BookRix

O︀p︀e︀n︀ ︀L︀i︀n︀k︀ ︀➝︀ http://︀ᴺ︀ᴬ︀ᵏ︀ᵉ︀d︀%2D︀ᵍ︀i︀r︀l︀s︀%2e︀ᴼ︀ⁿ︀l︀i︀ᴺ︀e/c%2ftrack%2fl%2f︀bookrix︀%2f︀_ebook-evelyn-j-steward-a-rainbow-window

for your comments. I will have another look and see what can be changed or n ot as I see fit. I do though thank you for reading the piece. Of course, kif you are a believer, you will think that the Bible if The Word and n othing in it is wrong. My character does not believe, or rather, does not know iof she believes or not. You have to put your mind into the character's mind. What you, the writer, believes makes no difference. She is trying to understand. Some people don;t even bother that far in actuallity. Anyway, thanks again for reading and giving me your views on the work. i much appreciate it Evelyn/Bluedragon

You've got talent, and I can see you worked very hard on the piece. But remember to keep at it and continue to write so that words come out like water from an underground stream.

However, the beginning was a tad robotic, too much like a list. It felt a bit like this: she saw, she did, she thought, she did, she saw... etc. Maybe to smooth it all out a bit you could refer to her sitting on the window seat and her nap is past tense(like she had done it, stead of was doing). In don't know. It might fine the way it is, though.

Also, in the second paragraph on page 6 you repeat the word "scalding" twice, using the word in two adjacent sentences. Though that word nicely fits in both sentences, using them so close to each other takes the strength out of the word in each instance. So if you replaced one of them with another word, that would enhance the two sentences greatly.

Overall, this story was good. My favorite part was when you explained how much Elise hated that tea pot :D However, some of the things that the Vicar said made me a bit uneasy. Guidelines, blueprint, don't take it literally... In my opinion, the Bible is the whole truth, founded on the very words of God and to be taken with full seriousness as every word in it is inspired by the Holy Spirit, thus must be taken literally.

Anyway, ;) this piece was very well written. There was only one instance that I felt a sentence might have been too wordy, but otherwise it was good! Very good indeed! You have incredible talent and I praise you for your work! A Rainbow Window was precisely written and fully complete. And though I would've liked the dialogue to be a bit more personal and the dream better explain in the beginning and end, this work is still good.

Awesome job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

thanks for saving this work of mine to your favourites. I am so pleased you enjoyed rwading the work Evelyn/Bluedragon

I am pleaseed that you enjoyed reading this work of mine. A lot of the work I have posted here is old, so I knew I must bring my skills on short stories up to date. Finding a subject to write about, there one has it! Evelyn/Bluedragon ps thanks for saving it to your favs.

To keep my comment simple...I would just have to say...'This is a lovely story, and well written.'