make your thoughts positive, let them be

Instead of trying to convince yourself that your negative thought isn’t true, and creating a battle in your head, let the negative thoughts be there. Let them take over you. Let them say, “I’m going to die in this situation.” Let them say, “This situation is going to ruin me” or “this is bad” or “I’m going to get hurt” or whatever they’re saying. Let them say it. Don’t try to overlay some positive belief that the situation is good. That just creates a battle. Instead, let it be.



3) Believing that a panic attack is bad makes panic attacks more intense

Once we begin to have a panic attack, one of the first thoughts to pop up in our head is “This is bad, I don’t want to have panic attack”. It seems obvious that it’s bad to have a panic attack. But, as soon as you believe that your panic attack is bad, you are adding another layer of suffering on top of your panic attack, thus strengthening its intensity. So, is it bad to have a panic attack? Let’s take a moment and examine that a little closer. There’s a few ways to see that it might not necessarily be bad.

a) What are the facts, and what are my thoughts about the facts?

The first way to see that a panic attack is not bad is to separate the facts from our thoughts about the facts. The facts are that we have a specific sensation, a physical sensation in our body. That’s the facts. The thought on top of the fact says, “This sensation is good” or “This sensation is bad.” Right? When we have a tickle it says, “This sensation is good”. When have a bruise, it says, “This sensation is bad.”

But “bad” doesn’t exist as part of the facts. The sensation just is what it is. End of story. It’s not that it’s bad. It just is. You can’t see “bad” or touch the “badness” of a feeling. The feeling exists in your chest or stomach, but the “badness” exists only as a thought in your head.

When you start to have a panic attack, go to the physical sensations itself. Describe the sensations to yourself. Mind will want to say something like “it feels like there is a 1000 pounds of pressure on my chest”. But, stop, come back to the facts. There is some pressure on your chest, but it is nothing like a 1000 pounds in reality. As long as you stick with the facts, you will remain in peace regardless of the sensations your body is experiencing.



b) Can’t you be in peace in the midst of discomfort in your body?

I’m sure you’ve had stomach aches from time to time. In the midst of a stomach ache, it seems that the stomach ache is creating your suffering. It’s making you unhappy. But if while you have the stomach ache, you start to do something fun, eat your favorite dessert, watch an entertaining movie, or watch a funny youtube video, will you still be unhappy? No.

When an activity takes your full attention, thus distracting you from your thoughts about your stomach ache, all of a sudden you are no longer unhappy. The stomach ache may still be there, but since you are distracted from your thoughts about, you’re able to be in peace even in the midst of this physical sensation.

The same is true with a panic attack. It’s just a physical sensation. In the midst of any sensation, a cut, bruise, stomach ache, we can still be in peace.

So, when you have a panic attack, just notice the sensations. Let the sensations be there and notice that it doesn’t affect your peace. We tend to think that tension or anxiety is the opposite of peace. But those are just physical sensations. They can’t touch our peace. They don’t take away our peace unless we confuse them to be who we are. Unless we confuse the tension to be, “It’s MY tension. I am in tension.” It’s just sensations in the body. So let them be there and just notice them.

c) Do you know what all of the future effects are of this feeling in your body?

Imagine you break your leg, okay? When you have that pain, it seems so bad. “The pain, I don’t like it. It’s bad that I broke my leg.” That’s what we would assume, right? When we break our leg we’re thinking of all the bad effects and that it’s bad to be in pain. These thoughts make us feel sad.

But now imagine that while you were in the hospital waiting for surgery, you met somebody the love of your life. While you were off from work, you realized that your job wasn’t right for you and you found a new job that you love much more. While you were off from work, you spent so much time reading self help books that you became much happier.

Six months later, if you found yourself much happier than you were before you broke your leg, looking back was it good or bad that you broke your leg? Well, if you’re happier, of course you would say that “it’s good that I broke my leg. It was good for my life.”

In the moment that we break our leg, if we label it “bad”, it’s because we’re ignoring all of the possible future effects that could be helpful in our life. We’re saying “it IS bad”, but how could we possible know what all of the effects are? Is it possible this will lead to more happiness?

In the midst of a panic attack, we’re labeling the sensation “bad” saying, “This will have a bad impact on my life. It’s bad that it’s happening.” And it really, really seems that way. I get that. But, it’s possible ask yourself, “Do I know that this feeling is bad for my life? Is it possible that it will lead to more happiness in my life? Is it possible that this will go and I’ll be happy again? How do I know that it’s bad?”

If we can see that we don’t know whether this feeling is bad or good for our life, then all of a sudden the panic attack relaxes a little bit because we don’t know that it’s bad to be feeling it. Or the feeling persists, the sensations persists, but yet we can be in peace in the midst of the sensations.



4) When you think a panic attack signifies something about you, the panic attack strengthens

The fourth reason that a panic attack gets stronger once we start experiencing it is because we think that it means something about us. When we have a panic attack, we may think it means that we’re stupid, that there’s something wrong with us, that we’re not making progress, or that we’re never going to get better. Right?

All of these thoughts just make us feel worse. But how do you know that your panic attack means on these things about you?

Imagine that you are sitting in your room, then you look out of your window, and immediately see a car accident. Would you think that it was bad that there was a car accident? Probably. But, would you feel ashamed about the car accident? No, of course not. Why not? Simply because you don’t blame yourself for the car accident. And why don’t you blame yourself for the car accident? Because you didn’t control the factors that determined whether there was a car accident. What this demonstrates is that a “bad” situation only means something about you if you control it and are to blame for it.

Therefore, when we say that our panic attack means something about us, we’re actually saying, “My panic attack signifies something about me because I control whether I have panic attacks or not, and I am to blame for my panic attack.” But are you to blame for your panic attacks?

Action step: Discover that you are not to blame for your panic attacks and you will no longer feel ashamed about them

Are you to blame for your panic attack? Look. Panic attacks are created by thoughts. Do you control the thoughts that arise in you mind? Take a look for yourself right now. Be curious and ask yourself “I wonder, what’s the next thought to pop up in my head?” Do you know what the next thought will be? When you see the next thought that pops up in your head, ask yourself “Did I pick that? Did I put it there? Do I want to be happy or sad? Happy or stressed?” Well, of course you want to be happy. If you wanted to be happy, and you controlled what thoughts arise in your mind, wouldn’t you only choose to think positive thoughts? Yes, of course! If we controlled our thoughts, we would only choose happy thoughts, positive thoughts.

But, clearly that’s not the case. We constantly think negatively. Everybody, not just you. Everybody thinks negatively because they don’t control their thoughts. They don’t pick which thoughts come up in their minds, and they don’t pick which thoughts go. Just recognize that you don’t control the thoughts that arise in your mind. You don’t control them.

Therefore, when negative thoughts pop up and create this panic attack, it’s not your fault. You’re not to blame for it. It doesn’t mean anything about you. Really, it doesn’t. I’m not just saying that. If we don’t control the thoughts that arise in our minds, then we don’t control the feeling that those thoughts create. And if we don’t control the feeling, then we’re not to blame for it. If we’re not to blame for the feeling of panic attack, then it doesn’t mean we’re weak, stupid, wrong, bad or any of that. It just popped up.

The other thought we have about panic attacks is that it means we’re not making progress or that it’s always going to be this way. But do you know that’s true? Is it possible that tomorrow you’ll be in peace and that you’ll never have another panic attack? Is it possible that this panic attack will teach you a lesson that helps yourself or others? We don’t know any of that.

When it starts to rain, you just take it. You didn’t control whether it rained or not, so it doesn’t mean anything about you. Same thing with a panic attack. It just arises. Okay. It will come. It will go. It always goes, right? It always goes. So, let it run its course. There’s nothing you can do. You’re not to blame for it.



5) Worrying about what others think about your panic attack strengthens your panic attack

The 5th reason that a panic attack strengthens once we have it is because we become worried about what other people think. We’re worried that the people around us will think we’re crazy or something. But if you got hit by a car and broke your leg, would you worry about what other people think about your broken leg? Or if you had cancer, would you worry that they think you’re crazy for having cancer? No, you likely wouldn’t worry about what people think in either of these situations.

The reason why is because you know you’re not to blame for either of these feelings in your body. You know that neither of these ailments to your body signifies anything about you. You’re not at fault for cancer. You’re not at fault for a broken leg. So that’s why you don’t worry about what people think.

But the same is true with a panic attack. It doesn’t mean anything about you as we just saw. You don’t control the thoughts that come. You don’t control the feelings that are created by these thoughts. So if people judge you for it, okay. It doesn’t mean anything about you. They’re just misinformed. They’re just confused. They just don’t know any better. It’s okay.



An overview of how to stop a panic attack

Let’s run through some of the important points from this blog post about how to stop a panic attack. When a panic attack comes, don’t try to stop it. That just strengthens it. If you believe that a situation is bad and can harm you, don’t try to convince yourself “This situation isn’t bad and this situation won’t hurt me”. That just creates a battle in your head. The feelings of a panic attack aren’t bad, and don’t mean you can’t be in peace. You can be in peace with tension in your chest just as you can be with a stomach ache. The feelings of a panic attack don’t mean anything about you. When you worry about what other people think, recognize that you are not to blame for the panic attack, and it has nothing to do with you.

Overall, how to stop a panic attack? Let it be there. Allow it to be there. Just notice the sensations. Be aware of them. Allow the thoughts to come and to go. Don’t try to change it. And then watch what happens. It will either dissolve on its own without you trying to stop it or you can be relaxed in the midst of the body feeling tense.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Overcome Fear Easily – By Addressing The Cause

In order to overcome fear, we first must understand what causes it

Hello, my name is Noah Elkrief. And in this video I’m going to talk about how to overcome fear. But, before we get into how to overcome fear, how to deal with fear, how to lose fear, let’s first look at what causes fear, because it’s very important to see what’s creating your fear in order to see how to lose it or overcome it.

An exercise to see that thoughts create fear, and not facts

First, take a moment to think about what outcome you’re afraid of. Whether you’re afraid of failing at something, or you’re afraid of something happening to you, take a moment to think about it. I want you to close your eyes and really imagine it. Please take a moment to do that now. When you imagine this outcome, when you think about it, how do you feel? Well you feel afraid, you feel fear, you feel pounding in your heart or tension in your chest or pressure in your chest, something along those lines. Or maybe you feel something in your stomach, right, you feel butterflies, something along those lines.

A moment ago, you probably didn’t have those sensations of fear. And as soon as you start thinking about it, fear is created. If as soon as you start thinking, a feeling is created, the feeling must be the result of thinking, right? There’s nothing factually happening to you right now to create fear. If you look around the room, almost certainly there is nothing factually to create fear. You may think something might happen, but if nothing is happening now, fear can’t be created by anything happening, anything factual, anything in reality. It can only be created by thoughts.

Fear must be created by thoughts because any distraction dissolves fear

Another way to see that your fear is not the result of a fact, but only the result of a thought, is by simply looking – if a situation created fear, then you couldn’t escape it simply by distracting yourself from thoughts. But yet, no matter what situation you’re in, if there’s fear, if you distract yourself from thoughts – either you get your favorite food or you start talking to someone else or you start thinking about something else for a moment or you turn on the TV, or something, you can be distracted from that fear and you forget all about it, right? It may be harder in some situation than others, but if at any moment, you experience how distracting yourself from thoughts gets rid of fear, then you know it’s only thoughts that’s creating that fear.

Fear isn’t just created by thoughts, it is created by believing thoughts

Now that we see that fear is a result of thoughts, let’s put it a little differently, okay? Fear is not just the result of thoughts, fear is the result of believing thoughts to be true. If you’re sitting down and somebody approaches you and says, “The world is going to end tomorrow,” and you believe them, how do you feel? Well you feel afraid, fearful perhaps. But if this person walks up to you and says, “The world is going to end tomorrow,” but they don’t seem like a credible source of information on that subject, so you just don’t believe what they say, then how do you feel? Well, you feel nothing. If you don’t believe what they say, you don’t feel anything. What that shows you is, when you believe somebody’s words to be true, they create emotions. When you believe that a bad outcome is happening tomorrow, the words that a bad outcome is happening tomorrow, you feel fear. But when you don’t believe those same exact words, you feel nothing.

Well, the same is true of the words in your mind. When you believe that a bad outcome is happening or that a bad outcome is possible, you feel afraid. But if you don’t believe those exact same words, those exact same thoughts, if you simply don’t believe them, then they don’t create fear, they don’t create anxiety, they don’t create emotions. It doesn’t even matter if they’re playing in your head, it’s like someone talking nonsense in front of you, or the radio playing in front of you, but you don’t believe anything they say, so they can talk all day, it doesn’t matter, right?

How to overcome fear? Discover that you don’t know what outcome is best for you

The next obvious question is, “So how do I deal with those thoughts, how do I stop believing them?” Well if you have fear, it is because you are believing that a specific outcome in the future would be bad. It would be bad if this happened to me, or it would be best if I got a particular outcome and therefore any other outcome would be worse. For example, if you think it would be best to get a promotion, best to pass a test, best to get the job offer after going on an interview, then you will obviously think it’s worse to do poorly on the test, worse to not get the offer or worse to not get promoted, or worse to not get the girl, something along those lines. In order to lose your fear, you have to see that you don’t know whether a particular outcome is good or bad for your life.

To lose your fear, you first have to know what you want in life more than anything else

In order to see that you don’t know whether an outcome is good or bad for your life, you first need to take a big step back and ask yourself, “What do I want in life more than anything else? What is the #1 most important thing to me? What do I want more than anything else in life?” Not my top few most important things, what is number one? If you’re really willing and honest to ask yourself that question, you will discover that what you want more than anything else is peace and happiness. You might think that what you want is success, but the reason you want success is only because you hope it will make you happy. You may think you want to get first place on a test or a sporting event or a competition of some kind, but why do you want that? Only because you hope it will make you happy. You may think you want love, a relationship, marriage, but how do you hope to feel when you get it? Happy, at peace.

All of our goals, everything that we want, everything that we’re afraid of failing on, we only want to make us happy. It’s not the goal in and of itself to get success, relationship, win the competition, that is not the goal, that is the means. You see? When you want ice cream, you don’t really want ice cream itself. You just want to feel good, and you hope ice cream will give you that feeling that you want. In the same way, you don’t want to pass the test, get the promotion, or win the competition, you just want the feeling you hope these things will give you.

Discover for yourself that what you want more than anything else is peace and happiness

I don’t want you to just believe that you want peace more than anything else, I want you to discover that for yourself. So the way to discover that for yourself is to ask yourself the question – if you had the following 2 possible scenarios, which would you choose?

Achieve your most important goal, but be unhappy, sad, hurt, worried about others’ opinions, have anxiety about the future, have judgments, insecurities, and every other form of suffering that you have now.Don’t achieve your goal, but live with an incredible sense of peace and freedom, and never have any anxiety, worries, insecurities, anger, or sadness.

Which would you choose? I’m not saying those are your only two options, I’m saying if those were the two options, which would you choose? Achieve your goal and be unhappy or not achieve your goal and be happy?

Well if you’re being honest, if you’re open enough, you will probably discover that you would rather be happy and not achieve your goal than achieve your goal and be unhappy. You might think that scenario is impossible, you may think that you couldn’t possibly be happy if you didn’t achieve your goal, and that you couldn’t be unhappy if you achieved your goal, but it’s very important to recognize what you want most in life, because if you don’t realize that what you want more than anything else is peace and happiness, then you’re constantly going to be thinking about things that have nothing to do with your peace and happiness.

