BookRix

creat interest and intriegue. A story is a journey. There should be more to it, than just getting from point A "the meeting", to point B "the consequence".

not much character developement. what are the characters actually like? Immortal vampire? He's lived through alot. He knows his actions Will affect the future. Even the descisions of mortals can affect the future, but he has many more chances to do so than most. I'd think he'd weigh "turning point" actions more heavily.

can't make a decent comment. kind of choppy writing & contrived plot. deliberate meeting, deliberate "love", predictable couse of action.

testing

Goood(: I think you should add more to it.

im goias soon as i get internet at home imng to im up in michigan at my dads

What will happen next and you should keep going, you could make a mini-series.

What happens next?

this is good you should write more