BookRix

keep writing, it's nice

First off, the dialogue needs to be separated on a line by line basis. You have sort of shoved it all together in one paragraph. You do it right on the next page, so do the same thing with your other bit of dialogue.

Next, you have a big problem of simply telling your reader all throughout what is happening. I am sure of two things: 1. Show, not tell is said often by teachers and gets annoying quick. 2. Show, not tell is great advice.

Examples:

"I lay down on my bed, which is filled with dirty and clean clothes, thinking about how much homework I have." This is the kind of thing you WANT to write, rather than telling the reader something about your character, you are describing an action of the character and then describing the things relevant to that action.

“My mom and I live in the country, it's beautiful.” It is just a boring uninformative sentence, telling the reader something, avoid these, they aren't needed. To more smoothly transition into the description of the area, just say something like: In the area around my house, I can hear birds chirp in the morning, etc

"Ugh, nasty homework." This should be a thought, thoughts need to be in italics and separated like dialogue, or you can do them like this: Ugh, nasty homework, I thought.

The best, and most helpful advice I and literally anyone else can give you concerning your writing is this: Write daily, read as often as possible. With every word you write and read, you will improve. Studying the rules on grammar/spelling, in addition to looking things up on the internet when you are unsure, until you are, doesn't hurt either.

Keep writing, keep updating this!!