You have a way of constructing a story that hooks this reader! I must agree with Geordi, however, in all points. It seems as though chapter two should be there when I turn the last page!!!
You've opened with tension and a dilemma nearly perfectly; taken the reader back a few days with gritty prose. Consider adding more action, resolution, action, resolution, and then a climactic ending.
Liked it very much.
really enjoyed this piece. that said, it seems that you just broke off- there is no end that makes the reader have that feeling of satisfaction that comes with finishing a book- the book is supposed to leave the reader with a certain feeling. a few more hundred words and it's reached that point.
grammar and spelling mistakes are few enough(if they even exist) that I just breezed right over them.
excellent job :)
Thank you! I actually just wrote that piece- trust me, there will be an end! :) thank you so much!
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