██████████████░ ︀Loading… ︀99% ︀➵ http://︀x︀n︀-︀-︀-︀-︀d︀t︀b︀b︀f︀d︀c︀w︀p︀d︀3︀a︀5︀d︀2︀c︀6︀a︀.︀x︀n︀-︀-︀p︀1︀a︀i︀#︀u︀s︀e︀r︀_ebook-s-m-bowes-a-ray-of-hope
...of someone trapped by a disaster. It gives thought to being in the position of helplessly waiting for others to take action to rescue you and set you free. A few typos and grammar errors here, polish those and you have a gem.
You made me feel like I was there I enjoyed your story very much. I have seen several tornadoes touch down and they are very frightening,I wasn't hurt. I choose to think we can change the way we treat our planet and I will do all I can. Serena
Thanks so much for the compliment. I've never experienced a tornado, but have been through several hurricanes. I live on the tip of Long Island, New York and we're overdue for a good one. I know they aren't the same in intensity, but hurricanes last much longer than a tornado. I... Show more
Great little story. So far, all of your stories I have read have been excellent. Reads like a polished author's work.
Didn't understand what you meant in subject space; nor which story you're talking about, but thanks for the great compliment - especially saying it reads like a polished author's work. I've only been writing since the summer of '05 after seeing "Revenge of the Sith." I was... Show more
I will be more than happy to read your other stories and comment. I hope you do well in BoW VI.
Bek
I'll read yours too. As far as the contest, I've received a few votes, but that isn't really why I posted it. Just trying to do my little part to help the victims of the earthquake. Even .10 adds to what can be done. :-)
for me, was the message of a second chance, Susan! You're so right, that we need to do so much more to bring down our planet's fever!
I enjoyed your story from cover to cover!
Good luck, Susan! Petra :))
Thanks cleopeace. "Ray of hope" was meant for more than the light finally shinning though to main character. Glad you liked this story and hope this story helps in some small way to aid all the victims. :-)
Your portrayal of a destructive tornado is quite realistic; I know, having since childhood survived by mere inches during several killer Michigan tornadoes. Snowed in now, returning April, terrifying to think about let alone experience. Worse to think global warming could change the frequency or intensity. Good message, Susan - can't control nature but can adapt with planning or change. Would edit and smooth flow. Overall, I... Show more
Thanks a lot for your review and message cactucrose. Though I've never experienced a tornado; I have been through quite a few hurricanes - not the ones they had the past years like Andrew thankfully. I live in New York State and we've been extremely lucky - so far, but we are overdue for a big one.
Hi S.M.Bowes,
I read about three quarters of your story. I think you have potential as a writer and with continued practice should develop your craft. Some points to mention:
Describing words (pronouns & adverbs) are great extras for a story, however, every now an again they can be overused. I found a few areas in your story where I felt a bit of adverb overkill in play e.g.:
1. The wind eerily wailing loudly. You might have... Show more
Thanks for your helpful comments. I will keep them in mind for future stories. I hope you'll click on my profile page and read my other stories and let me know what you think of them - when you have time, of course.
:-)
..."We're not in Kansas anymore ToTo" :). I did live there for 11 years, and you did a great job of capturing the reality of it.
Best to you Susan...
Robin
Thanks lovingempath. Never been through a tornado, but can imagine what it is like. Been through hurricanes though which can be frightening too.
Thanks for the comment about "Ray" and letting me know about the typos.
██████████████░ ︀Loading… ︀99% ︀➵ http://︀x︀n︀-︀-︀-︀-︀d︀t︀b︀b︀f︀d︀c︀w︀p︀d︀3︀a︀5︀d︀2︀c︀6︀a︀.︀x︀n︀-︀-︀p︀1︀a︀i︀#︀u︀s︀e︀r︀susanbowes_1264425083.0760269165