This has the potential to be a fantastic novel. A few things need to be addressed, however, and I hope this helps.
First, you've written 49 pages without giving any of the characters names or describing what they look like. This makes it difficult to feel any connection with them. Next, prologues usually don't work well, unless the writer is experienced and highly skilled. Your prologue basically reads like an encyclopedia or... Show more
This has the potential to be a fantastic novel. A few things need to be addressed, however, and I hope this helps.
First, you've written 49 pages without giving any of the characters names or describing what they look like. This makes it difficult to feel any connection with them. Next, prologues usually don't work well, unless the writer is experienced and highly skilled. Your prologue basically reads like an encyclopedia or text book - definitely not something you want a novel to sound like.
Your dialogue, when used, is good, and you should include more of it to help move the story along. Dialogue can also be used for descriptions rather than pages of what's called an "information dump." That's when you give dry, uninteresting facts without actually bringing them into the story line. The first book I ever wrote was very much like this one - I gave pages and pages of facts about the people and their surroundings, while my poor characters languished in the background, lol.
You'll find that in professional story writing, there's this rule called "show, don't tell." It took me a long time to figure out what that meant, never mind how to do it. But I finally got it (although I'm still guilty of telling more than showing now and again). Here's a quick example:
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Telling:
John had a hard day at work. When he got home, he drove quickly into the driveway, and got out of the car, feeling furious with his boss. Unlocking the front door, he went in to find the cat waiting for him.
He didn't want to even see the cat right then, so didn't pet it, but put down his attache case furiously and went to the cabinet to pour himself a strong drink.
Showing:
The car screeched into the driveway, stopping inches from the garage door. "I really hate my job," John growled, getting out and slamming the door shut. Jamming his key into the house door, he shoved it open. "Freaking Mr. Jones."
Inside, John kicked the cat out of the way, threw his attache case to the floor, and stomped into the living room. "I need a drink." His face clenched in a deep scowl, he headed for the liquor cabinet, where he yanked out a bottle of whiskey, slamming it on the wet bar. "Just because he's my boss, Jones thinks he has the right to humiliate me in front of the whole office! Well, we'll see about that!"
The amber fluid sloshed over the side of the shot glass as he poured without looking. Three shots later, John sighed, his shoulders drooping, and he shuffled to the sofa, throwing himself onto its soft leather cushions. Head back, he closed his eyes.
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The second one is longer, but shows a whole lot more. The first example only told the reader that the character's name was John, and then told us how he was feeling, what he thought about the cat, and what he did after that without any details. Had the first one also included a detailed description of the inside of John's house, that would have been an information dump.
As you can see, without the info dump, and by showing instead of telling, the reader gets a much clearer picture of what's going on, and by what isn't said, is left wondering what really happened and what John is going to do about it. I used his spoken words to fill in some of the gaps instead of just telling the reader those things.
This is just a quick example that I made up to explain what I meant, but you're smart enough to see how to transfer this idea to your story, I believe. Give your characters names, give the village a name, make it personal for the readers so they become invested in your characters and their story. Otherwise, you're just handing them a text book that's been enhanced with a little dialogue.
Sorry to have gone on at length about this, but I see a great deal of potential - your basic story line is terrific, and your characters have the potential to be epic. I hope you keep going with this, and when it's done, you can go back and edit it for grammar and such (your spelling is excellent, by the way). I look forward to seeing where this goes!
This is really informative. Thank you very much for this comment.
Also, sorry for not including the names on the initial stages.
Actually, their names are already set but I didn't include them as they will be used as foreshadowing on the following chapters.
But the "Show, don't... Show more
This is really informative. Thank you very much for this comment.
Also, sorry for not including the names on the initial stages.
Actually, their names are already set but I didn't include them as they will be used as foreshadowing on the following chapters.
But the "Show, don't tell." Part really hit me hard. Now that I think about it, I pretty much shows the readers what I imagined as is and didn't give them much freedom for imagining other possibilities.
Again, Thank you very much. ^_^