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A very detailed account.
I would suggest starting a new line each time a new character speaks to make it easier for the reader. Also consider chapters or sub-headings.
Although, the reader can sense Tobias' struggles & pain, use the opportunity to draw the reader in more by describing it in words.
I will deffinitely read more of your work, & intend the above comments as a means to strengthening & supporting your work.-This story... Show more
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Important Post
Important Post
OK so, I'm liking what I've read so far. I like the characters and Tobias's struggles are so common, with school, his weight and crushing on the girl of his bully. So far I think that this is a story that all can relate to. I have saved it to my favorites to read more later.