Wow. I absolutely love this story. Ah! It's wonderful! Bravo on that. Bravo!
However, you have way too many grammar mistakes. Your spelling is off, as well as your punctuation and syntax. You have too many run-on sentences, and that really confused me. It was a bit messy.
I'd encourage you to find a family member or a teacher who will help you really learn the art of writing. Because you have potential. I don't think I could... Show more
Wow. I absolutely love this story. Ah! It's wonderful! Bravo on that. Bravo!
However, you have way too many grammar mistakes. Your spelling is off, as well as your punctuation and syntax. You have too many run-on sentences, and that really confused me. It was a bit messy.
I'd encourage you to find a family member or a teacher who will help you really learn the art of writing. Because you have potential. I don't think I could have ever come up with this story. It's very good :)
Putting that aside, I really liked the story. Pure perfection, I must say. So though you have a lot of work to do, I think you have an awesome imagination and creative mind.
Awesome job!
Keep writing!
---RbG