I'm pleased to say that you have very few errors in this story as far as basic grammar, punctuation and spelling. That's a plus to begin with.
Your story kept me involved. No real big bumps, no place you lost me. It was an easy read, nice developing story.
It shows you want to be a writer when you produce work that is polished, interesting and imaginative. Good job. Robynn
No, not yet. I haven't had time to finish it ):
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