BookRix

ahhhh please write more

Are you planning to add to this story?

WHA!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!? NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! please write more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I enjoyed the story very much. I also like the cover.

I did enjoy this.

This is a wonderful story that reminds me a bit of my family when we visited our grandmother in Texas. But my sister and I never met any boys, haha ;)

However, in the beginning you have the word "I" in a lot of the sentences. It gets distracting sometimes. And though I think you should try and change some of that around, it's fine if you don't want to. Cause once I got past the first page, I didn't notice it anymore.

Also, once or twice as I read, I caught some times when you'd forget a word in a sentence or put the wrong word in its place(like writing "other" instead of "another"). But I only noticed that two times at most.

And on page 16, near the bottom of the page, after Gwynn agrees to go with her friends to the campfire, I am confused when one of the characters say, "Gwynn! Wake up!". I think you should space that part out a bit and make it a new paragraph so that I realize they all went inside and went to bed, etc. And even though the sentence before says so, my mind didn't process it. So maybe add more..?

So you've made very few typos and grammar mistakes. Nothing much to comment about :) Thumbs up from me!

And the story itself was superb. Ah! I love this story so much. You are an excellent story teller, revealing the inner emotions or a girl. Outstanding! But the ending? No! No, no no no! Please finish it, at least turn it into a short novella or something. This story is captivating and I didn't want it to end. Please don't leave me hanging like you did! Ahhhh!

So ya, this was awesome.

Bravo!

Let me know if you finish this, because if you put a happy-ish ending to it, I would be so happy :P haha

Incredible job!
Keep writing!

---RbG