This has promise and the writing flows, there are some spelling mistakes and typos, also remember to capitalize names, it is Ally not ally. Close punctuation in speech. You are writing a lot in past tense, it needs to be present tense example-you write,I stepped out just in time to see my brother staring at me with anger in his eyes-stepping out of the changing room I see my brother Peter, he is staring over at me and I could... Show more
My Pack and London
By: Virginia Danielle Andrews
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andrewscorah