BookRix

hey guys! OMG! It's been for ages! I am so extremely sorry I just updated my book. I have a trouble logging in to this account because i couldn't remember the email that I used so I made a new account which is juicy_jhay95. Then today i totally remember that I had it written on one of my old notebooks and I just got logged in today. I put up a new chapter in this book and it's not edited. My grammar is a bit off and I apologised for my mistakes. Thank you to all the people who supported me even though I was gone for like two years. But ayways, I hope you guys enjoyed my book and keep reading it til the end. I will try my hardest to update more this week because I finished school now so yay! But anyways, I'm going night-night and I will talk to you guys very soon. See yall! xx

its really good
tell me wen u update plz

This isn't a bad plot and I'm actually looking forward to see what will happen next. :) Though, I would like to point out, you did make a few errors in your story, but that's okay. Throughout your book I realized you were tense hopping a little bit. For example:
"I felt the atmosphere inside the room became sad and friendly but it soon vanished as quickly as it appears..."

A lot of people do this and even I do this from time to time but what would make your story easier to read is if you chose to have it in present or past tense. You could say:
"I felt the atmosphere inside the room become sad and friendly, but soon it vanished as quickly as it had come..."
or you could say:
"I feel the atmosphere inside the room become sad and friendly, but soon it vanishes as quickly as it came."

Those are just some suggestions you could possibly use. You also have some missing commas and some slightly confusing sentences. For example:
"...My eyes widen in horror and tears were freely running into my cheeks..."
"...I was busy looking into my boyfriends lifeless body..."

I understood what you meant when you wrote these sentences, but when I first read them I imagined her literally looking into her boyfriend's corpse and her tears running INTO her cheeks. Of course I'm not the author if this magnificent tale, but I just thought those sentences were a little awkward. One last thing I'd like to tell you and that's don't be afraid to experiment with new words! When you use more variety in your writing it can make it more enjoyable to read and it won't sound as repetitive. I always enjoy going on thesaurus.com and look up "fancy" words to put in my stories. Well, long story short, though your book may have a few errors that doesn't keep it from being a unique and epic storyline, and I applaud to you for that. Good job and be sure to let me know when you add more. I hope you have an awesome day. :)

Sincerely,
Aaron Chain