How to disbelieve the idea that a specific outcome would be “best” for my life

Once we believe the idea that a specific outcome would be best for our life, then we believe every other outcome would be worse, so we fear every alternative. But if you discover that whatever outcome you think would be best for you might not even make you happy, and might not be best for your life at all, then all of a sudden you don’t have to fear the alternative.

Ok, so if you want peace and happiness more than anything else, which is almost certainly the case, then whatever outcome you are afraid of not getting, just ask yourself, do I know that getting what I want would make me happier than failing? You may think that getting a particular outcome would be good or best for your life, but that’s only because you think it will make you happy. But how do you know that this outcome will make you happy? How do you know that getting the girl, getting the promotion, getting the job, getting a winner’s medal, will make you happy? If you achieve whatever you want, you’re still going to have all the same worries about other’s opinions, shame about yourself, insecurity about your personality, your looks, judgments, anger, problems in your relationship, problems in your job, everything else that you currently have. And you never had whatever you want, so how do you even know you’ll like it? Can you think of some bad possible effects that could come from achieving your goal? Of course you can, right?

How to discover that the outcome you fear might not be “bad”

If you fail to achieve your goal, the word failure sounds like it’s bad. We automatically assume that if we don’t achieve our goal, that’s bad. But how do you know? It might be better for you. Have you never had something happen in the past that you thought was bad in the moment, but ended up working out really well? Do you know what all the effects are of not achieving your goal? How do you know? Is it possible that if you don’t get the job offer, you’ll get another one that’s better. Or you’ll have extra free time and read a book that makes you happy, or you’ll learn a lesson or meet somebody or something will happen that turns out to be much more valuable for your life in the long run. How do you know? So the way to lose the fear about achieving a particular outcome and being afraid of failure is simply by recognizing “I don’t know what outcome is best for me.”

Failing to achieve your goal doesn’t mean you are “bad”

The other way to lose the fear of achieving a particular outcome and failing to achieve it is to recognize that failure doesn’t mean anything about me. Generally, one of the main reasons why the fear of failure is so strong and intense is because we believe if we succeed, it means I am great, I am worthy, I am lovable… and if we fail, it means I am unworthy, there’s something wrong with me, I am not good enough, I am insufficient. But it doesn’t mean that. If you succeed on a job interview, maybe you just got the right interviewer, there was a good fit, or maybe he was happy that day because something else happened in his life, or maybe he asked you the one question you knew the answer to. And if you don’t pass the interview, maybe the guy who was interviewing you just got into a car accident, and was in a bad mood. Or you were wearing a tie that he hated and he just felt like getting you. Or if you meet a girl and you’re scared of getting rejected by her, she might like blondes and you’re a brunette, does that mean there’s something wrong with you? She might like shy, when you’re outgoing, or the other way around. She might like successful instead of someone that is giving to society or working in like a non-profit. Or she might like it the other way around, she might want someone who cares about helping the world instead of someone who’s just trying to make money.

No success or failure means anything about you

No success or failure means you are great or not, means you are worthy or not. It’s just an event, it’s just an outcome, it doesn’t signify anything about who you are. Because there are so many variables that occur in creating a particular outcome and you are not in control over all of them. If you were the one that determined whether you got you what you wanted, then you would always get what you wanted. But there are so many variables right? Like I mentioned in those two examples, you have the personal preferences of the other person. Or maybe you’re going to the interview and you can’t make it there on time, so you’re not going to get the job offer. But you don’t even control if you’re going to make it on time – there could be a car accident, there could be an emergency, there could be anything.

How to overcome fear – Recognize that you don’t know what outcome would be best or bad for your life

Whatever outcome you fear

Recognize that you don’t know whether it’s bad for you, you don’t know whether it’s bad for your life in the long run, because you don’t know whether it will end up making you happy or not, since you don’t know what all the effects are.Succeeding at anything doesn’t mean you are worthy, great, lovable or special, and failing doesn’t mean you are unworthy, not special, or anything else.

If you just discover these two things, you will be free of the fear in every situation. So any time you’re feeling afraid, look, what story am I telling myself? The story or some version of it is “It would be best if I got this, it would be bad if I got that.” Then investigate whether you actually know that that is true.

Thanks for reading this blog post about how to overcome fear

Ok, so that’s it on how to overcome fear, how to deal with fear. If you have any questions, feel free to write it in the comments or send me a message. I hope you found it helpful and thank you for watching.

Hello again, if you found my video about how to overcome fear to be helpful, or you enjoyed this video about how to overcome fear, I welcome you to click on one of the videos below, as you might find them helpful as well. Or if you want to make sure you never miss another video of mine again, you can click the subscribe button over there. And if you want my free e-book, you’re welcome to click the free e-book button over there. So thanks again for watching, and I’ll see you around. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10.2 - And!? (Part 2)

In order to alleviate stress, you have to understand what causes stress

Hello, my name is Noah Elkrief, and in this video I’m going to talk about what causes stress. The reason I want to talk about what causes stress is because many people that come to me for help with their stress seem to have a lot of misinformation about what causes stress. When we don’t truly understand what’s causing our stress, it becomes very difficult to address the stress. We end up spending a lot of time and energy trying to change things that aren’t really causing our stress.



What people think causes stress

The two things that people most often tell me are causing their stress are specific circumstances/situations and uncertainty. In other words, most people think that uncertainty and stressful situations cause stress. So, in this blog post, I’m going to help you discover for yourself that thoughts create stress and nothing else. That neither uncertainty nor “stressful situations” cause stress, as if there was such a thing. On top of, that I’m going to show you the exact thoughts that create this stress. But, nothing you read here is meant to be believed or trusted, because that won’t provide much value for you. Rather, everything is meant to be directly discovered for yourself.

Why situations don’t cause stress

First, let’s look at a so called stressful situation, and examine whether it is actually the situation that causes stress. If you go to work at your job, and while you are there, you feel stressed, it seems almost obvious that the situation at your job is causing your stress. When you’re at work you feel stressed, and when you’re not you don’t. It seems so obvious. But, let’s look at the situation a bit more closely.

If some people can experience no stress in the same situation, the situation can’t cause stress

Certain situations seem to create stress. However, in order to claim that a specific circumstance creates a specific experience, it must always create that same experience, for every person, every time. For example, a flame creates heat. When anyone comes into contact with a flame, they will experience heat every time, for as long as they are near the flame.

The first question to ask yourself in order to discover that a situation itself doesn’t cause your stress is, “Could somebody else be happy in this situation? Is somebody else that I know happy in this situation?” It’s almost always easy to see that “yes, there are some people who are happy in this situation.” Or “Yes, it is possible for people to be happy in this situation.”

If other people are happy in this situation, if other people are not stressed in this situation, then the situation itself can’t be creating the stress. If the situation itself created the stress then everybody in this situation would have to experience stress. But if that’s not the case, then the situation can’t be creating the stress.



If you have moments in the situation with no stress, the situation can’t cause stress

Another way to see that the situation doesn’t create your stress is to just ask, “Am I stressed in every moment that I’m in this situation?” If we think that our work situation is creating the stress, we would ask “Am I stressed in every moment at work?” No, probably not. In some moments you enjoy it. In some moments you are stressed.

For example, you might not be stressed at work when you’re just talking with co-workers you enjoy, if you’re talking to a client that is enjoying what you’re saying, or you are just care-free in a given moment. If you can recognize that in some moments while you are at work, you don’t experience stress, then you can recognize that the situation itself can’t be what’s creating your stress. If the situation was causing your stress, then you would be stressed in every moment that you were in that situation.



If you can lose your stress by distracting yourself from thoughts, the situation can’t cause stress

If having a specific job was the cause of your stress, then as long as you had that job, you would be stressed. But, if you are stressed in a given moment, then someone sends you a link to funny youtube video, what happens to your stress? It completely vanishes for the moments that you are watching the funny video. Why does your stress disappear when you watch the funny video? Simply because the video is distracting you from the thoughts that were creating your stress.

If all it takes to stop feeling stress is to simply distract yourself from thoughts, then it’s clear that the thoughts must be creating your stress and not a particular situation. Can you see that? If all it takes to lose your stress is to think about something else, to put your attention on something you enjoy then clearly it has to be your thoughts that’s creating your stress.



Why uncertainty doesn’t cause stress

We tend to think that uncertainty creates stress. In other words, most people believe that when you are in a situation where you don’t what the outcome/future will be, that creates stress. But let’s dispel that myth for a second here. If somebody said to you, “I’ll either give you a thousand dollars tomorrow or nothing”, how would you feel? You might be stressed about whether you get the thousand dollars or not, right? And it seems as though the uncertainty creates the stress.

But now imagine someone said to you, “I’ll give you a thousand dollars tomorrow, but it might be all twenties, might be all singles, might be all fives.” Are you going to feel stressed about it? No. There’s uncertainty in the situation once again, but you wouldn’t feel stressed. So why not? The reason why you wouldn’t have stress is because there’s no outcome we think would be bad. There’s many different possible outcomes. But since all of them are judged to be equal by our minds, there’s nothing to be stressed about.

What causes stress is believing that one outcome would be worse than another outcome

Imagine that you’re going into a job interview where there are two possible jobs you can get. They already said to you, “You’ve already got the job. We just don’t know if you’re going to go into this division or that division. This is the interview to help us pick.” If you really like one division and you really don’t like the other division, are you going to be stressed about the job interview? Of course. Because one outcome is labeled “better” and other outcome is labeled “worse”.

But, what about if you liked both divisions equally, and you don’t know which one would be better for you. Are you going to feel stressed about the job interview? No. Why not? Because both options are seen to be equal. There’s uncertainty there, but since both options are viewed to be equal, and neither is viewed to be worse, there’s no stress.

Uncertainty itself does not create stress. The only thing that creates stress is believing a thought that says “a bad outcome is possible”. Broadly speaking, there are two ways that this shows up. The first way is deciding what outcome “would be best”, and then inherently considering every other outcome to be “worse”. For example, in a job interview example, we would think “it would be best for me to get the job”, and every other outcome is bad.

The other time when we experience stress is when we decide that a specific outcome would be bad. For example: “It would be bad if I don’t get the job offer”. “It would be bad if I don’t get this done in time”. “It would be bad if they break up with me”. “It would be bad if I get hurt”. When we think about an outcome that we think would be bad, we are creating stress. Any time we think a bad outcome is possible, that’s what causes stress, nothing else.



An easy way to see what causes stress right now

Please take a moment to think about the “bad” situation that’s creating your stress, or the possible “bad” outcome that could happen. Tell yourself the story in detail and give it your complete attention. Picture the situation in your mind. Envision the scenario with all the relevant details. Think about how “bad” it would be if this “bad” thing happened. Look at every-one’s facial expression, look at the background details, and give it all your attention. Take a few seconds to stop reading and imagine this now.

Now, how does it feel when you tell yourself this story? How does it feel when you think about it? What happens when you think about the stressful situation? Take a moment to look at how you feel? You feel tense, right?

A moment ago you likely weren’t feeling any emotion. Then, just by thinking, you began to experience an emotional reaction. There’s no situation here to create your stress. You’re just reading a blog post. If you experience an emotional reaction right now, it must have been created by something that’s going on right now. As soon as you began to give attention to the thoughts/stories about the future, tension or stress was created. The feeling of stress in your body is a direct reaction to the thoughts you just had, not any circumstance or event.

The only thing happening right now is your thinking. If as soon as you think about something “bad”, you feel the stress, then clearly it’s the thinking that’s creating the stress and not the situation itself.

 

 

Note: Special thanks to Noah Elkrief,  for the awesome blog posts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Deal With Loneliness

Hello, my name is Noah Elkrief; and in this blog post I’m going to talk to you about how to deal with loneliness. As I do one-on-one sessions with people, I am often asked to help people to stop feeling lonely. When this happens, I often see that they’re confused about the cause of their loneliness. Or, in other words, they don’t really understand what’s causing their loneliness. So therefore, when they try to make themselves stop feeling lonely, they’re not really addressing the cause of their loneliness. In order to understand how to deal with loneliness, we first need to be very clear about what’s causing the loneliness.

What most people think is causing their loneliness

So what’s causing your loneliness? Well, what do you think is causing it? If you are single, you probably think that your loneliness is caused by being alone and not having a romantic partner. And if you’re in a relationship, you probably think it’s caused by your partner not loving you, not appreciating you enough, or having the wrong partner.

Proving that what you thought caused loneliness… definitely doesn’t

Now, let’s take a look at what’s actually causing your loneliness. To do this, let’s examine the most common things that people think cause loneliness.

Exercise 1: Does being alone cause loneliness?

Does being alone cause loneliness? Well, take a look at your life. Are you lonely in every moment that you’re alone? Or do you sometimes not feel lonely when: you’re distracted from your thoughts, you’re watching TV, playing sports, eating good food, cooking, eating dessert, dancing, playing with kids, or doing something fun? When you are distracted and entertained you almost certainly don’t feel lonely. This is because in those moments you’re just not thinking about how you are alone. If being alone caused loneliness, then you wouldn’t be able to escape or lose this loneliness simply by entertaining yourself. But, yet you almost certainly don’t feel lonely at many different points during any given day.



Exercise 2: Is everyone that’s alone, lonely?

Is everyone that’s alone, lonely? Of course not. If being alone created loneliness then everyone that is alone would feel lonely. Can you see that? In addition, if being alone created loneliness then anyone who was not alone wouldn’t be able to feel lonely. This would mean that everyone who is in a relationship wouldn’t be able to feel lonely. But, clearly that’s not the case. Many people in relationships feel lonely. I speak to these people all the time. If people in relationships can feel lonely, then clearly being alone isn’t the cause of loneliness. And that very clear means that being in a relationship with someone isn’t the cure for loneliness.



Exercise 3: Does the lack of being loved create loneliness?

Does the lack of being loved create loneliness? Well, let’s take a look. Are you loved? Do your parents love you? Do your friends love you? Do some people love you? If relevant, does your romantic partner love you? There are probably some people that love you. But yet, you still feel lonely. If being loved got rid of loneliness, then you wouldn’t feel lonely. To give you an example, there are many famous pop stars that have millions of people that absolutely love them and adore them. But, yet we often see in documentaries and interviews that they feel unhappy and lonely… which often motivates them to go to drugs. This demonstrates that being loved doesn’t cure loneliness and that not being loved can’t be the cause of loneliness.



The only thing creating your loneliness is thoughts

The previous exercises clearly demonstrate that none of the things that seem to be causing loneliness actually do. The only thing that causes loneliness is our own thoughts. Therefore, the answer to the question of “How to deal with loneliness?” is to address the thoughts that create your loneliness.

But, what thoughts are creating this loneliness? Well that depends. There are a few different types of thoughts that cause loneliness. But, broadly speaking, there is one major thought for single people and one major thought for people in relationships. First we’re going to look at loneliness for single people, and then we’re going to look at loneliness in relationships.

The specific thoughts that cause loneliness for single people

How to deal with loneliness for single people: What happens is that we were taught by our society, our media, our family, and our friends to believe that: “being in a relationship would make me happy”, “being in a relationship would make me feel complete and whole”, “I should be in a relationship and get married”, and “being in a relationship is how to be happiest”. And as soon as we create this fantasy, we compare our reality to the fantasy. Then, all of the sudden, this moment unconsciously judged to be completely insufficient, lacking, and not good enough. And these thoughts are what create our loneliness.

