OK, I'm going to keep reading but there are a plethora of issues that cannot be ignored.
First, the content. I feel nothing for these people, I know it's the beginning but, Jesus. You are in no rush to get to where you want with the story there is plenty of time for them to make vampire psychic babies. We need to understand the weight of each event, like maybe why she's the way she is? Or a clue to what the fuck a vampire... Show more
OK, I'm going to keep reading but there are a plethora of issues that cannot be ignored.
First, the content. I feel nothing for these people, I know it's the beginning but, Jesus. You are in no rush to get to where you want with the story there is plenty of time for them to make vampire psychic babies. We need to understand the weight of each event, like maybe why she's the way she is? Or a clue to what the fuck a vampire would want with her? You can even show off her own personal business before just dropping random shit in the story. He burned the woman alive with no fuel? Be descriptive! He didn't even have to burn her. OH or you can give him a pyro-kenetic ability. Some vampire lore say vampires could use the "Devil's Flame," or whatever.
It feels empty and lacking in reason when you just write something happened and it's almost enough to make me stop reading.
Second thing I don't like, is the fact that Ava just up and helps Jenn. Like, you see how loyal she is and she's never given us an indicator that she would betray Xavier. Half the time the way you write I can't understand what's happening or who's doing what and when the hell they had a chance to do it. Your transitioning is terrible. I'm sorry to say.
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