I really like the story plot, but I must say you could use some help with punctuation.
EXAMPLE: Jo wanted to go see his mom he could not wait till she got out of the hospital.(what not to do)
Jo wanted to go see his mom, he could not wait till she got out of the hospital.(See the difference? You have a pause between each of the possible sentences.)
A couple of your sentences are run-ons, and you should have a break in the page... Show more
I really like the story plot, but I must say you could use some help with punctuation.
EXAMPLE: Jo wanted to go see his mom he could not wait till she got out of the hospital.(what not to do)
Jo wanted to go see his mom, he could not wait till she got out of the hospital.(See the difference? You have a pause between each of the possible sentences.)
A couple of your sentences are run-ons, and you should have a break in the page when you suddenly move to a different time.
EXAMPLE: ...I was dreading lunch and I really didn't want to come to school today. But I felt obligated to come. Guess I would have to wait and see where this leads.
~*~
Lunch arrived sooner than I expected. My mind was racing at what I needed to do. I was going...
I know not everyone likes constructive criticism, but I hope you don't take offense to what I said. And I meant what I said about loving where your going with the plot.
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