Summer Dunes

A Sad Short Story By:
Summer Dunes
Does love really last forever?

Keywords: 
sad, short story, death
Posts and Comments
Important Post
daxteriana

I'll take your suggestions into consideration. :)

1 Comment
This comment was deleted.
Important Post
writingmum

Maybe try this:
Remove your last line and leave your ending as it was.
Put the 'brother' thread into the story e.g Page 6:
"Marry me, Lotia."
"I don't know, Aaron." I leaned my head against his shoulder. "You know how my brother is opposed to our marriage."

Then P7 para5:
I saw my brother running away from someone laying on the ground.

Or something like that...It's just a suggestion. Do what you feel comfortable with.
Hope that helps
Wendy

Important Post
daxteriana

I added a few things; please tell me what you think of it now!

Thank you!

Important Post
writingmum

So powerful and so creatively composed. You can't be only thirteen, you are much too wise and clever for such a young age.
I thought the way you described the shot, leaving the reader guessing if it really was Aaron was very good.
I would have liked something more at the end. What the girl was feeling, who shot Aaron and why.
He wanted to show her something at the hotel...What was it...You can't leave things like this hanging... Show more

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