So, paradoxically having a fantasy about what you think will make you happy, creates loneliness in this moment. As you are likely aware, this then causes to be constantly searching for somebody to love us. On top of that, this leads to having fear and anxiety that we will never find someone to be with and someone to love us.

Put simply, when we are single, what creates our loneliness is the belief that a relationship can make us happy. So if you want to stop feeling lonely, you need to question that belief. You need to question whether a relationship can give you the happiness that you want. Let’s examine that now.



How to deal with loneliness when single: Discover that a relationship can’t fulfill you

Can a relationship fulfill you, make you feel whole, or make you feel as happy as you want to be? Let’s examine it.

To understand what can make you happy, you first need to understand what’s causing your unhappiness. And the simple answer is: thoughts cause your unhappiness. Here are some of the most common thoughts that make you unhappy: judgments about yourself, insecurities, thoughts about yourself that make you feel ashamed, worrying about what people think, anxiety about the future, judgments about situations in our life, judgments about people in your life, negative thoughts about “bad” events from our past, resentment towards the people in our life, and feeling guilty about the past. All this creates our unhappiness, and lack of fulfillment.

Therefore, the real question you have to ask yourself isn’t “Can a relationship make me happy?”, but rather “Can a relationship eliminate the thoughts that make me unhappy?” Take a moment to look at whether you think that spending time with someone you love or enjoy could eliminate all the unwanted thoughts mentioned above.

It is very clear that a relationship itself doesn’t have the ability to get rid of your anxiety about the future, your worrying about what other people think, or your judgments about yourself. It just doesn’t have that ability. If it did, everyone in a relationship would be happy. But yet clearly, they aren’t. Alright, that doesn’t mean that you cannot be happy, it just means that a relationship can’t make you happy in of itself.



You can be happy now… even if you’re single

How to deal with loneliness: Well, we tend to look at happiness as it’s acquired or achieved. That if we just got “this” we’d be happy, or got “that” we’d be happy. But happiness is what remains when we lose thoughts that make us unhappy. That’s it. If you can see that a relationship doesn’t have the ability to make you happy, then you can stop giving so much attention to your fantasy about how wonderful it would be if you were in a relationship. Whether you’re in a relationship or you’re single doesn’t affect your happiness; only thoughts do.

So being single, being alone, and being by yourself doesn’t create unhappiness, only thoughts do. So you’re not in a disadvantageous position of being happy. You can be as happy and fulfilled just as easily as somebody in a relationship can be. Your life is not lacking, your life isn’t missing anything, and your life isn’t insufficient just because you’re single. It’s okay. Being single doesn’t mean anything. It absolutely doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. If you can see that, then watch the loneliness just subside. You’re not missing anything.

What seems to be causing loneliness in relationships… really doesn’t

How to deal with loneliness for people in relationships: A large percentage of the married people that come to me for sessions feel lonely even though they are in relationships. Often times, even if our relationship seems perfect, even if the other person loves us, and even our life seems to be great, we often still experience loneliness.

Generally, when we are in a relationship, but still feel lonely, we look to blame it on something. We might decide “They don’t love me enough”, “They don’t appreciate me enough”, “They don’t spend enough time with me”, “They’re not intimate enough with me”, “They don’t cuddle enough”, “They’re not close enough”, or “They spend too much time at work”. We blame the loneliness on all of these things, as if they are the cause of our loneliness. But none of these things cause loneliness.

And the easy way to see that is to just look. In a moment when you’re by yourself, and you’re not with your partner, are you always lonely in these moments? If not being with your partner created this loneliness then every moment that you’re weren’t with them, you would feel lonely.

If your partner not being intimate enough with you created loneliness, then every moment that you weren’t intimate, you would be lonely. But clearly that’s not the case. Sometimes you feel lonely, sometimes you don’t. What happens is that there are specific stories that create loneliness. And when you tell these stories, the loneliness comes. But when you don’t tell those stories, there is no loneliness.

How to deal with loneliness when in relationship: First, discover what stories are creating your loneliness

If you want to know how to deal with loneliness, you first have to see what specific stories you are telling that create your loneliness. To give you hint, loneliness is almost always created by the following 2 things:

Comparing our relationship to our ideas about what is the perfect relationshipComparing our partners’ actions to our ideas about what is the perfect way for a romantic partner to act

So if we believe they should be spending x amount of hours with us every day, and when they don’t spend that amount of time with us we think, “It’s not good enough that they’re not spending that amount of time with me.” Or if we think that they should want to hold me, and they should tell me that they love me. Right? Or telling me that they love me means that they do love me, or something like that. When they don’t tell us that they love us, when they don’t cuddle us, when they don’t do those things; we think, “If they loved me, they would do those things.” Or. If it was a perfect relationship, they would do those things; and then we feel lacking and insufficient. Right?

When you don’t judge, you don’t feel lonely

But, in any moment that you don’t judge your partner, when you let any ideas of how they should be acting, or what they should be doing, or what the perfect relationship would be like. There’s no loneliness, they’re just present with them. You’re just being here with them. When you’re just here with your partner, or without your partner; everything is fine, regardless of what they’re doing. But as soon as you start to tell stories, loneliness comes.

How do you feel when you judge your partner?

In this moment, just look. What do I judge that’s not good enough about them? Do I judge that they don’t spend enough time with me? Do I judge that they don’t tell me they love me enough? That they don’t appreciate me enough. Right? So look at what you judge them to do. And then notice that when you have that judgment; that’s when loneliness comes. So, if you can see that then you can stop blaming them for your loneliness. It has nothing to do with whether they appreciate you enough, or how much they appreciate you. It only has to deal with whether you think about them appreciating you enough or not enough.

If you can see that, then you can come back to this moment. Oh, I’m not missing anything. It’s just these thoughts that are creating loneliness. Nothing else, it’s nothing to do with them. And when you stop judging them, you’re left with love for them. When you don’t believe you’re judgments about someone, what’s left is love. Love is simply what remains when you don’t have judgments about others. So when you don’t judge your partner to be not good enough, you’ll feel love for them. And we can’t be lonely and feel love. We tend to think that somebody loving us will get rid of our loneliness, but it can’t. No matter what somebody else does that doesn’t get rid of our loneliness.

 

 

 

 

How To Stop Thinking About Someone:

Do you want to know how to stop thinking about someone? Do you want to know how to stop missing someone? In this blog post, I will answer both of these questions. Generally, when we want to stop thinking about someone, we try to push the thoughts away, stop them, deny that we have them, or distract ourselves from these thoughts.

As you may have come to discover, these tactics generally don’t bring the results that we want and don’t help us to stop thinking about the person we’re thinking about. In this blog post, I am going to introduce you to a new tactic that is likely to be much more effective. But, before I talk about how to stop thinking about someone, I just want to briefly explain what missing someone is.

What seems to be the cause of missing someone

If someone was with you that you love, and they are no longer with you, it can seem as if missing that person is a direct result of that person you love no longer being with you. It seems as though missing someone is an automatic reaction to not being with someone you love, and it is an impossible reaction to escape. It seems as if when someone you love leaves you, you miss them, and that’s just the way it works. There’s no choice in the matter. The feeling of missing someone seems to be directly created by not being around someone you love.

But, now it is time to examine this assumption.

The real cause of missing someone

Let me ask you a question, do you have anything that you do for fun? Take a moment to think about some of the things that you enjoy doing the most. For example, maybe you watch movies, maybe you eat desserts, maybe you go dancing, maybe you play sports, or maybe you play with your kids.

If you are missing someone, and then you engage in some activity that you really enjoy, would you be able to have fun or enjoy yourself? In other words, are you able to have fun and be happy when you are engaging in these activities even though the person you love is not here? Yes, you would almost certainly still be able to have fun when you are doing something you love.

When you engage in activities that you like, you are able to enjoy yourself because you are distracting yourself from the thoughts that make you unhappy. So, if the person you love is no longer here, but yet you can be happy simply by distracting yourself from thoughts, then clearly your feeling of missing them isn’t created by the factual circumstance of that person not being here. If your feeling of missing someone was directly created by a person you love not being here with you, then you would be forced to have this feeling of missing them for as long as they weren’t here with you, and you wouldn’t be able to escape this feeling simply by distracting yourself from your thoughts.

Can you see how missing someone is not created by someone you love not being here with you, but is actually directly created by thoughts? When you think about someone you love not being here, you miss them. But, when you are not thinking about them, you don’t miss them. The feeling of missing someone is just created by thinking about someone that you want to be here, but isn’t here.



To understand how to stop thinking about someone, you need to understand why you think about them

Let me first say this: there is no problem with thinking about anyone. It is not as though you shouldn’t do it or it is a bad thing to do. But, if you want to know how to stop thinking about someone, then you first have to understand why you are thinking about them. If you don’t understand why you are thinking about someone, then it is very, very difficult to stop thinking about them. You will end up just trying to push your thoughts away, rather than directly addressing the cause of why you’re thinking about them.

So why do you think about the person you are thinking about? When it comes to relationships, which is the most common situation for when we want to stop thinking about someone, the reason why we think about them is because we think that we would be happier if they were here. The reason why you keep thinking about them or missing them is because you think you would be happier if they were here.



Are you thinking about someone because you think you would be happier if they were here?

To test this out, think about a time that you were enjoying yourself while the person you have been missing isn’t here. In the moment that you were having fun, being happy, and enjoying yourself, were you thinking about the person you have been missing? No, almost certainly not. This is because when you are already happy, there is no reason to think about the person you have been missing.

But when you’re sitting there, not particularly happy, or just not doing much, your mind just keeps bringing up how you would be happier if they were here and that causes you to keep thinking about them.

If you thought that you would be unhappier if they were here, would you continue to think about them? No, almost certainly not. Do you see how that is true?

Let’s examine whether you would actually be happier if the person you are thinking about was here

When we are thinking about someone, what we do is we remember a moment of pleasure (or happy moments) from our time with them, and then we think (often unconsciously) “I would be happier if they were here”. But let’s now examine this major assumption “I would be happier if they were here”.

Tactic #1: Were you always happy and fulfilled when they were?

How to stop thinking about someone: Were you always happy when the person you are missing was here? Were all of your times together enjoyable? Were there some moments when you were with them and you were worrying about what they think? Were there some moments when you were really annoyed with them, when you judged them, when they judged you, when you got in arguments, when you were worried about whether they were cheating on you, when you were worried about whether they still loved you, when you resented them because they didn’t appreciate you enough, when you felt uncomfortable because you were trying to please them?

When you are thinking about how you would be happier if they were here, you are thinking about a specific moment/s of pleasure that you had with them, but you can’t just bring back the happy/fun moments. If you bring the person you have been thinking about back into your life, you will be bringing everything back. You will be bringing the worrying, resentment, disappointment, arguing, doing things you don’t like, and all of that stuff along with the fun moments. Right?

So let me ask you the question: Do you know with absolute certainty that you would be happier if the person you have been thinking about was here? Is it possible that there would be more unhappiness in my life if they came back into my life? Just asking yourself these questions might help you to discover “I don’t actually know whether I would be happier if they were here again”.



Tactic #2: Could new things come into your life that wind up making you happier?

How to stop thinking about someone: Maybe your experience with the person you are thinking about was almost always wonderful and filled with happiness. But, that experience is over now. Now, you have a new experience in your life. In other words, your experience in life is now different because you no longer have that person in your life. And then you decide “I would be happier if they were here”. But, do you know what all of the effects are of losing the person that you were with?

Do you know for sure that you won’t wind up being happier single? Is it possible that losing that person will allow you to spend more time with friends, to make new friends, or to spend more time engaging with your hobbies? Is it possible that you will find someone else that you will enjoy being with much more than the last person? Can you be absolutely sure that these things aren’t possible? Is it possible that all of these types of things could wind up leaving you happier in your life without the person you have been thinking about? Is it possible that something wonderful will happen to you now that they are no longer in your life? Can you think of a few good effects of the person you are thinking about no longer being here with you?

If it is possible that you could be happier without the person that you have been thinking about, then you don’t need to keep thinking about how you would be happier if they were. Because the truth is that you don’t know whether you would be happier if they were here.



Tactic #3: Could your unhappiness motivate you to start working on yourself, which could make you much happier?

How to stop thinking about someone: Losing the person you have been thinking about seems to have created some unhappiness for you. But, that is just one, very short-term effect. Is it possible that this unhappiness you are experiencing will provoke you to start examining your unhappiness, to start questioning what makes you unhappy, to discover that thoughts cause your unwanted emotions, and to discover how to address these thoughts, which will ultimately make you much happier in life?

In other words, most of us go through life assuming that external circumstances and events make us happy and unhappy. But, the truth is that our thoughts about external circumstances and events cause all of our emotions. And, if you learn how to deal with, or eliminate, the thoughts that would normally make you unhappy, then you will be significantly happier in your life. It is possible that the unhappiness you are experiencing from losing someone will cause you to see thoughts that you didn’t know you had, and to somehow get you to a website like this which can show you how to deal with the thoughts that make you unhappy. And that could make you much happier in your life.



Tactic #4: Could “bad” things have happened in your relationship with the person you are thinking about if they were still here?

How to stop thinking about someone: Is it possible that if the person you have been thinking about was still here, maybe something bad would have happened? Is it possible that they would have cheated on you? Is it possible that the relationship would have gotten old and boring? Is it possible that you would have gotten into a big argument that really hurt both of you? Is it possible that you would have gotten more and more jealous or more and more worried about whether they still love you?  Is it possible that if they were here, they would keep you from doing something that was really wonderful and important to you, and you would miss out on it? Is it possible that you would wind up much more unhappy if they were here?

You can’t possibly know whether any of this would happen or not. So when you are thinking about someone, it is an uninvestigated assumption that you would be happier if they were here. But, as you can see, you can’t possibly know whether that’s true.



Tactic #5: Could either of you have changed, making the relationship incompatible?

How to stop thinking about someone: If the person you are thinking about was still here, is it possible that they would have changed in some way that you wouldn’t like? Is it possible that you would have changed in some way where you no longer like being with them? Is it possible that something would have happened to make both of you not a good fit for each other anymore? Is it possible that the enjoyable moments you had together would have been over very soon?

Споделено общественоДобавете коментар...няма +1няма споделянияVonder Gong7 чHow To Deal With Loneliness

Hello, my name is Noah Elkrief; and in this blog post I’m going to talk to you about how to deal with loneliness. As I do one-on-one sessions with people, I am often asked to help people to stop feeling lonely. When this happens, I often see that they’re confused about the cause of their loneliness. Or, in other words, they don’t really understand what’s causing their loneliness. So therefore, when they try to make themselves stop feeling lonely, they’re not really addressing the cause of their loneliness. In order to understand how to deal with loneliness, we first need to be very clear about what’s causing the loneliness.

What most people think is causing their loneliness

So what’s causing your loneliness? Well, what do you think is causing it? If you are single, you probably think that your loneliness is caused by being alone and not having a romantic partner. And if you’re in a relationship, you probably think it’s caused by your partner not loving you, not appreciating you enough, or having the wrong partner.

Proving that what you thought caused loneliness… definitely doesn’t

Now, let’s take a look at what’s actually causing your loneliness. To do this, let’s examine the most common things that people think cause loneliness.

Exercise 1: Does being alone cause loneliness?

