BookRix

I agree with juniegirl. I like your style, too. It may be short, but it has a good concept. Your title fits your story well.

Wow! What a compliment. Thanks Kenneth X

Wow! What a compliment. Thanks Kenneth X

Well done Susan...you dragged me through her insanity and pain.
Voted

Hi! Thanks for your comments. The first part is written like that because the character IS confused and lots of images are whirling round her brain.
The ending is when reality abruptly enters her world...

You are a talented writer.. from the start I could see that. I enjoyed your writing and the playfulness of your descriptions... very visual.

A few things, if I may, I don't get the ending. What happened in the last bit? I need more to this story.

I would say, that in the beginning I think it is a little wordy. Can I say too many big words? That sounds weird, but I think it needs to be 'simplified' to run more smoothly. Read it aloud and see how it flows now. Simplify it and make it like the rest of your writing. I think the first two or three paragraphs need it.
The writing is lovely and you have a great vocab, but I think it's a bit too much. My opinion... hope it helps.