As Grace said grammar. Good story though. By-the-by errors are what editors and proofreaders are for so don't stop ^-^ keep writing..
I liked the idea and the plot a great deal. Please keep it up, you're doing great. As far as corrections go, listen to Felix and Stevie, they know what they are talking about. And like any art form, practice, practice, practice!!!!
I like the idea and the mystery that surrounds your book. Definitely, keep writing. :) You're going in the right direction.
Just like with any book, there are a few grammatical things that could be tweaked. Patrick's (felixthecat) suggestion of breaking the dialog is spot on. Create a new paragraph each time the speaker shifts. It gives the story more fluidity and makes it easier for the reader to read the story without having... Show more
Very intriguing, definitely write more. And I found that it's never to late to start editing as it seems the job is never done. Keep up the great work though. This story has a lot of promise and the fact that everyone wants more says loads about your talent!
Very good beginning, Trista. Yes, it is! I am intrigued about what will take place next...a sign that you the author have succeeded! Please post more, okay?
One small suggestion...Consider breaking paragraphs at dialogue exchanges:)
Good job.
Only a few grammatical errors but this could turn into a very interesting story. Keep going with it : )