Does being alone cause loneliness? Well, take a look at your life. Are you lonely in every moment that you’re alone? Or do you sometimes not feel lonely when: you’re distracted from your thoughts, you’re watching TV, playing sports, eating good food, cooking, eating dessert, dancing, playing with kids, or doing something fun? When you are distracted and entertained you almost certainly don’t feel lonely. This is because in those moments you’re just not thinking about how you are alone. If being alone caused loneliness, then you wouldn’t be able to escape or lose this loneliness simply by entertaining yourself. But, yet you almost certainly don’t feel lonely at many different points during any given day.



Exercise 2: Is everyone that’s alone, lonely?

Is everyone that’s alone, lonely? Of course not. If being alone created loneliness then everyone that is alone would feel lonely. Can you see that? In addition, if being alone created loneliness then anyone who was not alone wouldn’t be able to feel lonely. This would mean that everyone who is in a relationship wouldn’t be able to feel lonely. But, clearly that’s not the case. Many people in relationships feel lonely. I speak to these people all the time. If people in relationships can feel lonely, then clearly being alone isn’t the cause of loneliness. And that very clear means that being in a relationship with someone isn’t the cure for loneliness.



Exercise 3: Does the lack of being loved create loneliness?

Does the lack of being loved create loneliness? Well, let’s take a look. Are you loved? Do your parents love you? Do your friends love you? Do some people love you? If relevant, does your romantic partner love you? There are probably some people that love you. But yet, you still feel lonely. If being loved got rid of loneliness, then you wouldn’t feel lonely. To give you an example, there are many famous pop stars that have millions of people that absolutely love them and adore them. But, yet we often see in documentaries and interviews that they feel unhappy and lonely… which often motivates them to go to drugs. This demonstrates that being loved doesn’t cure loneliness and that not being loved can’t be the cause of loneliness.



The only thing creating your loneliness is thoughts

The previous exercises clearly demonstrate that none of the things that seem to be causing loneliness actually do. The only thing that causes loneliness is our own thoughts. Therefore, the answer to the question of “How to deal with loneliness?” is to address the thoughts that create your loneliness.

But, what thoughts are creating this loneliness? Well that depends. There are a few different types of thoughts that cause loneliness. But, broadly speaking, there is one major thought for single people and one major thought for people in relationships. First we’re going to look at loneliness for single people, and then we’re going to look at loneliness in relationships.

The specific thoughts that cause loneliness for single people

How to deal with loneliness for single people: What happens is that we were taught by our society, our media, our family, and our friends to believe that: “being in a relationship would make me happy”, “being in a relationship would make me feel complete and whole”, “I should be in a relationship and get married”, and “being in a relationship is how to be happiest”. And as soon as we create this fantasy, we compare our reality to the fantasy. Then, all of the sudden, this moment unconsciously judged to be completely insufficient, lacking, and not good enough. And these thoughts are what create our loneliness.

So, paradoxically having a fantasy about what you think will make you happy, creates loneliness in this moment. As you are likely aware, this then causes to be constantly searching for somebody to love us. On top of that, this leads to having fear and anxiety that we will never find someone to be with and someone to love us.

Put simply, when we are single, what creates our loneliness is the belief that a relationship can make us happy. So if you want to stop feeling lonely, you need to question that belief. You need to question whether a relationship can give you the happiness that you want. Let’s examine that now.



How to deal with loneliness when single: Discover that a relationship can’t fulfill you

Can a relationship fulfill you, make you feel whole, or make you feel as happy as you want to be? Let’s examine it.

To understand what can make you happy, you first need to understand what’s causing your unhappiness. And the simple answer is: thoughts cause your unhappiness. Here are some of the most common thoughts that make you unhappy: judgments about yourself, insecurities, thoughts about yourself that make you feel ashamed, worrying about what people think, anxiety about the future, judgments about situations in our life, judgments about people in your life, negative thoughts about “bad” events from our past, resentment towards the people in our life, and feeling guilty about the past. All this creates our unhappiness, and lack of fulfillment.

Therefore, the real question you have to ask yourself isn’t “Can a relationship make me happy?”, but rather “Can a relationship eliminate the thoughts that make me unhappy?” Take a moment to look at whether you think that spending time with someone you love or enjoy could eliminate all the unwanted thoughts mentioned above.

It is very clear that a relationship itself doesn’t have the ability to get rid of your anxiety about the future, your worrying about what other people think, or your judgments about yourself. It just doesn’t have that ability. If it did, everyone in a relationship would be happy. But yet clearly, they aren’t. Alright, that doesn’t mean that you cannot be happy, it just means that a relationship can’t make you happy in of itself.



You can be happy now… even if you’re single

How to deal with loneliness: Well, we tend to look at happiness as it’s acquired or achieved. That if we just got “this” we’d be happy, or got “that” we’d be happy. But happiness is what remains when we lose thoughts that make us unhappy. That’s it. If you can see that a relationship doesn’t have the ability to make you happy, then you can stop giving so much attention to your fantasy about how wonderful it would be if you were in a relationship. Whether you’re in a relationship or you’re single doesn’t affect your happiness; only thoughts do.

So being single, being alone, and being by yourself doesn’t create unhappiness, only thoughts do. So you’re not in a disadvantageous position of being happy. You can be as happy and fulfilled just as easily as somebody in a relationship can be. Your life is not lacking, your life isn’t missing anything, and your life isn’t insufficient just because you’re single. It’s okay. Being single doesn’t mean anything. It absolutely doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. If you can see that, then watch the loneliness just subside. You’re not missing anything.

What seems to be causing loneliness in relationships… really doesn’t

How to deal with loneliness for people in relationships: A large percentage of the married people that come to me for sessions feel lonely even though they are in relationships. Often times, even if our relationship seems perfect, even if the other person loves us, and even our life seems to be great, we often still experience loneliness.

Generally, when we are in a relationship, but still feel lonely, we look to blame it on something. We might decide “They don’t love me enough”, “They don’t appreciate me enough”, “They don’t spend enough time with me”, “They’re not intimate enough with me”, “They don’t cuddle enough”, “They’re not close enough”, or “They spend too much time at work”. We blame the loneliness on all of these things, as if they are the cause of our loneliness. But none of these things cause loneliness.

And the easy way to see that is to just look. In a moment when you’re by yourself, and you’re not with your partner, are you always lonely in these moments? If not being with your partner created this loneliness then every moment that you’re weren’t with them, you would feel lonely.

If your partner not being intimate enough with you created loneliness, then every moment that you weren’t intimate, you would be lonely. But clearly that’s not the case. Sometimes you feel lonely, sometimes you don’t. What happens is that there are specific stories that create loneliness. And when you tell these stories, the loneliness comes. But when you don’t tell those stories, there is no loneliness.

How to deal with loneliness when in relationship: First, discover what stories are creating your loneliness

If you want to know how to deal with loneliness, you first have to see what specific stories you are telling that create your loneliness. To give you hint, loneliness is almost always created by the following 2 things:

Comparing our relationship to our ideas about what is the perfect relationshipComparing our partners’ actions to our ideas about what is the perfect way for a romantic partner to act

So if we believe they should be spending x amount of hours with us every day, and when they don’t spend that amount of time with us we think, “It’s not good enough that they’re not spending that amount of time with me.” Or if we think that they should want to hold me, and they should tell me that they love me. Right? Or telling me that they love me means that they do love me, or something like that. When they don’t tell us that they love us, when they don’t cuddle us, when they don’t do those things; we think, “If they loved me, they would do those things.” Or. If it was a perfect relationship, they would do those things; and then we feel lacking and insufficient. Right?

When you don’t judge, you don’t feel lonely

But, in any moment that you don’t judge your partner, when you let any ideas of how they should be acting, or what they should be doing, or what the perfect relationship would be like. There’s no loneliness, they’re just present with them. You’re just being here with them. When you’re just here with your partner, or without your partner; everything is fine, regardless of what they’re doing. But as soon as you start to tell stories, loneliness comes.

How do you feel when you judge your partner?

In this moment, just look. What do I judge that’s not good enough about them? Do I judge that they don’t spend enough time with me? Do I judge that they don’t tell me they love me enough? That they don’t appreciate me enough. Right? So look at what you judge them to do. And then notice that when you have that judgment; that’s when loneliness comes. So, if you can see that then you can stop blaming them for your loneliness. It has nothing to do with whether they appreciate you enough, or how much they appreciate you. It only has to deal with whether you think about them appreciating you enough or not enough.

If you can see that, then you can come back to this moment. Oh, I’m not missing anything. It’s just these thoughts that are creating loneliness. Nothing else, it’s nothing to do with them. And when you stop judging them, you’re left with love for them. When you don’t believe you’re judgments about someone, what’s left is love. Love is simply what remains when you don’t have judgments about others. So when you don’t judge your partner to be not good enough, you’ll feel love for them. And we can’t be lonely and feel love. We tend to think that somebody loving us will get rid of our loneliness, but it can’t. No matter what somebody else does that doesn’t get rid of our loneliness.

Споделено общественоДобавете коментар...няма +1няма споделянияVonder Gong7 ч

In order to alleviate stress, you have to understand what causes stress

Hello, my name is Noah Elkrief, and in this video I’m going to talk about what causes stress. The reason I want to talk about what causes stress is because many people that come to me for help with their stress seem to have a lot of misinformation about what causes stress. When we don’t truly understand what’s causing our stress, it becomes very difficult to address the stress. We end up spending a lot of time and energy trying to change things that aren’t really causing our stress.



What people think causes stress

The two things that people most often tell me are causing their stress are specific circumstances/situations and uncertainty. In other words, most people think that uncertainty and stressful situations cause stress. So, in this blog post, I’m going to help you discover for yourself that thoughts create stress and nothing else. That neither uncertainty nor “stressful situations” cause stress, as if there was such a thing. On top of, that I’m going to show you the exact thoughts that create this stress. But, nothing you read here is meant to be believed or trusted, because that won’t provide much value for you. Rather, everything is meant to be directly discovered for yourself.

Why situations don’t cause stress

First, let’s look at a so called stressful situation, and examine whether it is actually the situation that causes stress. If you go to work at your job, and while you are there, you feel stressed, it seems almost obvious that the situation at your job is causing your stress. When you’re at work you feel stressed, and when you’re not you don’t. It seems so obvious. But, let’s look at the situation a bit more closely.

If some people can experience no stress in the same situation, the situation can’t cause stress

Certain situations seem to create stress. However, in order to claim that a specific circumstance creates a specific experience, it must always create that same experience, for every person, every time. For example, a flame creates heat. When anyone comes into contact with a flame, they will experience heat every time, for as long as they are near the flame.

The first question to ask yourself in order to discover that a situation itself doesn’t cause your stress is, “Could somebody else be happy in this situation? Is somebody else that I know happy in this situation?” It’s almost always easy to see that “yes, there are some people who are happy in this situation.” Or “Yes, it is possible for people to be happy in this situation.”

If other people are happy in this situation, if other people are not stressed in this situation, then the situation itself can’t be creating the stress. If the situation itself created the stress then everybody in this situation would have to experience stress. But if that’s not the case, then the situation can’t be creating the stress.



If you have moments in the situation with no stress, the situation can’t cause stress

Another way to see that the situation doesn’t create your stress is to just ask, “Am I stressed in every moment that I’m in this situation?” If we think that our work situation is creating the stress, we would ask “Am I stressed in every moment at work?” No, probably not. In some moments you enjoy it. In some moments you are stressed.

For example, you might not be stressed at work when you’re just talking with co-workers you enjoy, if you’re talking to a client that is enjoying what you’re saying, or you are just care-free in a given moment. If you can recognize that in some moments while you are at work, you don’t experience stress, then you can recognize that the situation itself can’t be what’s creating your stress. If the situation was causing your stress, then you would be stressed in every moment that you were in that situation.



If you can lose your stress by distracting yourself from thoughts, the situation can’t cause stress

If having a specific job was the cause of your stress, then as long as you had that job, you would be stressed. But, if you are stressed in a given moment, then someone sends you a link to funny youtube video, what happens to your stress? It completely vanishes for the moments that you are watching the funny video. Why does your stress disappear when you watch the funny video? Simply because the video is distracting you from the thoughts that were creating your stress.

If all it takes to stop feeling stress is to simply distract yourself from thoughts, then it’s clear that the thoughts must be creating your stress and not a particular situation. Can you see that? If all it takes to lose your stress is to think about something else, to put your attention on something you enjoy then clearly it has to be your thoughts that’s creating your stress.



Why uncertainty doesn’t cause stress

We tend to think that uncertainty creates stress. In other words, most people believe that when you are in a situation where you don’t what the outcome/future will be, that creates stress. But let’s dispel that myth for a second here. If somebody said to you, “I’ll either give you a thousand dollars tomorrow or nothing”, how would you feel? You might be stressed about whether you get the thousand dollars or not, right? And it seems as though the uncertainty creates the stress.

But now imagine someone said to you, “I’ll give you a thousand dollars tomorrow, but it might be all twenties, might be all singles, might be all fives.” Are you going to feel stressed about it? No. There’s uncertainty in the situation once again, but you wouldn’t feel stressed. So why not? The reason why you wouldn’t have stress is because there’s no outcome we think would be bad. There’s many different possible outcomes. But since all of them are judged to be equal by our minds, there’s nothing to be stressed about.

What causes stress is believing that one outcome would be worse than another outcome

Imagine that you’re going into a job interview where there are two possible jobs you can get. They already said to you, “You’ve already got the job. We just don’t know if you’re going to go into this division or that division. This is the interview to help us pick.” If you really like one division and you really don’t like the other division, are you going to be stressed about the job interview? Of course. Because one outcome is labeled “better” and other outcome is labeled “worse”.

But, what about if you liked both divisions equally, and you don’t know which one would be better for you. Are you going to feel stressed about the job interview? No. Why not? Because both options are seen to be equal. There’s uncertainty there, but since both options are viewed to be equal, and neither is viewed to be worse, there’s no stress.

Uncertainty itself does not create stress. The only thing that creates stress is believing a thought that says “a bad outcome is possible”. Broadly speaking, there are two ways that this shows up. The first way is deciding what outcome “would be best”, and then inherently considering every other outcome to be “worse”. For example, in a job interview example, we would think “it would be best for me to get the job”, and every other outcome is bad.

The other time when we experience stress is when we decide that a specific outcome would be bad. For example: “It would be bad if I don’t get the job offer”. “It would be bad if I don’t get this done in time”. “It would be bad if they break up with me”. “It would be bad if I get hurt”. When we think about an outcome that we think would be bad, we are creating stress. Any time we think a bad outcome is possible, that’s what causes stress, nothing else.



An easy way to see what causes stress right now

Please take a moment to think about the “bad” situation that’s creating your stress, or the possible “bad” outcome that could happen. Tell yourself the story in detail and give it your complete attention. Picture the situation in your mind. Envision the scenario with all the relevant details. Think about how “bad” it would be if this “bad” thing happened. Look at every-one’s facial expression, look at the background details, and give it all your attention. Take a few seconds to stop reading and imagine this now.

Now, how does it feel when you tell yourself this story? How does it feel when you think about it? What happens when you think about the stressful situation? Take a moment to look at how you feel? You feel tense, right?

A moment ago you likely weren’t feeling any emotion. Then, just by thinking, you began to experience an emotional reaction. There’s no situation here to create your stress. You’re just reading a blog post. If you experience an emotional reaction right now, it must have been created by something that’s going on right now. As soon as you began to give attention to the thoughts/stories about the future, tension or stress was created. The feeling of stress in your body is a direct reaction to the thoughts you just had, not any circumstance or event.

