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Short but powerful.
Nice. Good book.

so sad....

I LIVE IN TEXAS AND THIS PAST SCHOOL YEAR A YOUNG BOY NO OLDER THAN 13 HAD KILLED HIS SELF AND THERE HAVE BEEN SEVERAL STORIES WHERE KIDS ARE CARRYING WEAPONS TO DEFEND THEM AGAINST THEIR BULLY. IF ONLY THERE WAS A WAY TO GET A BULLY TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE PAIN THEY CAUSE THE VICTIM. GREAT STORY,SAD OUTCOME

i can't stand bullying. I can't say it enough... My little brother (who is 11) got beat up in school by a boy that constantly picked on him. For no better reason than the boy had nothing better to do. >:( it makes me extremely angry.

However it happens all the time these days. I just recently graduated from high school and i can't tell you how many times i heard cruel names. Or saw mean pranks for that matter. I just put a fictional characters to an all too real problem.

I read your story and thought how sad to let the bullies have so much control over two young girls like that.Serena

i appreciate your kind words, and suggestions. I have gone through and taken care of some typos (thank you paulashene) I do plan on expanding on it when i get the time to do so. the idea about the 2nd paragraph is actually a great idea now that i think about it and re-read it. :)

This is a very powerful story. Congratulations on writing it so well.

Here's a couple of crits:

You use a lot of repeated words. If you go through it again and find them, there are some instances where you can replace them with something else. It's a strange old rule, but it makes sense because when words are repeated so close together, it makes the prose seem jarred somehow.

Don't take it personally. I do it all the time and i have to get one of my peers to point them out because they are sometimes unrecognizable to me the writer.

My second crit is how short this story is, which really is a positive thing:-)

I know you've written it for the flash fiction contest, so this is a little beauty to submit to that, but I hope one day you could perhaps put more meat on the bones by really delving into the feelings of Amaranda and Becky.

For example: crying on each others shoulders.

We know exactly what you mean, but it would have been a great moment for the reader if you one day re-write this and linger on that part. Tell us how they were feeling and the things they talked about. etc.

My final crit is the last paragraph. I think you should leave it at the one before that. I don't want to say it here because it will spoil the ending for others, but you know what I mean.

Use the second paragraph from last for the closing. It would be more powerful and poetic.

Overall, it s a very good piece and I hope you do well in the contest.
good luck
Love
Wendyxx

book. It is unfortunate when bullying demoralizes to the point of taking ones life but this is a story that too often repeats inself...good job..p