Excellent detail overall! I agree with Chris. You have a great ability to draw the reader in. Thanks for posting this, I hope it does well in the contest!
I HAVE been writing for years :p this is my first attempt at posting a story on a website, I used to do write ups of stories on paper and then get rid, I'm a harsh critic on my own work, in my eyes its never good enough, same with this now I look back on it.......
Your story flowed with ease, as though you had been writing for years.
Thank you, for an enjoyable read.
Chris
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