The only thing happening right now is your thinking. If as soon as you think about something “bad”, you feel the stress, then clearly it’s the thinking that’s creating the stress and not the situation itself.

Chapter 11 - It's Easy (Rules) (Part 1)

 Note: This game is easy... but there are some rules which you need to focus... if you want to win the game of talking.

 

 

 

or it could go as

 

 

 

 

 

"Game Over"

 

 

 

If you want to talk to a girl:

 

 

1) You are not there to prove yourself: That you can drive a car..., you can ride a bike, you can climb, you are very social kid, you are the best player in PC Games, you are damn good DJ, you are damn good with girls, you have plenty of friends.

 

Note: If you are there for that... you already lost the game!

 

 

2) It's difficult just to stop seeking validation... but unfortunately you should stop.

 

3) Sometimes there are obstacles like:

 

• She is not alone aka with afriend
• She is not alone aka with a family member
• She is not alone aka with a teacher
• She is listening to music
• She is on the phone
• She is in the room
• She saw me
• She is staring me
• She is talking about me
• She is pretty bussy

 

4) Sometimes there and excuses

 

• She is not interested
• Let's do it later
• She is eating
• Let's do it another day
• Okay... I give up
• WHatever... I am not damn good
• But... if....
• Iff.... but
• I can't do it now
• I can't do it this week
• I am not really interested in that shit right now
• It's not the right moment
• It's not the right time
• I am damn good... when times comes... I will gonna do it

 

 

 

Alll this are excuses and procrastination of doing action

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 11.1 - It's Easy (Rules) (Part 2)

 Note: I was there.... I learn plenty of stuff but few things are stopping me on the way.

 

 

 

You came through!

Yesterday, I asked you what your top STICKING POINTS or questions are when it comes to game, women, and personal development...

 

The response was amazing!

 

Dozens of replies poured in within just 1 hour.

 

That said, over the next few days I'm going to be answering these in this #RawDatingAdvice newsletter... (so you make sure you're looking for my emails)

 

What surprised me MOST though was that a ton of the questions revolved around "what to say" and "how to say it" around women...

 

Which is a great subject, and in fact is going to be completely covered in my NEWEST program -- Words That Make Her Want You (dropping soon)

 

Now let's get to your question...

 

====#RawDatingAdvice VIP Question====

 

Hey Patrick,

I have been watching your channel for a while and my question is how do you stop with excuses?...

So here is the case!

I am really interested in talking and getting results with women, but obstacles keep getting in my way. For example, one of them is when she is talking on the phone, or is in a group or is with her parents, or even listening to music...

I find it very challenging and most cases I fail. I put it for later or excuse my action for another day... and this happens over and over and over.

How do you overcome this problem?-

Vonder G.

 

=============

 

Vonder, I love this question!

 

First off, I'm going to answer with a phrase that I say all the time...

 

"Hesitation is voluntarily losing."

 

The reason you don't take action. Or don't ever approach the girls you want, is because you HESITATE!

 

The hardest step is the first step. And from there, you just put one foot in front of the other, UNTIL you are right in front of her...

 

At that point, you'll have NO choice but to say something...

 

 

Will you fail?

 

 

Absolutely. Everyone does. But that's just part of the game!

 

But BECAUSE you take action, you'll start to SUCCEED too!

 

Make sense?

 

Without action, nothing happens.

 

With action, results happen. Period.

 

And if you see "embarrassment" as rejection, then STOP!

 

Because every time a situation doesn't work out for you. Or you get embarrassed, you will LEARN from that experience. 

 

...Making it a lot less likely to happen again in the future!

 

F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real.

 

Here's a personal example... (just to prove what I'm telling you is true)

 

Back in the day, when I first started meeting and dating a LOT of women...

 

I used to shy away from approaching a girl unless she was by herself, or with another girl...

 

All the other girls seemed to be paired off with a guy already!

 

Any guesses on the result?

 

... I got laid about 80% less than I should have.

 

So what did I do? What was the switch I made?

 

I started treating EVERYBODY like equals. And never made any judgements or assumptions.

 

I would talk to other guys. Hot girls. Taken girls. Couples. Old people... EVERYBODY!

 

My night was MY party. And I was going to have a great time no matter what!

 

So what happened?

 

I started getting "lucky" a LOT more. Seemingly every time I went out, I'd get a solid phone number, or would go home with a girl.

 

(In fact, for my new program Words That Make Her Want You... 

 

I recorded an ENTIRE night of me out approaching, and talking to women! And you'll get to hear all of it.

 

You'll even hear how I approach a girl, and bring her and her friend back to my apartment for some... "fun" 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...............................................................................................................................................................................................

 

 

 

Rules

 

 

 

 

If you want to succeed with talking to strangers like girls or male.

 

 

 

• Stop Thinking
• Stop Overthinking
• Stop Over analysising
• Stop Pornography
• Stop Taking it so serious
• Stop with limits
• Stop with procrastination

 

 

 

- Thinking won't help you... you can think all day and all night on what and what not to say but in the end you ain't gonna be perfect. - Let's be REAL

 

 

- Overthinking - Another part of thinking... but this is not just thinking... but this over doing it ... over and over and over and over... which most cases... it makes you more depressed than you should be.

 

- Over Analysising - Over thinking is deadly... but over analysing... is more deadly... it's over thinking and thinking in over and over and over which could be endless loop.

 

- Comparing also is deadly... if you want to succeed stop comparing your progress with others... if you do thast you gonna feel like a shit.

 

 

- Labels - Are belief and limits... once there you gonna say

 

 

• He is damn good and I am not
• He is damn awesome and I am not
• He is damn good in that and I am not
• He is damn insane in that and I am not

 

 

Note: I did it... if I did it so you can do it... it's not so difficult... the truth is that you go there and do what you are going to do...

 

 

 

- Pornography - Is bad shit... million and billion people worldwide are watching pornography... one half is new and the other half are the old dogs.

 

Note: God... GOD confidence you can get that if you stop with pornography... but my theory is that games make you go in porn material... like a real human being you need emotions... pornography this dry material fulfill your head... with fucked up and screw up fantasies... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 For me:

 

 

• 

 

- This a banana and a girl..., but for you it's something like  the banana is representing a dick and the tongue is giving a blowjob.

 

 

This here is just the beginning... cucumber also could represent a dick... and the screw up fantasy go and on and on and on and on and on and on.

 

 

But in my mind palace there is a limit for that in your... there is endless loop nude photo or naked body of the other sex is going to turn you on.

 

 

- This is SICK!

 

 

 

Take serious:

 

• What next to read?
• What next to watch?
• But no need to take serious what next I am going to say to the next girl. ( You need to have a basic idea... that's all... no cucumber or Banana Joe.)
• Your problems
• Your bad habbits

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- Stop with procrastination... excuses and obstacles are reasons of procrastination so here is the truth... 

 

 

• "I am going to do it... no matter of the result."
• "I will say it... it's time to get slapped."
• "I will do it... because I love it... but if I fail it doesn't really matter for me."

 

 

Awesome everyday thought loops

 

 

• "I am socially fucked up... but what?"
• "I said it... he said.... so I can, right?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop GIVING UP SO EASY
IT"S TIME FOR CHANGE

 

Chapter 11.2 - Concepts (Part 1)

 How to heal a broken heart

 

The feeling of hurt or being “broken hearted” seems like an inevitable part of life. It seems that when your significant other breaks up with you, or insults you, you will automatically feel hurt or a “broken heart”. This feeling is no fun at all. But, no matter how much you don’t want to feel it, and no matter how much you want to escape it, it often seems like an impossible task. It seems that the only thing which can dissolve your hurt is time. But, luckily, that’s not true… and there is a way to stop feeling hurt right now.

 

FYI: There are generally 2 elements of a “broken heart”: hurt and missing. This post is about how to stop feeling hurt, but if you would like to know how to stop missing someone, please click the following link: How To Stop Thinking About Someone

 

Why you think your “broken heart” was created by getting rejected

To understand how to heal a broken heart, you first need to understand what is creating your hurt. Well, it seems obvious that your broken heart is created by getting rejected or broken up with. But why do you think that? Because of 2 reasons:

 

1. Everyone you have ever known in your life (including TV and movies) have said that rejection creates a broken heart.
2. Since your feeling of being “broken hearted” or hurt begins immediately after the break-up or rejection, you naturally assume that your feeling was created by these words or events.

 

Why the rejection itself can’t be what’s creating your hurt

 

If you would like to see why any type of rejection can’t be what’s creating your hurt or “broken heart”, lets do a little exercise. Please take a moment to identify the comment (words) that you think have caused you to feel hurt or broken hearted. For instance, maybe your child said “you’re a terrible mother”, maybe your boyfriend told you “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you”, or maybe your parents told you “I am disappointed in you”. Please stop here for a moment to really locate the comment (words) that you think made you feel hurt. This exercise will only help if you take the time to engage with it.

In order to claim that a specific circumstance creates a specific experience, it must always create that same experience. For example, you could claim that a turned on light bulb creates light because every person that comes into contact with it will experience light. You could claim that a flame creates heat because when anyone comes into contact with a flame, they will experience heat. 

 

 

 

 

What would happen if a stranger said “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you”?

 

Now, take a moment to imagine a very untrustworthy stranger. Imagine that you’re walking down the street and then this untrustworthy stranger approaches you in the street and says the same comment (words) to you as the person who you think made you feel hurt. For instance, imagine that the untrustworthy stranger said “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.” How do you think you would feel? You probably wouldn’t feel much of an emotional reaction at all.

If the words themselves created your hurt, then when the stranger spoke those same words to you, you would also feel hurt. So why wouldn’t you feel hurt or broken hearted when the stranger said the same comment to you? It is simply because you wouldn’t believe their words to be true. If you don’t believe what the other person is saying to be true, their words can’t create emotions. Your hurt and “broken heart” can’t be created by what someone said to you, it can only be created by your belief that their words are true.

 

 

What creates your feeling of hurt when someone explicitly says something negative to you

 

Right after you got rejected, you seem to immediately feel hurt. But, something happens in between the rejection and your feeling of hurt.

When someone says something negative to you, you don’t just hear it, then focus on whatever is happening in the next moment. As soon as you hear the negative comment about you, you begin to unconsciously think that their opinion is true. Once you think that someone’s negative opinion about you is true, you feel hurt.

What creates your “broken heart” when you get rejected

When someone rejects you without saying anything negative about you, you will likely begin to immediately think 2 things. First, you decide what the other person thinks about you, and then you believe that their opinion must be right. In other words, you make an assumption about what they think about you, and then you form the conclusion that what they think must be true. Here are a few common examples:

 

1. The assumption about what they think: “He thinks I’m not good enough”, “He thinks something is wrong with me”, or “He doesn’t think I am worthy of love”
2. The conclusion that what they think must be true: “If he thinks I’m not good enough, then I must not be good enough”, “If he thinks something is wrong with me, there must be something wrong with me”, or “If he doesn’t think I am worthy of love, then I must not be worthy of love”

You may be aware of these thoughts or you may not be. But if you’re feeling hurt, they are there.

Once we believe these negative thoughts about ourselves, we are essentially worsening our opinion of ourselves. When our opinion of ourselves worsens, we experience the feeling of hurt or being broken hearted. (I won’t get into the details of why this creates hurt in this post).

 

How to stop feeling hurt (how to heal a broken heart)

 

If you want to know how to heal a broken heart, or how to stop feeling hurt by someone else’s rejection, insult, or disapproval, here it is: All you need to do to heal a broken heart is recognize that you don’t actually know whether someone’s opinion about you is true. That just because they have a specific opinion about you, it doesn’t mean that their opinion is correct. It would seem obvious that we can’t know whether someone’s opinion is true, but we very easily lose sight of this as we go through life.

If our partner insults us or breaks up with us, we tend to think that there’s something “wrong” with us. If our boss insults us or fires us, we are likely to believe that we aren’t “good enough”. If our parents disapprove of us, we might believe that we’re unworthy or insufficient. In other words, when someone else believes that we aren’t “perfect”, we often believe them.

 

 

An analogy to help you see why rejection doesn’t mean that you aren’t “good enough”

 

To understand the flaw in this logic, let’s look at a quick analogy. Imagine you are with your four-year-old son as he plays one of his games at home. He has several wooden shapes that he is trying to place in matching holes on a wooden board. Now imagine that your son picks up a square shape and tries to put it in a triangle-shaped hole, and then says to you, “Mommy (or Daddy), the square isn’t good enough for this hole”. What would you say to him? Probably something like, “Sweetie, just because the square doesn’t fit, it doesn’t mean that the square isn’t good enough or that there is something wrong with it”.

The same is true with all of our relationships in life. If someone breaks up with you, fires you, or disapproves of you, that doesn’t mean that you are not “perfect”. That simply means you don’t fit their definition of “perfect”. To go back to the analogy, this means you don’t fit in the shape of theirhole. Just because you don’t fit the shape of their hole, that doesn’t mean you aren’t “good enough” for them.

You can’t be “not good enough”

 

You can’t be “not good enough” and there can’t be something “wrong” with you because there is no such thing as “good enough” or “wrong”. These concepts don’t exist as facts. They only exists as thoughts in each person’s mind. But it’s not as though everyone has the same concept about what is “not good enough” and “perfect”. Each of us has completely different definitions of what we think is “good” and “bad”, “right” and “wrong”, “helpful” and “harmful”, “beautiful” and “ugly”, “funny” and “boring”.

What one guy finds unattractive, another one may find attractive. What one girl thinks is annoying, another girl may love. What one boss believes is a “bad” trait, another boss may value. What one mom thinks is a ridiculous career choice, another mom may be proud of. What one dad may think is a disappointing house, another dad may be proud of.

Is one person’s definition of “right”, “good”, or “attractive” somehow more correct or more true than others’ definitions? If someone thinks one of our characteristics is “bad” or “not good enough”, this just means we fit that person’s concept of those words. It doesn’t mean we are these concepts.

 

 

How to heal a broken heart? Here is the exercise to do it

 

How to heal a broken heart… how to stop feeling hurt… all you need to do is ask yourself a few questions in order to help you discover that you aren’t “not good enough”. Here are some questions, but it is by no means an exhaustive list of questions. Take a moment now to ask yourself the following questions.

1. Am I absolutely certain of why they broke up with me or rejected me? Is is possible that they broke up with me because of a different reason? If so, then can I be sure that they really have the negative opinion that I think they have about me?
2. Am I absolutely sure that their opinion about me is true? Could someone else have a different perspective than theirs? If so, can I really be sure that their perspective is true?
3. Is their opinion somehow more true than other people’s opinions? Is it true that just because I care about this person, or they spent a lot of time with me, that their opinion is somehow more valid than other people’s opinions?
4. Am I sure that something about me isn’t “good enough”, or is it just that I happen to fit their specific definition of this word? If they don’t want to be in a relationship with me, am I sure that means that “there’s something wrong with me”, or does it just mean that we aren’t the right fit for each other? When two things don’t fit together, is one of them inherently “worse” and “not good enough”, or is it just not the right fit?
5. Where does “something is wrong with me” or “I’m not good enough” exist? Can I locate it, touch it, pinpoint it, see it, hold it, show it to others? Does “not good enough” exist as a fact, or is it just a thought about a fact? If I can’t physically locate “wrong” or “not good enough”, then can I admit that these concepts only exists as thoughts in my mind? If so, can I admit that it’s not true that “I am not good enough” or “I have something wrong with me”, but rather that I just have a thought that says “I am not good enough” or “there is something wrong with me”?
6. Can I think of any reasons or examples as to why the opposite of their opinion might be true? If so, then can I know with absolute certainty that their opinion about me is true?

