BookRix

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The game has a good start leading you on to what is to happen next. Good luck!!!

I really thought the reading sample far to short to get into the story, But that's just my thoughts.

For this genre, the story-telling is good. Usually, erotica is nothing but sex with a little bit of story thrown in as an excuse for calling it a book. Yours is superior to that, though. However, before you ask people to buy it, you should run it through spell/grammar check and maybe have someone edit it. There are a number of style, grammar and spelling mistakes, but nothing major - just enough to make someone annoyed that they paid for the book.

When you put this much into a story, it's worth the extra effort to make it the best it can be. I believe you can do that easily. Your promotion of the story clearly shows that you respect and enjoy your work, so to get others to feel the same way, respect the writing aspect of it as well, so the finished piece is polished and worth spending money on.

You could also maybe ask for beta readers, or even have someone who feels comfortable with erotica read it out loud to you. As writers, we get too close to our own work and totally miss mistakes that are obvious to everyone else. Hearing it read will make any errors way more obvious.

I think if you do these things, you'll have a story that's a huge cut above the rest, and give you a competitive edge in a market filled with too many poorly-written works. Yours is much, much better than that.