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Important Post
Jordan, I have to tell you, there are a gazillion grammar errors...but your short story left me with the biggest smile on my face that I can remember. I'm not even sure having the story-to-date edited would be a plus because it is just so charming as is.
The opening sentence, for example--the one right up there in your blurb. I understood it, lol, but...whaa? A bit farther down in the actual story, as she is listening to her... Show more
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Interesting read for you know how build up the suspense. Keep it updated for there is more space to develop.
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Kueen of Mean
I'm
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it's really good.
I will add more and try to fix any mistakes
For now, just continue writing with an eye on the story as you see it.
A few things to keep in mind as you write...Your main character. Make her strong, BUT, every great character has what is called a fatal flaw; a weakness. It could be fear of the dark. It could be arrogance.... Show more
For now, just continue writing with an eye on the story as you see it.
A few things to keep in mind as you write...Your main character. Make her strong, BUT, every great character has what is called a fatal flaw; a weakness. It could be fear of the dark. It could be arrogance. It could be many things, but the point is, you must show the reader how THAT weakness, whatever it is, affects her ability to succeed. Don't TELL us what it is. SHOW it in her actions and occasionally (perhaps) her thoughts. She must slowly conquer whatever it is in her journey. Remember, too, that good stories have rising action; tension, and then your hero gets through it, only to face more tension on her way through the forthcoming scenes. Over and over. Rising and falling of tension until the BIG scene...the climax it's called, when she faces off with the bad guy, or bad guys. The "good" outcome, her success, should be doubtful. The bad guy or guys are SO strong.
Just keep those few things in mind and write a little every day. Pretty soon you'll find...:)