 

There is nothing wrong with you

 

These questions are meant to show you that someone else’s opinion doesn’t mean anything about who you are. It doesn’t matter what person rejected you and it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about you… it’s not true that you aren’t “good enough”, it’s not true that you have something missing, it’s not true that there is something “wrong” with you. These are just ideas that don’t exist anywhere but as a thought in one person’s mind. Others’ opinions of you don’t mean anything about you at all. No person’s opinion is true, fact, or valid.

When you truly discover this for yourself, your broken heart will just dissolve.

Thank you for reading and engaging with this post about how to heal a broken heart!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How To Love Yourself:

 

When we love ourselves, we are going to be happy, regardless of our situation or what others think of us. When we don’t love ourselves, we are going to be unhappy, regardless of our situation or what others think of us. Therefore, loving ourselves is quite important. In this blog post, I am going to explain how to love yourself.

 

The Most Popular Tactics To Love Yourself Don’t Work

 

Before we get into exactly how to love yourself, I think it is important to address why the most popular and most common tactics for how to love yourself can’t give you the results that you want.

The 2 most commons tactics that I hear for how to love yourself are:

1)      Positive affirmations

2)      Treating yourself to something physically nice

Both of these tactics are fine. There is nothing wrong with doing either of these. But, if we look at these tactics closely, we can discover why they don’t have the ability give us the love that we are looking to have for ourselves.

 

 

How To Love Yourself: Why Positive Affirmations Don’t Work

 

If I think I am unloveable, then there is a reason why I believe that. If I just tell myself over and over again that I am loveable, it is very unlikely to make me fully believe that I am loveable because this statement doesn’t address the original reason for why I believed I was unloveable.

 

 

 

How To Love Yourself: Why Doing Something Nice For Yourself Won’t Make You Love Yourself

 

The only reason why we don’t love ourselves is because we believe negative thoughts about ourselves or our situation. These negatives thoughts are what create our shame and sense of unworthiness or insufficiency. When we treat ourselves to something nice externally (spa, vacation, dessert etc.), we are basically saying “I deserve this”, “it is nice that I get to experience this”, “this is something I should give myself because I am worth it”. And that is completely fine. There is no problem with this at all. It can feel enjoyable to do these things. If you enjoy it, continue doing it.

 

 

 

How To Love Yourself

 

Now that we see why the 2 most common tactics for how to love yourself don’t really work, let’s examine how to truly experience love for ourselves.

The first question you have to ask yourself is “Why do I not love myself?”, “What do I not like myself?”, “Why do I feel unloveable?”, “What do I not like about my situation?”

We are generally so busy entertaining ourselves and distracting ourselves from our thoughts that we don’t allow ourselves to just be with our thoughts. And if we don’t see what thoughts are making us feel unloveable, then we certainly can’t address these thoughts.

Since negative thoughts about yourself and your life are what make you not love yourself, the answer to the question “How to love yourself?” is to address the thoughts that make you not love yourself. In order to love yourself, you need to eliminate the thoughts that make you feel unloveable.

 

 

 

What Thoughts Are Making You Not Love Yourself?

 

It may seem scary to look at why you truly don’t love love yourself. But, if you don’t look at these thoughts, if you don’t identify the reason why you don’t love yourself, you will just keep feeling the way that you do and going through life trying to make everyone else love you in order to help you love yourself. And that creates a lot of suffering.

For some of us, we might not love ourselves because we believe “I am unattractive”,  “my personliaty isn’t good enough”, “I am a failure”, “I am not successful enough”, “I am a bad parent”, “I am not fun enough”, or “I am not outgoing enough”. For other people, there is often no specific trait that we don’t like about ourselves. Rather, there might just be an underlying sense of unworthiness or unloveability.

You can have a look right now to see if you can find your reason. You can ask yourself any of the following questions: “Why do I not love myself?”, “What do I not like myself?”, “Why do I feel unloveable?”, “What do I not like about my situation?”

The answers might be very obvious to you, but it also might be very difficult to identify the reason or thought as to why you don’t love yourself. If you don’t want to do it right now, try to give some time toward this discovery process later on. And be patient with yourself. You can’t force it.

How to love yourself: Whatever thoughts are making you feel unloveable or unworthy, these thoughts pop up out of nowhere. You didn’t pick these thoughts. You didn’t choose them. They are not under your control. If you controlled your thoughts, you quite obviously would choose to never think negative thoughts about yourself. So this is not personal issue. Therefore, you can be gentle with yourself.

 

 

 

An Exercise To Discover That There Is Nothing Wrong With You

 

We tend to think that we feel insufficient because we ARE insufficient. We tend to think that we feel unloveable because we ARE unloveable. We tend to think that we feel lacking in our life because there IS something wrong with us.

But I would like to help you see how these assumptions could not be further from the truth. This will be the key in seeing how to love yourself. In order to help you do this, I would like to ask you to ask yourself the following questions:

1) Can I Escape My Unwanted Feeling When I Am Being Distracted From Thoughts?

How do I feel when I am being entertained? How do I feel when I am engaging in my favorite hobby? Do I feel lacking, do I feel unworthy, do I feel insufficient, do I not love myself in these moments? In the moments that we are having fun, we don’t feel unloveable or unworthy. In other words, when we are not thinking about ourselves (when we are distracted from thoughts), we don’t feel unloveable, unworthy, lacking, or insufficient.

If your feeling of unloveability was caused by you being unloveable, then you would continue to experience this feeling when you are simply distracted by thoughts. If your feeling of insufficiency was created by you being insufficient, then you wouldn’t be able to escape this feeling simply by distracting yourself from thoughts. If your feeling of lack was created by there being something wrong with you, then would still have this feeling even while you were being entertained.

If all it takes to eliminate your feelings of not loving yourself is to simply distract yourself from thoughts, then it must mean that your feeling of not loving yourself isn’t created by anything about yourself… but only created by thoughts about yourself.

If you would like to understand this concept better (to help you with how to love yourself), please download my free e-book below.

 

 

 

2) Is There Factually Something “Wrong” With Me, Or Does This Idea Only Exist As A Thought About A Fact?

 

Take a moment and ask yourself “What are the negative things that I think about myself?” Then, ask yourself: Does this exact as fact? Am I factually unworthy of love? Am I factually unattractive? Is my situation factually bad? Is there factually something wrong with me?

Can I touch these concepts? Can I see them? Can I hold them? Can I grasp them and show them to others? If it is a fact, is this something that can be seen by everyone? Where does unloveability exist? Where is my “bad” trait? Am I not good enough factually, or does that idea only exist as a thought? What are the facts, and what are thoughts about the facts?

It is not that you ARE unloveable or unworthy. It is not as though there is something wrong with you or you are insufficient. It is not as though you have any “bad” personality traits or “bad” physical characteristics.  “Bad” can’t exist as a fact. “Bad”, “not good enough”, “unloveable”, and “unworthy” can only exist as a thought about a fact.

Therefore, your experience of being insufficient, not loving yourself, or feeling like there is something wrong with you can’t be created by the facts of who you are, what you look like, how you act or what your situation is. These feelings can only be created by thoughts in your mind. So it is not as though you ARE unloveable, it is just that you sometimes feel this way when certain thoughts pop up in your mind and you believe them.

If you would like to understand this concept better (to help you with how to love yourself), please download my free e-book below.

 

 

 

An Exercise To Discover That Your Thoughts About Yourself Aren’t True

 

When you discover that your feelings of not loving yourself aren’t created by something about YOU, that can weaken the strength of these feelings, and possibly even free you from them.

But, in addition, once you see what thoughts are keeping you from loving yourself, then you can begin to question whether these thoughts are actually true. And when you stop believing a negative thought about yourself, it stops creating the emotion.

 

Take a moment to think of your answer to the question “What are the negative things that I think about myself?” Then, based on your answer, you can ask yourself the following:

1. Can I think of any reasons or examples as to why the opposite might be true? If the opposite could be true, can I be sure that my thought about myself is true?
2. Could someone else have the opposite perspective? Could someone think that I am attractive, enjoyable to be around, and completely worthy of love? If other people could have a positive opinion about what I think is “bad”, can I be sure that my perspective is true?
3. Does the “bad” quality about myself exist in every moment? Does it describe how I act or how I am in every moment? Am I always me? If I am always me, but yet this quality or characteristic doesn’t exist in every moment, then am I sure that it describes who I am?

 

 

Next Steps for How To Love Yourself:

 

The next time you begin to feel unworthy or not loving yourself, instead of pushing away or denying this feeling, instead of distracting yourself from this feeling, instead of telling yourself something positive and trying to convince yourself that you are great, look to see what thoughts are creating these feelings, look to see what stories are being told in your mind in that moment. And then question whether these thoughts or stories are true.

Once you see that these thoughts aren’t true, or that they aren’t real and tangible, or that these thoughts don’t mean anything about you, then you are free.

You won’t have a thought that says “I love myself” or “I am wonderful”. But you don’t need these thoughts to love yourself, you don’t need these thoughts to feel wonderful. Loving yourself is simply the absence of negative thoughts about yourself.

 

 

 

 

Note: The problem is the thoughts... what scientifically you need is a dose of distraction.

 

 

 

 

How To Be Happy In Life & Why You Aren’t Already Happy

 

Hello, my name is Noah Elkrief. And in this video I’m going to answer the question – how to be happy in life? Before I get to how to be happy, I’m going to explain why the most common ways to make yourself happy won’t work, and will often create a lot of suffering. This video is going to save you a lot of time and energy in your life pursuing happiness from things that can’t make you happy.

 

What we are really saying when we answer the question “how to be happy?”

 

Commonly, we think of happiness as: If I get everything to be good enough out there, then I will be happy. But that neglects the most fundamental question, which is, what makes me unhappy? If you think a relationship will make you happy, you’re saying the cause of my unhappiness is being single. If you think success will make you happy, then you’re saying the cause of my unhappiness is not having success. If you think having a big house will make you happy, then you’re saying the cause of your unhappiness is not having a big enough house.

 

What really makes you unhappy… thoughts

 

But let’s take a moment and really ask the question – what makes you unhappy? You may think it’s very complicated, there are all different types of things that make you unhappy. However, it’s very simple, very, very simple. And the answer is – thoughts.

Thoughts create your worries about others’ opinions. When you’re not thinking are you worried about others’ opinions? No. Thoughts create anxiety about the future. When you’re distracted from your thoughts, is there any anxiety about the future? No. Thoughts create guilt about the past. When you’re not thinking about the past, is there any guilt? No. Thoughts create anger towards others, thoughts create resentment towards others, thoughts create arguments, thoughts create sadness about the past, disappointment, thoughts create your insecurities, your feeling of shame, thoughts create every piece of suffering you have in life. There is no bit of suffering not created by thoughts.

 

When you are distracted from thoughts, you are already happy

 

The proof is simply, when you’re distracted from thoughts, you’re already happy. Even if you’re, you may think your job is creating your unhappiness in life, but when you’re distracted from your thoughts at work, someone sends you a funny email or makes a joke, you’re fine. You’re still in the same job, the facts are still the same, but when you’re distracted from your thoughts, you’re already happy, right? So what that proves to you is it’s only thoughts that create your unhappiness.

 

No achievement can make you happy if it doesn’t delete your thoughts

 

So therefore when you’re pursuing a change out there, to make you happy, success, power, appreciation, purpose, meaning, love, kids, any of those things, what you’re essentially saying is getting that will eliminate all the thoughts from my head, or at least a large chunk of them. But can that really work? Take a moment and look. Will success eliminate my anxiety about the future? Will I no longer worry about what my boss thinks? Will I no longer worry about losing my job? Will I know longer have problems in my relationship? Will I no longer have insecurities about my personality, my appearance, my anything, my intelligence.

Every bit of suffering you have now, you will have then, except minus one thought that says my life isn’t good enough because I don’t have success. But you’ll have a bunch of new thoughts that creates suffering. Take a moment and really let that sink in. The only thing that creates your suffering, your unhappiness, is thoughts.

 

No activity will make you happy if it doesn’t delete your thoughts

 

So how to be happy? What will make you happy? Well, something that will get rid of your thoughts, right? Often times, when other people speak on how to be happy – they say you have to have hobbies, you need to have a passion, you need to have whatever. You have a hobby, it’ll distract you from thoughts a little bit, but then you go back to the same old thoughts that create your loneliness, your shame, your sense of lack, your everything else. So that can’t be the answer. Getting a relationship, will that be the answer? Well is everyone in a relationship happy? No. You have resentment, you worry about whether they’re going to continue to love you, you have jealousy, you have everything else that’s already in your life.

 

How to be happy? Stop trying to change external circumstances that aren’t creating your suffering

 

So what will make you happy? The real question is, how do I get rid of the thoughts that make me unhappy? That’s the question. And the first thing you need to do is, every time you experience any type of unwanted emotion, like anxiety, sadness, disappointment, any emotion. Our automatic reaction is something out there is to blame. If we’re stressed – I need to change my job, I need to change them, why is it like this? If we’re angry – they need to change, why do they do this? So the first step is, when you experience any type of suffering, any unwanted emotion, stop. What is the real cause of this emotion? Is it really something out there? Or is it a thought in my head? When I’m distracted from this thought, am I suffering? No. When I don’t think about it, am I suffering? No.  As soon as I start thinking about it, what happens? Suffering.

 

How to be happy? Address the cause of your suffering

 

The only cause of your suffering is thought. So every time that you suffer and you try to change something out there, you’re not addressing the cause of your suffering. So instead, when you experience some sort of emotion that you don’t like, look, what stories am I telling myself? What thoughts am I saying? So if I have a job interview coming up and I have anxiety, I don’t say “Well I hope this goes right. Once the interview’s done, I’ll be fine.” You look, what story am I telling? The story is, it would be bad if I don’t get the job, right?

 

How to address the thoughts that make you unhappy

 

Once you’ve identified your unwanted emotion, the first step is to identify the thought, or story that’s creating your unwanted emotion. Once you identify that thought, then you need to question it, investigate it. Is it true? Because when you discover a thought in your head isn’t true, the suffering goes. Instantly, immediately. Not something you have to practice and master, or anything – instantly it goes.

 

An example to show you how to eliminate an unwanted emotion

 

If you have a job interview coming up, and you think it would be bad if you don’t get the job, that thought will create stress. If you want to lose that stress, you simply ask – am I sure? Do I know it would be bad for my life? I never had the job, how do I know I’ll like it? How do I know I’ll like my co-workers? How do I know I won’t get fired next week because I can’t do the job? How do I know I won’t be on my way to work one day and get hit by a car? I’m just saying, how do I know?

Or you can ask a different set of questions to disbelieve the idea that it would be bad if I don’t get the job. Well maybe if you don’t get the job, you’ll get another one next week that pays more and is a better fit for you. Or maybe by not working you’ll meet someone that changes your life. Or maybe you’ll read a book that makes you happy. I don’t know, but you don’t either.

 

Suffering is created by believing you KNOW what is bad

 

Any time you decide something is bad, that thought will create suffering. But, if you believe that anything is bad, it is because you haven’t investigated whether it’s really true, whether you know it to be true. When you discover that you don’t know whether something is good or bad, there can be no suffering. So looking at the job interview for example, if you don’t know whether it’s best or worst for your life to get the job, then there’s nothing to fear.

