So it seems this is merely the beginning of you novel? Congratulations on getting so much finished. It's got some possibilities. I rather enjoyed what I read (all of it).
If I might, let me offer a few pointers?
To have your hard work read by serious readers, you must have nearly flawless spelling and grammar. These two areas of concern can usually be addressed by the author via self-editing.
DON'T be in a hurry. Do this.... Show more
So it seems this is merely the beginning of you novel? Congratulations on getting so much finished. It's got some possibilities. I rather enjoyed what I read (all of it).
If I might, let me offer a few pointers?
To have your hard work read by serious readers, you must have nearly flawless spelling and grammar. These two areas of concern can usually be addressed by the author via self-editing.
DON'T be in a hurry. Do this. Re-read each page, each paragraph, each sentence. Many suggest reading aloud. I read through my eyes, but...
Correct as much of your spelling and grammar as you can. Word has spell check. It red-underlines misspelled words. This isn't foolproof. For instance, uncommon proper names most often get red underlined. Still, it's an invaluable tool. Word will also green underline sentences, fragments, etc. that it considers bad. I usually skip these...but not always.
Pg. 4
2nd paragraph (Scott's POV). A few misspellings, ie., "wolfs". That should be "wolves". Put a space between ever and since. You have eversince. Easily correctable:) Separate dialogues by creating a new paragraph. If one character says something, and another answers, separate them. In this same lllllloooong paragraph, when a speaker ends his/her comment, put a comma (exclamation mark, question mark) INSIDE the ending quotation marks, ie., "...that happened with the vice-principle," I told her. And DON'T forget that important hyphen between vice and principle, otherwise we (the reader) see it as a principle whose duty it is to look over incidents of vice, lol. Get it?
Next page. Do check all spelling. Down the page, let's talk about "redundancies". ONLY use them for literary impact! Otherwise, try your best to eliminate them. Ie., "I knocked on the wooden door before I opened the door." MUCH better (much simpler) would be, "I knocked on the wooden door before I opened it." Gone is one door:) It reads so much better, yes?
So, you have a nice tale going. Lots of action and tension. Some mystery, too. Just continue, keeping an eye peeled for errors you can easily correct...if you take some time.
Best to you, Jas.
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