Hello, since you read my poetry I thought I would return the favor and take a look at some of your writing. I will be the first one to comment. :D
First of all, I would just like to say that I couldn't read very much of your story because it was exstremly hard to figure out what exactly was going on. Alot of your sentences run together and all of the scenese are happening so fast that I'm not sure that anyone would know what... Show more
Hello, since you read my poetry I thought I would return the favor and take a look at some of your writing. I will be the first one to comment. :D
First of all, I would just like to say that I couldn't read very much of your story because it was exstremly hard to figure out what exactly was going on. Alot of your sentences run together and all of the scenese are happening so fast that I'm not sure that anyone would know what exactly is going on.
Going back and putting some periods and commas would help out your writing greatly. Your story seems very rushed, but just going back and rewritting some stuff and taking your time would really let your readers know what exactly you are trying to say. Hope you take my advice, thanx for reading my writing. :D