 

Facts can’t create emotions

 

If you’re angry at someone, or sad about something that happened, you look. It’s not created by what happened, because if something happened that was really bad, let’s say somebody got hurt or somebody cheated on you. If you didn’t know about it, would you suffer? No. It happened, but you wouldn’t suffer. Why, because you didn’t have any thoughts about it. But as soon as you start to think about it and you suffer and you think, “Oh, my sadness and anger is created by that.” No, it’s not. It’s created by the thoughts in your head.

 

Do you know what is bad?

 

If you want to stop feeling sad and angry, you just need to investigate whether the thoughts in your head are true. When you have sadness or anger, you’re saying something that happened was bad. But how do you know? Do you know all the future effects of that outcome? Do you know that there won’t be any good effects that come from it? When you’re saying something is bad, you’re saying it’s bad for my happiness. But what makes you happy?

If the relationship ends, you think that’s so bad. But the relationship couldn’t make you happy, couldn’t get rid of your worries, your anxiety, your shame, your insecurities, anything. So how do I know this will be bad for my happiness if it didn’t make me happy? It gave me moments of pleasure, but everything gives you moments of pleasure. Ice cream, TV, music, anything, a hobby. Anything can give you a moment of pleasure, but you don’t want moments of pleasure, you want to live with happiness. This is how to live with peace, live with happiness in every moment. You see?

 

How to be happy all the time

 

Any time you are suffering, the way to be happy is to simply identify the story or thought that’s creating your emotion, and then investigate whether it’s true. And in order to help your investigation, here is a link to a free web app that takes you through 5 steps that helps you to investigate whatever emotion that you have. You’re also welcome to look at my other videos to see how to address each type of emotion.

But just summarizing what we spoke about here, if you want to be happy, the first natural question you have to ask is, “What makes me unhappy?” Which is thoughts. Then if you want to know whether there is something that can make you happy – can success make me happy, can wealth make me happy, can purpose  make me happy? Well, can it get rid of the thoughts in my head? Can a hobby make me happy? Can a passion make me happy? Well, I might enjoy it while I do it, but am I going to do it in every moment? Am I going to have anxiety when I’m doing it? Worries? Sadness? Any of that? Insecurities? Stop. If you want to be happy, you need identify and address the cause of your unhappiness, which is thoughts. That’s it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 11.3 - Concepts (Part 2)

 How to feel happy:

 

Do you want to feel fulfilled, peaceful, happy, and whole? If so, what are you doing to try to make yourself happy? Most of us have gone through life believing that the circumstances and events in our lives are the cause of our sadness, anger, anxiety, shame, and feeling of lack.

Therefore, naturally, we look to change our circumstances to make us happy. We may try to get success, wealth and respect. We may look to improve our physical appearance. We may try to get love, appreciation, and respect. We may try to change our situation and the people in our lives. Or we may just look to entertainment and fun experiences to make ourselves happy.

This is what we were taught will make us happy. This is how we see our family and friends pursue happiness, and this is how characters on TV and in movies seem to pursue happiness. For most of us, the belief that these things will make us happy is so strong and widespread that we go through much of our lives without even questioning whether this method works. 

 

 

 

 

Has anything you’ve gotten in life given you lasting happiness?

 

You can take a moment right now and ask yourself the following questions:

• Has changing my circumstances helped me to stop feeling angry, sad, or guilty about the past?
• Has my attempt to improve myself helped me to stop feeling ashamed, unworthy, or like something is missing from my life?
• Has changing my situation and the circumstances in my life gotten me to stop having anxiety about the future?
• Has anything gotten me to stop worrying about what other people think?
• Has anything gotten me to stop judging myself and others?

If the answer to these questions is “no”, then how long do you want to keep waiting for the things you’ve been doing to make you happy? If you keep doing the same things you’ve been doing to make yourself happy, you will keep getting the same results. There’s nothing wrong with any of these things we do to make ourselves happy. They give us some wonderful moments of happiness, and they can help make us happier than we were. But does it give you the lasting happiness and fulfillment that you want?

 

 

 

You don’t have to live life with anxiety, worry, shame, & lack

 

 

Regardless of whether you consider yourself generally happy or unhappy, you don’t have to live life with anxiety about the future, worrying about what others think, feeling resentful or sad about past events, angry at others, or feeling ashamed and incomplete. That’s not our natural state.

The reason you don’t feel free, whole, and happy isn’t because you aren’t good enough, it isn’t because you are missing something, it isn’t because you haven’t achieved your goals, it isn’t because you are unworthy, and it isn’t because you don’t have the “perfect” circumstances.

 

 

 

To discover how to feel happy, you first have to understand what is causing your unhappiness

 

 

How to feel happy? Imagine that you just sat down in a chair, and as soon as you sat down, you felt a pain in your back. But you don’t want to be in pain. You want to feel comfortable. So you ask yourself, “How can I make myself comfortable?”. Once you ask this question, the next logical question you would ask yourself is “What is causing the pain in my back?” You would instinctively know that in order to feel comfortable, you have to identify the cause of your pain, and then fix this issue.

The same is true with happiness. The answer to the question of “How to feel happy?” is to identify and address the cause of your unhappiness. So if you want to be happy, the most important question to ask yourself is “What is causing my unhappiness?” Then you might discover that it is actually your thoughts that have been making you unhappy. If you don’t understand what’s making you unhappy, then you can’t address it. The cause of our unwanted emotions is not the circumstances in our lives, but actually our thoughts about everything in our lives.

 

 

Don’t believe what I say about how to feel happy

 

How to feel happy? I don’t want you to believe me that your thoughts are the cause of your unhappiness. Please don’t believe me. What I speak about isn’t theory, it isn’t philosophy, and it isn’t meant to be believed. Everything I speak about is meant to be directly experienced. Therefore, I want you to directly discover everything for yourself.

 

 

 

An exercise to help you discover the cause of your unhappiness

 

Let’s first take a look at what you think about your current emotional state, and why you think you’re unhappy. Please answer the following questions:

• Are you unhappy? Are you suffering with anxiety, fear, worry, anger, sadness, guilt, shame, depression, or hurt?
• If so, what do you think is causing your unhappiness? (i.e. something about yourself is “bad”, your situation is “bad”, or the people in your life is “bad”)
• What do you do for fun? Do you have anything that you really love doing? For example, You may go dancing, play sports, socialize, go to concerts, listen to music, eat food you love, eat desserts, watch tv, or play with your kids.
• Are you able to enjoy yourself, be happy, or have fun while participating in your favorite hobby, doing your favorite activity, or eating your favorite food?
• In the moments that you are participating in your favorite hobby, and you are happy, does the “bad” aspect of yourself, your situation, or the people in your life still exist?
• If so, why are you able to stop experiencing your unhappiness and have fun (be happy) just by entertaining yourself?

This happens simply because entertainment distracts you from the negative thoughts that are actually creating your suffering. If a “bad” circumstance in your life created your unhappiness, then as long as that “bad” circumstance still existed, you wouldn’t be able to  escape that unhappiness.

 

 

 

Are you ready to change your approach for how to feel happy?

 

What do you do to try to make yourself happy? Has it fulfilled you and given you peace? Has it stopped you from feeling anger, anxiety, worry, shame, and incompleteness?

 

 

The 2 major steps for how to feel happy

 

There are a variety of different emotions that we each experience that keep us from being happy. In addition, each of us has a different belief about what we think is causing our unwanted emotions. For example, we may believe that our suffering is created by our: physical pain, physical attributes, personality, house, car, job, spouse, children, or certain unwanted events.

1. Since there are many different emotions, and many different apparent causes our emotions, I have created 6 different ways to help you discover for yourself that your unhappiness and unwanted emotions are actually created by your thoughts and not by your circumstances.
2. Once you discover that your unwanted emotion is created by thoughts, you then need to address these thoughts. The way to do that is by disbelieving those thoughts.  When you stop believing a thought that is creating an unwanted emotion for you, that emotion will instantly dissolve.

If you would like to try dissolving one of your unwanted emotions right now, you can click here to go through my free web app called “The 5 Steps”. Alternatively, if you would like to check out the 1st exercise (it’s a blog post) to help you discover for yourself that your unwanted emotions are actually created by thoughts, please click the blue text image below:

 

 

You can be happy now

 

If your unhappiness is only created by thoughts, that is wonderful news because that means that you don’t need to change anything about yourself, your circumstances, or the people in your life to make yourself happy. When you change yourself, your circumstances, or the people in your life to become happy, you aren’t addressing the actual cause of your unhappiness. If you don’t need to change all of these things to be happy, that means you can be happy now. The only thing you have to do is eliminate/address the thoughts that make you unhappy.

 

 

 

 

Gratitude:

 

 

In this video blog post, I will be talking about the inherent gratitude of the present moment. To start out, I would like to ask you a question:

Have you ever found yourself in a wonderful situation, but you still ended up thinking about what was missing or how the situation could be “better”? This is an incredibly common experience. We may have a great job, wealth, a lovely partner, and amazing children, but almost all of our attention is still given to thoughts about what we want to improve. We may be looking at a beautiful view and instead of just enjoying it, we often end up thinking, “This would be perfect if… my soul mate was here, it was sunnier, or I had my camera”. We may have a wonderful partner, and instead of recognizing that, we focus on how she can improve. Our minds are too busy thinking about what isn’t “good enough” in our lives or what “could be better” to be grateful and appreciative of what we have. This is typically the case even when we can admit our lives are wonderful.

 

 

Why you don’t experience gratitude in any moment?

 

 

The only reason we don’t experience gratitude in our situations in life is because a thought arises in our mind that says “something isn’t good enough”. Once we believe this thought, it creates a sense of lack or insufficiency, and that feeling makes us want to change or “improve” our circumstances in order to try and make ourselves happy. Then we naturally start thinking about how to change our circumstances. This is the continuous cycle in our lives.

 

Why we experience gratitude?

 

In any moment that we don’t have or believe our thoughts that say, “Something isn’t good enough”, what inherently remains is gratitude for what we have. Strangely enough, this is the experience we generally hope to achieve by trying to make life match our concept of “perfect”.

Gratitude is inherently part of every moment that we don’t believe a thought claiming “something isn’t good enough”. Our circumstances don’t need to match our idea of “perfect” for us to have gratitude. Gratitude is an innate and natural part of our existence when we aren’t giving attention to thoughts.

 

Positive thoughts aren’t enough to feel the fulfillment true gratitude!

 

Many of us try to force ourselves to think positive thoughts in order to experience gratitude. That’s fine. But this isn’t true gratitude. It doesn’t have the same fulfilling quality. This is because these positive affirmations of “I am great!”, “My situation is wonderful!”, “I am so lucky to have my partner!”, are almost always just a layer of superficial positive thoughts placed on top of strong beliefs that you aren’t great, your situation isn’t good enough, and you wished your partner was different. Therefore, you will not experience real gratitude from just thinking something positive.

 

 

Note: Rejection... doesn't matter... it shouldn't reflect you... too much... "No" is "Yes" Somewhere in the middle

 

 

 

 

 

Mistaking Love:

 

In this blog post, I would like to talk about the 7 things that we mistake to be love. We were all taught many different concepts about what love is, but many of these things are not actually love at all. When we think we are loving someone, but we’re not actually loving them, then we aren’t going to feel that love. We aren’t going to experience fulfillment. Yet, the fulfillment we are looking for in life really comes from giving love, and not from receiving love.

The content in this post is meant to help make you aware of when you are mistaking your thoughts, words, actions, and feelings to be love… because this will give you the opportunity to come back to love.

 

What is love?

 

Before we start talking about what love is, I would just like to briefly discuss the 3 main qualities of what love is:

1. Love is complete acceptance – We don’t see anything about the person to be insufficient or not good enough.
2. Love is completely unconditional – Our love can’t be affected or lost based on words and actions
3. Love is completely selfless – Love doesn’t need or want anything in return

Here are the 7 things we mistake to be love:1) Pursuing someone to love us revolves around finding someone to use

Most of us go through life seeking someone to love us. But why are we seeking this? Why do we continuously look for a partner or someone to love us? Really, what we want more than anything else is to feel peaceful, happy, and whole. We just happen to believe (often unknowingly) that if we got someone to really and truly love us, that would make us feel happy and whole.

Basically, we create a vision of the “perfect” future where we are loved and happy, and then we look for someone to fill the open position of the one who will love us. In other words, we are looking for someone who we can use to make us happy. If we are looking for someone who we can use to make us happy, then when we find someone to love us, we are setting ourselves up to be using them to make us happy. If we are using someone to make us happy, then we aren’t really loving them.

 

2) If you are trying to change or improve your partner, in that moment, you are not loving them

 

We might try to our partner’s habits, their physical appearance, the way they speak, or just try to make them happier. But why would we try to change them? Sometimes, we recognize that we are trying to change them to make ourselves happier… thinking something like “if he loved me, he would change for me”.

We think that if someone loves us, they should change to make us happier. But that’s not love. What this really means is, “I want you to change so I can be happy”. But what we are missing here is that if we truly love someone for who they are, then we wouldn’t try to change them. If we weren’t using them to make us happy, then we wouldn’t be trying to change them just to make us happy.

Sometimes, we may think that we are trying to change them for their own good. But, that’s a trick. Even if we think that we are trying to make them happier, we are actually just not accepting them for who they are in that moment.

 

3) Positive thoughts is not love

 

We often confuse positive thoughts about someone to be love. Having great thoughts about someone feels really nice and enjoyable. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But even if you think your partner is the most wonderful, nice, and beautiful person, that is not love. It is not love for 2 reasons.

• When we have positive thoughts about someone, we meet our thoughts about them and don’t actually meet them. We don’t truly connect with them or experience them, because instead we experience our thoughts about them. (I know this is a little difficult to grasp as a concept – don’t worry if you don’t get it)
• The pleasant feeling positive thoughts give you is dependent on the other person’s words, actions, and appearance matching your definitions of “perfect” or “great”. It is therefore only a matter of time before they do something to have negative thoughts about. We can’t think everything that they do and say is “great”, we will think other things they do and say are “bad” or “not good enough”. If we think their appearance is “great”, that will eventually change. This isn’t love because it is completely conditional and dependent upon how the other person acts, what they say, and how they look. Moments of enjoyment (what we think is love), will be mixed in with moments of disappointment, anger, and all that stuff.

 

4) Excitement about the future isn’t based on love

 

Many of us innocently mistake excitement to be love. This tends to happen most often in the beginning of relationships. This excitement is the feeling that most of us consider to be love. It is the feeling of being overwhelmed with joy, or maybe having butterflies. But these feelings are actually created by thoughts such as “I finally found someone who will make me happy”, “We are going to have such a wonderful life together”, “He loves me and I love him”, “I can stop looking for a partner and worrying about whether I will never find one”.

Once again, this is a wonderful feeling. It’s very enjoyable. There’s absolutely nothing wrong or bad about it. But, it just can’t last. It is all created by positive thoughts about the future. Eventually, the positive thoughts of the future will go, and we begin judging what we have. Since it doesn’t last, and is dependent on thoughts, it is not love.

 

5) If you require your partner to do things for you, in that moment, it’s not love

 

Most of us have been taught that love means doing things for your partner, or in other words, sacrificing for your partner. Therefore, we generally look to our lover to fill our needs. When we look to our partner to fill our needs, we are using them.

