BookRix

Hello. ︀How ︀are ︀you? ︀I ︀need ︀a ︀friend, ︀open ︀link ︀>>>>> ＷＷＷ.ＩＮＴＩＭＣＯＮＴＡＣＴ.ＣＯＭ?_ebook-tania-l-velez-falling-into-ashes

Just a few things to mention, but so far I like it :)

1) Use paragraphs, so far I haven't seen a single one
2) each time a new person speaks you make a new paragraph, that way there's no confusion in speakers
3) euros are a modern currency, why not make a new one for your story?
4) (last one I promise) if its an empire there would be an emperor not a king

But other than those few things I think you've got a pretty good thing going, and I'd like to see more.

Great Story so far, a fairy tale of a guy. Unique and inspiring.