BookRix

Love the cover :D

Great job with descriptive language; made it easy to visualize the two characters and what they were going through.

You took something so simple and made it sound so beautiful and intriguing. This story would makes a person think back to a time in their life when they shared that feeling with someone. I especially enjoyed the fact that you were able to be so descriptive without using any explicit or negative language.

There is an irresistible quality to this story, and the writing that makes it up. At times it's nearly brilliant, "After a moment of hesitation, his hand reached her face, caressing her cheek and the outline of her lips with gentle fingertips. He lingered there for a minute,..." That's not flowery or over-the-top, but VERY descriptive, and very moving.
In the last sentence of the opening paragraph, however, I think "luscious lips" takes away from the high romanticism of the prose.
The mysteriousness of the plot ending made me come back and read it several times, wondering what exactly it was about her that slew her lover, even who she really was..."Her impassive mask completely melted along with her pretty features, washed away by a flood of sorrow."
You made me stretch my imagination in order to put it all together so that a clear image could coalesce in my head:) Alas, I'm still scratching my head trying to figure it all out.
Whatever, it was lovely writing.
One critical note: Page 8. "His adventurous hand runs down her back,..." Suddenly, and for no apparent literary reason, you jump from past to present (and then back to past). Give that a look, perhaps.
Nice, nice job of writing, Olivia:)

Came back to vote.

I had no idea how old you were when I read this story and give you a heart. What lay inside such a young person's mind (imagination)it's bewildering. And although age means nothing when it comes to telling a remarkable story, this was still surprising. The story was sad, yes, but it was beautifully told, from the spirit of a sage writer. The only thing would be knowledge, the reader ponders why he died, where she ran off too, but within the limit amount of words you gave us a story worth telling. You are a wonderful writer young lady, I'll have to keep my eye on you.

Wow.. That was great....like I don't have words to even tell how great that was.....I can only say 'wow'

Wow.. That was great....like I don't have words to even tell how great that was.....I can only say 'wow'

It was so touching the way she comforted him to the end, and then just turned and walked away in her own pain.

That is a question which I realize I didn't answer in the story haha. I left a whole bunch of those open to interpretation. It could have been her or someone different. However, I had the idea when I wrote it that it was not her. Her emotions were too heartfelt to belong to a killer.