Sometimes “using” our partner in a relationship is just a normal and healthy part of being in a relationship. As part of a relationship, each person has tasks that they perform for the other person. You do some things for me and I do some things for you. That makes sense. But this part of a relationship just has nothing to do with love. This is just the business and practical side of a relationship.

In addition, a lot of the times, we tend to think things like “If you loved me, you would … cook for me, clean the room, take the kids to school more, sacrifice for me, buy me more gifts, compliment me etc”.  After all, our lover did fill the position of the one who is supposed to make us happy. But, when we try to get our partner to sacrifice and fill our needs just to make us happy, it often creates suffering.

Sure, when we love someone, sometimes we want to sacrifice our time, energy, and money for them. Since we love them, we don’t view it as a sacrifice, but as a joy. However, when we try to force our partner to sacrifice for us, and do something they don’t want to, that is not  love. If we loved them, we would not ask them to do something they don’t want to do. And of course, we don’t stop there, we often try to guilt them into doing things for us and make them feel bad about it when they don’t. In doing this, we are unknowingly disregarding how the other person feels. In that moment we are only concerned about we want.

There’s no problem with that. It’s not a personal issue. It’s not like you are to blame for it. This is how we have all been trained so naturally that is how we are going to act in our relationships. But, when we are truly loving someone, it is selfless. We don’t need anything in return.

 

6) Loving how someone seems to make us feel isn’t love

 

When we are with someone, we may love how we feel when are around them. Sometimes, we feel so great because we are loving the other person… and there is just a connection that allows us to feel accepted, peaceful, or happy.

Other times, we might love how we feel around someone because they compliment us, we may love it because we have positive thoughts about them, we may love it because it distracts us from our negative thoughts, maybe they buy us stuff, maybe they agree with us, or maybe it is just a lot of fun. That’s nice.

However, after we enjoy being with someone, we often decide “I love them”. That’s no problem. But if we love them simply because they seem to make us feel good, this isn’t really love because then we will hate them when they do something to seemingly make us feel bad. This isn’t love because it is completely conditional upon how we feel. It is basically “I love you when you make me feel good” or “I love you when you do what I want” but then “I hate you when you don’t make me feel good” or “I hate you when you don’t do what I want”.

 

7) The fear of getting hurt isn’t part of love

 

If you are afraid that you won’t get someone’s love (hurt) in return, or are worried that you will lose their love, then in that moment, you are not loving. These fears and worries are created by the concept that it would be “bad” if you don’t get the love that you want. In other words, in the moment that we feel fear or worry, we are unconsciously believe “it would be better if I received or kept their love”. This means “I would be happier if I received or kept their love”.

If you want something from them (love), then you are not just purely loving. You want something in return. But love wants nothing. Love doesn’t care what it receives…. Because love itself is fulfilling in and of itself.

In a moment that we feel fear, that is just thoughts about how we might not get what we want. This doesn’t meant that we don’t love the person. It just means that in that moment, we aren’t in touch with this love because we are believing thoughts that are creating our experience of the situation.

These indications don’t mean anything about you or your love for your partner

Those are the 7 things we mistake to be love… or 7 indications that we may not be loving in a specific moment. There’s no problem with any of it. None of it signifies that we are somehow “bad” or “worse” than others. This isn’t about creating an idea of a “perfect” relationship then comparing our relationship to that, and deciding our relationship isn’t “good enough”. This is how we’ve been trained to “love” and relate to people so of course this is how we are all going to live.

The bottom line is that if we don’t truly love someone, then we don’t feel this love or the fulfillment that comes with it. This is how thoughts relate to love. But all of these thoughts actually prevent us from loving others. As most of us have already discovered, this type of “love” doesn’t fulfill us and often creates a lot of anxiety, anger, disappointment, and hurt. That being said, even though all of these thoughts may be there, your relationship may be filled with a tremendous amount of love beneath or behind all of these thoughts that create all of these emotions.

 

The opportunity to love

 

Now that you are aware of these 7 indications… when you notice that you are doing something or believing something that is preventing you from loving… you have the opportunity to stop, take a step back, and look to see what thoughts are preventing you from experiencing love in that moment. Then, you can choose to disbelieve these thoughts (using The 5 Steps), or you just watch them.

Chapter 11.4 - Savender Way (Lie)

 Note: This is the moment when the bluff really comes and you don't know from where it comes...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Russell Peters

 

 

 

 

The savander way is the moment when somebody is bluffing and you can't catch him... it can go like.

 

 

• Give me time
• It will take a moment
• It will take a minute
• It will take a second
• Later..., we are going to talk
• Can be organized
• Can be planned
• Okay see you tomorrow
• Okay see you Friday
• And etc

 

 

Lies and lies and lies and lies and lies... 

 People often lie... later or will take a minute/second/moment... it really won't take... but they can't say something like

 

20...30 minutes it sounds too much... but 5-6 minutes again too much... if they say second... and it take a hour... it won't  feel the same way as somebody saying.

 

"Hey motherfucker... give me 1 hour."

 

 

People lie... that's the way they live... they lie and lie and lie... their whole life is one lie... but what can be done for such a submissive creature with a first type of symptom levity. In such type of intellect deep down there is levity and we can't denial the whole existence of this existential truth.

 

Truth is harsh... but we should accept it and it's time to get less dissapointed...

SO 

FUCK

IT

 

...

SO

FUCK


IT


....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 12 - Comedians (Truth) & Looner

 I like comedians... 

 

 

like

 

 

• Bill Burr
• Jim Carrey
• Russell Peters
• Jim Norton
• Louis C.K.
• and many others

 

What the common thing about all this comedians?

 

 

 

All of them force emotions like 

Anger, sadness, happiness, joy, depression, stress

 

...

Forcing them it makes them feel better if it's anger and sadness... it makes people to laugh if they laugh so does and the comedian laugh.

...

WHat you need nowaday to do here is a quick exercise:

 

1) Go to any stranger female or male

 

 

 

 

or

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- Say any type of shit... stop thinking and overthinking and procrastinating all about what to say it... when to say it... how to say it and so on and so on and so on. Just go there.... first is the left leg then the right... left... right

 

...

And you are there... then open your mouth and say shit... if somebody beats you up... cool

...

• You got famous
• People like you
• People so much love you that they gonna consume you

 

 

Come on... stop thinking in negative way.. .with negative loops go with the postive thinking.... it will give you positive loops... by itself it will make you feel great.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

....

LOOONER

 

 

 

 

 

Looner game are awful... if you are alone and start approaching girls... like a alone wolf or approach boys... most cases you gonna get rejected... your mood gonna change and you are going to get fucked up. What you last want is that!

 

...

So far... what you need is a friend... if something gets fucked up... pin it on him... let him swallow your shit... why you to eat the whole baken shit... IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.

 

 

...

if there is a robbery to get clean... and  you to get out... pin it on him... make him to do it... make him to get socially fucked up...

 

...

Yeah he could fuck you up

Yeah he can kick your ass

Yeah he can make people laugh at you

...

No need to put extra anger and sadness here in this recipe... give them more from what they want... let them laugh... then  you start fucking with them... it will just fuck them up.

 

 

They won't see it comming!

 

...

Like

 

 

He: You are a piece of shit
Me: Yeah... and I love it... atleast I am something
He: Yeah... shit (Hahaha)

Me: Any else?

He: You are shitty fucker... you suck dicks... and you like balls... with white cum

Me: Yeah... I agree with the half of the part... but...

He: But what?

Me: I like the way you define... "shitty fucker", and why so?... because I fucked your mother?

...

But please stop putting what your proffesion is on me... That you love cum and balls... it's your job... not mein!

 

 

 

 

or 

 

 

He: You shitty fucker... do you climb still buildings

Me: Yes... and what... type of fucker are you?

He: Not me you...
Me: You are you... that's all

 

 

 

 

or

 

 

He: Hello
Me: Hello... can I take you moment?

He: What type of moment?

Me: A Second?

He: ?

Me: A Minute?

 

 

 

or 

 

 

 

He: Do you have money?
Me: For what?

He: I need money... I am hungry... I have a brother.. sister... and we need to eat.
Me: Yeah... I got this story... lovely bio... I will agree with you... I eat like you... him and her... it's 3 in 1.

He: What?

Me: You hear me right!

He: Repeat!

Me: I said "Yeah... I got this story... lovely bio... I will agree with you... I eat like you... him and her... it's 3 in 1."

He: So... do you have money?
Me: For what?

He: I want to eat?

Me: What am I going to eat?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 13 - Try Again (Part 1)

 Fucked

 

 

 

We always fuco ourselves.. .

By giving too much fuck about

1. Social Media
YouTube
Twitter
FaceBook

2. Games
3. People
4. Opinions


All this things want you to give a fuck… the more you care the more they profit and here is the question?

How do you profit from that?


…


- You get fear (From games, films)
- You get sad (When you see an enemy or friend on internet having more fun than yoy)
- You get stress (From too much fuck)
- You get depression (From not finding meaning in your life… social media is abundance of material… too much of it = Depression)
- You get anxiety (From films, books = they give you outcome the moment you start believing in it you start… feel anxious… anxiety)
- You get social barriers (She is Damn good in talking… I am worse than her… she is too good for me… He is very open to everything and very confident… he doesn't give a fuck…


This is the moment when you start putting yourself in lower position and you put others above.)


Powerful people control weak.
Powerful can't control Powerful = It's Damn hard game.

- DeYtH Banger

Chapter 13.1 - Try Again (Part 2)

 I Want

 

 

 

I love those YouTube channela in which there is narrator…. But not simplified narrator.. I am talking about a narrator who creates his own complex words and his vocabulary is complex.

…

It will be lovely to have such guy around when I die… but still it's time to accept dead… it's a awesome concept.

…


Imagine complex words around the words… about the way I have lived on this planet…, the way I died and the way I am going to be saw in the mass majority of people.


P.S. - I hate tests… and dead is a lovely concept.

 

 

 

 

Part 4

 

1. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

2. "I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." ­­-­ Maya Angelou

3. "Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her." - Laozi

4. "With realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in one's ability, one can build a better world." - The Dalai Lama

5. "If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started." - Cicero

Chapter 13.2 - Try Again (Part 3)

 Qualify

 

 

 

 Qualify girls… don't go there and put yourself in a zero level and them in from zero … to ten... Such thought kills all type of action. Just go there and do your thing… don't see your self as a freak… - Because they will see like that… don't see yourself As a creep because they will perceive you as a creep.


…



You go there… you are a real 10 and they are 0… just go there and make them to proof to you that they have any type of value.

You aren't there to proof yourself that you are:

- Genius
- You like books
- You like games
- Movies
- TV Series
- Read Articles

…

But You ain't there and to search for commonalities…
You ain't there to show how good you are… you already good, confident, genius, smart… we are over with this discussion.

You are there to see is she or he suitable for you (P.S. - It's not the word perfect… but suitable.)

You have time and you should see it as valuable… and she or he is a waster of time and they should proof that they ain't!

Chapter 13.3 - Body (Part 1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And LOGIC

 

 

 

 

Note: He do it and he is awesome... she do it and she is looking like a piece of shit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: She looks sexy (Pic: (1))... but (Pic: (2)) she looks awful.

 

 

 

Note:  Same here!

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Oh god... oh... god people are looking like of some type of shitty fuckers... and most of them don't have personality.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Look it... look it.... it looks so ugly and so forced... and what's the joy of not being yourself?

 

...

This Chapter is my favourite mainly because it talks more than it speaks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: SO this pics are all about... 2 people... the one is celebrity... the other one is Average Joe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: You know who is the "Average Joe" And Who is "Celebrity"... just take a look carefully into the photos and you will see.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Even it's not perfect copy... look everything is so wrong.... it feels wrong and it tastes wrong.

 

 

 

Chapter 13.4 - Body (Part 2)

 

 

 

 

 

Note:  I will skip the part in which I put a throw up picture... but as for now... I feel like I am going to throw up... the second picture... is disgusting...

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Now Repeat after me "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die...", "I am going to die..."...

 

 

....

 

and then "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", "Of not being myself...",  "Of not being myself...", ....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. - Please tell me... that you gonna die!?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: I can't stop my hatred... sorry... but I can't keep myself silent... I want to be silent... but this last photo takes the all cake...

 

...

Look it... is she trying to be a boy... or she trying to be shemale.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. - Oh god... oh god... what's the idea of all this pics... to laugh... or to feel shame what humanity next is going to do!?

Note: Humans are smart... but that's what science and the bible says... and while I read articles I see with words written... but is it true?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 13.5 - Body (Part 3)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: So some pics... the double or the other photo of the person who tries to copy celebrity is trying to look hot... but the way the photo goes is that it gets shitty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: So... P.S. - I know HTML (How to Meet Ladies)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Copying others... ain't cool... people copy others to feel validated... to stop seeking validation and start getting accepted easy and faster.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: That's how much idiotic all people look in other people faces.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. - Ohh... ghh.... I can't keep my words... in my head... but such lady like the second one... THE UGLY BIATCH... IF I HAVE SUCH LADY IN MY HOME AND DOING SUCH STUFF.. I AM GOING TO STRANGLE HER.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. - Here is some good Empowerment... your idiotic position... is the most dumbest decision you even have taken.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. - Ohhh... god if I see that biatch on the right side... the ugly one... on the road... I will go with my car throw her...

 

oh god... god doesn't love you looks... speak more than matter!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: And sing this song after me:

 

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

 

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

 

 

 

I am not sorry of not living my life
I love being others... because others are

validated... I want validation and getting accepted in masses.

 

I am not trying to be funny...

I am just trying to get in groups.

 

 

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

 

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

 

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

 

 

 

I am not sorry of not living my life
I love being others... because others are

validated... I want validation and getting accepted in masses.

 

I am not trying to be funny...

I am just trying to get in groups.

 

 

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

 

 

 

And I gonna die

Loonly and biachy

Lonely and biatchy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ohh... great this journey... of seeking validation is over... let's toast it... Sip it up......

 

...

A drink!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 14 - New Level

 It's time for a new chapter... you already saw what happens if  you try to be somebody else who you ain't!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Enough... nudity... the whole idea of this chapter... is now... go home or in a bathroom with a mirror and look at it... 

 

1) BREATH IN

2) BREATH oUT

3) BREATH IN

4) BREATH ouT

5) BREATH IN

6) BREATH OUT

 

 

AND DO IT FEW TIMES

 

Note: But while you do it... look at yourself in the mirror and accept the person who you are.

 

1) BREATH IN

2) BREATH oUT

3) BREATH IN

4) BREATH ouT

5) BREATH IN

6) BREATH OUT

 

 

1) BREATH IN

2) BREATH oUT

3) BREATH IN

4) BREATH ouT

5) BREATH IN

6) BREATH OUT

 

 

1) BREATH IN

2) BREATH oUT

3) BREATH IN

4) BREATH ouT

5) BREATH IN

6) BREATH OUT

 

 

1) BREATH IN

2) BREATH oUT

3) BREATH IN

4) BREATH ouT

5) BREATH IN

6) BREATH OUT

 

 

1) BREATH IN

2) BREATH oUT

3) BREATH IN

4) BREATH ouT

5) BREATH IN

6) BREATH OUT

 

 

1) BREATH IN

2) BREATH oUT

3) BREATH IN

4) BREATH ouT

5) BREATH IN

6) BREATH OUT

 

 

1) BREATH IN

2) BREATH oUT

3) BREATH IN

4) BREATH ouT

5) BREATH IN

6) BREATH OUT

 

 

 

 

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Publication Date: 05-19-2018

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