There may be some good ideas and vocabulary that works well, but unfortuntly for me there were far to many basic spelling mistakes and i assume this was a very raw piece. Raw is good many of my pieces are raw but even then i would still have to read it back to correct as many basic typo errors or mispelt words. So If you did this i could come back and give you a better comment. Don't give up on the piece but as a writer be... Show more
Its FAAAR too rushed, theres no detail, its like readin a summary not a book.
Oh and do you have a problem with full stops??? Its just you used about four full stops in the full book, it was all comma comma comma. No seprate sentances.
Needs re writen and needs more detail. Alot more, if yo do that it may not be a half bad book